Vol.4 Ch.0 – Prologue – Diplomatic Mission

Prologue: Diplomatic Mission

I had to hand it to the Wood Elves, their village was gorgeous. Of course I would have been a lot more appreciative of that fact if the elves weren't all glaring at us. Only the fact that we were accompanying Third Princess Annabella Zafira Trismegistus on a diplomatic mission was keeping them from tossing us in a cell and throwing away the key.

Well, throwing me in a cell. Anna, Selene and Yume would have likely been fine and it was really just me the elves had an issue with. For reasons that eluded me they thought that I had stolen Alisha away, even though Alisha was clearly with us of her own free will and currently getting a little angrier with each step she took.

The elven cleric had once told me that she wasn't a princess but it was becoming increasingly clear that that was true only on the technicality that her father's title was 'chief' rather than 'king'. The elves were certainly all treating her like a princess, constantly checking in if she was fine and whether I or anyone else had hurt her. It was really starting to grate a little and the only thing keeping me from losing my cool was the knowledge that Alisha was even angrier than I was.

Well, that and knowing that I had already made my point as to what would happen if our diplomatic immunity was violated. Or rather, if it was violated again. I felt a small smirk come over my lips as I glanced at the head guardsman Angus, the one person of the bunch who wasn't glaring at me. In fact, he was doing everything he could not to look in my direction at all, lest I see the shame and humiliation burning on his face.

I decided to let my mind drift from the situation to our surroundings again, because the place really was gorgeous. The forest was located in the Northwest of the kingdom, slightly over a week's ride away from the capital, and the trees here were huge and ancient, towering over everything. Trees already had a habit of towering over tiny mortals like us but these were big enough that a giant would have been dwarfed by them. Not only that but the village the elves had built incorporated the trees in a way I had never seen before. Some houses were built around the trees, others were built on top of the trees and yet others were built directly into the trees, the elves having hollowed out some of the larger specimen. The individual houses were connected by bridges and ladders and it felt like a confusing maze to me, though I was sure to someone who was born in this place navigating it would be easy. The style of the houses was unlike anything I had ever seen as well, dominated by smooth, rounded shapes and graceful arches. And then, of course, there were the animals.

Alisha had told us stories about the Wood Elves' reliance on animals in their daily lives but it had all sounded too fantastical to be true. Although now I saw that, if anything, she'd been understating things rather severely.

We passed by a weaver who was pulling silk from the rear ends of spiders so bulbous they were nearly immobile, tickling their abdomens to stimulate them when the thread stopped coming. In another store a man was baking thin flatbread on a metal plate heated up by a trio of huge snails that were hot enough to be surrounded by their own heat mirages. The things were just slithering all along the underside of the plate, heating up the whole thing. And then of course there were the striders, horse-sized wolf spiders that were used as mounts. Of course I'd seen striders before as they made for excellent mounts in rough terrain but here they were so common that normal livestock was rare by comparison. Apparently they were used to send wares up into the trees and back down to ground level as the giant beasts had no problem scaling the enormous trees even weighed down with saddlebags.

It wasn't all bugs, though. One lady was tying little notes to the tails of squirrels and sending them out because apparently the striders were too slow for that sort of task and another person was taking care of a flock of sheep, the completely mundane animals looking utterly out of place in this bizarre village.

“It feels like I'm in a fairytale," Selene whispered.

“Of course a lowly human would be awed by our ingenuity," an elven guardswoman scoffed.

I was about to tell the elf what would happen if she insulted any of my women again but before I could open my mouth Alisha spun on her. Alisha's magic had gotten really rather terrifying after our experience in the Crystal Crown's dungeon so when she slapped the guard with her hand wreathed in gray-green air magic the woman went flying thirty feet and hit a tree with a loud crack.

The entire procession of guards stopped in shocked silence. Alisha had been furious before but now she was absolutely livid. I often made fun of her when she tried to sound angry because usually she just sounded like a puppy struggling with a sock, but in that moment her voice was a deep growl and as cold as ice. “Insult one of mahy lovers again. I feckin' dare ye.” I had never heard her accent come out to play like that. It was kind of hot, honestly.

Either way, that display pretty much killed all attempts at small-talk for the rest of the way. Thankfully it wasn't long until we reached the most opulent building in the village, the one that clearly belonged to the chief. It spiraled all around the largest tree in the forest and sprawled far enough as to encompass the three trees surrounding the large one as well.

The atmosphere shifted drastically once we were inside the building. Half the guards didn't glare at us and instead welcomed Alisha back with looks of genuine surprise and excitement on their faces and Alisha made sure to greet every single guard who acted like this by name. The ones who were glaring at us she glared back at and more than a few withered under the looks they received from her. Apparently the 'Young Lady's ire used to be hard to earn.

We finally reached a rather large door that apparently led to some sort of audience chamber and the leader of the guard rushed ahead. The door closed behind him, but after having eaten some of the mystical fruits from the dungeon our senses were supernaturally keen, to the point where even dumb humans like me could see and hear better than the average elf, and thus we could all hear what was being said even through the closed doors.

“Chief Silvermoon," the guardsman said into the room. “A woman claiming to be a princess of the Trismegistian royal family has arrived on a diplomatic mission.”

“I only just received word that my daughter has returned with that scoundrel who stole her away," a haughty voice said. “This princess can wait until I'm sure he's been brought in.”

“Ah, Chief Silvermoon?" the guard said anxiously, “your daughter and the man are part of the princess' entourage.”

Stunned silence followed.

“Should I send them in?" the guard asked.

There was a very long pause before the Chief answered: “Yes.”

When the guard captain returned Selene all but shoved him out of the way and we entered after her. The room was smaller than I had expected, though I had no idea why I'd been expecting a big throne room. Had I already gotten used to working for Queen Emilia, even a layer removed.

Either way, the room was more or less just a large study with a rather enormous wooden desk and multiple chairs on either side. On the far side of the desk sat three very pretty elven women and a man I assumed to be Alisha's father. As I looked at the man I couldn't help but think that there was something off about the man. He had blond shoulder-length hair and his body was slightly stockier than the lithe normal for elves, but even that could be explained by him being a leader rather than a fighter, but as I concentrated on the man it hit me.

He had a beard. It wasn't an impressive beard, mind, just some blond stubble expertly trimmed, but still. Elves couldn't grow hair other than on top of their heads. I knew this for a fact, since I had spent quite a bit of time naked with Alisha and it had further been reinforced by the fact that none of the elven men we'd seen so far had had even the slightest bit of facial hair. As I looked at him some more I saw something else interesting. His ears were short. They certainly had pointy tips but they weren't any longer than those of a human, unlike the normal elven ears, which were about two to three inches longer than those of a human. That only left me with one conclusion: Alisha's father was a half-elf.

Alisha had told me before that the offspring of elves and half-elves were indistinguishable from full elves, but I hadn't known that she had been speaking from personal experience, because clearly she was the offspring of such a union.

“Alisha, you've returned," one of the women said cheerfully and ran over to hug the priestess, who made no move to hug the woman back.

“Guards!" Alisha's father bellowed, then pointed at me. “Why has nobody arrested this man yet?!”

The guards, who had all been cowed by my earlier display, seemed torn between obeying their ruler and not wanting to be humiliated again so they just stood there for a while, hesitating. Before the chief could open his mouth to repeat the order, however, one of them gathered his courage and advanced on me. It was as if a dam had burst and one by one the rest of the guards clutched their weapons tightly and started crowding around me with renewed confidence.

And things had started out so well...