Chapter 35: In Which, Despite My Best Attempts To Navigate The Sitution, I Find Myself Feeling Thoroughly Lost

Walking out of the room, I leaned against the wall and stared into space. I couldn't really talk to anyone: Princess Asperia and Valentine were directly involved, and Valentine would report directly to Princess Asperia, for sure. Ava didn't know who I was, and I realized I had kind of asked her to domme me under what had become false pretenses since it turned out I had this power, which made me a little sick to my stomach, so I couldn't really go back there. Zince was definitely another loyalist to Princess Asperia. I was in this harem full of cute girls, and never had I felt so utterly alone.

I looked over to see Velt lying on her habitual couch, and she smiled up at me in that subservient, beyond-customer-service way, her rabbit ears perked up... of course, she didn't know who I was. "Is there any way I can help you, O Hero From Another World?"

I towered over her now, my very presence a threat to her safety... although she didn't seem too scared of me, as far as I could tell. I slid a smile onto my face. "No, no, I'm fine." I probably shouldn't tell her about the situation I was in, and even if I did, she was just as loyal to Princess Asperia as Valentine and Zince.

I needed a confidant right now, and realistically speaking, I just didn't have one... my only real confidant before all of this had been Sasha. If only I had a pet I could talk to who couldn't understand me... no, not like, a person, like, an animal. Although like... animals were overall treated similarly expendably in both this world and my world to animalfolk, well, even more expendably, so it felt like it would be kinda weird to use one as a proxy for the other.

At least... I assumed that animalfolk weren't specifically grown for meat and butchered. They weren't, right...? It'd be wildly inefficient, but sometimes eating wildly inefficient things was a sign of status.

Velt was staring up at me with a bit of concern, and I realized I had just spaced out in front of her as I thought about various issues of morality.

I cleared my throat. "Hey, weird question-- animalfolk aren't raised to be butchered for meat, right?"

Velt eyes widened and she stiffened. "No... not usually, no, O Hero From Another World. I... Princess Asperia might know some way to get it, if you really really want it, but--" I raised my hand and shook my head vigorously.

"No, I didn't want to eat anyone, just... I know you're all treated as lesser than human, and I didn't know where that line ended, since you know, coming from another world. The way you all get treated is way too cruel, and I wanted to be sure I wasn't, like, eating meat that came from animalfolk without thinking about it."

Velt relaxed slightly and wrinkled her nose, shaking her head. "No, of course not. And Princess Asperia is very kind to us."

"Oh, no, not you girls, I know she takes good care of you, I meant like... animalfolk in the general sense...?"

She stood up and curtseyed. "Ah, my apologies for misunderstanding, O Hero From Another World."

"No, um, sorry for... asking weird questions, I guess." I scratched the back of my head. The power relationship made it totally different to talk to her. I could probably ask her for any sexual thing right now, and she'd do it, but I couldn't get the friendliness and mild emotional intimacy that she gave me freely as another slave.

"Um... have a good day." I turned and headed towards the library.

"May every step you take be lit by the stars, O Hero From Another World."

I hung around in the library for a while, studying magical theory, but really, the books that it'd most help to read were back in my room, and I didn't want to go back there.

Really, it felt like if I wanted to make new friends, I'd have to make them among nobility... I could sorta act as equalish with commoners before, since I had no formal position, but now that my body had been announced as Princess Asperia's fiancée, that opportunity was entirely gone. And really, most nobility would be opposed to me if they knew what I was planning with Princess Asperia, so that relationship, too, would be constructed on a lie.

I had power, but had lost connection, and it turned out power wasn't even what I wanted... maybe Sasha had felt like this too, in this body... but it was really fucking hard to trust her with power after what she had done. Everything with her was about controlling or being controlled, and, while I couldn't say I entirely hated that from time to time, I wanted to be able to consent to that.

I couldn't kill Sasha, I couldn't give her to someone else, because I wouldn't trust them to take care of her, or her not to murder them... were we just stuck together until slavery was a solved issue? That could be decades.

I didn't want to learn how to break her and remake her into the sort of person I wanted her to be. Did I take her up on her offer to wipe her own mind into the 'Sasha' that I had known? I wanted like, the actual her, though, not some fascimile of herself. And both of those paths felt like they were in some way kind of validating her very thoughts about the nature of slavery, her work as a slave trainer. Maybe seeing what she had done to Wren and helping to undo it would give her some self-reflection?

Fuck... Wren. I had wronged her twice over, now, albeit indirectly. Did she even recognize me? I didn't even want her around, didn't want to deal with the aftermath of what she had become, but I once again felt distinctly responsible, and what else was I supposed to do? Sell her to someone?

Maybe after she recovered mentally some, she'd be happier in the harem, if Princess Asperia would take her. I felt like Asperia would like her... well, she'd like the person she had once been. I don't know if she'd like her now.

I closed the book about planar structure I was staring blankly at as I ruminated.

This was actually something I could reasonably ask Ava, about Wren's situation of having fallen into slavery... and since she was ex-nobility, maybe we'd be able to become friends, or at least friendly.

I left the library, and started to walk back to Ava's room, as best as I could remember the way. There were way more eyes on me than there had been as Sasha, a sort of vigilance, which I assumed to be watching in case I did something untowards, at first, but then a blonde girl in a green ruffled dress came up to me and asked if I needed help with anything, and when I replied I was looking for Ava, she lead me to her room.

I smiled at her. "Thank you." She bobbed her head and withdrew, and I knocked on Ava's door.

Ava opened the door, and blinked, looking me over twice, until her eyes widen as she placed me, and then curtseyed. "O Hero From Another World, to what circumstance do I owe the honor of your visit?"

"Um, no need for the formal stuff-- just, I came across another girl I used to know who had fallen from nobility to slave recently, and I was wondering if you had any advice on how to... I don't know, help her? Is there anything you wished you had had at that time, or were glad to have gotten?"

Her courteous smile stayed on her lips, but her eyes got a little colder. "...part of the Rushen family, I presume?"

I nodded slowly. "...yeah. I really didn't mean for that to happen, I'm kind of a fool, but I can at least try to do my best for her now?"

"Please come in. "She swept the door aside and gestured to a couch, which I sat down on.

"Can I offer you any tea or pastries or the like?" She was trying to be a good servant or a good hostess, it was hard for me to tell which.

"Water maybe?"

She stared at me for a moment. "I have cold tea, but I do not have water. I could of course fetch some, if you like-- your own comfort is paramount, after all."

"Oh! Cold tea is fine, then."

She nodded, and poured two cups of tea into cups, placing both before me. I picked up one of them, and she the other.

"So. Tell me more about her."

"Uh, well... she used to be a very fearless and upstanding young woman, who fought alongside me at times, but after I y'know, messed up and kinda got her family... well, she wouldn't accept my help. She ended up being adopted by another family, and then kidnapped from there and mentally bent by a slaver to accept her status as a slave. I found her in a cage, and picked her up from there."

"Oh! How utterly vile of them..."

"...yeah."

Ava took a sip of tea and considered this for a long moment. "Still, you have Sasha, right? She's famous for helping slaves, and she has Mind Magic. She should be able to help her stabilize." ...though I still hadn't given Sasha her magic back at all. But Ava didn't know that.

"Yeah, she's trying to help her out right now, so I thought I'd get out of their hair, but I feel like I should do something for her."

"Okay. Are you thinking about freeing her?"

I blinked. "Could I?"

"Even if she's freed at this point, no noble family is going to accept an ex-slave as an adoption, regardless of their original status or the illegality of the situation. So get her stable and find out what she wants, first. She may not have better options at this point."

Ava shook her head. "I feel bad for her. What's her name again?"

I hesitated, but there was no reason not to share it. "Wren."

Ava stared into space, and then looked back at me. "...I think I met her briefly, a few years ago. She seemed very resilient."

"Yes, she was."

She nodded, and took another sip of tea, and we lapsed into silence.

Finally, I spoke up again. "Well... thank you for your hospitality," I got up, bowed slightly, and headed towards the door.

"Thank you for visiting me, O Hero From Another World," responded Ava, but it sounded purely formal. She rose and got the door for me, and after I left, it closed shut with an air of finality.

I felt even more alone and panicky as I paced through the less inhabited halls. My status as Princess Asperia's fiancée was making the entire harem fairly nervous, probably... it seemed like the Princess had tried to make sure they all felt they were on more or less even footing this entire time, and now, I had been set above them. The murderous threat I had made to that guard earlier had probably spread through the entire harem, too. And who knows what Sasha had been doing in this body... any friendliness I did get would probably just be people sucking up to me.

Still, outside of the harem, no one knew I was the Hero From Another World, so I could just be another woman. Maybe fit in a little somewhere... not that I had ever been particularly good at that in my world, but hey, maybe I could go get drunk enough not to care. I managed to find my way back to the tunnel to the garden in the out of the way room... after going through them three times, I was pretty sure I knew the path. Sasha had memorized it in one go, and Princess Asperia had the entire map in her head... how much worse at memorization could I be?