Chapter 25: Carnival

"See mysteries of the east!" "The finest treasures at affordable prices!" "Best biscuits in Tourin!" ♫ My love left me for a goblin prince. Whose prick was so big it made me wince. ♫

The sights, sounds, and smells, of thousands surrounds me.  A riot of yellows, reds, greens, blues, purples, whites, and blacks, but I'm 'in' the riot now.  Well not exactly, 'in.'

"My Lord Barton?"  A very well armed and armored fellow asks.  "Where to next?"

Circled by six wives, eight Lions Keep Black Hart Knights, a dozen Pearlden Silver Halbardiers, and four Stormgarde Maids Militant?  Plus Clari, Silvie, butler, mini-butler, boss maid, maids, Val, and her sisters?

I'm a fucking parade.

And that's not counting the dozens of undead and cultists 'shadowing' us.

"Jon." "Master." "Darling." "Dearest." ""Sensei.""

The slowest parade in history.  Every stand, tent, show, peddler, act, and song?  My wives have to stop for.  Thank heavens some of my maids came to help carry everything they are buying.

Oh, Odaline and Simone have started calling me 'sensei.'  Maybe its a fetish thing?  I'm sensing the hand of Frosty behind the word I've never heard those two use before.

While Lili has stopped calling me Jon.  As soon as she heard Red start using it again.  Says that's something she wants to be special between me and the first wife.  So she's settled on 'dearest' instead.  Is Red jealous?

And of course I'm not just buying shit for my wives.  If you've got tits?  I've got coin.  Screw coppers or bronze.  I'm going through silvers like water.  Every woman with me, whether wife, guard, friend, guest, or servant?  Gets spoiled.

Swear I can hear Frazur crying dragon tears as all that shiny metal floats away.  Well we did loot a lot of Gilend's treasury.  And gotta keep the money moving.  Not doing any good if its just sitting in a pile.

We run into Juli and Rob, plus their crews, and walk, shop, talk, together for a bit.  A friend of Juli's, Isa something, looks at me like I'm her next meal and starts quietly negotiating with my wives.

What is up with all the man-eaters on this planet?

If I had pride?  Or any of those other ethical moral type, thingies?  I would definitely almost might be offended.

Possibly.

And they are not the only ones to join us for a bit.  The Redbrands, Frosty, Tharick, deans, professors, students from animal house, lord mayor, new old seneschal, chamber pot, marshal, and just about every lord and lady within a hundred miles, shows up.

The Stormgarde honchos are especially happy over the dragon corpses.  Can make lots of rare crap with them apparently.

Well, all of them find me at some point during the day.  Yeah, you heard me.  The whole freaking day we spend browsing around Pearlden and the tent city.  Lili says its important to spend at least one whole day showing my face everywhere during the festival.

And she does mean everywhere.  Ugh.  I feel like a politician at a county fair.

Just as its important for me to be seen today?  Its also very important for others to be seen with me.  House Gilend has dominated the County of Raneya for generations.  And I wiped out half their clan, including their bastion of power, in one night.

Couple of hours in fact.

So everyone wants everyone else to see that they are not on my shit list.  While what's left of Gilend panics.  Well, when the fastest communication is bird-speed?  Lots of them probably don't even know yet.

If Gilend is smart, they'll roll over and surrender.  If they get my support?  No other House will dare make a move.  If they don't?  Another House in the county will attack.  It would be insanely stupid not too with a juicy fruit like Raelera up for grabs.

We'll see what happens over the next few days and weeks.

Back to this parade, my blood really did make a difference for Val and her family.  Them walking around in broad daylight makes that clear enough.

Apparently there is a rare breed of half vampire called dhampir.  Not as strong as 'true' vampires, but with less weaknesses.

Like sunlight.

Maybe that's what they are now?

Val hasn't seen the sun in over a decade, so she is loving it.  And wearing as little as possible.  Like teeny weeny bloody drips and drops bikini little.  Complaining about how stuffy her clothes are the whole time.

I feel sorry for the bikini supporting this oppai loli.  Cleavage for days.

The rest of her family, on the other hand, are recent additions.  There is a real chance of them being recognized by relatives.  So they are wearing lots of fabric.  Even hoods and facemasks.

And one bikini clad sandals wearing oppai loli being followed by six adults covered in cloth from head to toe?  Looks as weird as it sounds.

Right now, we've stopped for a traveling troupe performing some play that's apparently famous in Crownfair.  While my entourage monopolizes the seating?  I ponder what to do with my undead.

Even after the post battle cleanup, trimming, and reorganizing?  Over three hundred 'presences' now exist in my mindscape.  And they aren't even all 'there.'  While all are bound slash anchored to my mind?  Only my living shadows 'live' there.

The solely astral or material types?  Don't.  The material types can't.  They're physical bodies.  The astral types can?  But prefer not too.  Want a place instead of a space.  Hard to describe.

The best understanding I have so far?  For purely astral or material undead?  As a necromancer, I'm really just the ignition.  I just get them started.  Give them a spark, and a little gas, to get their motor running.

With the hybrid nature of living shadows, on the other hand.  Existing materially and astrally?  Or is it existing materially thru astrally?  I'm the ignition, and the fuel tank.  They get their spark and all their gas, from me.

This is good and bad.  Good, because it makes it a lot easier for me to super charge my living shadows.  They get all their gas from me anyways so just bump up the octane.

Bad, because it creates another limit to how many I can support.  Not only do I need space for them in my mindscape?  I need to have the fuel reserves to keep them all running.

Kind of explains why living shadow necromancy is such a neglected field.  Too much cost and effort.

So, to me at least, it makes sense that my living shadows want to 'live' near their only gas station.  Or whatever you want to call it.  The rest?  Can't or don't want too.

Which?  Makes my brain a godawful mess.  I've got the ones actually living there, big and small.  Then I've got the ones just connected to me. Like thru a tin can phone.

Oh, and I don't actually need a connection to order the astral and material undead around.  It does give me better control though.  They can feel my will, so to speak.  I can also sense what's going on with them, to a degree.

Though its no where near as strong or as deep as the connection to my living shadows.  Once the numbers of my material and astral undead really start climbing?  I'm going to have to restrict the tin can phones to just the commanders.

I've reorganized, reclassed, and resorted this mess as best I can.

I'm now up to 196 'hybrid,' living shadow, undead.  Of which, 19 are also half-deads.  Material undead are up to 109 now.  Counting bipeds and quadrupeds.  Only 16 astral undead though.  Maybe I'm biased?  Undeadist?

Just not a ghosts fan.

Giving me a total of 321 undead.  Counting the super swords?  323.  Also counting my wives who are linked to me thru our rings?  329.  Yep, there are three hundred and twenty nine 'presences,' in my mind right now.  Yikes.

And while I'm really just the ignition and gas for my undead?  That doesn't mean I can't mess around under the hood.  Customize the engine.  Rebuild the frame.  Add spinners.  Drop the axle, on my toe again.  Etc, etc...

So as long as they got the skills to support it?  I can pretty much turn them into anything.  Which is how I've been upgrading my fourth cheat power.

Another challenge for me is ranking.  How tough are they?  Using the guild's ranking system but its still pretty arbitrary and broad.  Running lots and lots of one on ones.

Okay, here's what I've got.

Yeah, if I rate you a Copper (F) or below?  Bye bye.  Again, don't want pawns right now.  Don't want catapult fodder.  Need tougher pieces for this chess board.

And its just my opinion but Frazur may actually be more of an SS than S.  Especially when I super charge him like I did for Gilend Falls.

Got a good number of adventurers last night, along with some men-at-arms and mercenaries that were worth keeping.  But how do I class them?  Ended up just creating the Shadow Sergeants, Shadow Scouts, and Shadow Mages, types.

Within each type though?  You get a pretty broad range, rank wise.  Most are Irons (E).  A few Bronze (D).  And just a couple of Steels (C).  Should break them down further into more types, but I honestly don't want to deal with it.

And oh my god the mish mash of jobs and skills in those three.  Ugh.  Would pull my hair out if I wasn't worried it wouldn't grow back.  Can undead grow hair?

Even if I do end up becoming that Lich thing some cultists are whispering about?  I'll be damned if I'm giving up my hair.  Pity the god that tries to take my Fabio fabulous hairdo away.

Isekai early male pattern baldness ain't no joke.

Think I'll focus more on material undead from here on.  Once you give them a good flame bath?  So that only bones are left?  They don't stink.  Sorry zombies and ghouls.  Bad body odor is a deal breaker for me.

And if you cover them from head to toe in armor?   They don't immediately panic the living.  They'll just feel the chill of death when they stand to close.

You can even completely cover their faces since they don't actually use eyes to see or ears to hear.

Will have to see if I can make skeletal versions of priests, mages, and assassins too.  Wonder how much of their souls I can keep in them?

Speakers wise we've got four keepable additions.  Narses the (Fire) Mage, Cedum the (Water) Mage, Dietmar the (Tank) Sergeant, and Reimond the (Thief) Scout.

Also I've stapled enough spirit fragments together to give a Death Knight (Drabek) and a Wraith (Toren) the sense of self to speak.  Though they're still way to freaky to listen too.  Need to smooth out the edges more.

I'll use the handy necromancers secret weapon.  Duct Tape.  Astral Isekai Duct Tape.

The four new shadow speakers were the only ones to pass my 'should I kill' test after raising.  There were others but they were too scummy, too crazy, or both.  Yeah, I'm the putrid revolting enemy of all living things.

But even I have standards!

After all, these shadow guys live 'in' me.  So any whose spirits are too gross?  Too corrupted?  Too evil?  Bye bye.  So, yeah, could have even more but I'm not that desperate.

You liked Phantom Menace?  Wrath of Khan isn't one of the greatest movies ever made?  Don't call us.  We'll call you.  Not.

While Narses and Cedum don't have families?  And only care about magic?  Dietmar has a wife and kids while Reimond has a kid brother.

Dietmar and Reimond have already gone to their loved ones and explained things.  The wife was a servant and new old seneschal has already hired her for Lions Keep.

The kid brother has come too and been apprenticed to one of the Stormgarde groundskeepers.

Both are even moved already.  The power of my fourth cheat [Minions] strikes again!

Now this isn't about guilt.  You choose to be my enemy?  The consequences are on you.  Its about studying the ecology of living shadows.  In this experiment, the effects of having living loved ones aware of their state and its impact on the family dynamic.

The possibilities and potential of an unliving society and even ecosystem?  Has been interesting me more and more.  Maybe its a necromancer thing?  Maybe its an insanity thing?  Don't know.

Could have added some pretty potent folks to the roster last night but I didn't.  They wanted to break up my harem.  Tried to break up my harem.  So they had to die.  Like die die.

Simple as that.

Huh.

This play is still going.

At least we are up to the king fighting and defeating, the demons?  Pfft.  That's funny.  The guards and entourage means me and my harem have the center seats for this travesty all to ourselves.

Mentally wrap up my non-living assets inventory and review just as, on stage, the king defeats the demon lord.  Saving Tourin forever.  Ugh.  He even steals the demon lord's succubus wife?  I think I'm going to be sick.

Oh god.  He's screwing the Maidens of Sanriel now.  Didn't they state earlier that one of them is the king's daughter?  Wow, an incestuous royal happily ever after.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?!

Lili really wants me to act like a politician up for reelection, at least that's what it sounds like to me, so I barely manage to politely applause.  Ushi?  Looks ready to rape the actors to death, eat their flesh, and sew their skin into her clothing.

And if they’re very, very, lucky?  She’ll do it in that order.

Dear old dad saving, and then fucking, the Sanriel Maidens may have been a bridge too far for her.

Here I come to save the day.  Swoop in and princess carry her out of there.  Then keep carrying her for a while until her violent murderous rage cools down to just pissed and pouting level.

The slowest parade in history, swear I'm seeing snails pass us, heads for Pearlden's east gate.  Where carriages wait to take us back to Lions Keep so we can get ready for tonight's ordeal.  I mean, grand ball.

Hooray...

Then Blue's posture suddenly changes as she spies someone coming thru the gate.

"Milti!"

And she's off like a shot.  Almost knocking over a girl in a wheelchair while wrapping her arms around the kid.  Our guards, having dealt with six spoiled women all day, smoothly handles the latest disruption and readjusts their formation for the umpteenth time.

Weird seeing her, legless.  She's always Milti-Juri when around me.  Pushing the wheelchair is her father, Kam I think.  Two boys are with them too.  Probably apprentices.  The fifth and last member of her party though?

Hehe.  Well I'll be damned.

"Was wondering when they would show up."