Chapter 100 – My First

I'm still holding Selene in my arms, her body pressed against my chest, and I'm waiting for her to say something. Anything. A yes, a no, a "put me down you weirdo," literally anything would be better than this silence.

She's just staring at me, blinking rapidly like her brain is buffering.

Oh no. I messed up, didn’t I?

The doubts come flooding back like someone opened a floodgate of self-loathing directly into my brain. What the heck was I thinking? Of course Selene doesn't like me that way. I mean, look at her, then look at me. Sure, I've been getting cuter recently, but Selene literally looks like someone spent six months in Photoshop creating the perfect human being and then said "fuck it" and made her even better. It's like comparing a goddess to a... well, to me.

What was I thinking? That just because we live together and she's nice to me that means she—

But then she smiles.

And it’s not just any smile. It’s a radiant, absolutely breathtaking smile that makes my brain completely short-circuit and forget how to perform basic functions like breathing or thinking coherent thoughts. It's the kind of smile that could end wars and make grown men weep. The kind of smile that makes you understand why ancient civilizations built monuments to beautiful women.

All my doubts evaporate like morning dew in the desert sun. Every anxious thought, every self-deprecating comment, every moment of "what the fuck am I doing" just... gone. And I can do nothing but smile right back at her like an idiot.

She slowly wraps her arms around the back of my neck, her fingers sliding into my hair. The touch sends little electric shocks down my spine. Her strawberry scent intensifies as she leans closer, sweet and intoxicating.

"Wait, wait!" Her voice is breathy and excited. "Say it again!" She's grinning now, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "I didn't hear you properly!"

Oh, she wants to play this game? Even in my emotionally compromised state, I can recognize this for what it is: Selene being Selene, milking this moment for everything it's worth. And honestly? I'm here for it.

My confidence returns now that I know I haven't just destroyed our entire relationship with my impulsive confession. "Which part?" I grin back at her. "The part where I said you're beautiful?"

She wiggles with delight in my arms, actually wiggles, like she's physically incapable of containing her happiness. It's so fucking cute I might actually die.

"Or the part where I said I love you?"

Her face flushes the most amazing shade of pink. "The—the last part! Say the last part!"

"I love you, Selene." The words come easier now, more natural. "I love you so much."

She giggles, letting out this bright, musical sound that I want to record and use as my ringtone for the rest of my life. "Again!" Her voice goes up in pitch, getting more excited. "Say it again!"

"I love you."

She literally squeals with joy when I say it, this cute little sound of pure happiness that makes my heart do weird acrobatic tricks in my chest. Then she starts kicking her feet, and covers her face with her hands like she can't handle what's happening. "Ahhh!"

When she finally recovers from her excitement, she places a hand on my cheek. I instinctively lean into the touch, turning my face slightly so more of her palm makes contact with my skin.

"I love you too!" The words burst out of her, fast and enthusiastic. "I love you so much, Adam! You're so sweet and you always make me laugh and you're so smart!" She's talking faster now, the way she does when she's really excited about something, and I can hear the genuine emotion in her voice. "And I love how you get all passionate about the things you care about, and how you're always there for me, and—" She pauses, and her blush deepens to something that's almost crimson.

"And lately you've been getting so cute I just want to—" She makes this frustrated little sound and squeezes my shoulders, her fingers digging in slightly. "I just can’t stop thinking about you!"

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

Did she really just say that? Did I hear her properly? Did Selene Holloway, this perfect, gorgeous girl that I'm currently holding in my arms, just tell me that she... loves me too? That she's been thinking about me?

HOLY SHIT.

I HAVE OFFICIALLY WON IN LIFE! I CAN LITERALLY COLLAPSE NOW AND DIE, AND I WOULD BE COMPLETELY HAPPY!

YES!

I'm actually so ecstatic that I'm starting to get worried. I really hope that dying from overhappiness isn't a thing. Like, can your heart just explode from sheer joy? Because if so, I'm about three seconds away from becoming a cautionary tale.

I find myself blushing even harder than she is, and I can feel the heat in my face. "Sorry, what was that?" I'm grinning like an idiot now. "It's kind of loud in here. Can you say that again?"

"Adam!" She swats at my chest playfully. She's laughing now, and the sound fills the space between us. "Which part?"

"Uh... all of it?"

"You're so greedy!" But she's smiling so wide it looks like it might hurt. She leans in closer, and now her forehead is almost touching mine. "I love you, Adam. So, so, so much!"

I'm smiling back at her, and I'm pretty sure my smile is wider than it's ever been in my entire life. My face might actually crack from the sheer force of this grin.

We just stare at each other for a moment, and the happiness radiating off both of us is almost tangible.

My eyes drop to her lips without my permission. Those perfect, plump, soft-looking lips that I've been fantasizing about for years. I can see how the bottom one is slightly fuller than the top, how they're naturally pink and glossy even without any makeup. I wonder what they taste like. I wonder what it feels like when they press against mine.

When I finally pull my gaze away and refocus on her eyes, I catch her doing the same thing. She's staring at my mouth, biting her bottom lip, and fuck, that might be the hottest thing I've ever seen. The way her teeth sinks into that soft flesh, the way it makes her lips look even more kissable—

I pull her tighter into my grasp, my arms tensing. I can feel the softness of her body compressing against my chest, feel the warmth of her seeping through both our clothes. She wraps her arms around the back of my neck more securely, her fingers tangling in my hair, and the slight pull on my scalp sends tingles down my spine.

She looks up at me, giving me one more radiant smile that makes my brain completely malfunction. Then she closes her eyes, purses her lips and slowly moves her face closer to mine.

No way.

Oh fuck.

This is happening.

This is actually happening.

I’m panicking.

Help.

Someone please help me.

My heart is hammering so hard I’m worried she could hear it. I take a deep breath, catching another wave of her strawberry scent, and move my own face closer, probably way too quickly.

I close my own eyes right before our lips are about to meet.

And then we're kissing.

Fuck. How do I even do this? Am I supposed to move? What do I do with my lips? Do I use tongue? When do I use tongue? Is there a WikiHow article for this?

I barely even register how her lips feel on mine. They're wet. And soft? I think? It's all happening too fast and my brain is too busy having a complete meltdown to properly catalog sensations.

I retreat from the kiss quickly, pulling back after what's basically just a peck on the lips.

But also. HOLY SHIT! I JUST KISSED SELENE!!!

I actually just kissed Selene Holloway. Me. Adam Gray.

Selene opens her eyes, not quite meeting my gaze. Her cheeks are flushed, and there's this soft, gentle smile on her face. "That was your first kiss, wasn't it?" Her voice is tender, not teasing at all.

Oof. It was that obvious, huh?

I look away, my face burning. "Yeah, sorry, uh... I'm not really—"

"Adam!" She gasps, and I feel her hands on my face as she turns my head back to look at her. "Don't you dare apologize!" Her eyes are wide and earnest now. "That was perfect! It was perfect because it was with you!"

My heart does another weird flip in my chest.

She bites her lip, looking suddenly shy. "Actually... um..." Her voice drops to almost a whisper, and I have to focus to hear her. "Can you put me down for a second?"

Right. I'm still holding her.

I gently set her on the ground, feeling the weight leave my arms. My biceps are only slightly sore, which is honestly amazing. Thank you, System.

As soon as her feet touch the floor, reality crashes back. "Wait, shit. We're so late." I glance toward the library exit. "Should we head to class?"

"No!" She grabs my arm, and her voice goes up in that characteristic whine. "Five more minutes! Please?" She hits me with the puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeease, Adam?"

Those eyes are seriously unfair. They could make hardened criminals confess to crimes they didn't commit. She could ask me to rob a bank right now, and I'd probably say yes without thinking.

"Yeah, okay." I can't help but smile at her. "Five minutes."

"Yay!" She bounces excitedly, and I watch everything bounce with her. Her hair, her chest straining against her shirt, all of it. Then she grabs my hand and tugs. "Sit down!"

I oblige, sitting on the carpeted floor of the library.

She sits down too, but not on the floor next to me.

She sits directly onto my lap, facing me.