Chapter 56. Visitors Pileup

The lessons pass like they're greased. Admittedly, I have a lot on my mind. As always. The tools I promised to sirs Malachi and Pasteur? Packed, that's fine. Elven delegation? No word yet, but I had my own word with servants and the door attendants now know that if elves show up, they are to be escorted to Moon Unit's room, to avoid any unneeded altercations. Well, the elves themselves would be told it as 'we were expecting you, please come with us'. Make them feel important and all that simple jazz. Moon Unit is appraised of that and promises to be there in case I'm busy showing off tools. What else... Oh, yeah. Hashishins. It's funny, actually, they're more paranoid than I expected and never meet up. Instead, they have drop-offs where they leave notes for each other. Encrypted notes. That alone wouldn't be a problem but the fact they were written in Oijan? Yeah. So instead of bothering with notes, I simply have each person that pays attention to dropoffs tagged with thread. As in, snip of me formed into literal thread and placed onto their clothes by eyespider to wiggle into textile and sit there as a tracking beacon. Between that and capital being generously seeded with eyespiders, I have a good idea on where all of them are and their current activities. Which seems to be a pretty in-depth observation of me. I guess they got a lot more cautious after initial losses.

For now, I'm not doing anything about them, but the moment they make any aggressive moves, well... I'm going to wreck them. Kraut spies are proving much harder to locate. I think I have a tentative bead on the guy who gave the cursed crystal to Lily-Anne, but it's not something I am entirely confident in. Could be an entirely innocent guy with excessively Kraut features, I suppose. Though he has some very interesting stuff in his inn room. Oh well, back to our muttons.

I... am a bit surprised. I expected a courier. I got sirs Malachi and Pasteur. Just walking up to me in the middle of Academy yard, how do you do. In front of... a good deal of Academy's populace, students and teachers alike. Hah. Ok, so... I think everyone already had SOME idea I'm having big deals going on, but there's still a hell of a lot of hushed (and excited) whispers all around as they greet me cordially and ask if now's a good time for demonstration of the tools I promised... Well, shit. Contingent on their acceptance, I need to get Ed's people and dwarves on producing more like... post-haste, because we're gonna be SWAMPED with requests after that show and pony. But hey, cha-ching, right?

I end up taking them to my own rooms. Girls are... well. Lily-Anne obviously recognizes both of them and greets them by the name. Bridgit, Moon Unit and Roxolane, on the other hand, decide to make themselves scarce and hide in Moon Unit's room. Well, fine then. I pull out the prepared bags and open them both, showing that the contents are identical. Scalpels and lancets garner moderate praise from both visitors, as they test the blades on the conjured block of wax. Then I bring out locking forceps and scissors, and sir Pasteur gets... excited.

"Just look at that! Marvelous. Simple, yet functional. The very idea of locking forceps, why, this is... goodness gracious, I was missing this all my career and I did not even KNOW I'm missing this." - he exults, as he pinches a wad of gauze and dabs with it at the plate with a bit of honey on it, simulating a bloodstain - "And the assortment! This alone would make removing objects from wounds so much easier. Low bend, sharp bend, wide head, needle head, lunar head... Outstanding. Simply outstanding. I trust I would be able to order additional sets from Grand Forge? Because my apprentices will be getting trained on this equipment, by gods."

"I have the plans prepared for production, yes." - I confirm - "Once this demonstration is over, I will send them in so they could begin production in bulk." He beams. Malachi is in the meanwhile examining one of the forceps very closely.

"Could this be made for deeper... Ah, thank you." - he mutters, as I hand him the longest set of forceps in the bag - "Aha! With this, we could extract swallowed items!" Oh. Wow. That's actually a thing they do often? Weird.

Next, I bring out the mounted magnifying glass. This gizmo snags both of their attentions very firmly, as they exchange exclamations examining the blades of scalpels under the lens. Showing them the articulation again excites sir Pasteur enough to launch into a diatribe about the ingenuity of it. While they are at it, Petri dishes make an appearance. They're met with polite interest, but muted excitement. While this is certainly convenient, they already had the concept of this in form of bottles and platters. Inspection mirrors, on the other hand, raise the interest right back.

"This should be very handy for finding tooth rot." - sir Pasteur comments, as he fiddles with the mirror. And that's a good segue to headmirrors. Initially, both of them (and Lily-Anne, who until now was politely interested, but not overly excited, though articulated lens interested her as well) were puzzled about it. Then I showed the principle of it. And now we're faced with a somewhat surreal picture of sir Pasteur peering intently through the mirror pip into sir Malachi's ear.

"Incredible." - he finally offers, as he lets go of Grand Inquisitor much to his relief and leans back, lifting the mirror from his eye - "Unbelievable. This will revolutionize medicine. The ability to clearly see into all sorts of body cavities? And coupled with the inspection mirror? Goodness, this is... divinely inspired, no other word for it."

Sir Malachi, in the meanwhile, had donned his own head mirror and began a thorough examination of his own coinpurse. "I never quite realized how much lint I have inside." - he comments thoughtfully, as he plucks the wads of lint out with forceps - "I agree with sir Pasteur, this is stupendously convenient. I don't even have to adjust the mirror, the reflected light follows my sight as it is. Lady Gillespie, I beg of you to pass the plans for those to the craftsmen as soon as possible. I shall require at least one set per inquisitorial team, and if possible, one per each inquisitor."

Finally, I bring out the star of the show. The microscope. The results are... Well. Suffice to say, both microscopes are set up right now, one is examining an edge of a scalpel, while the other is directed at the leaf of lettuce, and everyone vacillates around the two devices peering at the items in wonder. Not just sirs Pasteur and Malachi, but all of my girls as well (Lily-Anne was so excited after looking into things she went and fetched everyone else). It is in the middle of this conversation when the door is firmly knocked on. And, of course, I am on the other side of the room, so it is Bridgit who opens the door, and... there are two elves in the mix now. Dweezil and another one whom had not been introduced yet. Both of them dragged by overall enthusiasm over to microscopes. At which point they both promptly lose their marbles and join in on exulting the marvels of scientific exploration.

"Well, that was... an experience." - sir Malachi offers half an hour later, after most of my room had been microscoped in one way or another - "Honestly, I never expected there was so much to see when I asked for a better magnifying glass."

Pasteur is still hunched over the microscope, looking over the piece of moldy cheese. "Fascinating! Mold appears to be a sort of... fungus!" - he mutters excitably. Malachi shakes his head bemusedly.

"I believe he will be spending days and nights hunched over this... what did you call it?" - he turns to me.

"Microscope seems like a good name." - I suggest.

"That. The microscope is going to be sir Pasteur's favorite instrument for months to come, I am confident." - he offers - "A hundred times closer, why, this is a whole new world to see. And if my hunch is right, you already have plans for even more magnifying microscopes, aren't you?"

Sighing, I nod - "Once the lens grinders get used to making consistently curved lenses, we should be able to achieve magnification up to five hundred times. Maybe a thousand, with some time and practice. For now, hundred is the best I can guarantee consistency on."

Malachi grins - "Ah, but if I'm hearing you right, it should be possible to grind, say, a dozen lenses calculated for two or three hundred magnification and have at least one in a batch that would meet the necessary curvature and clarity, isn't it so?"

I nod. "The ocular and objective..." - I begin, pointing out the respective parts on the microscope - "Are designed to be removable and you should be able to swap out lens sets per necessity. I have included alternative sets that give you forty times magnification. If you really want to try, you can talk to prince Edward about getting in touch with his glassworkers in Bakarat to grind you the batch you've mentioned."

He nods. "I believe we will, once we exhaust the possibilities of current lens sets." - he agrees solemnly - "But for now, I'd like to rectify the lack of manners and finally greet the newest guests. I am Grand Inquisitor of Champagne, Malachi, and this is Royal Physician, sir Pasteur. Now, who might you be?"

Dweezil finally snaps out of scientific fervor gaze. "Ah! My name is Dweezil, and this is my comrade Sparrow Jack. I am here to visit my little sister Moon Unit." - he explains, gesturing towards Moon Unit in question. Who smiles and waves back. I take the cue and introduce my entire harem at this point.

Sir Malachi grins. "Ah, so your family got news about the harem then." - he quips - "That's a doozy."

"Sure is." - Dweezil confirms - "I, ah... didn't make the best first impression on the mistress of harem either, so you could say this is a peace negotiation talks too."

Malachi squints at him. "Boyo, there might be easier ways to die than pissing off lady Gillespie, but so far I'm drawing a blank on what they might be." - he gruffs back.

"So I've found out." - Dweezil confirms with a chagrined smile. I'm... missing something in that exchange. It's not until Dweezil and Malachi suddenly clap their hands and grin at each other I realize they are actually familiar with each other already.

"Still the same hotheaded bastard you've always been, eh?" - Malachi rasps at him, and Dweezil shoots back - "And you've become even more of a cantankerous geezer since I saw you last."

Malachi finally directs his attention back to me, explaining - "My apologies, lady Gillespie. We're actually old friends. Met back when I was but a green knight two weeks into Inquisition. Me and Dweezil have some history together." He turns his attention back to the elf, continuing - "So your sister's actually in the harem? Good for her, if she leans that way. Ain't many places safer than next to lady Gillespie."

Moon Unit groans and rubs her forehead - "It's not like this! Alyssa, I'm not just..." I shush her with a strategically timed kiss.

"I know, dear. I know." - I tell her, as I direct my attention back to the visitors - "Sir Malachi, if I leave you here, would you be able to pack up the tools and escort sir Pasteur back to his chambers in the palace? I believe I need to have a private talk with Dweezil here, given he came all the way to check up on his sister."

Malachi just waves at me - "That's fine, lady Gillespie, I do believe I can handle the situation. This is the last of tools you meant to show, right?"

I confirm that microscope is the last indeed and retreat to Moon Unit's room in the company of three elves.

"Well, that's that." - I sigh, and stretch - "Did you buy the cure you wanted?"

Sparrow Jack nods. "We did." - he offers - "Dweezil mentioned you are willing to teach us how to compound our own? If so, I will be the one who is taught, I have alchemical training."

Moon Unit brings out honey, ouzo and mint, and I walk the elf through mixing the cure. He is more than a little surprised at the simplicity of it.

"Surprisingly easy. It's a wonder why no one thought about this before." - he comments - "Probably because mint is not usually considered suitable for alchemy. I wonder what other 'unsuitable' herbs are actually miraculous cures just waiting for an alchemist to discover them." He nods, sighs, and pulls out a dagger, lifting it over his hand - "I, Sparrow Jack, hereby give a blood oath that..."

I yank the dagger out of his hands before he cuts himself. "...What are you doing?" - I demand of him.

He blinks. "...I was about to give you a blood oath that I will keep the secret of this compound..." - he offers - "We had discussed it and agreed it would be better if a member of the conclave is not the one to bind themselves with such a promise."

I groan. "That's nice, but I did not ask for oaths." - I tell him - "In fact, I would very much prefer if you teach the recipe to everyone trained in alchemy in Evergreens."

He blinks at me owlishly. "But why!?" - he yelps - "I thought you agreed to teach the recipe solely because you're engaged to a sister of three conclave members!?"

"No? I want the recipe to be spread as far and wide as it can be." - I tell him - "I taught the temple and it will be included into acolyte curriculum as one of the alchemical basics everyone learns. Anyone should know how to mix it, cold is a problem anyone can have, so a cure should be something everyone can make."

Much to my surprise, he bows deeply - "I... haven't believed Dweezil when he said Moon Unit thinks you to be the Tool of Gods. But now I see why she would think so."

I'm... a little bit irritated by this. A little bit. "I think you should TRUST Moon Unit a bit more." - I tell him and wince when I realize I've let a bit of full vocal range slip through. Well, on the other hand, neither Dweezil nor Sparrow Jack are dubious anymore. In fact, they're on their knees and holding their heads. Whoops?