34. Team Dosu

Sakura rises and stretches her arms high, “Good morning.” Then she sees herself naked, and a nude Hinata at her feet. “Eh? Kyaaah!”

I’m facing the other way, but I’ll pay any amount of chakra to activate Byakugan and see my pink-haired prize’s cute reactions.

After scrambling to clothe herself, Sakura approaches me where I lay. “Kiba-kun? Ehh?”

He jolts up, removing his head from between my ass cheeks, and gasps a huge inhale of breath. Then he stretches his back and says, “Good morning! I had a great night’s sleep on account of my new favorite pillow.”

“I thought he was dead,” Sakura says, still in shock. Her brain is too fried from all the nudity to register that she’s exposing herself to a dude.

“No, just degenerate.” I arch my spine and rise to my feet, totally naked.

Hinata sneaks up on Sakura goggling at Kiba and my antics to wrap her arms around the pink-haired girl in a naked hug from behind.

“Good morning, Sakura-chan.”

“H-H-Hinata-chan???” Sakura staggers under the attention as Hinata gropes her breasts and nuzzles her ear. Then she goes weak in the knees at the sensation of magnificent tits pressing against her back as the memories of our tryst resurface.

Hinata giggles. “You were enjoying this before. I hope you haven’t changed your mind since last night.”

“Last night… wait, how are Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun?”

I snort. “The boys will be fine with a little more rest. They’re sleeping off a lot of gay sex.”

Kiba pinches his nose. “Yeah, I still smell it.”

Then I notice a squirrel running towards us.

Ahh, it begins.

Sakura sees it too. “Shit, I forgot to set traps around the perimeter because of all the… uh… excitement.”

“Mmm, lesbian sex,” Kiba says. “I smell that too, and I like it.”

“Eyes and smells are fine,” I say, “But keep your hands on me, and your dick in my ass.”

Sakura blushes at my frank command. She doesn’t have time to say anything because I activate my eyes and dart forward to nab the squirrel. The furry critter is a hundred years too early to get past me!

I strip the explosive tag from its back, rip the paper to smoldering shreds in an instant, then release the animal. It’s a trick I knew to expect from the Anime, so no extra credit for suspecting the innocent rodent.

“Enemies? I shouldn’t have covered my nose.” Kiba whistles for Akamaru and lowers his posture into beast stance while his dog comes to heel.

Sakura draws her kunai, and Hinata scrambles for clothes. “Eh? Are you fighting nude?” Sakura asks me as I stand there staring into the woods.

I shrug, slip on my pants, zip up my coat, and don my glasses. “I suppose I’m not strong enough for that yet. Hashtag, ‘personal goals’…”

“Hash-what?” Kiba says.

Then an unfamiliar voice yells at us.

“I hope you all had fun last night, because we didn’t, and we’re pissed!!!”

Three ninjas reveal themselves and pose to intimidate. The speaker has a long-sleeved poncho, a straw raincoat, and a face covered in bandages. Dosu Kinuta’s right arm bears a Resonating Echo Speaker that manipulates sound. His eyes are bloodshot with anger and a severe lack of sleep.

“Just because we were ordered to wait to attack at dawn, you thought you could taunt us with all that fucking!”

“Yeah, we aren’t that easy to break!” The second ninja, Zaku Abumi, has spiky brown hair and a shirt bearing ‘death’ written in kanji on it three times. His arms are modified with holes in the palms that expel pressurized air bursts. “We didn’t even masturbate while listening to all those sexy moans!”

“Sexy, sexy, lady moans!” Kin Tsuchi adds while blushing red and biting her knuckle. She has long black hair to her ankles tied at the tail with a violet ribbon. She wears a green vest and a skirt over her pants.

All three of them have snake-patterned scarves. Huh, wonder who they work for???

“The three of us are pent-up as fuck and ready to relieve our stress by beating the shit out of every one of you!” Dosu says. “Fuck Sasuke-kun!”

Kiba laughs. “Yeah, I think Naruto-kun did that last night.”

“Shut up!” Zaku says, pointing at Kiba. “I need to kick some ass, and yours is the one I’m going to pound!”

“Uh, no homo?”

Zaku screams in rage and runs forward, with Dosu following.

Akamaru leaps to Kiba’s side, and the two of them prepare to engage Zaku. Kiba uses Beast Mimicry and the Four Legs Technique while Akamaru is Transformed into a Kiba clone with the Man Beast Clone Technique (unlike my bugs, the ninken has enough Spiritual Energy to maintain their mind while serving as Kiba’s clone).

I exude a swarm of parasitic insects that follow the bestial twins while moving to intercept Dosu with Sakura and a fully clothed Hinata at my back. My blue-haired beauty and I both use (basic bitch) Clone Jutsu. With my insects occupied, it’s the best I can do.

Zaku raises his arms to shoot air cannon blasts at Kiba and Akamaru but has to duck instead when my swarm of insects does a flyby. Like a Mexican standoff, he tries to aim at each of us, but he has three enemies and two arms. One of us is bound to get through if he commits.

Dosu is strong, and dodging his blows won’t save us from a debilitating sound attack to the inner ear. In the Anime, he was able to incapacitate Rock Lee using that bit of trickery. Hinata and my clones are so fragile that they *pop!* as soon as Dosu’s fist gets near. But a distraction is all we needed, and then Hinata and I are on his left and right while Sakura threatens to throw a kunai at any opening, limiting the Otogakure ninja’s options. He lunges at Hinata, who retreats while I throw a punch at his kidney.

This forces Dosu to backpeddal, putting him in the path of Sakura’s kunai—she predicted his movement and threw accordingly. He makes a desperate block, avoiding damage while allowing Hinata to close in on his unprotected flank.

Then Kin sneaks up behind Sakura and grabs a fistful of pink hair while brandishing a kunai at my lover’s neck. “Your hair is lovely, so much more bounce and shine than mine! What technique is that—the ninja art of deep conditioning? Would I get laid if I spent more time on my hair instead of training? You’re getting plowed all night instead of fortifying your position while I’m stuck on watch duty hearing some asshole yell about how great your pussy is! Zaku-kun, how about you fuck that bitch,” Kin points at me, “While the others watch. Maybe I’ll find out about this one’s amazing pussy myself.”

“Don’t you dare touch Shino-chan!” Ino Yamanaka, her cheeks flushed bright red, darts out of the bushes trailing Shikamaru the shadow manipulator and Choji the human boulder being tugged forward by the scarf. “I-I mean… I won’t let you near Sasuke-kun!”

Oh, wow, Ino-Shika-Cho intervened early. I knew they’d been watching everything from the safety of cover with the battlefield awareness of my Byakugan.

“None of you fucks move or pinkie gets it,” Zaku tell them, indicating Sakura at Kin Tsuchi’s mercy. If I had any mercy for these losers in my heart, it’s gone now. “When we’re done with her, Sasuke-kun’s next.”

“You’re going to fuck Sasuke-kun next???” Kiba asks in confusion. This reveals which of the two Kiba’s is him and which is the clone, but the absolutely livid look on Zaku’s face is priceless.

“DIE!!!” Zaku screams and aims both his hands at Kiba, who dashes away in the nick of time as a double barrel air blast punches a hole in a tree where the dog trainer used to be.

Ino uses the distraction to activate her Mind Body Switch Technique on Kin. This sends her Spiritual Energy at the target as an invisible projectile, pushing the enemy’s consciousness temporarily out of their body if the attack connects. The blond bimbo’s body slumps in place while Ino’s mind controls Kin like a puppet—releasing Sakura.

“It’s seven on two; let’s teach them not to mess with Konoha!” I shout. No need to waste time having Ino threaten Kin in turn when I know Dosu and Zaku don’t give a shit about the woman’s life.

Not wasting time, Choji activates his Human Bullet Tank jutsu—his body inflating into a wrecking ball—and literally rolls towards Zaku like a boulder from the Temple of Doom. Run, Indy!

The Sound ninja scoffs as he raises his arms. “Just a fat guy rolling himself around!” Zaku tries to shoot his air cannon at Choji with disastrous results.

Zaku’s arms fucking explode.

I’ve had more than enough time to sneak insects into the holes in Zaku’s palms, stuffing them until the pressure causes a catastrophic failure. This is a little something I cribbed from the Anime and decided to replicate. Enjoy not having arms, asshole.

“I’m not fat; I’m pleasingly plump!” Choji shouts as his Human Bullet Tank turns a dazed Zaku into a red smear on the forest floor.

I’d like to say we have an epic fight with Dosu where we suffer many wounds before emerging victorious. But, no. As soon as we close in on the Sound ninja, Shikamaru predicts Dosu’s retreat and snags him with the Shadow Possession Jutsu. The darkness beneath the shadow manipulator lunches forward to connect with his target, completing the setup and paralyzing the man.

Hinata, Kiba, Akamaru, and I all land hits on Dosu at the same time as Shikamaru dispels his jutsu, pummeling the Sound ninja like a ragdoll.

Dosu falls like a broken toy.

Before anyone gets other ideas, I zip over to Kin Tsuchi and bind her with ropes. After I gag the girl, Ino dismisses the Mind Body Switch Technique. I wipe the sweat from my brow, satisfied with a plan well executed.

That’s when Sasuke—covered in the tribal tattoos of his activated Curse Mark like an emo weeaboo—lands on the ground nearby. “I heard fighting…”

I throw Kin Tsuchi over my shoulder and smack her ass with an audible clap, nothing but a few thin layers of cloth separating my hand from her pussy.

“Mph~!” That was definitely a moan behind the gag.

“Fight’s over. Y’all can do what you want with what’s left of those two and their scroll. I’ve got my prize.”

*Looting of the Forest Complete!*

The others looks at me funny, but I ignore them and turn to leave with Hinata and Kiba in tow. Akamaru returns to dog form and hops into Kiba’s jacket as I grab my bug gourd and sling it over my other shoulder. I hear a muffled grunt from inside, but I doubt anyone else noticed.

Sakura runs up to me, then hesitates. She lowers her eyes. I run my fingers through her long, unshorn pink hair and give her a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Come to Tenten-chan’s house when this is over.”

Then Team 8 strides away.

“Shino-chan…” Ino says, but I don’t pause or look back.