Chapter 36

Planning things was hard work, I came to realize. A series of back-and-forths passed across the small coffee table, as everyone seemed to be of differing opinions on what to do. So long as Rosetta trusted the man, I was at least somewhat fine with her uncle knowing about my Mark, if hesitant. Camilla on the other hand outright rejected the idea, insisting that we tell him something else. In fact, she didn’t even want to disclose that we were thinking of escaping. The fewer people that knew, the more likely the secret would be kept, she reasoned. And none of us wanted the Praevus to find out about either my Mark or our planned escape.

Eventually, we agreed that Lena and Rosetta would claim they were planning to flee the town to elope together before the wedding. Camilla argued against this idea as well but agreed ultimately that we needed some kind of justification for approaching the smugglers. The ploy was far too similar to the actual plan for her taste, but we struggled to come up with a believable alternative. It took a bit of persuading, but she eventually relented.

It was then that we moved on to the next discussion: my Mark.

“No!” I shouted out at Camilla’s proposal. A deep frown crossed my face as the words burst from my lips. Lena and Rosetta gave me looks of deep confusion, but theirs were overshadowed by my own. “I…”

Camilla met my gaze with sympathetic eyes. “It’s not an ideal solution, I’ll admit. But suppressing your development will help in keeping you hidden.”

My lips parted, but no words came. This was what I wanted, wasn’t it? To stop the curse, to hold it back until we could see if there was a cure? It was the right thing to do, the correct course to take.

So why was it that I felt so hesitant now that Camilla had proposed it?

“What is it, Pearl?” Lena coaxed. “You can tell us.”

And then the reason hit me. I liked what it was doing to me. The way it was changing my body, making me soft, curvier, and more sensitive. My breasts had begun to develop, and it seemed like I was becoming cuter by the day, or at least less boyish. Even the horns were kind of cute… What would happen if we stopped it, halting the curse somehow? I didn’t want the changes to stop, or worse, for them to reverse. Just the idea of it filled my soul with dread.

“I want to continue,” I muttered aloud, barely audible. Though I wasn’t sure if I was admitting it more to them or to myself.

A part of me rebelled at the idea. Of course I had to stop the curse! It was bad, a dark force of corruption. Just the fact that I wanted it to continue was proof of that, wasn’t it? It would be painful, especially so if my body began to become more masculine again. But it was the right decision. The decision I needed to make. I wasn’t truly a girl anyway. It was all a facade, brought on by the darkness that wanted to keep me in its embrace. This was yet another way that it was trying to ensnare me.

I looked into Camilla’s eyes. And yet, the sorceress didn’t seem to be some evil corrupted soul, despite appearing to have fully embraced her mark and everything that came with it. Was it that she simply was good at holding back the corruption inside her? Or could there be another reason? Could it all be wrong?

“Pearl,” the sorceress took in a breath. “It’s what must be done. I’m sorry. I, more than anyone else here, can understand why you’d feel hesitant — why you may even hate the idea.”

I shook my head, panic once more rising inside me. I spoke up before she could continue. “If — if I’m going to be stuck like this. If there’s truly little chance of me losing this curse. Then—” I couldn’t finish the statement. It was too hard to say out loud. I wasn’t even sure it was really what I wanted.

What if it was the wrong choice? The fear gnawed at my insides. I needed this, though. I needed to be as much of a girl as I could be. No matter how factitious it ultimately was. Stopping its progress, or worse, going back to being a boy, seemed unbearable. I couldn’t do it…

Which meant I would just have to be stronger. I sucked in a deep breath. I wasn’t strong enough to allow my changes to stop, so I’d just have to be strong enough to hold back the curse’s corrupting elements instead. It seemed illogical, to expect that I could do one if I couldn’t do the other. But even if it meant battling the impossible, I would do it. Somehow.

Wasn’t that what they did in many of the stories I loved so much, battling the impossible? Pausing, I wondered if this might truly be the right choice. Fighting against the darkness corrupting my soul and twisting it instead into a force for good. Wasn’t that exactly what the greatest heroes of my stories would do? There was always something they had to overcome, a great obstacle or flaw that obstructed their path to victory. For me, perhaps this was it. And in return, I could become a sorceress like Camilla, using my developing power to help people — to help us.

Looking up, I realized that Camilla seemed to be waiting on me to continue. “I want to be stronger. To be strong enough to help.” It wasn’t the real reason I wanted this, but maybe it would do. The other was too difficult to admit to the three of them.

“There’s not nearly enough time for you to cultivate enough strength to make a difference here. Having you suppress your development for a while is the safest plan.” The sorceress leaned forward, and her tone became gentle once more. “I’ll be here with you, through all of it.”

“That’s not the point,” I argued back. “I need to try — to, to do something. Even if it’s small. And I’ll have you here to help me!” I squirmed in my chair, breaking my gaze from her as her imposing stare became too much.

“We need you to stay hidden, Pearl. And that becomes a lot harder so long as your core continues to develop and your body changes to reflect it.”

“But I don’t want to suppress it,” I muttered in what was almost a pout. I almost couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. But they were true, as much as I didn’t want them to be. “I want to be stronger, to be able to help. I don’t want to…” become a boy. I shuddered.

“We can find other ways for you to help, I’m sure.” Camilla looked to Lena and Rosetta as though hoping one of them would speak up to back her up. When Rosetta shrugged and gave her a somewhat indifferent look, Camilla sighed, turning back to me. “I know you see the reason in this. It’s the smart decision, Pearl. So stop pouting about it.”

I frowned further, definitely not pouting. “Please? I need this Camilla. I trust you. I need the strength to stand up for myself and I need… to be a girl.” The words were a bare whisper, and I wasn’t sure if she’d even been able to make them out.

She gave me a gentle look, and my gaze lowered to the floor. “It’ll make it much harder to hide your developments. We don’t know when something about you might change that isn’t so easy to hide as a headband over your ears. With how quickly they've grown, even they won't be so easy to cover up soon.”

“We’ll—“ I blinked. “Ears?”

Camilla gave me a confused look. “Is that not what you’re hiding under there? You didn't think I hadn't noticed, did you?”

My fingers moved up to brush against the sensitive nubs. “They’re horns.”

Camilla’s eyes narrowed slightly as she tilted her head. Leaning across the coffee table, she grabbed my chin with one hand.

“Let me see them,” she demanded.

I huffed but complied, moving the headband back and leaning forward. Her fingers met the small horns, still sensitive in their early growth. I squeaked and began to squirm and she rubbed her fingers around them, shifting my hair to the side to get a better look. To my side, Rosetta stood and peered down as well.

Her eyes seemed to light up with delight as she let out a small squeal. “They’re so cute!”

“You silly little maid.” Camilla’s voice was laced with mirthful amusement. “These are ears, not horns.” A small chuckle left her lips.

“But that doesn’t make any sense. I already have ears, and these are all fuzzy and weird. And you have horns, so…”

Camilla snorted. “Didn’t I tell you that no two of the Marked are the same? And yes you have ears. I suspect these will grow and shift downward to replace them. Or perhaps you’ll be one of the rare Marked that has multiple sets of ears.” She rubbed her fingers around one of them some more, pinching it slightly, and I let out a high-pitched whine. “I’ll admit that it’s a little strange for them to be growing up here and that your other ears aren't changing form instead. But still, how did you possibly think these were horns?” Another chuckle left her as flicked one and I squeaked and squirmed some more.

Rosetta squinted down, and leaned further forward. As her hand grabbed onto one, she let out a delighted hum. “It’s difficult to say, but they remind me a bit of baby rabbit ears.”

“It’s too early to tell, really,” Camilla replied, as they both inspected them, causing my apparent ‘ears’ to twitch. Though, thinking about it, the fact that they could twitch should have probably told me something.

“Alright, I get it, I get it.” Leaning back away from them, I broke from their grasp. The wide smirk Camilla gave made me frown.

“You’re adorable.”

My already red cheeks caught fire.

“Sh-shut up,” I muttered, deciding it was a good idea to change the conversation. “I still want to become stronger. And I need to — to develop that magical core inside me to do it.”

“I can train you in other ways. I’m quite proficient in numerous weapons. I can show you how to wield a crossbow, for example. Being one of the Marked is about much more than your core.”

“We can do both! If I don’t start developing my magic now, I worry that I’ll never be able to. Please,” I pleaded, giving her my best puppy-eyed stare.

Camilla scowled once more, giving me a hard glare as though daring me to keep going. I swallowed down my hesitation and stared firmly back, not willing to back down. Eventually, she let out a sigh.

“Alright, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to start now, so long as we take things somewhat slowly and focus more on teaching you other useful skills. We’ll have to see if we can acquire a crossbow or some other weapon to train you on. It'll be near impossible to hide, regardless.”

My smile could have lit up the sky. She was a big soft pushover, then. I knew it!

“Don’t grin at me like that or I’ll change my mind.” I didn’t believe that for a second.

“Thank you, thankyouthankyou!” I spluttered out and shot up out of my seat across the coffee table. The wedding dress fluttered around me as I fell toward Camilla. Circling my arms around her, I pulled her into a tight hug, needing to adjust my head slightly after my nose collided against her rigid horns.

“Thank you,” I muttered out, my voice muffled from being pressed up against her head.

After a few seconds, one of her arms moved around to my back, giving me a few somewhat awkward pats. When I leaned back away from her, she looked a little lost, but I didn’t let it faze me. My smile couldn’t be weakened as I sat back in the chair. To think I was so ecstatic about something as crazy as progressing my curse further. I must have been losing my mind after all.

“I trust you, Camilla. We will figure it out, together.”

Despite her reluctance, she couldn’t help but develop a small smile at my words. “Yes, yes,” she replied seriously. “Don’t take this to mean that we won’t still be being extremely careful. I’ll be closely examining your body to make sure that nothing crops up on us by surprise. Understood?” She raised an eyebrow and I flushed pink.

Giving a quick nod, I said, “Okay.”

Her smile came back, but this time as the confident smirk that I was used to. “Good,” she purred.

Unable to look her in the eyes any longer, I was immensely grateful when Lena interrupted.

“I believe I have a good excuse for Pearl beginning some kind of weapon training, actually. As I mentioned, I’ve been doing it in secret for several months now, and Pearl has already expressed her interest in learning as well. We could have her learn right alongside me when I do my training with Demetrios.”

Camilla hummed at the idea. “I’ll be honest, I’d much rather train her myself, given the risks. I’m sure the fellow you have knows what he’s doing with a blade. He presumably has experience in training others, even, while I do not. But I doubt he’s experienced in training one of the Marked, nor can we risk revealing Pearl's little secret. And I'd be quite worried about certain revealing accidents occurring.”

I perked up at an idea of my own. “Actually, I think just having you training me could work! I’ll tell the Praevus about Lena’s sword practice and that I convinced you to train me because of it. He said he wanted me to get closer to you, to get you to trust me. So why not by doing this?”

Camilla took a long moment to think it all through as we patiently waited for her response. “As much as I hate the idea of outright telling him, we wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret from him for long. Hmm, I suppose this could work. Although, why weren’t you doing this together already, if you were interested, Pearl?” Camilla asked.

Lena looked off to the side in the direction opposite of me, somewhat embarrassed. “I may have kept it from her for a long while. She’s only recently been told about it.” Or rather, I stumbled on it as Lena's deception finally came to light.

Camilla stared at the girl as she refused to meet anyone's gaze, before giving a small nod. “I suppose we have a plan here as well, then. Pearl can say she became jealous of your lessons and asked me to teach her something.” Which was essentially exactly what happened, if leaving a few details out. “I don’t doubt that the Praevus will still be suspicious, but it’s at least in the realm of plausibility. It’ll have to do, I suppose.” She looked back once more to me. “Unless you’d like to change your mind and save us all the scrutiny that this will inevitably bring.”

I shook my head, and she sighed. “In that case, I believe we’ve got the beginnings of something planned here. Any other questions?”

I looked to Lena and Rosetta, who both looked back. We each shook our heads and gave a verbal “No.”

“In that case, I believe we should get started.” Camilla stood from her chair, and the three of us followed her lead. “We’ll have to play things by ear and find a good time to meet next. Pearl will be my little messenger, as approaching each other publicly would be too queer and bring the Praevus's suspicions onto the two of you. As a reminder, do not speak about any of this outside of these meetings.” She eyed each of us as we each agreed, and our super-secret meeting of dark and dangerous schemes came to an end. As Lena and Rosetta gave each other small nonverbal gestures and moved off to the side, I took several nervous steps toward Camilla. She ruffled my hair once more, no longer bothered by my headband being in the way or with messing my hair. It seemed that after having learned about my sensitive ears, she now got some kind of enjoyment from rubbing them. I tried to hold in the small squeak that forced its way out of my mouth but failed.

Camilla's eyes held a bright gleam shining within. I paled slightly as she grinned down at me — a grin that promised retribution.