Chapter 103: Do You Regret it?

- Dwarven Settlement, Calidus, Sens Estate Private Training Facility and Dojo - Rose's POV -

[K-Karen wins.] - Lolianne

[...!] - Everyone

[Wait! Rose!] - Malaise

I couldn't do it. My mind, filled with images of Karen's hate-filled eyes deflated my attacks so that they had no impact, my dodges to her counterattacks far too late to actually be effective in return. My brain, only seeing the worst of everything before me, basically shut down as I lost in a spectacular fashion and my subsequent flight from the room filling my mind with illusionary, mocking laughter that I was sure those startled eyes contained.

- Dwarven Settlement, Calidus, Random Nearby Alleyway - Rose's POV -

[Hah... Now what?] - Rose

[...] - No-one

[Yeah... that's what I thought too...] - Rose

Sighing again for what felt like the hundredth time I struggled with what I was supposed to do now. I'd lost. Now, that by itself wasn't a terrible thing; Karen had actually almost always won against me in our previous lives, her skill as a martial artist was far beyond mine, after all. No, what was terrible was HOW I'd lost. I'd lost so spectacularly because I didn't try. I'd gone into the fight with my emotions still raw from the night before and as a result I'd been paralyzed by my own indecision, my own doubt. And even worse was I'd done this to myself, it was a result of my own choice.

[Hah... I can kind of see why Wrath hates me so much to be honest...] - Rose

[...] - No-one

Wallowing in my self-pity I found my mood plummeting even more as I sank even more into my growing understanding of the hatred that Wrath had for me. I deserved it, didn't I? Even after she'd finally called a truce I'd gone and done this almost immediately after. Is it really that difficult to change? I'd made up my mind, hadn't I?

Despite that however, the thought that Karen hated me tore apart any semblance of confidence I had left. The thought that she might never forgive me for what I'd done was eating my insides like a disease. And the silence that accompanied my outward musings just solidified those negative feelings even more. The distant sounds of people passing were the only thing to break the quiet as I slumped against the stone wall of some out-of-the-way house. Through the gap, I could even see passing pedestrians as they went by in complete ignorance of my presence. I was alone, again.

[Hah... should I head ba-] - Rose

[Rose! Rose there you are!] - Karen

[K-Karen what are you do- <slap>] - Rose

Sighing once more as I struggled upright from my sprawled position I finally decided to head back to the rest of the group. No matter how much I wanted to continue my pity party I couldn't let the friends I'd made here worry about me forever. Gulping silently as I attempted to wet the lips that had dried from anxiety I froze in place when a familiar voice broke through my stupor.

Panicking that the subject of my self-doubt was now directly in front of me I tried to retreat in a rush while I was freaking out both internally and externally. My question about her sudden appearance was halted by a sharp pain in my left cheek followed by a slimy hug.

[Don't EVER do that again! Do you know how worried we were?!? How worried I was?!?] - Karen

[B-But I-] - Rose

[No! You promise me right now that you'll never run away like that again!] - Karen

[I-I... I promise.] - Rose

Finishing her tight embrace my Slimegirl roughly grabbed me by the shoulders, her sharp gaze making me flinch as she rightly yelled at me for what I'd done. Even so, I was still confused as to her reaction, shouldn't she hate me? I betrayed her, right? Regardless of my doubts however her insistent gaze allowed no refusal as I was forced to promise to never run away like that again. Her satisfied nod was both charming and confusing as hell.

[Good. Now that that's settled what the hell were you thinking?!?] - Karen

[I-B-But I- Don't you hate me for what I did?] - Rose

[Hate you? You bastard! <smack!>] - Karen

[Oof!] - Rose

[I don't hate you for something that minor! Are you a fucking idiot?!?] - Karen

[I-Idiot?] - Rose

[What else would you call someone that confesses that they love you but then says that they can't be together right then huh?!?] - Karen

And so came that question, the one I was dreading. After what I'd done last night I deserved that accusatory look in her eyes but somehow it didn't reflect blame, instead only worry dwelt in her gaze. That worry however was quickly replaced by an intense anger as I asked a question that had been bouncing around in my brain ever since this morning, one that I truly didn't want to be answered but was unable to stop from escaping my lips.

Her response, however, surprised even me. Despite my years of friendship with her I would never have expected being punched in the face for asking that sort of question and for a moment I despaired at the thought that what I was truly terrified of had actually come to pass. That despair only lasted a moment however as she wrote off the events of last night as "minor". Staring at my ex-girlfriend in shock I wasn't able to respond coherently as she lay into me once again. Although the feeling she was giving off wasn't exactly matching what I'd expected in this event so I wasn't sure how to react. Gulping nervously I asked the only question I could.

[So you're not angry?] - Rose

[Angry? Fuck that I'm livid! I worked up my courage to finally confess to you and you pull that bullshit, at first I didn't know what to think and after finally coming to terms with it I just wanted to beat your face in and hopefully hammer some sense into that brain of yours and what happens when I get the chance to do that?!? You fucking roll over like a dead fish!] - Karen

[K-Karen I-] - Rose

[Do you believe in what you said last night?] - Karen

[H-Huh?] - Rose

[Do YOU believe in what you said last night? That it's better for us to take this thing slowly?] - Karen

Did I? After hearing her view on what had happened it all clicked. Her frequent glances at me today as well as the stand-offish way she'd interacted with me. At the time I'd thought it could only be because of her hating me for breaking her heart. And while that had been partially correct it hadn't been hatred that she'd been directing towards me just pure unadulterated anger. And I'd reacted to that justified anger by giving up, of course she'd be angry.

Which brought us to whether I still believed what I'd said last night was the right call. To be honest, I wasn't sure, all of my instincts were screaming at me to take it back and jump into her beautiful slimy arms but that part where my heart existed resisted that impulse. We needed to take this one step at a time, years of repressed feelings on my side and whatever existed in Karen's heart on her side needed to be unravelled first. I couldn't allow unresolved problems blowing up in our faces down the line because we jumped into something now. So, hardening my heart, I nodded.

[Yes. All I ever wanted as Austin was to somehow win you back, despite the impossibility of that scenario it was everything to me. And if you'd offered me that chance in my previous life I would have immediately jumped in with both feet without thinking. But, I'm not Austin. Austin died on that day and while I still feel for you as strongly as I ever have we both need to accept that I am not him.] - Rose

[Hah.... I see.] - Karen

[Karen?] - Rose

[You know, you're right, I still haven't fully accepted that you're no longer Austin. Despite not being attracted to your previous self I still was attached to that old you. I think- hah... I think I projected your current body on top of your previous one and acted as if nothing had changed despite everything being different.] - Karen

A wave of anxiety washed through me anew as Karen closed her brilliant violet eyes silently, my mind working overtime to figure out if I'd thrown away my one chance to take back a potential mistake. What she said next however floored me. Staring me straight in the eyes Karen finally let me know how she felt, what was going on in her mind. And, when she was done she looked at me with the most vulnerable expression I'd ever seen on her in both this life and the last, her own anxiety clear as she worked up the courage to ask me the question that must have been plaguing her since last night.

[Promise that we'll work this out.] - Karen

[I promise.] - Rose

[Okay... now let's get back to the group, everyone was worried when you ran out. Idiot.] - Karen

Exhausted from our emotional discussion we both made our way back to the manor I'd run from, our sudden appearance from the dark passageway only garnering a few passing glances from the unrelated city folk. My heart however was calm even now as I felt reassured that we'd at least taken a large step forward towards our eventual goal, one which I was sure was just around the corner.