Chapter Fifteen: The Penitence Cut

I didn’t get much sleep that night, but I did enjoy the feeling of Rhallani's warmth for as long as I could before I had to get up. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to waking up with someone else, but I knew I wouldn’t ever get tired of it. I couldn’t wait for the day where we could do so in the same bed in the same spot for more than a single day.

She grumbled a bit when I slipped out of the bedroll at sunrise, but after a quick peck on her forehead and an order to go back to sleep she curled up in the warmth I’d left behind and did just that. I could see Fel and Lana on the last watch, but other than them nobody was up and moving around just yet. Nobody paid me any attention when I sat down and built myself a little fire away from the rest of the camp. I set up my basic brewing kit and tossed a choice combination of herbs in the pot.

I had a lot of time to think while it brewed. What I wanted to do and what I could do were, as always, two very different things. I knew exactly what I could do to help Scarlet, but whether she’d let me was another matter altogether. After seeing what she did to those wolves, her mental health wasn’t the only reason to hesitate. If I was right, and I screwed up, someone could get hurt. And not just Scarlet.

The one who eventually interrupted my vigil was Vaze. She sat down next to me and held out a vial of shimmering red liquid. “Here.”

I looked at the healing potion. “I’m a little light on funds right now.”

She pushed it towards me. “If you don’t shove one of yours down Rastra’s throat last night then she gets a burial, not a blanket. Fel’s too much of an asshole to reimburse you, so here.”

I didn’t like that she was the one out of pocket for this, but considering my plans I wasn’t in a position to refuse. “Thanks.” I touched it and banished it straight from her hand, and she grinned.

“That’s still a wicked skill. I’ve seen portable storages, but never like that.”

Probably because mine had some additional effects tacked on, but I wasn’t about to go into that. “Thanks. She’ll be alright then? Mai too?”

Vaze nodded. “Mai’s gonna make a full recovery. It helps that Jezal hasn’t left her side for a minute. Rastra? Well, she’ll live. Might not look the same after, though. Poor girl.”

“Scarred is better than dead. Some guys are even into that.”

Vaze leaned over and sniffed the pot that had started boiling. “Some guys, sure. Not Fel, though. He likes ‘em pretty. I wouldn’t be surprised if he cuts her loose. I just hope she lands on her feet.”

Glad to know my shitbag instincts were still on the mark. “I’ll help if I can. If I’d have been quicker, I could have saved her a lot of hurt.”

She gave me an odd look. “I have to ask, what’s your deal?”

I snorted. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Soon as you strutted up with that freaky looking Seraphim—no offense, but you have to admit she’s hardly got a normal color palette—I popped down by the adventurer’s guild. According to their records, you’re a fresh F rank adventurer, and you’ve got two demi-humans in tow. That means you own property.” Her eyes glittered. “A girl gets curious.”

I added some more herbs to the pot and stirred it slowly. “I might own some land in the capital.”

“How much?”

A lot, actually, but it would be difficult to explain that to someone who was clearly as sharp as her. “I inherited some, but I never really wanted it. Now some shit’s come up and I finally have a use for it.”She nodded as if what I said made perfect sense. “Well, when we finally make it, I hope you’ll consider Korey and the rest of us when it comes to staffing. I think we could really help one another in the long run.” She leaned forward and sniffed again. “Hang on, is that Valerian I smell?”

I arched a brow. “Among other things. You an alchemist?”

“Hardly, but I dated one for a while.” Her look suddenly became intense. “You planning to put someone to sleep?”

“Not against their will.” I pulled the pot off and poured it into a canteen. “My skill is useful, but it’s not exactly pleasant. If you had threads piercing your insides trying to pull you back together, you might want to be unconscious for it.”

She turned a little green. “Fair enough, I suppose, but if anyone goes taking unscheduled naps then I happen to know a few concoctions that do a hell of a lot worse than Valerian.”

“Duly noted.”

She left without another word, and I had a feeling she was about to start warning people what Valerian smelled like. I let her go. The more I tried to reassure her, the the less she’d believe me. I banished the canteen of sleeping draft and the brewing kit before kicking the fire out.

I helped them clear the back of one of the wagons, adding two crates of unrefined metal to my storage, then helped them get Rastra in. I gave Mihrel some of the sleeping draft in case she woke up and wanted to no longer be awake for a while. By the time I got back to our tent, Rhallani had already packed it up. In record time, we were on the road again. Seemed everyone was eager to get a move on.

I was amused to see that Serena and Scarlet were standing closer together than usual, and elated when at one point Serena wrapped her arm around Scarlet for a brief embrace. I noticed that everyone was looking at me differently than before, and I could hardly blame them. Especially after Korey hopped off his wagon and came to talk with me.

“I thought you should know,” he said, “that I had Garm and Cilrien harvest the valuable bits from those blightwolves and their alpha. When we get to the next town we can sell them.”

“You can have a third since you harvested, just make sure Serena gets a third as well.”

He grinned. “Shit, I was going to argue for twenty percent. You’ve got a deal.” His grin fell. “Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you and the girl took out an alpha by yourself. Hell, I’ve never heard of one this far from the Thenlan Wastes.”

Well that was a new word to ask Rhallani about later. “We got lucky. My class is a bad match for magical poisons, that’s all.”

“Either way, I’m glad you’re around.” He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “Not many who would risk so much for a demi-human.” Then he shrugged. “Not many who let their servants run around with free reign of a one-of-a-kind golem, either.”

“Guess not.”

“You care about them, don’t you? Those girls of yours.”

“I do.”

He nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind, then. Rare to see someone who actually gives a shit about people like them. Even more so to see someone willing to show it.”

Well now. Suddenly this conversation got interesting. “Are things so bad in the capital?” He raised a brow at me. “I haven’t been back in a very long time.”

He grunted. “It can be. Sometimes it’s genuine hate. For twenty years after the war, everyone knew someone who’d been killed, taken, or tortured by one of the DHs under Grimsbane’s thumb. Distrust and hate ran deep. Even now old grudges remain and kids were raised not to trust other races.” He snorted. “Accords definitely didn’t help. Especially not with the way power and property started getting thrown around like candy.”

I gave him an inquisitive glance, and he continued. “Once the Accords hit, those with the means and power started grabbing up property like its candy. For some, it’s hard to turn down such cheap labor. Birthrates what they are, there are a lot more demi-humans than there are people with the means and the character to give them a fair shake. And, if you’re someone who might rock the boat, it suddenly gets very hard to do business.”

“Hard enough that you’ve got to go north personally to collect materials?”

He inclined his head. “I noticed it cost me about four times as much to buy mats than anyone else and when I did I very rarely got everything I ordered.”

Damn. It sounded like these Accords might be even more difficult to deal with than I’d originally anticipated. “And the king just lets this all happen?”

“Oh, old King Rolar does what he can, but the seven’s altruism got ahead of them.”

So Rolar was still in charge? Good. That meant at least one of them was where I could find them. “How so?”

“Well, they wanted to avoid any more tyrants, which is admirable I suppose. Set up a council to make decisions so no one person could have too much power. Rolar ended up in the king’s spot by popular demand, and apparently he’s a good enough guy. Before he even knew what was happening, though, his council got stacked. From what I know, the only reason the Accords ended up as lenient as the did is because Rolar kept pulling it back.”

“Lenient?”

“Oh yeah. My uncle told me some of the original laws they tried to push. Not pretty.”

Great, that meant I’d have to at least talk to Rolar before I broke his nose. “Owning property isn’t the only method to being a Patron, though,” I pointed out.

“Maybe, but unless you can get to A rank or above you’re talking about one or two at most. It’s tough to be anything below C rank, too. The vast majority don’t make it past that.”

“Are things that dangerous?”

“Not usually. It’s the cost that’s the real problem. C jobs and below don’t pay for shit, and things in the capital aren’t exactly cheap these days. It doesn’t help that the requirements for ranking up are murky at best, so those at the bottom usually end up kept at the bottom. Most end up getting pressured into joining up with crews or businesses, and once you do it’s hard to get back out.”

He jerked his chin to where Fel was shamelessly flirting with a supremely uninterested Lana. “It’s how low rank adventurers like Rastra and Serena end up with dickheads like Fel. When you’re at the bottom, you have to take whatever chances you can get.”

“And Pierce?”

“A legacy. He made his name and got his levels before the ones in charge got the system all settled in. Legacies, assholes who’ll make sure the system stays in place, and the odd duck just too strong for the system to flush out. That’s all that’s left.”

His tone made it clear what he thought of that. “So, stick together, huh? Vaze mentioned something similar.”He chuckled. “I bet she did. Look, I’m not asking you for anything. I figure we should at least worry about getting to Amesseria in one piece first. Once we get there,” his eyes flicked to mine again, “if it really has been so long since you’ve been back, then I’m just saying it might be nice to know someone who knows the lay of the land.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, then.”

He held his hands up with a smile. “That’s all I ask.”

He took his leave and I got to spend the rest of the walk thinking over the information he’d given me. I liked Korey, and I liked the little group he had pulled together. I could definitely find worse allies when I got to Amesseria, that seemed a given at this point.

# # #

Korey must have sensed that people were still frightened about the events of last night because he stopped the caravan earlier than normal. The sun was still up by the time they’d circled the wagons, started dinner cooking, and unhooked and fed the horses. My health and mana still weren’t completely recovered, so Serena agreed with surprising reluctance when I asked for the day off.

Dinner was nice. Apparently, Garm had thrown some special ingredients into his stew to take everyone’s minds off the attack. I didn’t know what, but it tasted so good I didn’t bother to ask. Everyone was laughing and joking, and even Mai was up and limping around. I was distracted enough with my thoughts that I didn’t realize Scarlet had approached me until she sat at my feet. My brows raised, then raised even further when her arm shot out and grabbed my wrist before bringing it down and placing my hand on top of her head.

I began to slowly stroke her hair and she made a humming noise in her throat. A tone I hadn’t heard yet, but one that settled my nerves somewhat. When I looked around and saw Serena standing nearby beaming with Rhallani next to her, a hand clamped over her mouth and her eyes crinkled in a clear smile, I knew my decision had been made for me.

I patted Scarlet’s head for a few minutes, letting her enjoy it. Then I rose to my feet. Her crimson eyes watched my every move with more interest than I’d seen from her before. “Scarlet, I want you to come with me. Please.” Her eyes widened a fraction, and I felt the slightest tinge of fear from her. It was the first time some had slipped out of her since we’d met. “Don’t worry, you aren’t in trouble.”

A quick jerk of her head resembling a nod, then she rose to her feet. I conjured a lantern and lit it, then walked out of the campsite. I could feel Serena and Rhallani’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at them right now. I walked until I found a clearing with a number of large stones. One was wide and flat enough that it could be a table. It would suit my needs perfectly.

“Scarlet, come here.” She stood in front of me, her eyes never leaving mine. Moving slowly, I unclasped her cloak and set it on the little stone table. “Will you remove your shirt for me, please? Just your shirt.” She showed no emotion while she quickly peeled the cloth off and set it on her coat, leaving nothing on underneath. I’d been hoping she wore a bra, but I suppose she still didn’t need to.

I could still see her ribs clearly, but it looked like she’d at least started to fill out again. Many of the more severe marks she’d had when we met still remained, but they were faint. I could still see the where the blightwolf blood had burned her, too. The fact that she still had so many injuries despite the System’s regenerative abilities could only mean one thing.

“Scarlet, what is your health pool?”

Her pupils narrowed. “Is Sir commanding this one to answer?”

“No.”

I couldn’t look away from her captivating eyes. It felt like several minutes before she finally said in a soft voice, “seven hundred, Sir.”

Damn. I knew it had to be large, but that large? It would take a day and a half of constant bedrest just to fill her health pool. Since injuries healed slower the lower percentage of health you had, it was no wonder so many of her injuries persisted as long as they did. Not only that, but severe wounds would hamper that regeneration further. Wounds like wings that had been amputated as hers had. Between the widespread extent of the damage, the malnutrition, and what they’d done to her wings, it would be some time before she reached full health naturally. “I see,” was all I said. “And how much do you have currently?”

“Two hundred fifty three, Sir.”

She should be low after being hit by so much acid, but not that low. I conjured the poor quality mace I’d taken from the bandits and handed it to her. I gestured towards one of the boulders in the clearing. “Hit this as hard as you can.”

She hefted the mace. “Shall this one use a skill, Sir?”

“That won’t be necessary.”

A curt nod, then she dashed forward and obliterated a large chunk of the boulder. Shards of stone went flying, and I had to shake my head at the raw destructive power. She was either a high level or she had a lot of artificial power. With the brand on her shoulder, I knew what my money was on.

I brought out the health potion Vaze had given me. It had been an act of kindness, and this felt like a good way to pay it forward. “Drink this.”

She took it, but didn’t drink it right away. “This one is not worth wasting such a precious resource on.” Had she already realized what my plan was?

“Please, Scarlet. I’d rather not make it an order if I don’t have to.”

She made a humming noise, but this one was of a lower tone than the one at camp. She drank it, and the burns started to fade. A few of her bruises and cuts cleared up as well, but her expression never so much as flickered.

“Now strike this boulder next.”

If I hadn’t been watching so closely, I might have missed the skill she activated. Some kind of empowered strike skill that increased the impact, if I had to guess. With the skill, however, the damage was almost the same as the first strike. She didn’t look at me afterwards, simply staring at the ground in front of her.

“You’re a berserker, aren’t you?” The muscles in her back tightened. “A rare variant, if I had to guess. Bloodletter? No, Tortured makes more sense.” Her head whipped up at me, her eyes wide. I felt another tinge of fear. “It’s why they hurt you so much, isn’t it? To make you stronger.”

She didn’t answer. I reached forward and very gingerly touched the jagged edge of her wing. Her body shuddered, and I knew I’d been right. “They hurt, don’t they? Your wings?”

A curt nod was her only response. “Come here.” I brought her to the flat rock and sat her down on her cloak. The mace, still clutched in her hands, was bent at a jagged angle. It was little more than scrap metal now. I took it and banished it, then knelt in front of her. “If I could make that pain go away, would you let me?”

Her pupils narrowed to slits, and I could hear her breathing hitch. “This one would be less useful to Sir if there were no pain.”

So it wasn’t just health, then. She must have skills that increase her stats according to how much pain she was in. “I don’t want you to be useful if it means you’re hurting all the time. I’ll ask again, do you want me to make the pain stop? I can, if you let me.”

Her breathing sped up, but she didn’t answer. I conjured a cup and the canteen of sleeping draft. I filled the cup and set it next to her. “This is a special drink I made. It’ll make you sleep without any dreams. If you take it, I promise you’ll feel better when you wake. I won’t force you. Not even in this.” I stood. “I’m going to go relieve myself in those trees for a moment so you can think on it.”

She looked to the cup and I thought I could see a flicker of longing in her eyes. I stopped long enough to rub the top of her head, and her eyes closed. “It’s okay to want things,” I whispered.

Then I took my leave and left her sitting alone in the clearing. I waited for a good ten minutes, then made my way back. She was curled up on her side with her knees tucked into her chest, snoring softly. I checked the cup to ensure she’d drained every last drop, then I summoned a large sheet and threw it over the flat rock. I drew out the tools I’d need—a set of long, thin blades, natural disinfectants, a bottle of whiskey, some herbs I could make into a pain relieving poultice, two more of my remaining five health potions, and plenty of bandages and cotton cloths—and set them out across the edge of the rock. I took my cloak and my shirt off, letting the sharp cold invigorate me. Then I gently picked up Scarlet’s sleeping form, marveling at how tiny and fragile she felt in my arms, and laid her out on her chest with her face pointed towards me.

I used the whiskey on my hands and the knives, poured some over her back, then dried it with a cloth. Then I turned off the lantern to make it pitch dark. I put my hand just over her heart and listened to its slow, steady rhythm. My other senses would be better than my eyes for what I had to do, and I didn’t want to see anymore blood right now.

I took a long breath to steady my nerves, then I picked up one of the blades and uncorked a health potion. I dipped the blade in the potion, then I got to work.

# # #

It was well over two hours later that I walked back into the clearing with Scarlet’s painfully tiny form in my arms. She always seemed small, but right now she felt downright tiny. Not only that, but because she was a flight-capable race, her bones were much lighter than normal bones. She felt like she hardly weighed anything at all. I hadn’t bothered to put her shirt back on, mainly because the bandages wrapping her chest did enough to cover her modesty, but I did wrap her tightly in her cloak.

Rastra was awake, though she was still relegated to the back of the wagon. Because of that, they’d built the fire just past where she sat and set up benches and seats around it so she could still be a part of dinner without having to get up. I carried Scarlet past most of the people milling about, and I’d nearly made it to the back of the wagon before the shouting started.

I couldn’t blame them. I’d been as neat as possible, but I was still covered in blood nearly to my elbows and my pants had more than a little crimson on them. I knew they were shouting questions at me, but all I could manage was some mumbled reassurances that everything was fine. I heard their words, but the meanings bounced right off.

It was another drawback I’d forgotten about my enhanced senses. Feeling a blade cutting into flesh was bad enough. Hearing the sound of the flesh parting under the edge? Being able to tell muscle from skin from tendon from bone just by the way the knife in my hand vibrated? Tasting the blood on the air with every cut? It brought back memories I worked very hard to tamp down. Ones where I wasn’t always the one holding the blade.

Someone grabbed my arm while I gently set Scarlet down next to Rastra. I put her on her side with her back facing towards the flame. Serena was the one holding onto me, but I didn’t want to look at her right now. Not until I was more in control of the memories that lurked at the edge of recollection. I looked until I found Mihrel walking towards us with a worried expression.

I knew he’d been trained as a healer until his decision of class took him a different direction. “Can you take a look at her?” I asked him. “I did what I could, but I’d feel better if you did.”

“Of course,” he said, worry etched into his face. He gently unwrapped her, then saw the bandages.

Bloodstained across where her wings had once stuck out a few inches, but now little more than two bumps. He gently pulled them aside to look at the injuries, still held together by my [Shadow Stitching]. There was a pause, someone was still asking me something, then he turned around and punched me in the mouth.

I remember getting hit, then I remember the ground. “Are you out of your fucking mind?!” he demanded. He took another step towards me, but someone grabbed him. I pushed myself up on my elbow, rubbing my jaw.

“What?” Serena’s voice. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“He fucking carved her up, that’s what! In the middle of the forest, no less!” Mihrel stepped towards me again, but whoever was holding him had a good grip. “Are you trying to kill her with an infection?”

“I took precautions.” My voice sounded distant, even to me.

“Oh, really? What, did you splash some whiskey on your knives before you started cutting?”

I sighed and pushed myself to my feet. “Yes. And I did that after I put her to sleep so she wouldn’t feel anything. Then I dipped my tools in healing potion and made sure to drip it on the incisions after I was done so they’d close up faster and not get infected.”

“That’s—” He paused with his mouth open. “That’s not something I’ve ever considered.”

“Old school battlefield triage.” Pierce’s voice this time. “You can use a single potion to save a dozen lives that way. Safest method for emergency amputations, though who the hell taught you that I have no idea.”

I felt my feet moving and plopped down on a chair in front of the fire. I stared into the flames, welcoming the way they dulled my senses. Mihrel went to fuss over Scarlet, and I could feel everyone’s gazes on me. I risked a glance and saw Serena looking at Scarlet’s back with horror. Horror that she turned towards me. “What did you do?” she demanded. There were tears in her eyes.

Someone else started towards me, but I didn’t bother trying to make them out. I just went back to staring at the flames. “Look,” Korey, now, acting as peacekeeper, “I’m the last one to butt into someone else’s business, but this is crossing a line. I think we’d all feel a little better if you gave us a reason as to why you took her out into the woods and came back with her all bloodied up.”

I supposed that was fair, but the explanation I had to give was one of the many things that haunted me. That would haunt me until the day that I died. Knowledge that nobody should have. “The Penitence Cut,” I said finally.

All I got in response was blank stares with one exception. Garm shot to his feet with a loud gasp. “Bullshit!” he said, his words thick with an accent, “is a myth!”

“I wish it were,” I told him honestly.

He snarled, and for a moment I saw violence in his eyes. “And you did this to her?”

“No, I undid it.”

That shocked him into calmness. He looked uncertainly at where Scarlet lay, taking a step back. Korey cleared his throat. “Alright, and what exactly is this Penitence Cut?”

Garm saved me from having to answer. Sort of. “An ancient ritual saved for worst criminals in Seraphim culture, long before demi-human races mingled. Punishment for those who commit most awful crimes and wish to repent.” Huh, I actually didn’t know that. My knowledge of the practice was considerably more…modern.

“Well, that’s ominous,” Fel said from somewhere off to my side, “but what is it?”

“It’s a surgery,” I explained. “Seraphim wings are very sensitive, especially at the base. Touching them is an intimate act because of that. The Penitence cut is where you amputate the wings in a specific way right where the wings are the most sensitive. Done correctly, it makes those nerves grow into one another, creating a constant feedback of pain while those nerves are caught in a constant loop of trying to heal themselves.”

There was no sound other than the crackling of the fire. “I have it on good authority that, even after years, it feels like walking around with red-hot daggers stabbing into you over and over. It’s a constant hell.” I knew Scarlet wasn’t a Seraphim, but I had to imagine her wings weren’t dissimilar.

Nobody spoke while everyone digested the information. It wasn’t until Rhallani appeared between my legs with a bucket of water and some cloths that I realized she was even present. She didn’t look up at me as she started to wipe the blood from my hands. “Why,” her voice cracked, “why would anyone ever do that? To anybody?”

“Like Garm said,” I told her, “it was used as punishment a long time ago. It was lost to time for a while, but Grimsbane found it and used it as an interrogation and intimidation tool. You’d stay in line too if it meant saving your loved ones from such a fate. It’s how he got the Seraphim under his thumb in the first place.”

There were general sounds and words of disgust all around. Seemed the commotion attracted damn near everyone. Serena gently started stroking Scarlet’s hair. “What could Scarlet have ever done to deserve something so horrible?” I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was on the verge of tears.

Were it so simple. “Nothing, probably.”

“Then why?” Rhallani asked.

“Because if you take a girl before she’s fourteen and make her live a few years in constant agony then there are pretty good odds she gets offered a powerful class in return.”

Even Fel looked disgusted by the idea. Rhallani slipped a hand into mine and squeezed it. “You didn’t tell me that,” she whispered.

“I didn’t know until yesterday.” I said back quietly. “Not for sure, at least.”

She finished with my hands and dropped the towel in the bucket. “Then those materials you had me buy last minute?”

All I could do was nod. Her face was unreadable as she stood and took the bucket away. I watched her go wondering what she thought of me. Terrified that she’d see a glimpse of the old me that I’d kept buried so well ever since I’d made the deal with Allura. More than she’d seen during the ambush after we’d first met, at least.

I still remember the day we first learned about it. When we’d found an entire prison of Seraphim Grimsbane had given the Cut to. Many of them had been driven insane by it, and no small number of them begged us to put them from their misery. A few of the stronger ones had agreed to serve as test subjects for Bennet and Iliri so they could find a way to undo it.

Mihrel reappeared with a bashful look on his face. “If that’s true, then I’m sorry. Guess I jumped the gun.”I waved a hand. “If I held a grudge against everyone who took a swing at me I wouldn’t have many friends left.”

Most of the others started to wander off, but I felt Serena sit next to me. “Will she be alright?”

“I hope so.” I had to hope that, physically speaking, there were similarities between her and Seraphim. I could stomach a lot worse than most, so I’d ended up helping get rid of the Cut in the past. On a Seraphim, I was confident my work would have been more than adequate. On whatever subrace of demi-human she was?

Well, we’d have to wait and see. “Would it be alright if she stayed with you again tonight? I think it’d be best if you’re the first face she saw.” I also wasn’t sure I could handle the smell of fresh wounds tonight.

“Of course,” she said immediately.

“Thank you. She seems to react well to you.”

I could feel her staring at me, so I finally forced myself to meet her eyes. Whatever she saw made her features soften. “I’m sorry,” she said.

Of all things, that was enough to snap me out of my reverie. “What the hell could you have to be sorry about?”She flushed. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

I pulled her back down when she tried to stand. “Nope. You’re not getting off the hook that easy. I’m starting to get real tired of everyone apologizing over stuff they have no reason to apologize for, so you’d better tell me now or I’m taking off tomorrow, too.” She opened her mouth but I raised a finger threateningly. “And if you apologize again, I’ll add another day.”

“I…” She squirmed in her seat. “I made another awful assumption about you. When I saw her back while Mihrel was looking over her, I just…”

“I’m not sure if I should be insulted you keep looking for the worst in me or relieved you at least feel guilty about it.”

She flinched. “It’s not like that!”

“It kinda feels like it.”

She squirmed further, and her flush deepened. If I wasn’t so committed to getting the bottom of this, I’d have appreciated how adorable she looked in the firelight. It made me want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her doubts away. A startling impulse completely unlike those that I was used to. “You’re…amazing,” she said finally.

“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”

“It’s not!” She said quickly. Then she tucked her chin into her chest and the words started tumbling out. “I haven’t had much luck with people before. Every time I start to look up to or get close to someone, they turn out to be someone completely different than I thought they were. I guess I just can’t stop thinking that one of these days you’ll turn out to be some horrible person just because I think you’re so—” she cut off. “So, um, amazing.”

I got the feeling she’d been headed somewhere else, but I wasn’t going to push her any further than I already had. “If I give you one of the skeletons in my closet,” I told her, “would that make you feel any better?”

Her eyes went wide. “You don’t have to!”

I wanted to, though. “I can promise I’ve got secrets aplenty. Things that nobody but me knows, not even Rhallani. Ask me a question—any question at all—and I give you my word I’ll give you an honest answer.”Serena sat stiff as a board. Her mouth opened and then closed several times as she repeatedly went to ask a question then decided against it. Finally, she seemed to settle on one. “Why are you so committed to helping Scarlet? And don’t say because it’s the right thing to do. You hardly know her, and I saw the look in your eye when you carried her out of the woods just now.”

Damn. She really wasn’t pulling any punches. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d asked the question I’d been so desperately avoiding the answer to. “A part of it,” I said finally, “is that I have an idea of what she’s been through and what she’s going through now. Someone helped me then, and a piece of me feels like it’s my duty to pass that kindness along.”

“And the other part of you?” she pressed.

I took a moment to look at everyone around us. Though some of them still stole glances here and there, nobody was close enough to hear my next words. “It’s my fault. The cut, her class, her torture. It’s not just me helping someone, it’s me trying my damnedest to undo something that wouldn’t have happened in the first place if I hadn’t been so careless.”

A soft gasp escaped her lips. “You told me you hadn’t met her until the day before we met,” she said slowly. There was a faint, reluctant accusation in her tone.

“And that was true.” How could I tell her without revealing too much? “I knew what was done to her because I knew the man who came up with the theory.”

“You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions.”

“No, but when I killed that man, I should have made sure everyone he was working with died too.” My voice came out as a deadly whisper that frightened even me.

I felt a shiver run through her, but otherwise she was so still she might have been a statue. “After seeing what he did to her,” Serena said finally, “maybe we’ll get another chance.”

I looked to her in surprise, but she stood without meeting my gaze. “See you tomorrow for training?” she asked.

“You know it. Do you need help with Scarlet?”

“I can handle her. I’ll find you in the morning to give you an update.”

“Don’t be afraid to wake me if you need me.”

She flashed me a soft smile, then went towards Scarlet. Rhallani approached me almost as soon as Serena was gone, and she was wearing a mischievous smile. “You go get some rest, I’ll make sure Serena and Scarlet get settled.”

I nodded my thanks, then made my way towards our tent. I disrobed and slid into my bedroll, but it was difficult to ignore the whispers in the camp with my [Dark Sense]. I ignored their words as best I could, but I couldn’t block out their tones. Suspicion and disbelief were chief among them. Many worried I was making the Penitence Cut up or using it as an excuse to hurt Scarlet.

I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to sleep, but then Rhallani slipped into the tent. Without saying a word, she stripped down until she was nude and slid into the bedroll. Rather than curling up against my chest, however, she pulled my head into her breasts and guided my arms until they were wrapped around her.

Lips brushed my forehead, then she whispered, “it’s my turn to hold you tonight.”

I couldn’t help but smile as her fingers ran lazily through my hair, gently massaging my scalp. I pulled her in tightly, pressing my face into her cleavage, and she giggled. It wasn’t long before I drifted off. Contrary to my fears, I had no nightmares that night.