V2 C161
Well, I can’t say this wasn’t exactly inevitable.
I sat with my head sunk, doing my best to stare at the ground in front of me, taking only stolen glances upward at mother.
“Do you have any idea how worried we were?!”
Hatsumi stood a mere arms length ahead of me, her palms digging into her eyes as she paced back and forth. I knew this would come, yet still, I can’t fight back the natural anxiety. Standing there in the den of our home, I may as well have been naked before the world, sweat rolling down the nape of my neck whilst nausea ate at my gut.
“We looked for you day and night, Kiyomi! Why must you run away like that? You-”
She paused, grimacing as we locked eyes. Mother’s fur raised, her teeth clenching and she visibly held back her words.
“Kiyomi, you are not a little girl anymore. And you-”
She shook her head, continuing her constant pacing, burning off excess energy.
“Kiyomi-”
She turned to me, choking back her initial thought and then letting it free after her hesitation.
“Kiyomi, you remember who you are, aye?”
The question split the silence of the room, the heat developing in my ears and my tail now swaying behind me in time with my heart. The anxiety was nearly unbearable, the conversation I dreaded was upon me. I clenched my jaws, unable to respond, begging from within my mind for her to continue regardless of my answer.
“Kiyomi!”
A snap, not a yell, but still with more force than a simple scolding.
“You remember who you are, aye?”
My voice cracked in response.
“Y-yes...”
I muttered, the adolescent inability to follow through on my response to my own mother overpowering my attempt to seem stoic. I looked about as I inhaled in an attempt to collect myself. Callum was visible just past her, whilst the rest of the Revenants sat scattered throughout the room with Avery and Lorn accompanying.
“For the sake of the Gods’- “
Mother crossed her arms.
“We can-”
Another moment of hesitation as she moved to rub her temple.
“That conversation may come when we’re through with this, dear, and I will answer whatever questions you may have for me alone later.”
She seemed pensive on the subject, still unsure how to broach the subject before straightening her posture.
“You should know good and well why you shouldn't run off as such. You understand who you are, then you should know how much you can be in danger, especially after Krakow. It's a miracle that the priest of yours that you picked up thought to mention his sighting of you and Vaughn to us.”
Damnit Michal, you- I should’ve spoken with him about mentioning me.
She clicked her tongue.
“Kiyomi, you should know what you encountered in Krakow should change things. We can’t just let you wander about without at least telling someone where you went. What if something actually happened? Hm?”
Mother spread her arms, emphasizing her rhetorical question.
"At least we know where to start if you talk to someone. But you didn't, you just ran off.”
At this point I’d thought to mention my note to Beryl and Vaughn, in some semblance of defence for myself, stopping myself only for the sake of shielding the two from further ire.
“I understand.”
I swallowed my pride as I planned, accepting mothers scolding. Damned as I was and knowing so, it held no part in alleviating my frustration. Nevertheless, I allowed it to continue.
“Kiyomi, you are nobility. Not just some simple land owner either, or a meager castle lord. You are-”
She hesitated at her words, cursing to herself silently as she spoke words that hinted at some form of separation.
“You are the future of your people, more stands upon your safety now than ever. With your discovery? Every other errant Lord and Lordling will want to favour or court you… or worse.”
Cullam could be seen in the background shifting his posture, displeased with the conversation of his own accord, though for an unseen reason.
“Aye.”
I responded to my stolen glance not going unnoticed. Mother looked between Callum and myself before sighing.
“Don’t look to your father, there’s enough left to air out already, let alone your needing to apologize to him.”
Papa…
I looked between them a moment before receiving a hand held upwards for me to wait.
“There’s no reason to hold it from you, least we need is you finding a reason to have a fit of it later. It’ll make more sense given he’s been acting as your father long before he’d taken the title anyways.”
She turned to him, to Callum, acknowledging she knew well of the argument we’d sparked some days before. He shifted in place, uncomfortably shaking his head as if his arm were twisted in an unseen way. Mother’s eyes shifted, looking to the eldest in the room, the Guild Mistress, Lorn.
“What do you figure, should we take her team from the guild’s roster? What is your judgement, Lorn?”
Mother turned to Lorn, a wave of the hand and a grimace greeting us all. Bringing her chin back into her hand as she took a seat next to Callum, she thought hard for a moment, but the furrow in her brow deepened far past what age alone would have ever permitted.
“Should we remove her now it will all but be a hushed admission. It will signal to every Lord in the region who exactly we’re sheltering. Krakow knows well, as such we must take it as a sign that even the Lords’ of Francia are more than well informed on an upcoming guest.”
Lorn paused for a moment, grinding teeth together as she dropped her palm into her lap and looked to Avery.
“You’d say the same, aye?”
Each of my masters’ nodded in agreement.
“She stays in the Guild’s service, otherwise we trade the risk of monsters and bandits for Lords and spies.”
At least the status quo remains unchanged.
“Kiyomi, you read everything I’d given you, aye?”
Once more the attention in the room shifted to me.
“Aye, all of it.”
I answered dryly. Lorn nodded, standing shortly after and stretching, a groan escaping her as she passed on what must have seemed like a daily chore.
“Then that is that. Things remain as they are, we simply have more work to do amongst us adults. Can’t expect the pups to understand something outside their control.”
Lorn looked to Chessa, whom for an unknown reason seemed at odds with the words, then between myself and mother.
“Hatsumi, I will leave the girl to discuss with you what she herself is comfortable. A child shouldn't be pressed for a story she only just knows, aye?”
Mother nodded weakly.
“Everyone, could we have the home for ourselves?”
Chessa and Stannis looked between themselves, Lorn and Avery parting without further prompt as the two Revenants seemed hesitant to exclude themselves.
“In fairness, Hatsumi, we’ve looked over the girl as well. She’s smart, well past her years.”
Stannis stared, unwavering.
“She’s smarter than anyone I believe realizes, and I think there's depth to it now… Am I wrong, Kiyomi?”
His eyes looked to me, piercing, looking past something as he did, as if he’d been enlightened.
“Aye, sir.”
“Chessa?”
He looked to the elf of the revenant, nudging for her to follow.
“What say we handle some of our other work?”
Chessa, silent since the beginning of the scolding session, stood.
“Seems a pup too many is learning more than they bargained today.”
What has her and Lorn at odds? I’ve never seen the two have a problem.
“Thank you.”
Mother smiled, placing a hand at my shoulder and pressing me to take a seat.
“Now is the time for our talk.”
The fire was lit to provide some sort of backdrop over the Guild hall’s drone. While it should have fallen upon myself alone to be nervous of the coming conversation, it seems Mother and Callum each had their own reason for avoiding the conversation at hand. As opposed to the vindictive tone mother carried earlier, she seemed deeply conflicted. Callum was the first to speak, and the scratchy cough betrayed his steeled expression.
“We should have known you’d piece together things in regards to your mother and I.”
He slowly rotated his engagement ring, focusing on it rather than looking up.
“We meant to tell you, but something seemed off, and we didn't want to drop it on you so suddenly.”
What place do I have to question it?
“It’s not my business.”
My answer was dry, seeming detached even to myself, the words unable to be taken back. A well of emotion fought against my ability to hold myself accountable, to take responsibility. As much as I had reasoned with myself, even my own acceptance somehow made the battle more difficult. Callum glanced up alongside mother, each of them of their own mind on my own words.
“Kiyomi, it is, you’re our-”
“Am I your daughter?”
Leaks, unable to be slowed, small bouts overwhelming individual moments of judgement.
“Am I? Is it my business? To know? To know myself?”
Watch yourself.
My blood pressure rose so rapidly I could feel my pulse in the back of my eyes in that short thought.
“I know what I said-”
I hesitated, choking on my words as I wrestled control of my actions from my emotions.
This is me, I am just a girl, a teenager… am I not owed this frustration? This one moment? Or am I expected to grow out of it.
“I know I said that, as long as it was ‘the right thing’, than I trusted you, but-”
I could feel tears well within my eyes as I fought them back.
“I did, but I- I only just now know it fully. I only now know myself-”
My teeth were clenched.
“- And I want to be angry for that, I already am. For so long I was sure that it was only a matter of time. That I would have no sense of who I was, for the Gods’ sake, I thought I’d taken someone else’s-”
I choked down the words, looking back to my lap and refusing to move my eyes anywhere but my knee’s. My vision blurred, as the sense of inflammation built along my face and throat. Even amongst everything else, I knew I couldn't share that. I would have to be alone, for some time longer. Even if only in my soul.
“I’m not upset about the both of you-”
I coughed for a moment.
“I love you both, even with everything else known. But I still can’t help but feel angry! I wanted answers, and for so long I’d looked knowing there was something!”
I growled through slowly building sobs, emotions welling forth that for every compounding moment, felt stifled. As if every revelation were given to me, and succinctly demanded I remain stoic.
“I lost them all, and only now do I understand? If I was told before, I wouldn't have-”
A heavy cough, and attempt to clear my burning eyes as I squeezed them shut.
“I know, aye. I know, and I’m sorry I ran away like that again. I just-”
I tried to find some excuse, to mention Solah, to speak something that could at least expound my behaviour in a way that they could understand. My words were cut off as I struggled, a quiet settling of bodies to either side stifling them with their embrace. Mother and Father sat to either flank, one of their hands finding purchase at my back whilst others drew me in further. I was being hugged, a feeling that I wanted more than anything given the compounding events.
“We’re here Kiyomi, we know. Nothing will make up for it, but-”
Callum’s voice was even, but unsure in its volume.
“We simply care about your wellbeing. If we had known what you’d needed, you'd have known so much more than we anticipated.”
Mother’s words were the same.
“We should have tried harder.”
Father answered with words in a tone alien to what preceded them, the volume emboldening.
“I’d nearly killed myself! That day you found me! That was almost the end! I was-”
Another sob, another series of shushes and pats as I continued.
“Papa! Mama! I remember them all, I never wanted to forget! If I’d- how was I supposed-”
The hug became tighter.
“Waaah-”
….
…
..
.
“Being a noble was the most we knew of you for the longest time.”
Mother rested her head atop mine as she embraced me from behind. We looked across the city from the balcony, discussing whatever minutia of questions we had for one another. Knowing my past, it only felt natural to ask, if not for my own enlightenment, to at least know my mother’s thoughts.
So that’s that. To everyone now, I’m some ‘Princess’. Short of earth, there are no more secrets.
“There were times I’d wonder if in the morning I’d wake to a summons. To the keep of our Lord with foreign royalty ready to bear judgement- or at the least sweep you away.”
She was soft in her words, content to speak her mind of worries she seemed to barely come to terms with.
“What of my daughter?’ I would ask. There were even moment that I’d fantasize about begging-”
She held her words, fathers cigarette visibly bobbing in our periphery as he surely spoke to himself.
“Begging to be taken into your court.”
She rubbed her chin against my scalp in a teasing fashion. I could only help but imagine her smile as she suppressed a chuckle to herself.
“And if my family arrived tomorrow?”
I asked pushing back into her chin.
“I’d likely do the sa-”
Her chin shifted as she spoke, looking to father.
“We’d likely do the same. Can’t rightly leave our little girl, if not for our own conscience.”
“And what if I wanted to leave tomorrow?”
A pause, obviously caught off guard by the question, but answered earnestly albeit with a waver.
“We would accompany you, or should you wish it, wish and pray that our love was cherished even in your heart.”
Mom, always trying to spare feelings.
“Ko, I couldn't anyways… You adults are all bad at keeping secrets and lying.”
“Hm?”
Mother hummed in an ‘is that so?’ manner.
“I know that the Empire will eventually send a legion… I’ll have to pass through Imperial territory to begin with. I’d be traveling through two separate wars.”
I looked back up at mother, nearly bumping her with my horns.
“I’m as smart as you all speculate, Mama. I won’t go, not until I know it will be safe…”
I looked back to the city.
“For myself… for you both… for Vaughn and Beryl.”
A glimpse of fire, of earth, of Va-ren, of a writhing, inhuman, burning, screeching mass.
I have so much to do, to ready myself for. But- How would I ever tackle that stuff? As I am? Where would I even begi-
I was halfway through a resigned sigh before I felt a sharp flick to the horns.
“That’s for us to worry about, you don’t need to think about it.”
“But-”
“Give it a rest, dear.”
We each looked over to father, the cigarette he’d nursed on hanging loosely between his fingers.
“Y’know she’s the meddling sort.”
He smirked, flicking it as a string of ash formed.
“Bye the bye, Kiyomi, we’ll think of something. Thats our responsibility. Yours-”
He took another drag before echoing through congested breath the words I’d heard from one Wyrm too many.
“This life to live is yours, Kiyomi, enjoy it while we worry about that stuff. It’ll be handled.”
He looked up to me, then back down to the cigarette as its embers died out.
“Forgive me this one, I needed it.”
Why the solemn look old man? You may as well just been told your daughter chose to stay.
He snuffed it out on the oak guard rail we all leaned upon.
“You really do love those two, aye?”
He must have lingered on the thought of including Beryl and Vaughn in my thoughts, on wanting to keep them safe.
“Why wouldn't I? You wouldn't wish the same for the rest of your team? Mama? Papa?”
I looked between them, mother smiling gently, while father chuckled and pulled free another cigarette, rolling it around in his fingers as he chuckled.
“Thats not the same.”
He smirked, the embers lighting his face as the winter breeze blew over us, continuing to chuckle.
“For such a smart girl, you’re as sharp as the backend of a maul axe when-”
He thumbed at his brow as he thought over his next words before shaking his head.
“Just promise you wont come back carrying a babe or egg anytime soon, aye? You don’t need that as early as we did.”
Father pointed between himself and mother.
Fucking- this again?
“Dad, gross!”
Mother giggled, patting me on the head trying to calm me for a moment.
“He just wants you to be careful dear.”
Wait, hold on. Babe or an egg? Huh?
“Wait a moment, hard stop, what do you mean or?”
Father paused a moment, a wide-eyed expression of shock mixed with someone who witnessed a long winded joke paying off overtaking him.
“No, I’ll have no part. That one’s your job, Hatsumi.”
He laughed, red in the face, moving for the door. Looking back up to mother, her ears were pinned back, sucking in breath as she avoided eye contact.
“Shite, I was hoping you knew enough we could avoid this talk.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
Mother backed away, trying to appeal to a sense of innocence.
“So, remember some of our old ecology lessons? Well dear, some demi-humans are somewhat… different.”
Huh?
