Chapter 2: Chamber Pot

Mister chamberlain is looking a bit under the weather.

Thru Rowl I see the Chamberlain, Symond Roshenauc. A portly and friendly looking fellow, climbing the spiraling stairs of doom. Seems he has not gotten a wink of sleep either. Understandable, as he has a huge mess to clean up.

According to Ushi, the chamberlain is responsible for the castle lord and family's personal 'chambers.' Including the marquis's family when they visit. He is number three in Lions Keep. And was the one who insisted I move into the big room.

The number two, Marshal Tomas Labrait, is in war mode. Preparing for any further hostilities from House Gilend. What about number one?

Well the new Seneschal, Denyal Moret, was Ortwin's assistant. He is younger and less experienced than the Marshal or Chamberlain. So not only is he trying to fill some big shoes? He is also dealing with an incredibly pissed off Marshal who is itching to burn Raelera to the ground.

Raelera, the jewel of the west, is a Gilend town so its naturally a tempting target for retaliation. Denyal is doing his best to keep the local Lianlaf from attacking Gilend 'right now.' At least until he can get instructions from grizzly.

So, yeah, things are... 'tense.'

Which makes chamber pot showing up with a butler and maids? Suspicious.

What if some of them work for Gilend and try to kill me or, worse, Edel or Ushi? Or are vulnerable to being turned by Gilend.

Well, at least Rowl is getting to put on a show.

There are four entrances to this suite. And each has two formed shadows plus several formless ones guarding it. Chamber pot is coming up a southern stairwell so Rowl manifests to greet them. From a shadow behind him I can see Rowl and he looks fucking magnificent.

The black ink and dark smoke with inner purple flames present a malevolent towering plate armored knight holding a menacing great-sword T posed. Alfek and Orsa standing at his feet, looking at the newcomers like they could become their next meal at any moment.

Told the 'we fucked up' crew that I would handle my own security. Even pulled out a couple of shadows when they tried arguing with me. So the 'undead' and 'necromancer' hurdles have already been passed. Still, coming round a corner and finding yourself suddenly face to face with three undead?

Can't be good for the poor guy's bladder, or sphincter.

With him is an old grey dignified looking fellow. Wearing what's got to be a butler outfit. Bet his name is Sebastian, or Sebas. Behind the butler are nine women in maid like outfits but one's a bit fancier than the rest. Probably the head maid.

Each maid's outfit is doing its damnedest to shove the girl's tits up to her chin, of course. Again, what is up with this world and cleavage?

Butler is keeping his cool, perfectly. Boss maid is scared but doing her best to hide it. The other maids are a mix. One is even excited. Only one, make that two now, have peed themselves. So far. But, hey, the day is young.

~Chamberlain?~

"Oh Metia, it talks."

Chamber pot says and turns even paler than before. And there's maid number three for the pee club! Maybe I should put porta-potties out there?

"I apologize for the intrusion." Butler's got some balls! "There was an emergency request for staffing for an unusual guest of the Lions Keep. A necromancer." Not sure I'm okay with them already telling people a necromancer is here. "We have come to present ourselves to the new master."

Nice bow! Oh and the maids are doing the curtsy thing too. What the hell. Lets get the assassination attempts started.

"Let them in Rowl."

See my champion and his hounds dissipate. While the shadow knights behind them opens the door.

Might as well get ready. Adjust Sanctity and Tormentor and head down the loft's stairs. Wearing a nice black military style coat with red lining over a white shirt and dark blue pants found in a town after Colrac. Know its stupid but I've been trying to color coordinate with my swords.

Thank god, again, for Ushi. At least what she picked looks good to me. So thbbft!

As I reach the main floor, chamber pot, the butler, and maids, have lined up in front of the west window. Chamber pot and butler standing, maids kneeling. Including boss maid. Good old sexism.

Alex and Juri reading in the library nook north of the west window made some maids curious. The whittler has already handed a carving, lion, to the too happy maid.

Byern moves a stool over so I can sit facing them and keep my swords on. Lanot joins him and they position themselves on my flanks. The room's shadows are boiling. Kept them from intervening yesterday. Not sure if I could stop them, even if I wanted too, today if something happens.

Think I'm supposed to speak first.

"I am Viscount Jon Barton." No way am I saying all that other shit.

Old butler bows smartly.

"My lord. I am Harin Provion." Not Sebastien? Bummer. "A fourth generation manservant recently retired from service with the Hyerdam family of House Branstot. Baron Hyerdam's family included several skilled mages. One of them a necromancer."

That could explain him being not being phased by undead. Or he could just be super cool. Might look up this necromancer later to see what they can teach me.

Boss maid is up.

"My lord. I am Ofeleia Dysth." Ofe- what? "A second generation housemaid released from service with the senior Rottbow family of House Rottbow per Lord Roshenauc's request." Her hand motions to chamber pot. "As instructed I have purchased eight slave maids." She motions to the eight maids to her right who all kowtow. "As per standing orders for Lions Keep. Each is trained for day and night duties."

Chamber pot's eyes bulge a bit and he goes pale, again. Poor guy forget something?

Look the maids over and some appear to have elven, dwarven, or halfling traits. Ushi said this region has a lot of mixed breeds. Though for most its too slight to matter.

"Lord. I apologize again for not having your chambers prepared." Chamber pot bows. "Would these be acceptable servants?"

Want to say 'no' just to fuck with him. Honestly though? Don't care. Whoever we get may be a spy or an assassin. A rush job from me being early is probably safer than giving various factions time to move.

Lets make how I do things clear to the newbies.

"Mitsu, come here."

~Yes, Tenno.~ My shadow bat-human assassin forms next to me.

"Introduce yourself."

She faces the new staff.

~I am Mitsu, former assassin of the Universal Church of Metia. Wife of Yodo and mother of Juri.~ A shadow reading a book, waves. ~I was defeated by Tenno and he ripped my spirit out of my body.~ Several maids are visibly shaking. ~I now serve Tenno, with what is left of my soul, for the rest of eternity.~

She holds herself quite proudly and dark magic crackles around her.

Oops, too much again. One of the maids peed, again.

"Thank you Mitsu." Time to bring it home. "I am a stranger in a strange land. But this is the way I deal with things." Gesture to the undead around me. "Some of you are probably spies for a person or group. That's fine. It's to be expected." Lean forward. "However, betray or oppose me? Bring, or lead, me or my wives to disgrace? And you will be lucky if all you do, is die." We got another pee-er! "Questions?"

Why is excited maid even more excited now?

"Lord Barton." Balls of bronze butler, is unfazed. "Your adventurer class is not Necromancer?"

"Yes, my guild chosen job is Swordmage." Shrug.

Boss maid's turn. "Master Barton. How long do you expect your residence here will be?"

"I will be attending Stormgarde as both student and faculty." Chamber pot's eyes shake. Oh yeah, Aezeti gave me monocle's message. But I haven't shown it to them yet. "I may or may not remain in Lions Keep. The view is impressive but the reception? Has been, lacking." Now he shudders.

"Lord Barton, will you be teaching necromancy?" Chamber pot's getting brave.

"No. I'll be a researcher in healing magic. A field I'm much stronger in." Why did his jaw drop? "Attempting to simplify my spells so they can used by your world's caster-"

"Please forgive my master!" Frankie? "His northerner manners are quite different from our own." Damn she's hot in that dress. Red too. Down boy! Down! "He says the most extraordinary things like they are but a passing breeze. And leaves the world quivering from his touch." Quivering from... What?

Both Ushi and Edel are walking towards me. Both are, dressed. Right now? I wish I had better words. Red? Embarrassed and nervous. Frankie? Confident and elegant. Red is back to her knight look but, so hot. What a fantasy look.

She's got silver plate and chain boots going up to her knees. Bare legs from there up to red shorts covered by a plate and chain skirt. Bare and fair belly from there up to the, they really do exist, 'boob' plate. With exposed cleavage and skin up to two shoulder plates.

Then bare and fair arms down to the elbows with plate and chain reaching all the way to her fingers from there. Finally a red cape behind and a beautiful long sword plus dagger in red scabbards belted at her waste.

It looks incredibly impractical, using plate armor for extra lift and cleavage? But god damn is it sexy. Where the hell did she even get this? Clearly I've been going to the wrong stores. She was wearing regular looking plate or leathers on the road. Wasn't she? And with her red hair and as tall as she is?

I may be drooling.

Sense the hand of Frankie here. Red looks uncomfortable with showing that much skin. And speaking of Ushi? Holy shit.

Tight white leather boots reaching above her knees. Dark grey skin only interrupted by a white bikini like bottom until it reaches a white bikini like top. Then some tight white open in front cloak with snug sleeves that clasps in front of her breasts. Creating even more lift and cleavage. A dagger and wand are belted to her waist with white scabbards.

She looks like the bride in a royal sex slave's wedding.

They are so hot its worrying. I'll end up killing half the town if we go out. Oh, wait, this is for me. Isn't it? Frankie starts smirking. Dammit! Now Red is grinning. Okay, yeah, you got me. Red's not done teasing though.

"D-do you like, husband?" Blushing too? Augh!

Can't even stand right now. My solid steel boner would rip right through my pants.

I pull Red over and she wraps those long legs around me. Pull her head down and lock lips while she begins grinding. Can feel Ushi's mental guts pose so I pay her scheming ass back by reaching out and grabbing, that juicy ass. Switch to exercising priest-wife's lips and tongue while knight-wife continues to grind.

Its good to be the king.

Look at my two very happy wives and sigh. Got too much to do. Really want to spend the day testing our new bed together, but can't. Give both of their asses a squeeze.

"Take a bath and clean up. I will join you shortly." Seeing them both nod I add. "And you will never go out in public exposing that much skin. Understand?" I don't share. "Go."

The two way to damned satisfied with themselves now wives, hold hands and just about skip their way to the baths. Women are truly frightening creatures. I never stood a chance.

Turn back around to see chamber pot looking extremely uncomfortable. Butler? Completely unperturbed. Boss maid looks, well, odd. Dreamy, maybe? And the slave maids are hot and bothered to varying degrees.

"Chamberlain. Get out. Assemble the leadership of this castle in the appropriate meeting place and let him know." Point at not-sebastian and hand the message I got from Aezeti to chamber pot. "Discuss those instructions and we will join you once we've finished cleaning up."

Looking visibly relieved. Chamber pot beats a hasty retreat. Okay, now what was his name?

"Harin." There is that crisp bow again. "No man is to ever touch my wives." Nods as do the maids. I'm about to dismiss them but what do I do about the pee patrol?

I step forward to boss maid and hold out my hand. She looks confused at first but takes it and I lift her to her feet. I then move my way down the line and lift up each girl. Including the pee-ers.

The urinators are hesitant to reveal their puddles but know they'll be in even more trouble for refusing. Did not expect excited girl to be one of them. Once all the maids are standing I back up a couple of steps.

"I, hurt. So, sometimes, I hurt others. Even when I do not mean too." That apology sucked. "I, apologize for scaring you." What was her name? "Ofeleia?" Very nice curtsy. "I do not know Ipra's ways." Will the shadows to hand one bag of coins each to butler and boss maid. "Is this enough to take of the mess I caused?"

"Master Barton." She's giving me a skeptical look. "This is enough to buy a few more maids."

"I do not want more maids. Umm..." Shrug with my hands. "I do not want you to misunderstand. You are, all, now mine." Yeah, that won't confuse them. "Ugh. Need better words." Fingers, meet forehead, and rub. "If you are going to serve me? Then I should also serve you. This means that until you prove yourself unworthy of it? You will have my support and protection."

Several of the maids' mouths are hanging open. Did I say something crazy again?

"We'll discuss more about the details later. For now? Please do whatever you need to do. Spare uniforms perhaps? And then do whatever you are supposed to be doing."

Bows and curtsies.

Splashes and giggles from outside.

"Oh, and please send two maids to help my wives. Be careful. They are frisky today."

Dysth, Ofeleia (female, elf-human, tourinese)

Labrait, Tomas (male, human, tourinese)

Moret, Denyal (male, elf-human, tourinese)

Provion, Harin (male, human, tourinese)

Roshenauc, Symond (male, human, tourinese)