Consultation 144.
Consultation 144.
While I brooded over my inability in my cell, a question suddenly popped into my head. If Goddess Untitled was able to escape her cell so easily, what was actually stopping her from outright escaping the prison? She’d said it was because she’d be hunted down, but it seems like that was more of an excuse rather than the reason.
I wanted to ask, but struggled when I recalled what happened between us earlier. Who knows what would happen to me the next time I pissed her off.
“Hey, God Waifus.”
My back straightened up when I heard her call out to me.
“W-What is it?”
“Are you wondering what’s really stopping me from escaping this prison if I can escape from my cell?”
“Uh… yeah. I was actually just questioning that. You said before it was because you’d be hunted down and captured again, but that feels more like an excuse.”
“Haaaah. It’s because of the condition to leave set on this damned prison. It’s some sort of ancient prison with a curse set on it. The condition is so stupid that it drives me insane trying to figure out what the person who constructed it was thinking.”
“Oh? And what sort of condition could leave a Supreme Goddess like you stumped?”
“Haaaaaaaaaah. You can only leave the prison if you’re married. That bastard trapped me in here fully aware of this detail. It’s the biggest insult ever. It’s like telling me, you can leave this prison whenever you want so long as you get married to me. He even left the marriage documents here with me. If I ever wanted to leave, all I had to do was sign it. I’d immediately become his wife and gain the ability to leave this shitty prison then live happily ever after.”
“Marriage? Marriage! Are you fucking kidding me! A Supreme Goddess can’t overcome a little problem like marriage yet she’s able to escape from the cell that can sap a God’s strength and make them as helpless as a mortal?”
“Shut up. It’s the greatest humiliation of my life. I was confident I could break free through brute force alone in the early days, but it turned out to be too damn strong. I have no idea what bastard made the natural law governing this bloody thing so absolute, but I’ll definitely punch them in the face if I ever see them.”
“How scary.”
“I can show you something even scarier. We didn’t actually get to the good stuff that happens after dropping the soap just now.”
“I sincerely apologize for my thoughtless remark, please spare me.”
“Hmph. Coward.”
“Wait a minute, you said the condition to leave the prison is just marriage, right?”
“Yeah, what of it? You wanna marry me or something?”
“No thank you, I couldn’t possibly do that.”
“What? You think you’re too good for me?”
“Not at all. My hands are already filled.” And I sure as hell wouldn’t want another wife. Going home to two after work every day is scary enough.
“I was just thinking that if you helped me get out of my cell, I could escape the prison since I’m already married.”
“What? Help you get out on your own while I remain in here trapped all by myself? No way. That’s definitely not going to happen. There’s nothing in it for me. You’d just be recaptured by the old fart and tossed back in here anyway.”
“Tch. This could all be solved if you just made the request of him to release me.”
“Not my problem.”
“What if after I get out of here I sneak someone back in who’s to your liking and get them to marry you? That way you’ll be free?”
“It’s not a bad idea, but I refuse.”
“What? Why not! It’s the perfect solution to your problem. Why are you being so damn difficult?”
“Goddesses were born to be difficult. It’s a God’s job to suck it up and deal with it.”
What the hell did the God of Shitty Taxation see in this Goddess that made him think marriage with her was a good idea? She’s just an outright illogical pain in the ass.
“Why are you so opposed to the idea?”
“After refusing that old fart’s marriage proposal so many times, an inherent rejection toward marriage has been engraved into me.”
“Oh, so it’s more of a psychological problem born through endless repetition.”
“You could say that. Imagine eating the same thing for an infinite amount of time and suddenly being asked to eat something different. That’s just how it is for me now.”
“You sound a bit like a pain in the ass feminist.”
“Feminist? What’s that?”
“Right… I forgot how long you’ve been locked up in here for. Just forget I brought it up.” This Goddess was so old she could very well be the origin of feminism for all I knew.
“There’s absolutely no one you’d be willing to marry?”
“I never said there’s no one. It’s just that I’d rather it not be some completely random person I don’t know. I’d at the very least like to get to know them for a while.”
“Then I can sneak out and bring people back and let you spend time getting to know them for a while. You don’t need to sign off to the marriage immediately.”
“That won’t work. There’s no way that old fart wouldn’t catch onto something like that.”
“You won’t know that for sure unless you try.”
“It’s not worth the risk. If caught, that old fart would find out I’m able to escape the cell. He currently isn’t aware of this. If he became aware of this, all my work would be for naught. All this time I’ve been working hard to keep him assured that I’m unable to escape from this cell. It was all so he would lower his guard and think that he could let another God in here with me. Finally, when I felt like the request would get by, I requested someone I could vent all my problems to and I got you.”
“I’m sure he was reluctant to let someone else in here afraid I’d somehow escape my cell and find a way to marry whoever he brought in to free myself, but because of the hard work I put in to convince him I couldn’t leave the confines of this cell, he could rest easy.”
“I see. That’s quite the plan you hatched… but I’ve got one big problem with that plan of yours.”
“What is it?”
“It sounds like…”
“Like what?”
“Like your intention from the very beginning was to get me to marry you.”
“Yeah. It is. Which is why I’m being so accommodating and not breaking you in one go. I’ve first got to slowly train you and turn you into my ideal. If it turns out you aren’t cut out for it… hehe, well, you better hope you are cut out for it and try not to think about what would happen if you aren’t.”
Why is it that every single person plots against me? Author, Goddess Husbandos, a bunch of my clients, the God of Shitty Taxation, and now her. Do I look like a bloody plot magnet to these people? When they see me, do they instantly think, ‘Oh, I need to plot against this God to fuck him over?’