Consultation 134.
Consultation 134.
“God, I’ve recently encountered a problem that I cannot figure out.”
“What exactly is this problem?”
“Well… it all started twenty-something thousand years ago.”
“A twenty thousand-year-old problem? That’s quite a long time.”
“Yes, you see, I was minding my own business one day while sipping on a cup of coffee in a coffee shop when a summoning circle appeared below me. When I came to, I realized I’d been summoned to another world.”
Where’s the problem here? It sounds like a pretty standard sequence of events so far.
“So what happened when you were summoned to that world?”
“Well… nothing really happened. It turns out they got the wrong person. It turned out there was a problem with the summoning circle and they got me instead.”
“I see. That is rather unfortunate but it does happen from time to time.”
“Now, ever since I was summoned I’ve been trying to correct this mistake by summoning the person that was originally supposed to be summoned, but I’ve never been successful. It always ends in failure, but recently I’m not even able to initialize the summoning circle anymore for some reason. Usually, there would be a random amount of downtime I’d need to wait before I could try again, but even after waiting a month this time, it stubbornly refuses to activate.”
“What I’d like to know is how to fix it so I can successfully summon the person who was originally supposed to be summoned.”
Wait. No... This can’t be… could it?
“Uh, by any chance, did you ever figure out why you were mistakenly summoned?”
“Is it really necessary to know that?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well… It seems there was a trace of the person who was originally supposed to be summoned inside of me. That confused the summoning circle and resulted in it locking onto me instead. The person originally supposed to be summoned, coincidentally was really nearby when I was mistakenly summoned.”
“What was the trace of that person inside you exactly?”
“Do I really need to say?”
I nodded.
“It was spit. Simply put, that bitch spat in my coffee.”
I nearly fell out of my chair.
“The person who was supposed to be summoned was the waitress who served me my coffee. Do you have any idea how infuriating it was to find out that you were summoned to another world because someone spat in your coffee? I still remember that disgusting fake smile she had on her face when she put it down in front of me. That cursed woman... I will never forgive her! I will definitely summon her successfully one day and pay her back for my twenty thousand plus years of suffering.”
I think you’ve paid her back much more than you realize.
“God, how do I fix the summoning circle so it will work as intended?”
I was put in between a rock and a hard place. I’d made it so that person couldn’t be summoned anymore when she fell asleep. The random downtime she mentioned before was because her defective summoning circle only worked when that person fell asleep.
Wait… if I fixed the summoning circle so it worked when she wasn’t asleep… she could still be summoned when she was awake and not in combat.
And if she does finally get summoned to the correct world, that would also permanently fix that client’s problem as well. As for what happens when this waitress and customer reunite in that world… what did that have to do with me? That’s their problem to resolve, right?
If they claw at each other’s throats trying to kill each other, that’s none of my business. This would also guarantee I would never have to deal with either of them again.
It’s not so bad after all.
“Well then, where should I begin? I guess it would be best to start with the root problem. Simply put, your summoning circle is a defective piece of junk.”
“Defective? But I’ve been using it just fine all this time.”
“Sure, it’s activated just fine previously, but you never summon your intended target, right?”
“Yes, that is correct. The most I get are random objects that I can only imagine belong to that person. They’re usually broken beyond recognition though. Sometimes it’s a pile of watery shit she likely shat out to taunt me; other times, clumps of mangled flesh and blood show up. I can only imagine they belong to the desecrated corpses of people that vile woman spat on after ruthlessly murdering them in cold blood.”
Well, they were probably just what remained of the body she reincarnated into that was destroyed while in transit to that world. What sort of ‘made in China’ summoning circle was this supposed to be? Whoever bought this useless thing should really request a refund from the cheap ass God that sold it to them.
“I’m just going to take a quick peek at the summoning circle you’re using. Picture the summoning circle you’ve been using all this time in your head, drawing it out takes too long.”
“Okay.”
With her consent to take a peek, I raised one hand, placed it on top of her head, and closed my eyes. The image of the summoning circle appeared in my mind. ‘God’s hotter than I expected, what do I do? Haaah. It’s a shame the receptionist mentioned he’s already got two wives though.’
A few random uninvited thoughts appeared along with the image of the summoning circle.
I awkwardly cleared my throat and immediately removed my hand.
Yes, this was one reason I typically didn’t scan people’s memories or thoughts. Sure, it could make my job much easier, but I’d rather not know every random little thing they thought.
When I opened my eyes, the expression she had on showed she was completely oblivious to the fact that I’d heard her stray thoughts just now.
It was best not to bring it up.
“It’s really a defective piece of junk.” Now that I’d seen exactly what she’d been using the entire time, it all made sense. It was the God equivalent of a troll emoji.
“You’ve been summoning your target the entire time, but it fails to bring them all the way to the world you’re in because it’s a shitty knock-off. Someone purchased a summoning circle from a God then tried to mass-produce it so they could illegally resell them en masse on the black market and rake in a huge profit. However, they were unaware of the fail-safes in place to prevent it from being copied perfectly. The result is the shoddy workmanship the people in the world you were summoned to have been using. You were lucky that you were even summoned to that world in one piece without dying. It worked once to a certain degree, but immediately broke and stopped functioning as intended because it’s nothing more than a cheap imitation.”
“No way! Are you serious?”
“What reason would I have to lie about this for?”
“But… you’re telling me summoning circles can be purchased?”
“Yes. There are all sorts of summoning circles. Some lower-dimensional worlds can create summoning circles without the need to purchase them from gods, but of course, they’re of inferior quality and nowhere near as efficient or durable as the ones gods can produce. For worlds that aren’t able to create them on their own, some Gods sell them these summoning circles, but they are not meant to be replicated. That’s in the agreement they sign off to. If they break this agreement… well… the penalty is being blacklisted for a hundred thousand years.”
“Then, I wouldn’t be able to get a proper summoning circle?”
“Well, your world is likely just a victim in this. Rather than being the one who manufactured it, some sucker likely purchased it completely oblivious to its origin, so the world you’re in shouldn’t be blacklisted because of it. A lot of the time, these sorts of knock-offs are purchased with the buyer unaware of it being an imitation.”
“Phew. That’s a relief to hear. So what you’re saying is I just need to get an authentic summoning circle straight from the source?”
“Well, that’s one option. But since you already paid for my consultation, I’ll give you a freebie.”
I took out my phone and made a purchase. It was a really cheap solution. The item I purchased immediately appeared in the palm of my hand.
“God… that is…” she said as her eyebrows moved in opposite directions.
“Exactly what you think it is.”
“This is… supposed to fix my problem?”
“Yeah. All you need to do is put it down on top of the summoning circle in an X shape.”
“You mean… duct… taping the summoning circle will make it work?”
“It’ll only work once and there’s only enough duct tape here for one use. After the first use, the tape will snap and it will return to its defective state. Still, it should be more than enough to summon that person.”
“I see… well... since it’s a freebie… I guess I’ll take whatever I can get.” She hesitantly took the roll of duct tape from me.
“Just letting you know now, you can’t just use any random duct tape. It’s got to be a specialized God brand summoning circle repair duct tape for it to work.”
“Right… whatever you say.” It looked like she couldn’t accept the solution to her twenty thousand-plus-year-long problem was as simple as duct tape. She unsteadily rose from her seat then exited the room as she quietly mumbled to herself with traumatized eyes in disbelief, ‘Duct tape? The answer was duct tape? Fucking duct tape?’