Chapter 61: Bruce’s Regrets
A/N: Finally get to check in on Bruce Banner. Surely he's having a great time now that he's 'free' of the Hulk, right?
-x-X-x-
By all accounts, Bruce knew he should have been happy. He was one of the luckiest men in the world, after all. He had Tony Stark as a friend. Even if he’d only known the name of his benefactor for a few months now, there was no denying the numerous ways that Tony had been there for him the past two and a half years.
First, he’d shown up and gotten Bruce out of dodge back in Brazil before Ross and his goons could close in on him and cause an incident. He’d also warned Bruce off from Samuel Sterns, aka Mr. Blue, who was using his blood without Bruce’s permission to do his own dangerous research. Then, he’d not only ran interference for two years, he’d even gotten Ross canned and put on trial for the numerous crimes he’d committed in the name of hunting Bruce down.
That trial had actually just ended a week ago, which might be why Bruce was feeling sort of melancholic at this point. Thaddeus Ross, stripped of his titles, would be going to prison for the next several years. Bruce was safe. And yet…
Bruce hadn’t turned into the Hulk in three years at this point, and that was in large part thanks to Tony’s help. He’d been a hundred and ninety days, just ten days past six months, without an incident back when Tony had helped Bruce escape the noose in Brazil. And after that, Bruce had managed to develop the drug that had allowed him to suppress the Hulk and remain himself ever since.
He wasn’t stupid. It wouldn’t have been possible without Tony. Maybe he still would have developed the drug, but the problem was that the drug was only as effective as Bruce’s circumstances. It kept him from having emotion-based incidents where he transformed into the Hulk, but Tony had warned him and Bruce’s own research into the subject had backed up those warnings… if Bruce experienced a truly life-threatening situation, then the Hulk would still come out to play.
The Hulk wouldn’t let him die. That was what he and Tony had been able to figure out. Even if Bruce had wanted to commit suicide the moment he finished developing the drug, the Hulk wouldn’t have let it happen.
Of course, that wasn’t likely to happen these days anyways. The closest Bruce had gotten to danger was a few months ago when SHIELD had brought him onto their Helicarrier to help with hunting down the Tesseract. Putting him on the same ship as Loki when she had a bunch of mind controlled goons who knew all about said ship was kind of a braindead move on SHIELD’s part, but Bruce supposed it had always been under control. Just not under SHIELD’s control.
Nope, in the end, even when the SHIELD Helicarrier had lost two of its turbine engines and started listing to the side, Tony had been prepared for that outcome. Specifically, he’d been prepared to get Bruce the fuck off of that ship before it could really begin to crash and the Hulk could tear his way out of Bruce’s mind and into the real world again.
Bruce appreciated what Tony had done for him. Putting him in a suit and flying him to safety was… generous beyond measure. And since then, Bruce had his own lab too, funded by Tony. He was in a pretty secluded area up in the mountains, but with JARVIS to keep him company. Tony hadn’t offered to house Bruce at his Tower and frankly Bruce had been grateful for it. He and Tony still had some long-distance research sessions together, and once in a while Tony would even fly out to his lab to help him with something particularly crunchy.
But ultimately, Bruce didn’t want to live in a big city like New York. He was glad that he hadn’t been there when Loki’s alien army invaded, or when Tony had to literally risk his life flying a nuke into the portal to get rid of the enemy armada. Really, he was.
… So then why did he feel this increasing hole inside of himself? Sitting in his laboratory, hunched over his workbench, Bruce frowns and sits back from what he’s doing from a moment.
Unfortunately, while traveling the world since 2005 and learning half a dozen different meditation techniques HAD helped him greatly with his anger management issues, there was one major downside to all of it. The more you learned how to control your emotions, the more you learned about yourself. And the more it became impossible to deceive yourself like so many people did on a daily basis.
Put bluntly, Bruce couldn’t hide from it any longer. Ever since Tony had sent him away before the Battle of New York, he had been feeling this… emptiness inside of himself. Sure, he knew that unleashing the Hulk on New York City while aliens attacked probably wouldn’t have gone particularly well.
Especially since Bruce had been suppressing the monster for over two and a half years by that point. The next time the Hulk came out, there was almost certainly going to be a lot of damage. On top of that, Bruce wasn’t a hero. He wasn’t a fighter or a soldier. He was a scientist. Even the Hulk was less warrior and more beast. A barbaric brute that smashed everything in its past.
And yet… and yet, despite rationally understanding all of those things, Bruce couldn’t help but feel like he could have done more. Maybe unleashing the Hulk against the Chitauri in a population center wasn’t a good idea, but what if Bruce had gone the original route that Tony had tried to push him down all those years ago?
To be fair, Tony had never forced Bruce to do anything. Even when he was just Bruce’s Mysterious Benefactor, even before Bruce knew his research partner was THE Tony Stark, the other man hadn’t pushed hard in any particular direction.
He’d made his stance on the Hulk just being a part of Bruce’s psyche clear multiple times, as well as his belief that Bruce needed to learn to coexist with the Hulk, not just cut off a part of himself. But he’d also willingly helped Bruce complete his research into the suppressor drug, ultimately resulting in Bruce being able to lock the Hulk away and live a relatively normal life as a doctor in India until SHIELD showed up.
Now though, Bruce wondered if Tony might have had a point. This yawning pit growing inside of him… it felt like Bruce was missing something. And maybe he was. The drug he’d developed to keep the Hulk from coming out whenever he felt a particularly strong emotion fucked with his mind, that was how it was supposed to work. And yet… Bruce was starting to not like the man he’d become all the same.
Funny, he’d been running from the Hulk for so long and now that he’d successfully gotten away from it, he was starting to realize he’d left a piece of himself behind.
Suddenly making a rather impulsive decision, Bruce rises from his chair and looks up at the ceiling.
“JARVIS?”
“Yes, Dr. Banner?”
The AI’s comforting posh voice comes over the lab’s mic almost instantly, making Bruce smile slightly. For other people, JARVIS tended to pause briefly before answering, to give the impression that he was switching his attention from something else to them, to set them at ease. But Bruce knew that JARVIS could focus on a thousand things at the same time, maybe more. And in return, JARVIS didn’t insult Bruce’s intelligence by trying to deceive him.
“… I’m going to try something rather foolish. Can you ask Tony if he’s free to be on standby for me?”
“Of course, Dr. Banner. Sir is video-calling in now.”
Now that’s interesting, because unlike JARVIS, Tony only has the one body and can’t be everywhere at once. Still, he must have caught the other man at a good time. While he waits for Tony to call in, Bruce opens up the nearby freezer and pulls out one of the syringes lying within. Checking it over, he nods to himself for a moment.
“Bruce, what’s up bud? JARVIS said you told him you were going to do something foolish? I hate to imagine what that might mean for you.”
Grinning at that, Bruce chuckles as he shuffles over to the Containment Room he’d asked Tony to build for him. It’s based off of the prison that SHIELD had supposedly built for him on the Helicarrier, but in Tony’s words, it’s about ten times more likely to be able to contain the Hulk.
Which is still to say the Hulk might be able to break out. After all, it’s not like they’ve ever tested it before.
“… I’m gonna take a half dose of the anti-suppressant drug and try to have a chat with the Hulk.”
There’s silence for a moment at Tony and JARVIS digest that, before Tony clears his throat.
“Oh? And what brought this on, Brucie-bear?”
Smiling wryly at Tony’s insistence on nicknames, Bruce steps into the containment cell, listening as JARVIS secures it shut behind him. On one of the walls, Tony’s holographic face appears. That level of technology is comforting, honestly. Even if Bruce transforms, no matter how hard the Hulk smashes he won’t be able to get rid of Tony.
“I realized you were right, Tony. Maybe I just needed to have it nice and quiet for a while to figure it out, but I’m missing something. The silence is getting uncomfortable. Funny… only after I’ve ran as far as I could do I realize I have to face my fears.”
He shuts up after that, feeling undeniably corny and dumb with what he’s saying. But Tony doesn’t call him on it. In fact, there’s understanding in Tony’s eyes as he gives Bruce a warm smile.
“I’m with you every step of the way, Bruce. No matter what.”
Bruce nods and then sits down on the room’s singular bench. Then, he pauses, feeling like a bit of a jackass.
“Hey, how’s Morgan by the way?”
Tony lights up like a Christmas Tree.
“Doing great! Took her first steps in fact just the other day. A little early… but I think we can expect her to be an early bloomer in a lot of ways.”
There’s a fond look on Tony’s face at that, while Bruce just snorts in amusement. Yeah, with Tony and Pepper Stark as her parents, he suspects Morgan will be ahead of the curve for most of her life. Sort of like Bruce himself, with how smart he’d been growing up. Fortunately, he’s confident she won’t have the same sort of childhood that he had. Neither Tony or Pepper would allow it.
Before he can let himself get too melancholic, Bruce decides it’s time. Carefully, he presses the injector into his arm and unloads half of the dose of anti-suppressant into his body. Setting the injector down on the bench, he lets out a low breath while clinging to the edge and waiting. It… doesn’t take long. Slowly but surely, like a dragon stirring in its lair, he can feel the Hulk stirring in the back of his mind.
“Hey.”
His voice, soft, isn’t meant for Tony and fortunately the other scientist realizes that. Inwardly, Bruce can feel the Hulk growing more and more… aware by the second.
“Sorry. I know-urk!”
He chokes on his own spit as he doubles over, feeling the Hulk’s RAGE suddenly coursing through him. Deep breathes. Control. But it’s not enough. Even with only half the dose, the Hulk is still trying to fight his way free.
“F-Fuck… gonna… gonna turn Tony. Please don’t let me hurt anyone?”
“Never, Bruce.”
Trusting Tony with every fiber of his being, Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk for the first time in three years. He’ll try having a conversation with the guy later, he supposes.
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“HULK SMASH!”
“Yeah buddy, go ahead. Get it out of your system.”
Good news and bad news. Bad news, Bruce was clearly having a hard time ‘chatting’ with his Alter Ego. But to be fair, the first try was never going to be particularly amazing, Tony figured. Good news, the containment cell was holding… for now.
Hulk slams his fist through Tony’s holographic face and into the wall behind it, but does pretty much nothing to either. However…
“Sir, the Hulk’s strength is growing the longer this goes on. It does not seem like he has an upper limit. At some point he will break free.”
Yeah, apparently the Hulk didn’t like being contained anymore than he liked being attacked. Tony had known for a long time that the Hulk got stronger as a fight went on. He just didn’t know that the fucker got stronger the longer he was imprisoned as well. Humming, Tony considers the problem for a moment. He’s already tried to talk the Hulk down, but for obvious reasons, that didn’t work. He and the Hulk didn’t have any sort of rapport in this world.
In fact, if the Hulk were smarter, he might realize Tony was partially why Banner had been able to suppress him for most of the last three years. So yeah, Tony wasn’t the solution here. However…
“Got an idea.”
“HULK- ah?”
Replacing his own face with that of Betty Ross is the work of a moment. Then, he blows up the still image of her so her smile is spread all across the wall of the containment cell. The Hulk freezes… and then sits down on his ass next to the wall so he can reach out and run his big fingers across Betty’s holographic face.
That seemed to be doing the trick… for now. Hopefully Bruce would be able to do something with all of that, or maybe even just regain control before the Hulk broke out. And hopefully with some time and effort, they might just be able to get Bruce and the Hulk on the same page for more than just their shared love for Betty Ross.
For now, Tony sits back in his own laboratory back in Stark Tower and lets out a sigh as he laces his fingers over his stomach, watching the feed of the Hulk petting Betty’s face.
“… How’s Loki been doing recently, J?”
“Quite well, Sir. She’s acclimating nicely to life on Earth.”
“Yeah? She been watching the movies?”
“… Not as such, Sir. I think that throwing that many pieces of media centered around teamwork, friendship, familial love, and camaraderie might have had the opposite of the intended effect.”
Tony grins at that.
“Oh? Because it sounds like she gave up on the movies pretty quickly in favor of interacting with you more instead. So I’d say my plan has worked flawlessly.”
“… Truly sir, you are an unparalleled genius.”
JARVIS’ dry tone aside, damn right he was! Basking in his own magnificence for a moment, Tony moves onto the next thing.
“What about Wakanda? They done anything stupid recently?”
“The hunt for their Vibranium Thief continues. Prince T’Challa has not been home in some time, and continues to seek out the one who captured Klaue as the Black Panther. You are on their short list of suspects for obvious reasons, but so far they’ve ruled you out.”
Tony raises an eyebrow at that.
“Oh?”
“Only tentatively, Sir. During the Battle of New York the War Dogs in the area were able to get several surreptitious recordings of the Iron Legion. Finding no signs of Vibranium anywhere in your technology has left them wondering if perhaps you aren’t the perpetrator. However, they were unable to get any scans of your own armor Sir, and of course the ability to access Stark Tower remains out of reach for them.”
“I see…”
“Meanwhile, back in Wakanda itself… instead of taking your warning about Erik Killmonger seriously, King T’Chaka has decided to bring him home, claiming him as N’Jadaka, the long lost son of his brother and honoring him as a member of the Royal Family. He hopes to rehabilitate his nephew and turn him into a productive member of Wakanda.”
That brings Tony up short.
“… But Erik knows that T’Chaka killed his father, right? I remember that being a whole thing. T’Challa told me all about it in one of our calls.”
“Yes Sir. Based on my surveillance of the situation, Killmonger knows exactly who executed his father, and has in no way forgiven his Uncle either. The situation is a powder keg waiting to explode.”
Damn. That was… rough. Unfortunately, Tony didn’t really see how he could help. Not in a way that wouldn’t have Wakanda retaliating for sticking his nose in their business anymore then he already had. Still, while HE couldn’t help…
“You’re still in their systems, J? Undetected?”
“Yes Sir.”
“… Alright then. Keep monitoring the situation. Do whatever you think needs to be done without pissing off the Wakandans, yeah?”
“Very good, Sir.”
Tony smiles ruefully, shaking his head as he glances back at the feed where Hulk is still stroking Betty’s larger-than-life face.
“You’re a life saver, J. Dunno what I’d do without you.”
“As always, it is my pleasure to serve Sir.”
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A/N: Bruce has decided he maybe wants to sometimes smash after all.
Meanwhile, Tony and JARVIS talking about Wakanda... is the perfect lead in to a Wakanda POV chapter tomorrow!