9. B-Rank Seduction?
A brief recap of the Lands of Waves Escort Mission:
Naruto pesters the Hokage for a C-rank mission after being disappointed with how trivially easy the D-rank mission have been. The Hokage finally relents, giving Team 7 a mission to escort Tazuna, a master bridge-builder, back to the Land of Waves.
Once on the road, they’re targeted by two Genin assassins that Sasuke deals with rather efficiently. Kakashi questions Tazuna, who reveals the mission is more dangerous than he let on (he’s cheap and couldn’t afford to bankroll a B-rank mission). Yes, he’s returning home to build a bridge, but Gato—a shipping magnate/drug dealer/smuggler trying to take control of the Land of Waves—doesn’t want anyone to break his monopoly and sends assassins after anyone who tries.
Kakashi decides to let them finish the mission anyway despite the increased difficulty.
They’re next attacked on the road by the Demon of the Hidden Mist, Zabuza. All of Team 7 together is barely able to defeat him. Right when Kakashi goes to deliver the final blow, however, a hunter-nin steals the kill and takes the body to claim the bounty on Zabuza’s head. That hunter-nin is actually Haku, Zabuza’s talented accomplice, who faked the ninja’s death and rescued him.
After reaching Tazuna’s home, Kakashi continues Team 7’s training while recovering from the previous battle. That’s about where we are now.
In the Anime, during Naruto’s tree-climbing training arc, the orange ninja overworks himself and ends up resting on the forest floor. Haku in disguise comes along while herb-gathering and discovers Naruto sleeping out in the open.
I’m aiming for this exact scene when Haku’s seduction rank momentarily drops from +S (hostile and skilled) to +B (sociable but guarded) while posing as a civilian girl. I want that Ice Release Kekkei Genkai!
Spying on Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura’s training for days while waiting for this moment will finally be worth all the hassle! As I approach, Haku explains their personal philosophy to Naruto. “When a person has someone important to protect, that’s when they can truly become strong.”
I stop celebrating my perfect timing to consider. Haku is really important to Naruto’s development, huh?
“Oh, and… I’m a boy,” Haku says while walking away with their herb basket.
Wow, between this and his ‘accidental’ kiss with Sasuke at the Academy, I’m surprised Naruto isn’t doubting his sexual orientation. I mean, I know what they’re packing, but Haku’s porcelain-perfect features really do it for me. I don’t blame Naruto for thinking they’re prettier than Sakura.
(Sakura is still a top-tier in my personal ranking, though.)
“Naruto!” I say as I run toward them.
“Shino-chan!” he says, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m on a C-rank mission to find the white-footed beetle.”
Haku turns to stare at me in suspicion. “The white-footed beetle is extinct.”
I smile as they spring my trap. “Precisely! The Aburame clan received an alleged spotting of the previously thought extinct beetle and sent me to investigate. To find such a well-informed local herb gatherer is good fortune! Have you heard of any sightings?”
“No,” they say. “It’s extinct.”
“But could you lead me to any likely white-footed beetle habitats anyway? Maybe they’re just critically endangered.”
“…Alright.”
“Thank you! Thank you, young miss!” I express my profuse gratitude.
“Wow, Shino-chan, you’re way more peppy than usual,” Naruto says with a big, dumb smile.
“Sorry, I always get like this when I talk about bugs.”
He nods. At least he didn’t call me creepy again. “Well, I’ll leave you two to it. Got to get back to training, dattebayo!”
Haku reluctantly leads me further into the woods until we’re alone. They’re wearing a sleeveless pink kimono with a white waist sash and a black choker.
Desperate to seal the deal before Haku comes up with a pretext to leave, I saturate the vicinity with Pheromones tailored to increase physical arousal. I sense an immediate change in Haku’s demeanor. They become more guarded and closed off as if afraid to reveal any sign of their current state.
I’m about to make inane small talk to stall for time when I’m preempted.
“That’s an interesting genjutsu,” Haku says offhandedly. “It heightens arousal and lowers inhibitions, correct?”
Damn. I thought this was working. I guess +S-rank is +S-rank for a reason. I was fooling myself thinking they’d ever drop their guard all the way to B-rank.
Considering Haku hasn’t bolted or attacked me, I stop walking without reaching for a weapon. “Was my story that bad?”
“No. I simply found your manipulation obvious because I’m only attracted to men.”
“…Ah.” It seems I miscalculated. “I know what you said earlier, but I don’t want to assume. Do you go by ‘he’ or ‘her’ or…?”
“They/them is fine, but I honestly don’t care. Are you working with Naruto on his mission?”
“No, and the white-footed beetle really is extinct.”
They frown. “That’s sad. Also, it appears you and I are not enemies.”
“Is that so?”
“A kunoichi targeting a male ninja with seduction techniques… you’re after my Yuki clan bloodline.”
“Correct.”
“Then we are not enemies. As long as your purpose doesn’t interfere with my ability to serve Zabuza-san, what you do to me doesn’t matter.”
I lucked out!
Haku chuckles at my ecstatic expression. “Unfortunately, you’re going to find extracting my bloodline quite difficult given my proclivity to men.”
I’m fucked!