104. Sasuke Retrieval Arc, Part 5: Kin-Kitty Vs. Kidomaru!
This. Is. Awesome. I feel powerful, sexy, and in control. Yes, I know it’s a fight to the death, but I finally have a chance to take out some lingering frustrations on one of my old bosses. He’s a swarthy shinobi with black hair in a ponytail, six arms, and a sleeveless muscle shirt. Dear, sweet ninja-god, he’s such an asshole, and I’m going to enjoy every second I spend tearing him apart.
“Nya, long time, no see, Kidomaru-kun!” I manifest myself from Fubuki’s back to say hello. Let him freak when he sees me.
“Is that—? What the fuck happened to you, Kin-chan? Thought you were dead and shit, but you’re alive and a cat-thing now with Sakon-kun’s ability?” He startles at the sight of me, then shakes himself out of it and glares, “Wait, know what? I don’t give a damn. You’re just another level 1 mob for me to stomp on. Ninja Art: Spider Sticking Spit!”
*Ptooie!*
He spits a rope of webbing at us that hits Fubuki square in the chest, tugging hard enough to yank her off her feet, and starts his spin-and-slam combo. Channeling chakra through my palms using my rudimentary understanding of the Gentle Fist style, I sever the threads with a knifehand chop. Gah, I love that expression of consternation on his face. Yes, get mad!
“Having trouble performing in front of your ‘ex,’ nya?” Ex-employee, not ex-lover. I’d be making a lot more small-penis jokes if it were the latter.
Smirking to hide how much I’m getting under his skin, he lies like a filthy fucking liar while preparing his next move, “It’s not too late to come back to Orochimaru-sama’s side, you know. If you kowtow and kiss my sandals, that is. Ninja Art: Spider Web Flower!”
*Ptooie!* *Ptooie!* *Ptooie!*
Kidomaru spits several nets at us, intending to envelop our bodies in webbing to prevent us from freeing ourselves with our hands. Yeah, that’s not happening. Did you think we’d stand here and let you have your way?
““Ice Release: Crystal Ice Swallow Snowstorm!””
Beautiful birds with sharp blade wings fly from our fingers to shred his creations. The Ice chakra constructs slice through his sticky threads like they were simple string. Webs versus bird-blades? I almost feel bad for the guy, not! “How does it feel, nya? To be in a—what would you call it?—‘losing matchup.’”
It sure is great having a cute partner I can ride on. Fubuki is my adorable snow buddy and penguin pal, doubling my ninjutsu and making up for my lower chakra reserves, not to mention keeping me warm at night~! I’ll be sure to treat her to a fine meal after the mission (the meal is my pussy).
“Tch! You were always a talentless NPC, Kin-chan. Nothing has changed,” he says before spitting a long yellow spike at us, “Ninja Art: Sticky Gold Weaponry - Spear!”
“Ice Release: Bakeneko’s Crystal Bell!”
This is a jutsu of my own creation in collaboration with Tenten, Fubuki, and Kurenai-sensei using my Sharingan-copy of Nekomata’s cat genjutsu for inspiration. It’s essentially a modification of my personal genjutsu, the Bell Sound Clone, slightly modifying the effect using an Ice Crystal bell. Reminiscent of the Ice Mirrors, it makes the target see illusory copies of me, throwing off their aim while using the ethereal chiming of the bell as the vector to infect their chakra and alter their senses. They think I’m among the clones I’ve created when, in reality, they have no chance of picking the ‘right’ one.
The spear of solidified spider spit slides past me while my Swallow Snowstorm soars at his face.
“Shit. But, even if you have a little talent, it’s nothing compared to what I’ve got! You can’t touch me, furry freak. Ninja Art: Armor of Sticky Gold!”
He quickly exudes that metallic yellow substance from every pore on his body, covering himself in a hard exoskeletal layer that blocks the razor wings of my snowbirds. Penetrating that isn’t going to be easy… Or maybe we have a window—his armor is durable, but crumbles easily and falls away as he leaps high above the swallows to hang by a thread far over our heads.
“Not bad for a former lackey. Fine, I’ll give it to you that this game’s got a higher difficulty level than expected. So, from here on out, it’s no more ‘Mr. Nice Guy.’” Swirling tattoo designs creep across his skin as he speaks. That’s his Cursed Seal’s first stage! “Your clones won’t hide you from this… Summoning Jutsu: Kyodaigumo!” A spider the size of two elephants standing together appears in a puff of smoke on a massive web sprawling across the forest canopy. “Ninja Art: Rain of Spiders!”
Okay, that’s nasty! The giant spider lays an egg sac that splits open to spew hundreds of ‘babies’ the size of my hand all over the place. Well, I can’t set the forest on fire, so I’ll just turn on the blender.
““Ice Release: Crystal Ice Swallow Snowstorm!””
Fubuki and I flood the airspace with more of our razor-winged crystal bird shuriken that slice apart the spiders and their threads with ease. Arachnid ichor soon covers every inch of grass and bark nearby. We’re the eye of a raging storm of crystal blades shredding everything that comes near us.
“Ninja Art: Sticky Gold Weaponry - Shuriken!”
Half a dozen projectiles arc our way at various angles as Kidomaru attempts to slip something past our defenses while we’re occupied with the summoned spiders, but to no avail. With two kunoichi double-casting the Swallow Snowstorm jutsu, the air is thick with our crystal flock. A cruelly hooked and barbed golden blade is deflected by a passing swallow inches from Fubuki’s skin.
The giant spider isn’t content to sacrifice its babies, dropping on us in a falling body-slam, but it too is torn apart by scores of slashes until it takes too much damage and unsummons itself.
Then a massive arrow comes screaming towards Fubuki’s heart. I won’t allow her to come to harm! I like her and, if she’s killed while we’re mostly merged like this, I’ll be lethally injured too! It’s only the bubble of my Byakugan’s three-hundred-fifty-nine degrees of awareness and my Sharingan’s improved reaction time that allows me to manifest and throw us both aside before we’re skewered. Shino told me not to rely on Gentle fist techniques for defense, as Kidomaru would be able to deduce the one-degree blind spot above the first thoracic vertebra on the back of my neck.
“Ninja Art: Spider War Bow: Fierce Rip!”
I see him high in the trees in his second-stage Cursed Seal transformation, red-skinned with demonic horns and a third eye open on his forehead as he draws his bow once more. It’s made of weird, metallic arachnid spit as well. The speed and destructive power of that thing… “You saw through my Crystal Bell Clones, nya?”
“Heh, sucks to suck. They disappeared when I entered this form. Git gud.”
Ah. Knowing what Shino explained to me about the Cursed Seals, I can figure out his method. Skill has nothing to do with it. Orochimaru’s senjutsu chakra must have flooded his system and the foreign energy disrupted my genjutsu’s control over his mind. Cheater. Looks like I’ve got no other option.
“We’ve got to charge him,” Fubuki states with grim certainty as her legs move. I’m carried along for the ride, but we’re of the same mind.
He fires another arrow, his aim flawless.
“Ice Release: Crystal Ice Mirrors!”
I create a frozen barrier between us that absorbs much of the projectile’s momentum. His attack still shatters my mirror and almost punctures Fubuki’s lung, but I jerk my body to sharply tug our conjoined lower halves aside.
“The next one is going to have some spin on it,” Kidomaru taunts as he flees deeper into the woods. “Knowing Kin-chan, you’ll probably sacrifice that pawn to save your hide.”
Fubuki flinches at the insinuation but stays the course. Naturally, the bastard would try to rile up my cute pink penguin.
“I’m not the one running away, nya!” I say while preparing my retaliation. I'm sure he's trying to attack from so far away with an arrow so fast I can't dodge or block it. Not on my watch.
““Ice Release: Crystal Ice Swallow Snowstorm!””
I’ll be getting low on chakra soon, but we have to keep up the pressure! Our flock of crystal blade-winged birds doesn’t let him slip into the shadows. They cut apart foliage, sever branches, and rip open the canopy to keep Kidomaru in sight. Our battle rages through the forest while tearing up the scenery. He protects himself with that gross sweat armor, but it’s continually regrowing, crumbling, and falling off as he defends against the swallows. There has to be a limit!
“Ninja Art: Spider War Bow: Spiral Pierce!”
Kidomaru waits for a lull in our barrage, using all eight limbs to draw the bow and fire a corkscrew arrow, the projectile’s shape and rotation adding penetrative power.
““Ice Release: Crystal Ice Mirrors!””
Fubuki and I both create a mirror to block, putting two sheets of hard ice between us and Kidomaru, but it’s almost not enough. Shards of broken crystalline ice rain down around us while the arrow nicks Fubuki’s side. We barely threw off his aim. I can’t allow him to get another shot off!
It’s a mad dash to reach Kidomaru before he strings his bow once more.
“You noob!” he cackles as he drops the war bow, “I used pro-strats to get you to come to me—I may have struggled with a long-range ninjutsu battle, but I’ve got six arms! I’ll handily overcome anyone with my spider taijutsu technique. Ninja Art: Eight-Legged Flurry!”
Kidomaru brandishes six spiky gold kunai while interspersing kicks into the mix.
Oh, ho! While it’s true Fubuki and I may only have four arms between us, not to mention she’s using two of hers to maintain the hand sign that controls the Swallow Snowstorm, but my Deva Symbiont Jutsu allows me to manifest myself from any part of her body at will to defend us. We're harder to deal with than we seem at first.
“Ninneko Art: Cat Chakra Claws!”
The retractable catlike claws of my Transformed catgirl body lengthen as I coat them in an envelope of flowing chakra in a technique I learned courtesy of a ninneko named Chainya.
“Fuck, your shtick is dumb!”
“Screw you, kitties are cute, nya!”
He lunges at Fubuki’s side, and I counter manifesting from her thigh with a swipe of my nails while bird blades bombard his backside. He slashes at Fubuki’s face, and my arm emerges from her neck to deflect the blow. Swallows divebomb Kidomaru’s head as the two of us clash in exchange after exchange.
“What’s wrong, Kidomaru-kun? Is your whole world crumbling, nya?”
Spent sticky gold armor continually flakes from his form as we fight until a pile of rubble accumulates beneath us. While I pressure him, he needs to replenish his armor with a steady supply of that ‘Sticky Gold.’ Either he’s going to run out of that stuff, or I’ll exhaust my chakra in the next minute.
“I’ve always been better than you!” he insists.
A spiral of crystal-clear birds with feathers like knives encircles Kidomaru at Fubuki’s command, putting him in a blender of blades, but he never stops his onslaught. Kidney jab, blocked by my claws emerging from Fubuki’s armpit. Foot stab, blocked by my claws from Fubuki’s ankle. Disembowelment, foiled by a claw parry from the hollow of Fubuki’s throat.
He’s getting more desperate by the second. His movements frenetic. “Why won’t you die, damn it?!? You’re just an NPC bitch!”
“If I’m an NPC, then you’re nothing more than a Tutorial Boss.”
“AAAHHH!!!”
His sticky gold armor production slows, and its brittle nature proves his weakness. He must move to attack, that simple fact breaking the stiff armor he took pride in. The coating protecting him cracks, shatters, fragments, and falls away as he struggles to evade.
I eviscerate him from groin to chest with an upward sweep of my Cat Chakra Claws. Then Fubuki’s Crystal Swallow Snowstorm cuts him to ribbons, and his remains fall to the ground in a sodden clump.
Retracting my claws, I allow myself a second to revel in success.
Fubuki pokes herself in the boob, the sensation startling me from my reverie, and says, “Don’t go taking all the credit when we report to Shino-chan. You wouldn’t have won without me.” She must’ve sensed me preening.
I manifest over her shoulder and purr in her ear, “Yes, you were such a good girl. After this is through, I’ll be sure to show my appreciation, nya~!”
She shivers in anticipation.