Chapter 45: Heart to Heart
A week later, Van and Alvaroz were sitting down near the campfire. Alv was stirring the flame and adding a few sticks to the fire, while Van was staring at the flames, lost in thought about something or another.
It was quiet, a time spent mostly in their own thoughts. Enjoying the gentle serenity of their surroundings.
Alv, looked up towards his son, a question crossing his mind, a desire to better know him, outside of the everyday knowledge.
“Say… Van… what is it like? To have many memories of past lives?” Alv asked, genuinely curious, but also a little nervous, afraid he was overstepping his bounds and that his son would get defensive.
The question surprised Van. no one had ever asked him such a thing before. Literally no one, mostly because most people already presumed how it was like, hearing stories and rumors about how it was like through word of mouth or through books. While also thinking it would be rude to ask, so they never did.
In fact… when people heard about it, they presumed he had some sort of mental condition, treating him like he was glass or a bomb and every little thing could set him off. Which is why he tried to make sure that people didn’t know about it if he could help it. But for all intents and purposes, it was like people treated him as if he was a special needs kid, and not the person that he was. The only people who treated him the most like a person were his immediate family.
So when his father asked him what it was like, it genuinely threw Van for a loop. As it was the first time anyone had ever wanted to know what was on his mind. It was like someone asking if he was okay, or saying to open up to them.
Normally, even Van didn’t want to talk about it. Feeling like it was too personal. But he realized that this might be the only time that he and his father might have a heart to heart. Thinking about it further, his father’s action on trying to protect so zealously could have been because his father always saw him as a child, and never the person that Van truly was. In which case, he might just as well hold some responsibility for what has happened to him and how he was treated over the years since he never told his father what he had to deal with, or what it was like.
Alv sighed. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. Sorry for asking.”
Van snapped out of his thoughts in surprise, as he realized he was being silent for a long time. “No, no… it's fine… sorry… I was just… gathering my thoughts…”
“It’s just that… this is the first time anyone has ever asked me such a thing. I don’t know how I can properly explain it.” Van said.
“If I had to say what it is like… it would be hard to explain…” Van began. “As you know, it all started when I was born. I knew things and concepts before I even saw them… but it wasn’t like I had memories of a past life…” he shook his head at that. Turning his gaze downward at his hands and moving his fingers back and forth.
“People think I am another person in another person's body… but this… this is my body…” he balled his hands into fists and let go again. Feeling the control he had over his own body, and seeing it with his own eyes.
“I didn’t die and wake up in a new place… I just woke up… and had more information crammed into my brain than most babies would have. That was the difference. I was still me… still your son… I just had knowledge about things that I shouldn’t have yet…”
“Of course there were those nightmares, those visions of things that might be past lives… but they never felt real to me. If anything, they felt very distant, as if they were happening to another person. More dreams than anything tangible, or something that can actually affect me. And that was how I treated them. Sometimes I would learn a little something from my dreams and visions. But it was never an experience… only knowledge… well… most of the time.”
Van sighed. “It wasn’t until recently. When I had completed my soul realm. That I could properly interact with my past lives… not that I did often… or for that matter, after that first time…”
Van looked up a little at the sky. “Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off it was like that… if I had a life that I died in and just woke up into this one…”
“DON’T say that…” Alvaroz said, Glaring at his son with love and worry. “Don’t say that It would have been better…” he then went silent, choking on a jumble of words and feelings that he wanted to say but did not know how to say them.
After a long and awkward silence, Alv finally spoke. “Sorry… I never knew… I… me and your mother… we… we love you but… we were always afraid that there was someone else behind the eyes of our beautiful child… but even then… we wanted to do everything we could to protect you…I, I’m sorry… for failing that, for failing at everything…”
Silence then held sway between them, as they both slowly went into their own thoughts. And after a long few moments. Van finally spoke.
“It's not your fault… I never spoke up about it… I knew you were doing what you could to protect me. And I… didn’t trust myself back then to dissuade you otherwise… everything felt off… a little… wrong… when there was something I didn’t understand or was afraid of, you would be there to protect me. I used you like a crutch… I… know now I should have been more open… more questioning… but I just went along with everything you said because I didn’t trust myself to make decisions that might not be based on this reality…” Van finished, sounding tired and old. “We were both happy to keep the status quo.”
Alvaroz looked down, then up. He then got up and sat down next to Van, bringing him into a side hug. “We both made mistakes… and we both learned from them… we might still make a few in the future. But what we learned here will stick with us for the rest of our lives. And more importantly. We both know that we did what we did because…” this time he gave a little self-deprecating grin towards Van’s direction. “We loved each other.”
“Perhaps from now on we should be more open about it and what is on our minds. Otherwise, we will definitely make those same mistakes again…” Alvaroz half-joked, but also genuinely sounding a little worried about it.
Van smiled. “Ya… it does seem that if we just opened up to each other a little more then maybe we could have avoided a lot of problems we faced.”
After that, the two talked into the night. Joking a little with each other, but mostly sharing quiet moments together, lost in thought as it were. Thinking about how much they learned about the other.
---
The next morning was a bit awkward between the two of them. They both opened up a bit and now that some things have changed they didn’t know how to act. But after a while, as they went with the normal morning routine, they slowly got comfortable again and both silently decided to go about their day the way they have always done.
This morning, Van decided to meditate and check in on his soul realm, and the corpse of the death wolf he put into it.
Taking his position, he felt his conscious fall deep into himself until he was in the cloudy expanse of his soul realm. Zipping to his island he went to check his treasury. Finding the corpse where he thought it would be, he willed it to be disassembled properly, only to be surprised that the action was refused, and a small pop up saying that he did not have the knowledge to complete this action.
Unperturbed, he decided that such a thing could wait and instead wanted to check out his island to see if it has grown. Flying out of the barrier on his island, he took a good look at it to see if there were any changes.
There weren't any. Or at least any he could see. But it did seem that the island was naturally more vibrant than he first remembered it being. Thought that could be because he started planting some of the flowers and plants that he found in the forest and was given to him by Lyn and her followers.
“Hmm, it doesn't seem there is much to do here… perhaps I should look up on Anna… It has been a while…” With that thought in mind, Van zipped towards Anna’s island and landed near the center.
“Hello master!” A familiar voice said behind Van, making him jump a little. Turning around he saw many Annas going about their day, doing what he presumed to be yoga and other stretching exercises.
“Did you come to have some fun with us?” Anna said with a smile and a mischievous glint in her eyes.
“Sorry… only came to check up on you. How are you holding up?” Van asked.
Anna shrugged. “Oh, you know, fine… when we're in here we don’t really need to eat or sleep. It can get kinda boring sometimes. But we're doing okay.”
“That's good to hear,” Van said with a smile. “I’m glad to hear you girls are doing okay. I’m going to check the rest of my soul realm. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask.”
“What? You’re leaving already?” Anna said with a pout. “Stay a little longer, pleeeeaase.” she whined. Giving him puppy dog eyes and bending in just the right way to show her cleavage.
“Well… I suppose I’m not in any real rush…” Van said somewhat reluctantly.
“Yes!” she said in victory and then went to hug his arm and pull him along. “There's not much to see, but I want to show you how much we have come along since we’ve been training.”
With that, Van was shown around the place and was somewhat surprised to see some impromptu beddings and pillows. As well as a few snacks lying around. Asking about it, he found out that it was possible to create things with the energy of the soul realm, only that it was based on one's knowledge, and you couldn’t take out what was made by the soul realm. Something good to know.
Being shown around, Van saw that there were many Annas going about doing different things. Some seemed to be learning how to cook, others trying to learn how to sew, but most of them were training with the sword, with a few them on the spear.
“This is impressive Anna, though I admit, I am concerned to see that there are more of you than before…” Van said worriedly.
“Don’t worry, we already reached our cap, and we are not planning to increase it anytime soon. Even we realize that twenty-one of us is more than enough for now.” Anna said
“And… you still are connected to all of them? Even the two that are with Luna?” Van asked curiously.
“No… we have some connection issues with them since they are so far away,” Anna admitted. “But we sense enough to know that they are fine. In fact, that is what we are focusing on right now. We're working on making our connection stronger and reaching out farther.”
“I see...” was all Van could say, looking around at the Annas. “She’s progressing so quickly… I’ll have to work hard so as to not be overtaken.” he thought, looking at all the Annas training with their sword and aura.
“Why are they all wearing such skintight clothing?’ Van genuinely asked once he realized that that was a thing here.
“Oh that, we ran out of maid uniforms, so we just conjured a bunch of clothes to wear,” Anna answered.
“Wait… if those clothes can only exist here… what would happen to them if they were to leave with those clothes then?” Van asked.
“They would disappear of course,” Anna answered as if it was an obvious thing. Which Van supposed it was.
“And probably end up naked out there.” she finished.
This made Van pause and think about something. “Is it possible that if I get you some cloth, you can sew some uniforms?” he asked.
Anna shrugged. “We aren’t that good yet at sewing, or tailoring for that matter, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. Perhaps you could throw a few books our way for us to study?”
An Idea was forming in Van’s head. “Couldn’t I turn my soul realm into a factory using my Annas? I’m already planting a few things, why not trees and cotton plants as well? If technically, things made from the energy of the soul realm can’t be brought out… What about things grown in the soul realm?” he told Anna about his idea.
“Hmm, I do think it’s possible… not something I want to do mind you, farming, growing, and all that. But I don’t think it's impossible either. You probably should ask your father or Lorenzo first thought, before you go through with it.” Anna said helpfully.
“Thanks, I’ll do just that,” Van said.
After that, the two talked for the next hour as Anna showed off all that she was able to accomplish. And Van opened up a little about the talk he and his father had together. After they exhausted things to talk about, they each gave each other a kiss and parted ways. Van promising to visit more often.
After that Van flew around his soul realm. Still amazed by the sheer size of it all. And as he flew, he began to think about Luna and how she was doing. He missed her, and talking to Anna made him realize how much. But remembering that their soul realms were connected, he decided to look for her island.
Flying around and using his connection with his beloved. He slowly found his way to her island. Landing on its soft grassy ground he walked towards its center, his curiosity wanting him to see what her core was like.
As he reached it, he was surprised to see a tree. A very odd tree. A black tree with silver leaves.