87. Reporting to the Hokage

“You must be the new Aburame clan head. A little young… but I never liked that Choko-chan woman.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Lady Fifth Hokage,” I say, greeting the Legendary Sucker herself, Konoha’s Slug Princess Tsunade in person for the first time.

She’s wearing her classic look, a grass-green jacket with ‘gamble’ on the back in kanji, a sleeveless grey kimono blouse, and a blue-grey obi around her waist. That blouse leaves little to the imagination, displaying her sizeable cleavage for the world to see. She’s got high heels, red nail polish on her finger and toenails, and pink lipstick.

The woman is a goddess among shinobi.

She’s the ultimate catch.

And it hurts me deeply that I’m not ready to make her mine. The woman is no meat-headed moron; I’m sure she can tell I’m attracted to her, but neither of us makes a verbal overture to that fact. Yes, she’s a frail old woman who physically suffers from abusing her Mitotic Regeneration technique underneath the Transformation sustaining her appearance, but Naruko was born biologically male. I don’t give a shit—she’s hot as fuck.

“You wanted to see me?” I prompt.

Shizune whispers something in Tsunade’s ear we both pretend I can’t hear from here. Ninja senses can make things awkward.

The black-haired woman with shoulder-length bangs and a simple outfit seems like a background character next to Tsunade’s powerful presence and over-the-top personality, but she’s a generational talent all on her own. On a good day, she can fight someone of even Kabuto’s caliber to a draw. Acting as both senior disciple and secretary to Tsunade, this right-hand woman goes where her sensei goes.

Tsunade steeples her beautiful, red-tipped fingers and gazes at me over the bridge. “I wanted to deliver my ruling on the status of the new Aburame clan techniques in person.” No reaction, I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me sweat. She could potentially make things difficult for me at this stage. I've already taken upfront payment for some future bloodline impregnations beyond the reparations owed. “Unless you have anything else to add?”

Is she prompting me to offer her a bribe?

I doubt she’s above accepting one, but I’m confident in my case. Especially at this point, because banning my Deep Dweller and neotenic insects as Forbidden would render several clans’ so-called ‘sacrifices’ moot. They’d have plenty to say to their new Hokage if she frowned on their recent bloodline acquisitions.

“No, ma’am.”

She slumps in her seat, apparently frustrated I didn’t fall for her ploy. I sigh in relief even before she begins to speak, “In the matter of the ‘Deep Dweller’ technique and derived biological ninja tools, I’m ruling against the proposed Forbidding. It would set a bad precedent for future cases, although the method of the technique’s development was rather reprehensible…”

“Of course, Hokage-sama, I’ve put a stop to all non-consensual experiments and offered compensation to the individuals affected and their families. It won’t happen again.”

“Hmm.” She shrugs. “Well, unless you have anything to add while we’re here, I’ve got a lot of paperwork to catch up on.”

“Actually,” I try to stop her from losing interest and grab her attention, “I have a proposal to submit.” My secretary, Imomushi, steps forward to hand Shizune a stack of papers that the Hokage’s secretary then hands to Tsunade. Don’t you love bureaucracy?

“…You want me to legalize polygamy?” Tsunade raises a skeptical eyebrow at me.

“I mean, in reality,” I hedge, “I’d be petitioning the Council to review the amendment, but you know how the support of the Hokage can move things along!” Sakura, Hinata, and Tenten stumble into the office on cue bearing bottles of sake. “Oh, whoops! I only asked for one bottle for us to share a celebratory cup if things went well, and here we’ve ended up with three… You wouldn’t mind taking them off my hands, would you, Hokage-sama?”

“It’s no trouble at all,” Tsunade says with an incredibly straight face.

Shizune face-palms with her left hand, her pet pig under her right arm.

Three of my wonderful wives step forward to drop off their burdens on the Hokage’s desk where Tsunade can properly dispose of them later at her leisure.

“Oh, Hokage-sama, have you met Sakura-chan?” The pink-haired girl in question eyes me with confusion. We hadn’t discussed this beforehand. Oops.

“We’ve met,” Tsunade answers reflexively, her widening eyes glued to the price tags on the sake bottles. The two of them must’ve run into one another at the hospital. That makes sense; I know Sakura swung by to check on Lee several times in the past few days.

“She’s been hoping to apprentice under the most renowned medical ninja in the world. I haven’t heard the end of it since your arrival, Hokage-sama.”

Sakura silently mouths, ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ behind her hand at me.

“You’re Naruko-chan’s teammate, right?” Tsunade suddenly turns to give Sakura her full attention, eying the girl up and down.

“Y-yes,” even Sakura isn’t immune to the Hokage intimidation factor.

“Hmm, if Jiraiya-kun is taking that brat, then maybe…” she trails off in thought before abruptly continuing, “Sure. You can start with Shizune-chan immediately. If you show any signs of promise, I’ll take you under my wing. Next!”

Tsunade calls for the next person in line to meet with the new Hokage, and the four of us scuttle out as some self-important old guy walks in.

“Seriously, what the fuck, Shino-chan?” Sakura asks, incredulous, as soon as we leave the office, “I’ve already got three Jonin-level sister-wives intent on training me to their standards! Where do you think I’ll find the time for these lessons? Huh?”

Shrugging, I reply, “You’ve got a talent for chakra control, right? Why not give medical ninjutsu a try? You might like it!”