89. Shino’s Movie Marathon 1: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow, Part 1 (Sakura, R-18)

Why am I on a boat?

It’s not even that bad. I don’t get seasick, and I have two beautiful women sharing my bunk. Lifting my face from Kin-Kitty’s quim, I trail my gaze across the smooth expanse of her flat tummy, my lips still dripping with arousal lapped from her narrow slit, to settle on her slender breasts. I can’t see her face, though, because Naruko is riding the kitty’s tongue cowgirl-style facing me.

The sweet blond knucklehead is surprisingly cute as a girl. She makes the most adorable high-pitched noises while having her pussy eaten out, and I rise on my knees to take her twintails in my grip and shove that pretty face down into my bosom. I make cleavage by squeezing my tits with my inner arms and sandwich my teammate’s head between them.

She makes properly appreciative happy moans.

That’s one thing I like about Naruko. She’s able to be in many places at once, her ‘twin brother’ even fucking Sasuke in the compartment next door while we’re here—I can hear the Uchiha scion keening in loud orgasmic bliss through the walls—but she doesn’t hold that over you. She’s very present. When she’s fucking you, you’re her whole world. When you’re fucking her, you’ve got the biggest dick in the galaxy. It doesn’t matter that Shino can make a cock big enough to rival a horse; when you’re screwing Naruko, she makes you feel like an empress.

I never thought I’d let the little pervert so much as touch me, but here we are—me giving her a booby facial while my pet kitty eats her pussy. Our team synergy has never been better, and I’m enjoying myself. I guess I should thank Shino-chan for cracking that egg.

“We should go see what’s happening on deck,” I tell Naruko.

Reluctantly she and I dismount Kin-Kitty and don our clothes. My pet/sister-wife shoves her head into my belly, merging her body with mine inch by inch as she pushes her way inside me like she’s forcing her way through a stubborn orifice while the pleasure of being filled ripples through my being. And then I have a passenger riding inside and a blond girlfriend holding my hand as we exit the cabin and climb the stairs.

Looking back, this whole kerfuffle started while Naruto, Sasuke, and I were watching a dumb fantasy movie. Admittedly, the actors were hot, but they’re obviously going to hire attractive people to play the parts. I forget what it was about, exactly, except the lead actress was super cute when she fired her rainbow beam at the undead general.

Then some bitchy ‘Karen’ reported us for sneaking into the theater just because we were training by standing on the ceiling. We had tickets and everything but having to explain that to the usher upset everyone around us for making a racket during the climactic scene and we got kicked out anyway. What a cunt.

Anyway, we were shooting the shit outside the theater when some girl on horseback burst through a wall followed by dozens of men in pursuit. Needless to say, Sasuke and I beat the crap out of the guys chasing her, but we lost Naruto for a bit in the process. He turned up a few hours later with the girl, who was coincidentally the actress from the movie we just watched. What are the odds?

I should back up a step. Kakashi, who was the one who took us to that seaside town in the first place, appeared out of nowhere while we were tying up the dudes we caught chasing the girl to tell us the guy leading them was our fucking client (and the prick had the nerve to be reading a smut-fic even while telling us this crucial detail). Also, this is an A-rank mission! Fuck me!

Oh, I had some choice words for Kakashi about leaving us in the dark yet again, but at least the client didn’t hold it against us. The job is to protect the girl who ran off (she and Naruto came back onset eventually, saving us the trouble of looking for them), escorting her and the film crew to the Land of Snow where they’re going to record a sequel to the movie we just watch.

The client is the girl’s personal manager, and he explains all this to us on one of their film sets. It’s actually pretty cool watching them work, and there are a bunch of hot guys here, but I’m into women now. Not that they aren’t easy on the eyes anymore; I actually consider myself bisexual these days. It’s just that I’m in a committed relationship with a sexy young woman and her harem of hot girlfriends/wives.

Plus, I know Shino won’t be mad if I fuck random chicks (rather, she’d beg me for details), but she’d blow a gasket if I touched some strange dude’s cock. Call it a double standard, but I kind of understand where she’s coming from. She’s oddly jealous about us in certain respects while being totally open in others, but internally consistent. Communication is key in a relationship, so that’s all that honestly matters. It’s not like I’m missing out on anything—Shino’s bug cock and Tenten’s dildo collection can scratch any ‘itch’ I get for dick.

I already told Shino and Naruko this but, originally, I only wanted Sasuke because he was the best. If I’d been awakened to my bisexuality from a younger age and the top student in class was female, I think I would’ve become infatuated with her instead. I’m very goal-oriented like that, which is why I’m glad Shino told me about the Akatsuki, the group dedicated to stealing the Tailed Beasts from Naruto and the other Jinchuriki.

Having an enemy to train to defeat is a lot easier on my mentality than some dumb boy’s preferences for long or short hair. Gathering strength and power in anticipation of a ‘hurdle’ in the future is simpler to quantify and makes me feel productive when I make progress. Add onto that a group of supportive partners, and I feel like I’ve been doing a lot better lately. I hardly ever have rage issues anymore!

Anyway, I’m glad Shino didn’t impregnate me with my next Template insect yet because this has been a long and boring boat ride (she couldn’t come with us due to clan business and the way recent Village missions have been spreading our forces thin). The Land of Snow is annoyingly far away from Konoha. Internally, I thank Shino again for insisting that I take a Naruko with us.

Sasuke and I exit our cabins at nearly the same time. Naruko and Naruto come up behind us, each glomping onto our arms affectionately. They don’t even realize they’re doing the same thing until they look up and notice their twin sibling / doppelganger. Sasuke and I nod at one another like badasses while making some last minor adjustments to our outfits after our respective steamy encounters. He and I have developed a good working relationship once he came out of the closet, and we could set ‘sex’ aside.

It also helps that our mutual teammate is our mutual boy/girlfriend, respectively, and that we don’t have to ‘share’ to share. As I said, the blond is a sweet knucklehead.

Up on deck, they’re filming a scene. These guys never stop, huh? The female lead, Fujikaze Yukie (I have to know her name for the mission), has serious resting bitch-face. She’s admittedly hot, too, with long dark hair and cold, stoic eyes. I have a feeling she’d be a real ice queen in bed, though.

I considered seducing her, but I can’t imagine what use Shino would have for an actress. Though my wife and harem queen doesn’t turn her nose up at a pretty face, she does value her time. I’d be ashamed bringing home a girl that doesn’t help our situation or her goals.

The actress is playing ‘Princess Gale’ in this movie and kicks some serious ass while the camera is rolling. I get sucked into the performance for a moment until she calls for her manager to hand over her eyedrops for a teary scene. That takes me out of it. Whatever, I’m headed back downstairs to fuck my girlfriends with my dragon dildo transformed cock.

“Iceberg!” a deckhand cries, and we all turn to see a mountain of ice getting uncomfortably close to the boat. “It’s blocking our path!”

“Should we go around?” Yukie’s manager, Sandayu-san (our client), asks.

“Don’t be crazy!” the director says, “When life gives you lemons, you don't make lemonade, you make them wear skimpy outfits and film those ninja-god damn lemons! Everyone, listen up, that iceberg is our new filmset!”

Okay… this guy is a freak.

I guess it doesn’t matter. We’re stuck on guard duty until the film wraps, no matter what, whether they do the work on the boat, the Land of Snow, or an iceberg.

“Whatever your numbers, you’re no match for me!” the movie villain shouts at the heroes from his snowy perch uphill on the iceberg. I haven’t figured out the sequel’s plot, yet, but the fun of the original was the fight scenes and watching the hot actors anyway. Honestly, I think they’re making up a story to fit around whatever the director decides to film that day.

Princess Gale and her companions are about to shout some inspirational lines back at the villain when there’s a loud explosion.

*BOOM!*

What the fuck? Kakashi just Body Flickered onset to throw an explosive tag kunai at a nondescript patch of ice higher up the cliffside.

“Welcome back to the Land of Snow, Kakashi-kun,” a smarmy douchebag says as he throws aside his camouflage blanket when the smoke clears, acting all slick after we spoiled his ambush. I chuckle to myself. Real smooth, dude. If anything says you’re outclassed here, it’s that the guy guarding your target ruined your entrance.

Mr. Smarmy is annoyingly attractive, with purple hair in a ponytail down his back and one thin strand hanging over the right side of his face. Oh, yeah, he’s the type that smells his own farts for sure. Looking closer, he’s wearing a wrist-mounted mystery ninja tool and some strange body armor with a single metal shoulder pauldron containing a yin-yang symbol.

“I welcome you, Princess Koyuki,” a hot chick says from her perch atop an ice spire. She has green eyes, lavender-pink hair poking through holes in her cap like pigtails, and eyebrows styled into little dots. Her pale blue body armor is shaped like a short qipao dress over a warm winter unitard. Its yin-yang symbol hangs on her back between two folded metallic wings. The arrogant smirk on her face screams, ‘fuck me up.’ And, believe me, I intend to.

Also, who the fuck is Princess Koyuki?

“P-Princess???” Kakashi startles and turns an accusing eye at the actress, Yukie.

Wait… Yukie? As in Ko-yuki?

Oh. Suddenly, the A-rank to this mission makes a lot more sense.

Then Kakashi about-faces to stare at a blank patch of snow that upheaves to reveal a fat guy with a robot arm who’d been tunneling towards us for an ambush. This dude is also wearing that strange body armor, except his suit covers his entire body.

“As expected of Copy Ninja Kakashi-kun! It seems I can’t get any closer without being detected.”

All three enemies start moving against us, their Hidden Snow ninja headbands glinting in the sun.

“Everyone, get back to the ship!” Kakashi commands. “Naruto-kun, Naruko-chan, Sakura-chan, and Sasuke-kun, stay with Yukie-chan!”

“It won’t be that hard to protect a single actress,” Sasuke says in a bored tone while drawing his kunai.

“Don’t let your guard down,” Kakashi says before darting off to face the smarmy man. Meanwhile, the fat guy and hot chick charge our way as the film crew retreats to the boat.

""Multi Shadow Clone Jutsu!""

Fat guy jumps on a ninja snowboard (seriously) and plows through twenty Naruto/Naruko clones in half as many seconds. Sasuke tosses some shuriken at him that bounce off an invisible energy shield. A barrier, huh? Then I bet they all have one…

When the hot chick makes her move, a tap of my wrist signals Kin-Kitty to manifest her Sharingan eye on my forehead, and a second set of arms bloom below mine.

“Ice Release: Swallow Snowstorm!”

A flock of birdlike snow-darts with blade wings fly toward Sasuke, who counters the hot chick’s jutsu with a blast of flames. Kin-Kitty's Sharingan forehead eye stares on with intense focus.

Yoink!

The Uchiha scion is far from helpless. “Fire Release: Great Fireball!”

Credit to Sasuke for not giving up without a fight after the last time he tried this and it didn’t work (R.I.P. Haku), but he sure is lucky it’s not the authentic Kekkei Genkai version. His stream of fire melts the animated snowbirds like spring sunshine on a snowman, confirming this is just quirky Water Release imitation-ice that merely manipulates existing snow.

“Ready?” I ask my passenger as I leap into the fray. Kin-Kitty’s arms perform the newly acquired hand signs for an upgraded version—Ice Release: Crystal Ice Swallow Snowstorm! Crystalline birds sparkling like cut gemstones fly towards the lavender-pink-haired ninja and she counters with a new flock of her own. Kin-Kitty has half as many projectiles in her swarm, but the crystal ice version easily slices the inferior snowbird replicas to slush in passing.

Eyes bulging in shock, the retreating hot chick retaliates with another jutsu, “Ice Prison!”

Yoink!

Pillars of clear ice rise from the snowy ground towards me, growing in height and thickness as they approach.

Right as the lead pillar grows large enough to engulf me, I activate my own technique, “Macabre Bone Pulse: Second Dance of the Cosmos Flower!”

Bone plating emerges from my skin to cover my fist and forearm, allowing me to punch through the solid ice block as if it were made of glass. Then Kin-Kitty repeats our initial strategy, throwing the hot chick’s jutsu back at her, Crystal Ice Prison! The lavender-pink-haired girl’s mechanical batlike wings flare and she soars into the air to avoid Kin’s superior jutsu, flipping us off with a snobbish smirk as she ascends over the rising crystalline pillars.

On the other side of the battle, Kakashi and the smarmy man exchange taijutsu punches and kicks before launching Jonin-level ninjutsu at one another.

“Water Release: Water Dragon Bullet!”

“Ice Release: Tearing Dragon Fierce Tiger!”

Yoink!

A frozen sabor-toothed tiger dragon bursts from the snow to body slam the opposing seawater dragon out of existence, forcing Kakashi to evade with a graceful leap aside.

Then the fat guy hops off his ninja snowboard and punches a Naruto into oblivion with his robot arm, which then launches forward trailing a retractable cable to grab a Naruko by the neck. He reels her in and thrusts her into the ground so hard she explodes in a puff of smoke. When the cloud clears, his robot palm flips up to reveal a wrist-opening that launches ropelike strings to entangle the actress, Yukie.

That’s when Sasuke darts in to sever the threads with a kunai. The young Uchiha then blows another stream of fire at the fat guy, who takes it without flinching—that invisible chakra shield intercepting the heat—before firing his detachable robot arm at the actress again.

Kakashi turns from his opponent to help defend the girl, but the smarmy man uses another technique to block the Jonin’s path.

“Your fight is with me! Ice Release: One Horned White Whale!”

Yoink!

An enormous facsimile of a sea beast bursts into the air in an upheaval of ice before landing with a colossal explosion of snow and oceanic spume.

“I see, that’s quite the powerful jutsu. Well, then, I guess I’ll have to get serious,” Kakashi says as he casually copies the massively destructive snow-whale jutsu, proving once and for all their so-called ‘Ice Release’ is nothing more than a fancy snow-themed Water Style technique.

“As usual, you just copy everything,” the smarmy guy says, rolling his eyes. “You can’t beat me with the same jutsu!”

““Ice Release: One Horned White Whale!””

“We’ll see about that,” Kakashi responds, and his cetacean creation body slams the Snow ninja’s construct toward the smarmy man, who dodges away to avoid getting crushed.

Naurto, Naruko, and Sasuke cover the actress’s retreat from the fat guy’s advances by tanking his robot arm attacks, but I can’t be worrying about them. I’m not about to let my opponent escape.

Ice Release: Crystal Ice Swallow Snowstorm!

The hot chick evades pursuit with her batlike mechanical wings, but she doesn’t have an answer for Kin’s superior swallows. My partner’s gemlike birds swoop and dive around the airborne kunoichi, harassing and guiding the lavender-pink-haired girl in toward me.

“Heh, if you insist,” she says, smirking as she divebombs me, scattering kunai bearing small blue pea-shaped payloads. “Ice Bombs!”

I leap into the air as the special ammunition explodes into spires of ice like a forest of spears. My Sharingan allows me to react in time, twisting and contorting my body to avoid the worst of it, and Bone Pulse covers my vitals with ossified plates. A normal person would’ve been skewered, but I thread the needle and burst through the forest of frozen spires to emerge directly in the hot chick’s flight path.

She slams into my grasp and stabs at me with a kunai but can’t find a gap in my bone armor to do real damage. I hold her in place with my arms, her batlike wings slamming us into frozen constructs while Kin performs an encore, Crystal Ice Prison!

Kekkei-Genkai-quality ice creeps from Kin’s palms to cover the hot chick’s body, her invisible barrier holding out against us for long seconds before finally failing as she’s completely encased. We crash into the snow and remnants of the detonated Ice Bombs with my body taking the brunt of the landing. Having received scratches in multiple places, several fractures, and slight internal bleeding, I blatantly abuse the secondary feature of the Amalgam template.

Kin and I switch places.

She emerges from my body, and I slip inside hers, allowing me to recuperate as she spends the remainder of her chakra regenerating my wounds. With an eye manifested on her forehead and an ear hidden in her hair, I’m able to watch as she stabs a kunai into the hot chick’s crystal ice prison and ties a rope to the hilt’s metal hoop. She smooths the bottom of the enemy ninja’s frosty container into a sled with her ninjutsu and starts pulling.

A glance up confirms the actress made it back to the ship, the smarmy guy is too far away to stop us, and the blond twins are holding off the fat guy with feral red fox demon eyes. Sasuke is just standing there, looking pretty with his metaphorical dick in hand, while Kakashi heads our way and scares off the fat guy for good.

Kin pulls our captive on board without issue, ensuring we successfully completed both of Shino’s secret objectives for this mission.

First, obtain new Ice Release jutsu using the Sharingan. Second, for bonus points, capture an intact suit of Chakra Armor, preferably one equipped with wings.

Check and double-check!