Chapter 11
For several hours, after adjusting my dress so that I had it on properly, I carefully read through the text, attempting to parse through the truths and falsehoods. It was strange to learn just how differently the author viewed those who’d be cursed, the ‘Marked,’ compared to the normal perspective. One of the more jarring parts was being referred to as a Marked by the text myself. It naturally assumed that anyone reading it would be, which I supposed made sense as it posited itself as a guide. I’d acknowledged on some level that I was cursed, but hadn’t truly taken to viewing it as an aspect of myself, a part of who I was, or for that matter, that others would consider me one. When people talked of those who’d been cursed, they were now talking about me…
My guts couldn’t help but swirl at the thought, and for a moment, I was frightened. What if I never truly got rid of the curse? What if there was nothing to be done, and all the things people naturally thought about those who'd been cursed now applied to me? Perhaps I wasn’t a monster yet, but in the near future?
My mind ruminated in fear, and I stared at the wall, having forgotten the book in front of me. Was I doomed? Was it better to just give up and turn myself in now? I glanced down at my hands, hands I feared would become soaked in blood in the near future, before clenching them into fists.
No.
No, I couldn’t give up yet, not without even trying. I’d come this far, and I’d continue searching until the end.
I hadn’t found anything so far within the book in terms of losing the curse, or the Mark itself, nor any information about the strange substance that had given it to me, to my disappointment. The author didn’t seem concerned about it, or at least not inclined to talk about it. If one were to believe them, being Marked was a good thing. It made me scoff. How absurd. It did however provide some insight into how those who’d been cursed viewed their affliction, as well as perhaps the beginning of an explanation of what was going on with me.
According to the author, the ‘path of cultivation’ consisted of different stages, the first of which was creating your core. It was much like the pit of a fruit, the center of your being, and a well of energy where outside mana was converted into a more usable form. It was an interesting way of viewing magic, I felt. Though, I couldn’t help but see it as a pit of evil, of darkness, rather than the positive thing of growth that the author saw. The core or pit analogy mostly came from the Mark, apparently. The strange tattoo was much like a seed, starting small and sprouting outward across the body. It represented how far along the ‘path’ you were.
If what this book said was true, I feared what might happen should this ‘core’ within me become fully formed. Would that be the point where I’d truly start becoming a monster? I’d need to stop this curse before that could happen. With my determination set, I continued forth.
There was a lot of talk about ‘increasing efficiency,’ as apparently most of the mana a person obtained was wasted. Admittedly, I skipped past the techniques listed to better convert mana into forming your core. There was no need for me to find out how to grow that pit of evil even more into something fuller and more complete, though I bookmarked it in my mind for the future. It might end up important for figuring out how to slow down the spread of it if I didn’t find clues for the cure soon. I did note that the growth happened naturally at a very slow rate, which was no surprise considering how my body was continuing to change.
There was one part that ended up being quite relevant to me, though. In the gradual creation of this ‘core’ within me, the body needed a lot of mana, and there were several different ways to go about obtaining it. The book listed several sources, such as sunlight and moonlight, which didn’t make much sense to me, but I figured there was some kind of strange magic involved. More importantly, though, it mentioned that the body and mind naturally sought out a method that felt the most natural for the individual, which immediately had me worried. It was clearly the opposite of natural, no matter what the text said. Part of me didn’t want to know what this curse could make me want to seek out, but I read on as a growing fear broiled within me. These methods varied based on the individual and the type of Marked that they were, something that the book had yet to go into beyond a few mentions of ‘Solar Marked,’ ‘Lunar Marked,’ and ‘Terra Marked.’ It listed out a few of the common methods people were drawn to, even going into detail for several. Apparently, one that was quite common was some kind of physical activity: from martial training, to crafting, to even just running or swimming. The body, mind, and spirit came together as one, bringing you into a trance-like state that allowed you to pull or breathe in the natural mana of the world around them.
I was just about to skip ahead when the author listed off several other fairly common methods that people were drawn to, one in particular sticking out to me. 'Sexual Release.'
I stared at it for a long moment, the gears in my mind twisting and grinding with both confusion and worry. It couldn’t be… could it? …
“You look like you’re confused about something.”
I blinked, realizing that I’d been looking off into space, and looked over to the sorceress to find her staring.
“Umm.”
She smiled. “I know you must have questions.”
I bit my lip. Was this safe to ask about? Would she suspect something if I asked the wrong thing or in the wrong way? It seemed like a risk. Yet at the same time, she’d allowed me to read the books in the first place and seemed fine with me learning about the Marked. Perhaps I could play it off as simple curiosity if I did this right.
I took a breath. “It, umm, was talking about forming some kind of core…” I trailed off. My hesitation was understandable, I felt. It was strange that she was letting me read this. I’d been expecting to have to do it secretly, originally. This was the sort of information that someone would keep hidden. The sort of thing that could probably be dangerous to her. It didn’t make any sense that she would give me free access to it. I hadn’t bothered to question her on it, too happy to take her offer. I needed this information. Yet now I couldn’t help but worry about her motive.
Her lips parted, but before she could respond, I continued, “Why are you letting me read this?”
She considered the question for a moment and shifted fully toward me in her chair as she placed down her quill. “Lots of people are curious about magic and the Marked. We both know it’s the reason you accepted being my maid. Or at least one of them, I’m sure.”
Was that why she thought I accepted? It made an amount of sense. I was young and curious, after all. Not to mention my love for reading and adventures. I was the daughter of a librarian through and through. Or well, the son. Definitely the son.
“I also feel this could be a good way for both of us to begin getting to know each other. You enjoy reading. What better to read than something to do with the person you’re attending to?”
“Yes, but—“
She held up her hand, seeming to anticipate what I was going to ask. “I have no reason to hide what I am from you. In fact, if anything, those books will likely help to counter any false notions you may have picked up about the Marked. In truth, most people could do with learning more of the truth about my kind.”
I frowned, as I couldn’t help to doubt just how ‘truthful’ these texts were, regardless of what Camilla believed. “Aren’t you scared of what I might learn?” I admittedly admired the sentiment of knowledge being free and open to others. I loved books and felt more people should read them. There was so much to learn and so many stories to tell. Yet to have that kind of sentiment come from a sorceress just felt strange to me. In my experience, at least in fiction, there was always some kind of knowledge that the forces of evil would try to hide and suppress. Knowledge could be powerful.
“Perhaps if someone was clever enough, they might find things in these books that they could take advantage of and use against me. But I do not believe you have any ill-will toward me, and I feel the knowledge should be shared.”
A bit of guilt crept up into my chest. Exposing her dark plans and having her taken prisoner had been part of my overall goal from the start, or rather it still was my goal. Assuming she truly trusted me as she’d implied, it was a misplaced trust, I felt. But it was still the right thing to do, wasn’t it? Surely she had some kind of dark plot, right?
“Besides, as I said, it is a good thing to talk and bond over. Which brings up back to your questions.”
She smiled, waiting for me to continue, and I couldn’t help but smile back, with some amount of trepidation. Had I misjudged her? Perhaps the sorceress wasn’t so bad. Was she not yet as corrupted as I had initially assumed? Was it possible that she was still fighting off the curse with some success, much like myself so far?
Regardless, I knew I still couldn’t fully trust her, or the books for that matter. There was always the high possibility that the true reason she didn’t mind me reading her books was that they included some sort of corrupting or evil element to them. Not to mention that the more people who thought that the cursed were good, the easier it made it for them to commit evil.
Despite that possibility, I wanted to believe that maybe she could be genuine. That maybe both of us could be somehow cured of this madness. I wouldn’t judge her for her appearance and her Mark, I decided. My own growing Mark and appearance were reason enough for that. The actions she took were much more important. If I were lucky, I’d save the both of us.
— — —
My hands clenched together in my lap, as I stared down toward them. Beneath me, Camilla adjusted her legs, getting into a more comfortable position. As her skin delicately grazed my own, the warm sensitive tingle that I’d started to grow used to rushed through me. Somewhat to my disappointment, the erotic sensitivity of my skin hadn’t gone away after last night.
My cheeks were redder than roses as I sat hunched in the sorceress’s lap. One of her arms wrapped around me, curling around my belly and sending shivers up my body. Even against the dress, her touch was warm and magnetizing. She sat the book into my lap, flipping it open. Her head leaned over my shoulder, and I was thankful for the bow still tied up in my hair, helping to block the sight of my growing horns.
How had I ended up like this, I wondered?
“Alright, let’s start here,” she stated softly, her breath against my ear. “You wanted to know more about how a Marked forms their core?” It was a statement, but she phrased it more like a question. I’d asked a couple of others already in an attempt to avoid seeming suspicious, but for some reason when I brought back up the question on the core, she’d asked me to come and sit in her lap…
I sat frozen, refusing to move, or even lift up my head.
She sighed before leaning back and saying, “Come on, relax. We both know you're interested in learning about magic, even if you can’t make much use of the knowledge. It’s why you decided to be my maid after all.” She paused briefly. “And this is a great chance to start becoming a bit more… intimate.” I shivered from the hungry tone in her voice. Her hand moved from the book to briefly caress my thigh, only the thin fabric of my dress preventing her from touching me directly, yet I still had to told my breath to avoid gasping from the pleasurable touch. I wasn't sure if she’d intended it to be calming or something else...
As I began to put together what was likely happening here, my stomach did several flips and fluttered wildly. She… she was coming onto me! Part of me felt a bit dense for only now having fully realized it, considering my current predicament, sitting in her lap as she hugged and touched me. Camilla had mentioned getting me into her bed once already, but I’d not thought much of it, assuming it to be a miscommunication. Now… now it was becoming clear that perhaps she’d been serious. But hadn’t she also said something about keeping our relationship more professional? This seemed like the exact opposite of that. I was so confused.
“Here we go,” she said after flipping through a few more pages. Her fingers swirled along the fabric against my belly and I twitched, biting my lip. On the left-side page was a familiar symbol. It looked much like the one Camilla had shown me previously when she’d exposed half of her chest to me. Lines swirled up around several orbs, like a plant holding seeds. Stretching out from that in three directions was a spiraling design.
“This is the Mark, as you already know. Every Mark is slightly different, though they all begin much the same from a center design and spreading outward. It’s believed that they are a representation of you, of your power as it grows and expands, for those who have it, at least. It’s also how you can tell where someone is on their path of cultivation." Her fingers continued to tickle against my clothed skin, nearly distracting me from her words. Mercifully, her hand finally moved away pointing at the middle of the symbol. "It begins with the center part here slowly forming. Once that’s complete, a person’s core is formed. Or rather, once the core is formed, that part of the Mark becomes complete.”
I’d already put this much together, really, from my reading. What I was really curious about was the method with which my body was driving me to gain mana, and if it could be stopped. Part of me didn't want to believe that 'sexual release' was truly how my body was attempting to gain mana for the forming core inside me, that perhaps it was some strange coincidence. But I knew it was the obvious conclusion.
I couldn’t ask her about myself, but could I ask about her own? I was hesitant, reasonably so. What if she told me she bathed in blood, or something equally horrifying?
“I — I was wondering about the, umm, ways that the Marked gathered mana. T-the book said you h-had a ‘natural’ desire for one in particular?” I stuttered out, fidgeting in her lap.
She hummed in my ear as her chin leaned on my shoulder. It wasn’t a normal hum of curiosity or deep thought, but of one of amusement and seduction. I struggled not to react and tried to keep my breath steady. At the same time, a small bolt of worry ran up my spine. Had I been too obvious and given myself away? Or was this in the bounds of normal curiosity?
“Well, it’s a tad different for everyone. For some, it’s as simple as soaking beneath the rays of the sun, easy if time-consuming. I was eighteen when I was finally given my Mark and began to form my core.”
“Eighteen?” I wondered out loud. “I thought you got them much younger?”
“Oh, perhaps you misunderstood. We’re selected to get our marks at much earlier ages, but don’t actually receive them until adulthood. Until that point, we’re trained and educated at an Empire-run facility, where they gradually narrow down those who they deem ‘worthy’ of them.”
Something about the tone in her voice told me that there was more to it than that, but I didn’t ask.
She continued, “We’re told a bit about what to expect after getting our Marks, but in truth, my first moment of mana depletion was a bit of a surprise to me.”
This was it, I realized. The moment she told me something utterly horrific. The moment I found out she was truly evil after all. What would it be? Bathing in blood? Torture and sacrifices? Something potentially even worse? I was terrified to ask, but she continued without my prompting.
“It started small and fairly mundane. I began to feel this sort of itch that I wasn’t sure how to scratch. Then I began to have dreams about my roommate.” Her fingers absentmindedly trailed up my thighs as I became increasingly pale with worry of what she was about to admit. “One night I woke up finding out that I’d moved to her bed in my sleep.” She hummed into my ear, and I shivered. “I kissed her, thinking that I was dreaming still, and when she woke up, she was surprised but gave a kiss in return. In no time we’d stripped naked, holding each other tightly in each other’s arms.”
I blinked as I finally realized the story was going in a completely different direction than I’d anticipated. Camilla wrapped both of her arms around me, pulling me in closer as she pressed her breasts firmly up against my back. My cheeks heated as I realized what this likely meant. Surely we couldn’t have the same sort of response to the curse? Wasn’t there supposed to be numerous ways for a person’s desire for mana to manifest? As her fingers tickled my sides, a new worry began to build up within me.
“We fucked throughout the night like horny rabbits,” she continued, breathing into my ear. “I was lucky she was interested in me, I suppose. It could have all gone horribly, had I woken her up and she was disgusted by being kissed by me. It wasn’t until the next morning that I put together what had happened. This book doesn’t go into the details, if I remember, but sex and orgasms are one of the ways in which a Marked can obtain mana. If done properly, it focuses the mind, body, and spirit together into a balanced state, allowing mana to be drawn in. Like other forms of mana gathering, it's all about reaching a certain state of mind, of being. For someone like me, that state of being comes fairly naturally to me during sex. It’s quite... orgasmic, you might say.” I could hear the smirk in her voice.
"U-um."
By the end of her story, my face felt so warm that I worried it would start steaming like a sauna. At the same time, a familiar feeling had begun to stir within me. It was tempting, oh so tempting, to give in to it. To turn to kiss her, to strip out of my clothes, to make love throughout the night as she held me in her arms. A heavy breath left my lungs. I could imagine that sex with the sorceress would be better than I could imagine. But I couldn’t give in to that temptation. It was too dangerous, and there was no doubt that she would find out I was cursed. Not to mention the fact that I’d broken into her room. I needed to get out of this situation somehow. If I could just get my voice to work and think of something to say.
Her hands rubbed up and down my sides, sending tingles of pleasure through me. “I was quite happy when we first met, and I realized you were quite obviously interested in me," her voice whispered into my ear. "I thought I’d never find someone in a small town like this who was agreeable to being my maid and all that comes with it. To think that a girl as cute as you would just plop right into my lap." I was quite certain that I was beginning to melt. Her words stripped me of my ability to think, turning me into a simple and thoughtless puddle of wet clay between her fingers.
She let out a contented sigh. "Of course, you’re not obligated to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We’ll start small and when you’re ready. No need to rush things; I know I can be a bit intimidating. Though I do hope you won’t mind me tempting and teasing you along the way.” I didn't need to see her face to know she had a cat-like smirk spread across it. Her voice and the way her finger ran sensuously down my arm gave it away entirely.
Sitting there, pressed up against her body as she toyed with me, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from making any kind of unrestrained sounds. There was only one thought that had properly managed to form in my head; I was so fucked.