Chapter 45

My mind was still reeling at all that Camilla had told me. Not only had I reaped this curse of lust, but it was far worse than I'd anticipated. And it seemed to be accelerating. My fears met with my imagination and formed a rather dark picture — one of me never rising out of that lusty haze, continually bringing one person after another into my bed.

I took a shuddering breath. It was a frightful thought. For reasons that I couldn’t fathom, the warmth inside me flared and my cheeks reddened. Surely... it wasn't turning me on? It was a terrible, horrendous possibility. To be overcome with unending pleasure, unable to think and act except in pursuit of more, would be a terrible existence. Right?

“I’ll be honest with you,” Camilla said, continuing on from where she left off. “Some people never make it out of the core-formation stage. Or so those at the Academy claimed. After the first three months of becoming marked, those who hadn’t learned to pull mana into their cores were… removed. I expect you may have difficulties, especially given your unique circumstances. But you have something that I didn’t.” She gave me a gentle smile. “Someone to help and guide you.”

“You said that some people n-never learn to cultivate?” I whispered. “What would happen if… if I…” I couldn’t finish the thought.

Camilla clasped my hands, and I met her eyes. “Do not fret, little Pearl. I won’t let that happen.” She leaned forward and pressed her naked skin against my own as she pulled me into a tight hug. “And if it did, I would take care of you. We would get through any obstacles you faced together.”

Take care of me. I quivered in her embrace, struggling to not think of what that innocuous statement might imply. All the while, I couldn’t help but focus on the way her bare breasts had pressed up against my own, if one were generous enough to call what I had ‘breasts.’ What if it was already too late? What if this lust that rolled inside me even now never abated and I became… Camilla's incredibly horny maid? Her concubine, perhaps?

Would that be so bad, a dangerous thought questioned? I let out a quiet huff. No, of course it would be bad! My mind felt like a swirling mess pulling me in different directions, and one I was struggling to straighten out. I liked Camilla, and I was quite certain that I liked sex as well. That didn’t mean I wanted that.

“Once you can sufficiently pull mana into your core, I expect this challenge will become quite the boon instead.” The sorceress pulled away from me, giving me a confident smile.

My eyes unconsciously flickered down to the breasts that were no longer massed against me. They were beautiful; bigger than Lena’s... The stray thought had my cheeks reddening further, and although I knew I was staring, I struggled to stop myself. Camilla reached out a hand and tilted my chin up. As I met her gaze, I was relieved to see she didn't appear to mind my leering, judging by her beaming gaze.

“You seem a little distracted, which really won't do for what I had in mind. I was considering trying something rather more sensual to help you in finding your core. It was how I found my own. But I believe you might have better luck beginning with some simple meditational practice.” She tilted her head, gesturing to the bed beneath us. “Lay down on your stomach, and I’ll help you relax.”

With some hesitation, I did as she asked. The sorceress shifted over onto her hands and knees. Between her red eyes, dark horns, and pointed tail, the woman looked devilishly beautiful crawling over to me, naked and smiling. I stared with wide eyes and gulped as her hands met sensitive skin.

What followed was the best massage of my life, not that I’d had many to compare it to. My nerves were high, but as her fingers began to press into my skin, pulling and kneading at the knots and tightened muscles, it didn’t take long for me to relax, despite my still coursing lust. My mind drifted, and Camilla spoke gentle words, most of which I felt more than heard. Her fingers moved down my back as thoughts about magic and meditation slipped from my mind as quickly as they came.

At some point, I had turned over, or perhaps it was Camilla who had flipped me. Regardless, what had begun as a gentle and relaxing massage shifted into one much more erotic. Her fingers circled my breasts, rubbing against them as though she were trying to mold them into a shape of her own desire, until at last, she reached my nipples, and I shuddered.

The woman toyed and played with me, but despite it all, I never left that relaxed haze my mind had fallen into. I felt content in a way that I hadn't in what seemed like forever. Though that was perhaps a lie after the love I'd shared with Lena. As my mind further relaxed, the heat stirring in my body grew, until at last, I gasped out a shuddering breath, my back arched, and an orgasmic pleasure flushed through me. It pulled the conscious thinking part of my mind under, beneath fluffy clouds of sensation and lust. As one orgasm ended, another quickly rose in its place, thanks to Camilla's deft fingers. The lamps of the room seemed to sparkle in the sorceress’s eyes as she gazed down into my own. All the while, she played my body like an instrument. And like the good fiddle that I was, I sang out to her tune.

I floated, time lost somewhere beneath me as the sorceress continued to play and I floated within her arms. I was unsure of how long it all lasted, but when her fingers finally slowed, I felt as though I’d become a being of loose clay, sluggish in both mind and body and unable to move.

“Open your eyes for a moment, my dear. We can’t have you falling asleep.” The words met my ears, and my mind rose from its comforting dormancy bit by bit.

Her fingers trailed up my side and then pressed a warm towel against my sensitive skin.

I mumbled something that even I couldn't process into words, but did as she asked and peeked my lids open to find a glowing smile looking down at me.

Several other murmurs left my lips, only the last of which making any sense. “…'s wonderful.”

“Yes, I’ll admit, I am quite good with my hands.” She seemed quite proud.

There was a joke in there somewhere, I was sure, but I couldn’t get my mind to put it together. Instead, my eyes slipped closed, and I gave her a little smile.

“I think we can begin,” she said, and I had to pause to work out what she meant. Then I remembered the purpose of the massage — that all of this related to somehow ‘finding my core.’ My eyes opened to meet hers once more.

Camilla, noting the confused frown on my face, elaborated. “All Marked must draw in the surrounding mana from the world around us and into our cores to develop them, as I mentioned before. Some have taken to calling the process 'absorption,' much as a plant must absorb water up through its roots and into its stems and leaves. With lezun, it is as simple as touching it. But when taking in the mana which naturally saturates the outer world, a bit more effort is necessary.

“Each Marked has a different way of going about that. For those like us, the Lunar Marked, it typically revolves around the body in some fashion. For many, this often means things like running or other forms of exercise. Sometimes it’s specifically labor toward some goal or even something like combat. For the two of us, it’s sex.” I couldn't help but blush at her bluntness. “Though we’ll have to explore further to find out what forms of sexual activity have the greatest effect for you.”

“Why do they call it ‘Lunar’ Marked?” I questioned. My eyes trailed over to her upper breast, having almost forgotten the mark that sat there in all the… excitement over her cock. It had similarities to my own, but neither seemed particularly moon-like to my eyes, beyond being somewhat circular in design. Perhaps if I squinted and turned my head a certain way?

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I think some marks might better resemble the Solar, Lunar, and Terra naming that we apply to them, though that’s difficult to say, considering all three are so spherical by nature. I expect there’s some other reason for the names, but I wouldn’t know.” She paused and eyed me for a moment. “We should begin your meditation practice while you’re still feeling calm and relaxed. Make yourself comfortable, and close your eyes again.”

I gave her a nod, doing just as requested.

“We won't focus much on looking for your core just yet. Instead, we’ll keep things fairly simple.”

She paused, and I waited in a comfortable silence.

“Take in a deep breath of air,” she spoke slowly, and I followed her instruction, feeling my chest expand with air. “And then let it out.” The air left me, and with it, any tension that had begun to build. Spread out across the bed, I fully relaxed once more.

“Now another.”

I could hear her own breath as she followed along with me. “Good, keep going. In,” she paused as I took another. “And then out.”

“Feel the gentle rise of your chest. And then its fall as you slowly release it. Follow that breath, focus on it.”

“Allow it to further soften your mind and body as your breath in.” Pause. “And then back out.”

“As you continue to breathe, you may notice stray thoughts making their way to you, distracting you. Do not fret over them, it’s perfectly normal, natural. Allow them to form in your mind and then once they have, release them and bring your focus back to your breathing. In.” She paused as she followed the pace of my breath. “And then out.”

We continued like this for several minutes, just breathing, Camilla occasionally giving gentle and encouraging words to help hold my focus. Eventually, she shifted my attention to the sounds of the surrounding room, and then outside of it to the mansion at large, before bringing my focus back to my breath. As she had predicted, my mind occasionally drifted, wondering how this was supposed to help me find my core, or thinking about Lena or the Praevus. But then I would come back to my breath again, and the thoughts would slip away.

It was a strange experience. Far more enjoyable than I might have anticipated.

“Now I want you to focus further inward, continuing to follow those deep breaths. Each time you breathe in, let it pull you further within yourself, and as you release it, feel as your mind begins to sink. In and out. Deeper down. Follow the air as it flows in, much like the mana flows within your mind, body, and soul. Feel for it.”

I continued much like that for a while. Camilla would occasionally shift my focus from my breathing to the mana somewhere inside me, and sometimes to something else entirely, like the feel of the fabric beneath me. Unfortunately, as much as I tried, I felt nothing magical. I could feel the air in my lungs and the press of fabric beneath my skin. I could hear the light creaks and soft sounds of the mansion, the birds moving and chirping outside, and the sound of Camilla’s voice as it followed the pace of my breath.

But I could not find any sort of ‘mana’ or ‘core’ inside me. What was it supposed to feel like? Was it like air? Or a stream of water? Was it like a melody? In truth, I had no idea what I was supposed to be looking for. Would it be different for me than it was for her? As the minutes passed by, the frustration within me built. Until eventually, Camilla stopped our session after a frown crossed my face.

“Alright, that’ll do for today.”

I'd failed. I couldn’t do it. My eyes opened and met hers. I'd found nothing.

“Don’t look so down,” she said with a smile. “You did well.”

“But…” I hadn’t. I didn’t even feel as though I was close. How could I have possibly done well when I’d made no progress?

“As I said, today was more about the meditation than anything else. Before you became agitated, you appeared quite relaxed and able to follow my suggestions, if I’m not mistaken. How did it feel?”

I took a moment to consider it. “It… was kind of nice. Relaxing. I’m not really sure how to describe it. It was a lot like how I felt with the massage, but also different somehow.”

I couldn’t really parse it all, unsure of how to put it into words. It was an experience I wasn't used to, much less able to adequately describe. Perhaps there was something magical to it after all?

Camilla nodded. “Ideally, you would reach this state while actively pulling in mana, allowing you to more easily find and follow it to your core. It was during a massage, much like the one I gave you, that I managed to find my own core by chance. But being able to focus on finding and following your mana, while being in the right state of mind and also not being distracted by your lust and senses will be a challenge for you. That sensual touch will likely be an important component, stirring the mana up within you, and at least in my own experience, making your core sort of pulse with… desire.” Strangely, she appeared to blush at the word. “But first you must practice directing your focus with meditation, or you'll find your mind too dazed and scattered to be of any use.”

“That sounds,” I frowned and muttered, “both complicated and really vague.”

The sorceress smirked. “Yes, it's quite annoying, isn't it? But that is the best that I can give you, unfortunately. In all likelihood, even with my help, it may take you weeks to find your core.”

“W-weeks?!”

“Yes,” she deadpanned. “Weren’t you listening earlier? It’s not something you are likely to pick up instantly, if at all. Don’t expect it to be easy.”

I bit my lip. We didn’t have weeks…

“Is there not an easier way?”

“No.” The flat look she gave me left no room for argument.

I let out a sigh. Hopefully, with her help, I would be lucky and manage it in a few days. Or at the very least, be able to find my core and learn to ‘cultivate’ at all. The alternative… well, I didn’t want to linger on the alternative.