Chapter 50 – In the dead of night

<Letty's POV>

"Um, Letty, can I talk with you for a while? In private?" Catherine, the cute little Wolfkin, asks me as the rest of the group prepares to sleep.

Helia, my girlfriend, will be taking the first watch, because she doesn't need to sleep. And I'll be joining her in a while, but it seems that while is going to be a bit longer.

I look to my side at Helia, who is standing up and stretching her muscles, and my gosh she's so gorgeous. The way she shows her body when she arches her back... almost as good as when... Bweh, focus. I shake my head and look questioningly at the smirking Demoness, who most likely caught my lapse of attention, and I feel my cheeks getting yet a bit more red. Why the hell is she so... unperturbed by things? That's so unfair!

"I don't mind." She shrugs lightly, looking at Catherine. "We'll have the rest of the night to cuddle. I'll talk with Xethu and Daria in the meantime."

"You heard her." I stand up, looking at the Wolfkin, who gets visibly redder on her cheeks, though I'm not sure why. "After you." I wave my hand in the direction of the forest and she nods lighlty, turning around.

I'm just about to follow her before something turns my head a bit to the side and I see Helia's pair of burning eyes before mine, and her soft lips on mine. She pulls away a moment later and steps away with a wide smile and a wave of her hand.

"Good luck." She winks and I barely stop myself from a snort. That combination can be interpreted in pretty many ways here, not all of them innocent, and I'm sure she's aware of that.

I give her a smile and a small wave as well and follow after Catherine, who has turned around at some point and is turning again with slightly flushed face when I look at her. Ehehe.

We walk deeper into the forest for a while, passing the huge trees and walking out of the camp in the silence. I guess normally that would not a very responsible idea, but according to Helia, each of her group of friends could easily defeat any monster you can find find here as long as it's not a group. Plus, I'm pretty strong right now. What I learned when I was looking through my talent trees got me thinking a lot and I have a lot of ideas as to how I could kill things, different physical weapons being just one, less deadly and insidious at that.

"So? How do you feel in the group?" Catherine asks at some point, evidently starting some small talk and not the actual discussion. "It must take a while to get comfortable in a group as large as that where you know barely one or two people."

"It's not bad." I smile lightly, though she can't see it being ahead of me. "I've been a bit isolated out of VOW, so it's a bit overwhelming, but I like it. Especially the casual atmosphere. I didn't have much of a chance to experience it before." And that's only the truth I told Helia as well.

My parents might be casual, but out of a few tens of people I had housed in my apartment for shorter or longer periods of time, Helia was actually the first one I could feel relaxed and at ease with. A large reason for that is most likely that she knows everything about me. Well, not exactly everything, but the really important bits that I hid from others and that would drastically change how they see me.

"Oh." Catherine lets out, probably surprised by something I said. "What about school? You surely had some friends, no?"

"Not really. Private education." Well, more like my parent's education, but well. I smile wryly, and this time she turns around in surprise.

"Okay, I didn't expect that. Are you fine with that?"

"It's alright." I shrug lightly. "I can learn whatever I want and no one raises a fuss. As for friends, I've met many people, but no one stayed for long because my parents are travelling a lot. Now I have Helia, and I'm more than happy with her. Adding you all to the mix would be welcome of course." I say with a smile.

"Well, we'd be happy to have you." Catherine grins in response, showing her long canines, but a moment later her expression grows concerned. "By the way, Helia felt kinda... out of place today? Distant? I've been, well, probably her closest friend, and I'm pretty concerned about her, especially with what happened with her parents."

I stay silent for a moment before sighing lightly. "She has a lot on her mind now. A lot of secrets and uncertainties, some of them she wouldn't tell even me." I smile lightly. "But I understand where she's coming from, because I... at least was pretty similar, and I'm giving her time for now. You should do the same, and sooner or later she'll explain what has been happening. In a few weeks at most, if I had to guess."

"Oh, alright..." Catherine says softly, sensing my perculiar mood.

"Did you notice that she stopped saying 'my mother', but instead 'mother'?" I ask, shaking my head lightly. I'm pretty sure that's the only thing she is hiding from me, or at least not actively telling, but I'm not sure what to make of it. Not like I'm faulting her for it, because family issues are often very personal. And she probably doesn't want to bother me with it, taking into account what she told me about, well, not being a burden, though she didn't put it this way. Oh, well.

"She always has this weird expression when saying that. There's always more to this world than you think, and I have my suspicions, but I'll keep them to myself for now. I don't want to divulge her secrets."

"...Okay." Catherine nods. "How do you feel about her?" She asks quietly and I smile, looking up.

"She's everything I ever wished for." I say softly. "She's almost too perfect, and it's only the little things I can take care of. She's incredibly strong." I glance at Catherine listening to me intently with a weird expression, but I continue. "I love her, and at this point I don't think I'd be able to live without her." I giggle quietly. "She literally saved my life once already, and it was pretty damn incredible when she did it."

"Mhm." Catherine mumbles with lowered head. "I had a crush on her for a while." Oh, so that's the reason. "Now I don't... I think, but I definitely did when she first showed up, before I got a bucket of cold water on my head when I saw her fighting. We're too similar and yet too different for anything like that to work out, but I really like her as a friend." She says and looks up at me, now with a smile.

"I'm glad you think this way. As much as I wouldn't be very opposed to that... after all that happened to her you probably don't know even half of who she is, and it's good to solve such things without anyone getting hurt."

"Mhm, yeah. If you told me I knew her just a month ago, I definitely wouldn't believe it was her. I just wanted to let you know... all that." Catherine smiles wryly and shakes her head, then looks at me with a bright smile. "Thanks for taking care of her."

...

<Helia's POV>

"Hey, Daria." I look at the girl floating on my side as I'm sitting on a branch and looking down at the camp, good one hundred meters below me. I'd be using enhanced hearing, but I don't want to accidentally peep on Catherine and Letty talking. Not like I don't want to know what they are talking about, because I do, but it would be plain rude.

Now, Daria, the spirit, has an uncertain, hesitant expression as she is approaching me and doesn't speak for a long while even after I glance at her with raised eyebrows and greet her.

"You... got something more than just good stats from the randomizer, right?" She asks quietly, looking to the side.

"Mhm." I nod. "You know how Energy affinity works?" I ask and she confirms. "I have it on very high level. Supernatural energies are in the end energies, so I can control them with my thoughts. You all should also be able to control mana directly with some training, you even managed a bit of it from what I have seen."

"I see." She nods slowly. "Yeah, I did... kind of. But you manipulated not only mana, but also something incomparably stronger, you disassembled it, and created another type of energy from it, right? I don't even how to describe it properly."

"Not exactly, I was walking blindly back then, cause my abilities work more on instinct. I was trying to find the relation between Vulcan's Primordial mana and my Primordial Energy." I smile wryly. My abilities might be good, but I have no experience with them. "I have a very good reason to suspect Primordial mana is a mix of mana and Primordial Energy."

"Alright." Daria mutters. "Is... no, I won't ask you that. Can you tell me... why didn't you tell us?"

I sigh at that and look up into the sky.

"Frankly, I'm not entirely sure myself. It's hard to put into words. I was planning to tell you all sooner or later, but I didn't expect you to have magic sight or something similar. The reason I didn't... well, I didn't want it to interfere in our interactions, and the whole thing with my name and my body... was enough to put a rift, I guess. I didn't want to make it even larger by doing this half-assed. I'd much prefer to do it once and properly instead of rushing and inviting discord." I explain quietly. "And I don't want to pull you into whatever shit I might get into."

"You know we wouldn't fault you." Daria says and I shake my head lightly.

"It's not about faulting anyone. I've had... enough changes and revelations in my life for now, and I want to keep my relations with you as they are before I tell you what's been happening and what is going to happen." I say decisively. "The things out of VOW will be getting dangerous, and I don't want to make a stupid mistake somewhere."

"What are you going to do then?" She asks with a hint of anger and pain in her voice. "Play with us as if nothing happened?"

"For now, probably yes." I nod and sigh lightly. "At least I'll try, because I have no idea how long I'll be able to. But I've finally gotten a breather now, and I'll probably be free for a while. Apart from being with Letty, of course. We'll meet on Gaia in a while."

I hear Daria taking a deep breath, and she stays silent for a long while afterwards. "Are you even the same person who was with us up to now?" She asks quietly.

I stop myself from giggling at that. Eeeh, am I the same person?

"I don't know, to be honest. Probably? The way I see it, who you see now is the me I never let out of my shell." I shrug lightly with a wry smile. "That's one of the things I'm trying to get to know, and I'll be meeting someone soon who probably can answer this question. What matters to me is that I'm still me, but I'm definitely different than I was. Much more free and unrestrained, for one, and that's something I can only see as a good thing."

"...I see." Daria says quietly. "This is more than a game, isn't it?"

I look at her in surprise and see her floating on my side with a conflicted expression.

"It is." I nod lightly and she stays silent for a long while. "Was it something I did?" I ask curiously.

"...Partly. I was doing something and reflexively used magic sight. There's no mana on Gaia, but... it was like staring into a dark well, that you see nothing, but you know something can be there." She explains quietly. "Thanks, Helia." She nods her head and starts flying down.

"Daria?" She turns around to look at me. "Was Vulcan the only one who rolled random?"

"I'm not sure. Catherine might have, but I and Crimson didn't."

"Alright." I nod and she turns back, starting to fly down. "If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask." I say after her. "I might have changed, but how I feel about you all remains the same."

"Mhm." She smiles ever so lightly, but I still notice it with my magic sense.

...

My watch was mostly uneventful. There were some monsters coming close to the sleeping camp, and I'm pretty sure some even were aware of the people there, but none attacked. Can't say I mind it. Even if they did, I would quietly splatter them so that they wouldn't wake anyone up.

I had a lot to think about as well, mainly in relation to what we talked about with Daria. I wonder how she realized that VOW is more than just a game, because I doubt it was something I said. She must have learned it somewhere earlier. But, well, not like I'll be pressing her for answers.

Though, in terms of answers, I'll need to tell them soon about the whole thing. I'll probably need to visit Gaia as well, which might be a bit troublesome. And I need to tell Letty everything.

I sigh lightly, sitting up from my relaxed position on the branch, and roll down. I start falling and I extend my wings to slow down and control my fall better. After a moment of hesitation I use my Energy affinity to muffle the sounds I make, and when I reach the ground in the middle of the camp I barely make a sound as I land, hitting the ground at good twenty meters per second.

I look in Catehrine's direction, seeing her curled up while hugging her tail cutely, and walk up to her slowly. Then I reach to her cheek and pull lightly, stretching it out and revealing her canines, and she sleepily blinks her eyes in alarm, twisting her neck to get her cheek out of my reach.

"Catherine~, it's time for your watch." I say softly and she finally opens her eyes properly.

"Uuuh, aight." She grumbles quietly and raises up from her sleeping position, but a moment later she looks at me in confusion. "Already? How much did I sleep? There were no attacks?" She rapidfires pretty much two opposite questions.

"No? Around four hours passed, but there were no attacks." I raise my eyebrows. "Did you expect any?"

"Kinda?" Catherine stands up and I take a step back when she stretches and straightens out her clothes. "Grant said normally they are at half the nights, but because of our recent fight it would be higher."

"Alright, that's fair. There were some monsters coming relatively close, but none attacked."

"Okay." Catherine nods, checking her equipment and strapping her large sword to her back. "They supposedly have a cognimant among them? She said there are many monsters close to us and that there are high chances they'll attack at night."

A cognimant? Interesting. I wonder what she would say about me. I shrug lighlty in response to Catherine. "Maybe they'll attack during your watch. Good luck."

"Mhm." The Wolfkin nods and looks around, probably searching for a good spot to keep watch on.

"Don't fall asleep, 'kay?" I say with a grin and catch Catherine glaring jokingly at me before I beat my wings and shot up without a sound thanks to my affinity.

I find Letty already waiting for me in the branches and I fly up to her with a grin on my face, deciding to abandon subtlety. I fly up to her, bleeding out my momentum, and with the last vestiges of what made me go up, I reach a point a bit above my girlfriend.

And then gravity pulls me down.

"Hya-mmmph!" She lets out when I land on her with a goofy grin, before I realize we shouldn't be making too much noise and quickly put my hand over her mouth. And only then realize I can hide the sound with my magic, which I do immediately. "He-Helia..." Letty whines as she catches her breath.

"Mmmh?" I ask with my face buried in her chest, looking up at her.

"Geez..." She says in exasperation and pulls herself up from her horizontal position to something between it and a sitting one. "You're more clingy than usual?"

I probably am, huh? I'm... a bit unstable right now. Or rather, with what I talked with Daria and thought about, I got pretty shaken and realized a few things. And I was only reminded of them by the talk with Catherine. I don't reply to her for a while, but she probably notices my somber mood.

"Helia? Did something happen?" Letty asks, concerned.

"...Not really." I shake my head slowly with a small sigh. "It's just the things that have been piling up for a while."

"...Do you want to talk about them?" My girlfriend asks softly and I feel a pang in my chest.

Do I want...? I need. I need to talk about it, because I've been putting it all off for way too long. Barely days, and even then way too long.

I pull myself up and shift to sit on the branch on Letty's side, and lean on her shoulder lightly. She raises her hand and starts weaving it though my wild mess of hair softly.

"...I'm, like... drifting apart." I whisper. "I'm approaching the other shore, but I don't know what I will find there. And I don't want to leave everything I was behind."

I hear only silence for a while before I feel Letty shifting on my side and her arms wraps wrapping around me as she pulls me onto her chest. She holds me strongly there and her hand again finds my hair and starts playing with it, bundling it to one side and weaving through it soothingly.

"Maybe you need to swim between them both? Or find a place where they connect?" She asks softly. "You're too poetic, by the way. It's about your friends, right? You've been a bit distant with them."

"...Them too." I sigh lightly. "But the core of the issue... no, not issue. The core of my dilemma is my mom."

I see Letty blinking at that in surprise and confusion.

"Her name is Shiva. I haven't met her yet, but she said we'll meet soon." I say softly and notice my girlfriend's eyes widening in realization. "You and she, you both are almost everything I ever wanted. Love and family. Whenever I think of you, I'm simply incredibly happy that I have you, and whenever I think of her... I feel something different. I don't know what it is, but I want her to be my mom."

I say all that quietly, and by the end I feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes, but I quickly press on.

"The issue is not my mom. I don't have any qualms about her." I shake my head slowly. "The thing is that... she and Catherine... are like two different worlds. I can't get one while retaining the other, because... look at me." Letty wants to say something, but I put my finger over her mouth. "I've had this power... not even for three weeks. And I already can't be the same person I was, all because of it. If I ever tell them the whole picture of who I am, they... I'm not saying they will not want to associate with me, but... it's just impossible that we'll remain same friends as we are."

"Maybe you don't need to change." Letty says softly. "You can stay the way you are, and they'll become who they want to be for you. I... might be selfish for saying that, but if someone doesn't want to accept you for who you are, you shouldn't force yourself to change for them." She pauses uncertainly and mutters in quieter, but far more emotional voice. "Even if it would be me."

I stay silent for a long while, hugging her tightly.

"I'll try, Letty. Thanks."

"If you want to do that," Letty says. "I think the first thing you should make clear is who you are comparing to who you were for them before. If you don't want anything to do with who you were before, you should say it clearly and build your relationship on that base, not on the base of a 'friend who has changed', as they seem to be thinking now."

"Mhm." I mumble into my girlfriend's chest. "Thanks."

"Out of curiosity," She asks. "Where would I be between Catherine and Shiva?"

Huh? Hm. That's actually... a really good question. "Probably close to Shiva in terms of power, but higher than her in terms of importance to me. What I mean is, I'd prefer to stop my pursuit of strength on the level suitable for you." I mutter. "As much as Shiva is my mom and helps me a lot, you are closer to me." I pause hesitantly and bury my head in Letty's chest with my eyes stinging suddenly. "Shiva... has made the way I am. But... I'd have been broken if not for you."

"That's why I'm here for you." She mutters, kissing me lightly on the top of my head. "You have more than enough power by yourself, so I'm not interested in it myself. I want to be the strength of mind you can rely on, and the support you will need if you fail or doubt sometime."

I raise my head and turn to her with narrowed eyes. "Now you got poetic. Don't think I won't be the same for you." I purr softly.

"Well, at least you need it more now, mm?" Letty mumbles with a smile and twists her body lightly, laying on the branch sideways and pulling my head to her chest.

"Mmmh." I mutter in affirmation, snuggling up to her tightly with my lips involutarily curling up into a happy smile.