Chapter 136. Prelude To Calamity

"EEEEEEEEE!" - owie. Stereo owie, even. Katherine and Lily-Anne, apparently, know each other decently well. And are friendly. Somehow, Katherine for all her savviness failed to realize that my having Lily-Anne in the harem does mean Lily-Anne is going to be here and now on the airship. Or maybe she knew and just finds this exciting anyways. Aaaaand now they're talking. I'm somewhat envious of the baud rate. I mean, I'd need to grow like... four mouths, at the minimum, to produce THAT volume of words in the same time.

Lily-Anne was the second to arrive. Bridgit made it over first, owing to her just blinking all around (and yes, people in the market square are already buzzing about "Everywhere Maid"), but obviously, she's feeling too shy to do more than greet Katherine and abscond to the kitchen. The smells drifting from under the door suggest that Bridgit is stress-baking pizza. Well, I am also helping her in that noble task, of course. So it's less stress-baking and more "started stress-baking and then got molested by frisky shoggoth".

"...You're unsatiable." - Bridgit pants from atop the table, her cheeks cherry red as she tries to smooth her skirt down.

"And you are my favorite meal, dear. What's your point?" - I smirk at her.

"...gunununu..." - oh my. How excessively adorable. I still restrain myself to just hugging and kissing Bridgit's forehead while she pulls her underwear back up. Giving her a roll of tentacle-crafted elastic bands really paid off there. We all appreciate the convenience of elastic waistbands. Particularly, when I'm in a mood to eat a maid.

___

"Nnn... Aah... Alyssssaaaa...!" - Katherine is being... loud.

My entire harem is observing her with barely concealed smirks, as she licks her lips and moans.

"Seriously?" - I grumble - "It's just pizza."

"Give it up, dear." - Moon Unit chuckles - "First time with pizza is always, ah... special." She sticks a slice into her own mouth immediately after, taking her time with it before continuing - "Not that second times are any less, mind. Yum."

I... sigh. At times I sort of wish I wasn't just rolling natural twenties on everything I make. It would complicate things, sure, but it would also let me be a little less exasperated. Maybe. I think... Argh. Honestly, bitching about being too good is just... I need a distraction. Wonder what Falstaff is gonna come up with. He skedaddled a while ago to talk to his people and figure out the official response to what I did. I don't really have to worry about it much, not with Hiram and Katherine both vouching for me, but I wouldn't put it past Hiram to politely but firmly ask I move the fuck on and preferably stay out of country for a while. Speaking of the devil...

"Yes?" - I quip, lifting the tablet. Hiram calling, go figure. Everyone quietens down and stares at the tablet, which I stick on one end of table, so that everyone is within the eyesight.

"...Pizza."

"Uh?" - I don't have anything more coherent to say to this. Hiram, what the fuck.

"...Pardon me, ladies. Just... feeling peckish." - he proffers after a moment - "Anyway! Kathy, I see you've been enjoying yourself."

"...Out of curiosity, brother dearest, when were you going to mention this wonderous pizza to me?" - Katherine proffers in a "calm" voice that suggests fury roiling just below the surface.

"As soon as there was some of it available for you to sample, why?" - he retorts blithely - "I would think bragging of something you may not have just yet would be a rotten move."

"Sooo how many times did YOU have it?" - she continues, somewhat less "calm" and more calm than before.

"Once. When I was invited to the inaugural flight of the airship you're currently in." - he retorts wryly - "Mayhaps lady Gillespie will instruct you on how pizza is made, if you manage to avoid stirring more trouble for her on the way."

"You can hardly blame me for graf Norn being so utterly abominable. Or for Hansliches being moronic enough to pick a fight with Alyssa." - she objects indignantly.

"Oh, I don't blame you for that, sister dearest." - he ripostes - "The earrings, however? That's on you."

Katherine's face hardens, then abruptly goes slack as Hiram continues smoothly - "I've informed father of your findings and shown him the proof. As a result, he no longer believes he can actually apologize. Not as a king, at the very least."

"What!? What do you mean, no longer believes he can apologize?" - aaand Katherine is not happy with the situation. At all.

Hiram sighs. It's a long, protracted sigh.

"He does intend to do everything in his power to apologize as a father and as a man who was deeply wrong and hurt you because of it." - he then says gravely - "However, he is adamant that as a king, what he did is completely inexcusable. Therefore, Kathy, he intends to abdicate. I have until summer to finish my education in Parsee and get my affairs in order, and then it's off to the coronation ceremony as soon as summer starts. As soon as the crown is on my head, father intends to retire and leave Berlinger altogether. As far as I know, he plans to move to Munchen and spend the rest of his days trying his hand at beer brewing."

"Isn't that exactly the sort of irreparable thing I was supposed to talk him out of?" - she inquires thoughtfully.

Hiram sighs again.

"Technically, yes." - he admits - "However, he had a number of other arguments as to why this is actually the best for us and our country. As much as I want to object, his reasoning on the matter is sound. Father, to put it quite simply, is old, and feels his age. Lately, he feels that far too many decisions he makes turn out to be ineffective at best, if not actually harmful in some manner. Finding out he alienated his only daughter because he fell for the grifter scheme was just the last drop in the pot full of troubles."

He sighs heavily, glares at me, then smirks - "And although I am sorely tempted to name lady Gillespie as the root of those troubles, that would defeat the point. You did bring up a number of problems to the surface, but the causes... those predate you, Alyssa. By centuries, in some cases. Gods only know how will we resolve them all, yet try we must, nonetheless."

I'm pretty sure he is hinting at something. Curse my good nature and feeling inclined to promote Hiram as much as possible because he is firmly entrenched in my mind as the "goodest guy" from the game. Then again, he did stick with that reputation pretty damn well, so far. Whatever, no point in dawdling.

"Let me guess. You and Falstaff had hatched some plan that involves me happening to more of the locals that don't seem to know where the political winds are blowing yet, isn't it so?" - I drawl sardonically.

"...Honestly, I'd pay quite a lot to be able to say NO." - Hiram offers after a pregnant pause - "But today, it seems like there is little other recourse but to pay quite a lot for saying yes."

He puts his hand over his eyes for a moment, and when he pulls it back, I'm surprised by the change in facial expression. This new Hiram looks twenty years older and definitely saw some choice shit over those decades. "This is not an official request." - he begins, his voice dull and forced - "This is not even an unofficial request. This is me venting my bile after I forgot to turn off the communication artifact. Because, apparently, there exists a conspiracy of old maids that had been hindering and harming our land for years upon years. Because, apparently, Katherine is hardly the first Hohenzollern those spinsters had hurt grievously in their mad chase after our family heirlooms. Because, until a certain someone ever so helpfully extirpated a high lord in charge of an important city and in doing so exposed documents that were never supposed to be seen by us, crimes that were never supposed to be known to us and victims that were never supposed to be found by us, we had nary an idea this conspiracy existed, nor that their goals were so asinine that our very own spymaster had to be told what they were after three times before he could comprehend the findings. Because Klaus had left Berlinger already and will be in Nornburg by the next evening to find and end everyone who still remains. Because it would be most politically convenient to me if he were to arrive to naught but carnage and dead bodies. Because Falstaff has all the relevant details and has been granted my authority to disburse whatever compensation that can be made available from my personal funds, collections and holdings that it takes to make it so. And because I am going to demand wine now and keep drinking until this unbelievable nightmarish mess eats itself."

I shake my head and chuckle. "Ranting aside, check the side table, Hiram. I think you have a lot to do, so I'll leave you be." - I tell him and cut the connection. Nothing particularly important over there on the table, just a couple slices of pizza. I have a hunch Hiram needs a bit of a pick-me-up.

___

Falstaff is nowhere to be found, but have left a bunch of notes somehow nonetheless. Apparently, our primary objectives are, ahem... INTERESTING in their mode of thinking enough to be inviting me to a face-to-face meeting. To be entirely fair, they are likely unaware of more poignant tidbits, such as current Katherine's whereabouts, or me being essentially taken into confidence by their up-and-coming sovereign who by all accounts seems to be of a mind they need not survive long enough to see him crowned. Which, frankly speaking, is saying something if even Hiram, mister common sense himself, believes you need to shuffle your mortal coil.

Anyways, I need to... nevermind, here's yet another footman. Huh, I guess my adventures yesterday had been spreading around, this one is visibly trembling as he kneels in front of me and wordlessly extends a sealed letter in my direction.

"Rise." - I mutter as I break the seal and check the insides. Yadda-yadda, cordially invited to afternoon tea with freiin Kleineschatz, schwagerlin von Norn. Huh. As far as I know, the count Norn that I smushed was not yet married, so... sister of his mother, then? One would think that one does not casually invite the murderer of your nephew for a palaver over tea and crumpets. Curiouser and curiouser. According to what Falstaff collected so far, may be connected to Kathy's treacherous governess, though how exactly is kinda nebulous. There seems to be some kind of loose coalition of old maids they're both part of and until recently, it was by and large considered to be a benign association of old women with an excess of free time and money on their hands. Guess I'll go see what she wants. I'd be more cautious if the invitation were not specifically for me alone, obviously. One'd think this is a red flag, but honestly, it's not like they actually have any means of harming me personally. I'd worry more if they singled out my wives as "expected guests".

___

Huh. So they really ARE that foolhardy. Wonder why. I was pretty blatant at Nornpalatz, throwing magic left and right. Do they presume I was there with a fresh bouquet or something? The mansion is pretty nice, I have to admit. Decor, however... To my perception, it looks like a bachelor built the house to live in, but then it was redecorated by a horde of rabid grannies. And then populated it with... excessively unduly amounts of people. Granted, there are some that are normally not around, like that gaggle of obvious guards all being cloistered away in the rooms in small groups. An ambush? How amusing. Or just... Insurance in case I'm feeling rowdy? Again, amusing they think they would matter, but... Anyway, the amount of SERVANTS, good googly moogly. So many people with so little to do. Why, oh WHY would one old woman need over two dozen of personal maids? Because she has twenty seven women present just currently. No idea what she does with them all. I'd understand having, I dunno, six maybe. If she is in poor health and needs to be carried around. Maybe a dozen so there's good redundancy just in case, at most. More than twice that much, just... why. It's like they are here solely so they could be lined up to welcome visitors through a neat row.

My first impression of schwagerlin von Norn is "prissy old spinster". She is yet to say anything, but her facial expression already makes it clear her opinion of me is "impertinent youth in need of mannerly instruction". Not impressed, to be honest. Unless she has a very good bribe for me to change my mind, I am going to kill her on my way out. Directly related to Norn, likely aiding and abetting his actions (Including what he did to her own sister... or is it sister-in-law? I wonder.), yeah, no. And that is not even counting Falstaff's pretty well-reasoned suspicions she is in on the conspiracy that sought to marginalize Katherine in her own fatherland.

It is rather amusing to see her lips narrow out further into a "polite" frown when I walk past the maids without a second glance. I wonder what's up. Did she expect me to be intimidated by sheer numbers? Or maybe by the opulence of having over two dozen people idle enough to be lined up like this as decorations? Or was there some kind of social convention about this? It is pretty clear she is trying some kind of social posturing dominance play, considering that the end of the hallway features stairs with a balcony, and she elected to await for me there, giving her a vantage point to quite literally look down on me. Whatever. It is even more amusing to see her "hidden" disapproval transition to alarm when I proceed to go up the stairs without pausing. I think the expectation was that I would remain downstairs until she invites me to come up - a convenient way to show your disfavor being simply "forgetting" to give an invitation so that you could keep talking down to them from a literal height. I might have given some consideration to those rules if not for the fact I do have signed and verified papers for blood feud from two royals and therefore... Yeah. I will do horrible things to the crone before leaving.

"Let us hope you have something worth my time to say." - I muse halfway up the stairs - "I am on a schedule." Considering the crone giving up on decorum and outright gaping in affront... Nailed it!