Chapter 2: Unwelcome Mat

---Earlier---

*fwop* *fwop* *fwop*

"DIE HERO!"

*record scratch*

Okay, I wasn't sure what to expect but I've watched anime before. So figured I had a clue.

Yeah, I didn't.

First thing I see after angel tits sends me out the suddenly appearing door? Is a girl's face. A dazed eyes, matted hair, pointy eared, panting tongued with dangling drool face just inches above mine.

If that hadn't derailed my isekai expectations enough? The booming, definitely not friendly, voice coming from behind her certainly did.

*crunch*

With my instincts screaming “MOVE” at me. I roll off the pedestal I’m laying on just as a huge sword sprouts from the in-heat lady's big ass titty rack and impales the stone altar.

Spring to my feet to see…

A probably “elf,” pointy ears, being doggied by a giant. Now that wasn’t like any anime I remembered. Well, there was that one, but I deleted my browser history afterwards so it's like it never happened.

And about said giant? Red skin, horns, bat wings, and a tail? Yep, bet that's a “demon.” Leaving elfy pinned to the stone with his huge sword. No, his other huge sword. Fat boy picks up an even bigger ax, and slowly turns my way.

Holy shit. It's like watching a mountain move.

But… Isn't this kind of soon for the hero's first fight?

And what is up with me? This is definitely not “my” body. Too tall. FOV is off. And what the fuck is up with all these muscles? Was this guy chugging isekai steroids?

“Whoa.”

Jesus, there is a thunderstorm inside me. Electricity courses through my veins. Oooh yeah… Adrenaline ain’t got shit on this. Feel invincible. May the wings of liberty never lose a feather level invincible.

Wow!

Huh, fat boy is still turning. Weird. Better check what’s going on.

Let's see… How many bad guys are there? One, two, five, ten, twelve, demon looking things around me and five more exploited teens like the elf. Ew…

If I had time? Would puke. The shape these girls are in goes way beyond rape. Bitches been broken. And why is everybody naked? I'm surrounded by battered babes and demon dongs.

*ROOAAARRRR*

Uh… Slow mo yelling? And why is demon boy walking so slow? Wait. He's not slow. I'm fast. Really fast.

Turbocharged.

My blood is brimming with magic nitro. Christ, look at the size of that ax headed right for my face. So close I can see the blood, bits of flesh, even hair, stuck along the edge.

Does this fatty never clean it?

Sigh…

Fine.

You wanna fight? Let's fight.

*wooooosh*

With a flick of my right ankle, slide to the left, around the ax head now passing by. Just a flex of the left foot launches me towards him, as I coil a cross with my right arm. He's quick, already pulling his gruesome battle ax back.

But I'm quicker.

Aim right below where the ribs should be. Think it's called the sternum. Damn, feel like a fucking superhero.

Eat this, asshole.

*BAM*

God damn! Look at him fly!

*boom* *crash*

Let's do this by the numbers. “Raper 1,” demon boy, gets launched by my fist. Goes airborne. Smashing a column unfortunate enough to be in the way then crashing through a wall beyond it.

"Next!"

Bring it, bitches.

*rumble*

And here comes his cavalry. The other bad guys have dropped the joy rape club and grabbed an assortment of brutal looking weapons. Would rather they grab shorts though. Damn, didn't know dicks could be that ugly.

Well don't complain later if your privates get ripped off. Wait, I'm naked too? Shit. Definitely something is fucked up with this world. Really hope I didn't land on “nudist fantasy planet.” If this is paradise? It's seriously lacking in vitamin virgin.

My next customer is “Raper 2,” a part dog demon? Part wolf demon? Fuck it, whatever.

*woosh*

The jagged scimitar he’s swinging is much faster than fat boy’s ax. But these things all got a couple feet on me. Making it easy to duck under the blade when he aims for my head. Letting me close in and kick up hard with my left foot.

*squash*

Like putting my foot in jelly.

Should have worn protection, dumbass. His, uh, demonhood turns to pulp. Think I even catch a glimpse of spine coming out dog demon’s back.

Yep, that's going to haunt me. Gonna need to soak leftie in bleach for like ten, no, fifteen minutes.

Then burn it. Cleanse it with fire. Then bleach it aga-

*WHAM*

Floor. Ceiling. Floor. Ceiling. Floor.

My view keeps changing as I tumble. Left ribs hurt, bad. Cracked? Crushed? Look up after I stop. See a part bear demon with a big ass hammer and a shit eating grin. Congratulations. You are now Raper 3.

*chokch* *chokch*

Roll again, this time to keep from getting pinned to the floor by a spear. Another doggy, Raper 4, is trying to impale me with a pointy stick. No, his other pointy stick. Get your minds out of the gutter people!

His aim sucks though so he’s just remodeling the floor.

Roll up and pile a left hook into the side of his knee. A loud crack and it bends a way it was never designed to. Timber! And now I've got a spear. Well, more like a pike with how long it is.

Spinning to my feet I ram the pike into his skull thru a fuzzy grey haired ear.

Now he’s a dead doggy.

Raper 3 arrives and tries to crush my noggin with that big freaking hammer. Do a barrel roll!

*wham* *zizh*

3's hammer makes a lot of noise as it slams into the floor. Jagged bits of shattered stone whiz by, slashing at my face. Fuck that stings!

*crack*

Bear? Meet stick. A full power swing of my new spear deforms his head. And snaps the pike in two. Raper 3 drops to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

Choke on that, fuzzball.

Okay, that was dumb. Spears for stabby. Not hammy.

*konk* *pow*

A kick in my ribs from the right sends me flying into a big fist to the face from my left that catapults me back across the pedestal I arrived on. Oops. Should have waved to elfy as I flew by.

Face plant and skid into rubble on the far side. Ouch. My poor mug. Probably got major road rash on my cheeks right now. Can hear the fuckers laughing.

“Haha.” “Hehe.” “This is the hero?”

God dammit.

*cough* *hack* *blegh*

Struggle to move and start throwing up blood. That can’t be good. Might even upchuck an organ or two. Shit, dropped my now half pike mid-flight. Will the airline return it? Where’s the baggage claim stub?

Okay, I might have a concussion.

Come on, snap out of it. Damn, need a weapon. Oh yeah. There's one. Maximum effort!

Leap on top of the altar and with both hands yank the huge sword out of the stone and twitching leaking elf. Ooh, does that make me the king of England now?

Wow, this is one mean looking hunk of iron!

A tapering double-edged blade almost five feet long. Diamond cross-section with no fuller. The metal is black and shot through with jagged dark red streaks.

Long straight bar crossguard is also black but a little lighter in color and embossed with intricate jagged shapes.

From the crossguard stretches the hilt. Its grip is long enough for three hands and wrapped in strips of dark leather while the pommel, carved like a demon head, holds an uncut ruby in its mouth.

“Christ! Talk about edgelord overload!”

The cringe is strong in this one. I'm embarrassed to even hold this monument to chuunihood. Something is very wrong with this world and- my hand is on fire!

Can see and smell the burning melting crisping skin. Teeth clench as pain rips up and down my nerves. Thi- They are still laughing at me? Fuck this and fuck you! Burn me as much as you want god dammit. As long as those douchebags die!

With the sound and smell of sizzling bacon in my ears, and wondering if there’s an isekai Denny's nearby, I throw myself back at the fuglies.

"Aahhh!!!!"

Yeah, it's a pathetic warcry but lay off. Adrenaline and magic nitro are the only reasons I'm still alive.

*FRAZH*

The brat pack counter charges with Raper 3 at the front. Who I rush, head on. Diagonally slash thru fugly bear's hammer and, surprisingly, thru fugly bear.

It's like the sword invisibly stretches a couple feet beyond the blade’s end.

Oh shit, going too fast to stop.

*splash*

Get hosed with 3's innards as his now two parts pass by on both sides. Ugh, so gross… But if I don't have time for pain? Also don't have time for pepto.

Why are bear’s halves on fire?

Have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Just 'roid raging with a sword. My next wild swing somehow tears the heads off a part horse demon and part lion demon.

*zhrang* *chop*

A classic red devil type comes swooping in, he’s got wings, swinging a huge mace in his left hand. I'm moving so fast now that I easily bisect the mace with a downward slice that turns into a clockwise spin which chops both legs off at the knees as he passes.

Brimstone. These guys all reek of brimstone. That’s so damn funny to me for some reason. Well, brimstone and sex. Condition of those girls makes me think their gangbang had been going on for hours before I got here.

What a shitty world.

*throlch* *BAM*

Weave through another oversized ax and sword determined to end me. Shove Tormentor into the chest of a part bull demon and use the momentum, as he topples back, to deliver a savage uppercut. Send a part goat demon flying.

Can’t dodge everything though. Knicks, scrapes, cuts, bruises, start covering me. Pains piling up.

I know I should be freaking out right now. My memory is hazy, confused. Like sentences written over each other.

Stop. Don’t care. Doesn’t matter. These douchebags are after my son. If I fall here they’ll try again.

Bitches must pay.

What’s left of the rape brigade quits chasing me, changes tactics and decides to blitz. Five charge me at once. Are they trying to tackle me? Well this quarterback's got a sword, assholes.

*FFFRRRAAAZZZHHH*

Tighten my grip on Tormentor, is that its name, and lean into a spin. Notice the flames coming off the charred steel this time. Put so much muscle into the swing that my sword rips through meat and metal alike.

Reduced to large burning chucks, demon remains go flying in every direction.

Gasp for air. Lungs heave for more oxygen. Hear roasting body parts wetly smack onto the floor. Realize nothing’s moving. No one’s standing. Except me.

*pant* *wheeze*

Ha! Who’s laughing now, bitches. Guess I won-

*SPAK*

A blinding flash and my skull bounces off a column before I drop to the floor. Body is twitching and, sparking? Short circuiting brain notes that I’m a dozen feet away from where I was a second ago.

Oww! What the fuck was that?! Great. Just had to go and raise a flag.

"ENOUGH!"

Uh oh… Someone sounds miffed. Want to speak with my manager, Karen?

Ouch, did that douche shoot me with lightning? Was it magic? Bet it was magic. Fuck magic.

Raper 1 ponderously walks back through the wall and boy does he look pissed. At least I think he looks pissed. He is butt fugly so maybe that’s a constipated look? Nah, he’s probably pissed. And I can tell because I have “people skills.”

Step one of successful communication? Build rapport.

“Ah, poor baby. Did someone turn your rape club friends into kibbles and bits?”

Hmm… Voice sounds pretty hoarse. Well, not surprised. Feels like someone stuck my head into a light socket. Where’s le aqua?

A bit unsteadily, I get back on my feet.

Cool, managed to keep a grip on Tormentor. How do I know its name? And, he still has that freakishly huge ax.

Great.

“You will return my sword, slave.”

“Come say hello to my little friend.”

Okay, not the best comeback. But, geesh, cut me some slack. I’m not a morning person.

*doom* *doom* *doom*

Demon boy starts lumbering towards me. His footsteps, as he picks up speed, sound like the drums of hell. Or Gir’s Doom Song1https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxzpVaiP6eg. Mine? As I charge to meet him? Uh, not quite as impressive but I’m not scared.

History is written by the victor, asshole, and my autobiography will say you had pussy feet.

*squish* *squish* *squish*

*clang*

Ax meets sword. Unstoppable force meets immovable object. The shockwave from our impact ripples through space around us. We struggle and… I lose. Turns out? I'm rather movable.

Well duh, he's like twice my height and ten times my weight.

Able to somewhat control the flight this time, should get frequent flier miles, manage to land on my feet. Just how the fuck am I doing this? I'm an out-of-shape overweight -censored to protect the fragile hearted- year old dude. Not Superman. Nor Chuck Norris.

*zhing* *kerrang* *vong*

Leap back at him, crossing dozens of feet. Two hand Tormentor trying to smash through his guard. Fail again. Get knocked back again.

Launch, strike, flight. Launch, strike, flight. Launch, strike, flight. We are both bleeding now from numerous cuts. But he's getting faster. Using magic nitro like I am? At least demon boy is stuck on defense and I'm stuck on offe-

*SPAK*

Ung, that hurts!

Got stupid. Predictable. Gotta keep zigzagging. How do I get to him?

Paging deus ex machina part deux.

*zholch* *crunch*

Pay for that moment's distraction with his ax passing by less than an inch from my face. Adding another huge gouge to the much abused floor. Throw myself to the right but the edge leaves a deep slice down my left side.

Blood. Pain. A lot of it. But, it doesn’t last? Like every other wound today, the blood quickly stops leaking and it begins closing. And his injuries are doing the same.

Crazy fucking healing. More magic shit I bet.

Still, at least this is the right direction. Roll on the ground and clumsily grab another weapon that catches my eye.

Pulling it out of the rubble reveals a very different sword, at least compared to Tormentor.

This blade is silver, with blue lines swirling through it. Almost four feet long, straight and also double-edged. Cross-section though is lenticular instead of diamond and has a fuller running most of its length.

The crossguard is an engraved off-silver straight bar with an ornate swept hilt.

Grip is long enough for two hands and wrapped in white fabric. While the pommel holds a finely cut sapphire instead of an uncut ruby.

*skrak*

A very different looking blade but, ouch, just as painful. My right hand twitches and smokes. Feels like holding a live wire. Can’t waste time thinking about it anymore though because mister demonic freight train is already here.

*zhing* *schlich*

"AAAHHG!"

Catch the ax with Tormentor again but use the inertia to flip instead of fly. Leaving Sanctity free to make a deep slice in Raper 1's right shoulder. Wait, Sanctity? See little sparks follow her steel and its demon boy's turn to feel the pain.

Let's. Get. Dangerous.

*vong* *skak* *kerrang* *fuzh* *zhing* *shlik*

Dual wielding now, I'm able to deflect his bloody ax over and over again. Using the other blade to hack and slash. Leave sparking or burning flesh behind each time. Stop noticing the pain from my hands. Finally, got this bastar-

*shli-*

?!

Oh fuck. Blubber boy pushes forward this time instead of pulling back. Ramming Sanctity so far into the abdomen that it gets stuck in his gut.

Demon douche gives me the shittiest eating grin and suddenly twists his torso. Ripping the sword out of my hand. Dammit! He's grabbing Sanctity with his left hand while keeping me pinned with the ax in his right. If he pulls it out and turns it on me?

Fine, I'll take his ax then.

*HUP* *WHOOSH* *BOOM*

His moment's diversion is all I need to get under his arm and drive my right fist into his flank. Pulling with my left at the same time. Get him off balance and very awkwardly judo flip his twelve foot ass. Demon boy looks stunned. Damn the torpedoes. Ramming speed!

Drop Tormentor, stomp my right foot on his shoulder, while gripping his right wrist with both hands and pull!!!

*RILCH* *CRACK* *POP*

"AAAUUUHHHGGG!!!"

Demon boy's scream, as his arm rips and tears away from its shoulder, is music to my ears.

*WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM*

The pain and rage in his eyes warms the cockles of my heart. My turn to smile, asshole. Now, I've got a bat. Bat? Meet Raper 1's fugly mug. Again and again and again and again.

Huh, figured as much, his arm is harder than his face.

Not exactly sure how long batting practice lasted but, by the end? Demon boy ain’t got no face. Just a heap of smashed watermelon where his head used to be.

Drop the arm-bat, patent pending, and do my damndest to stay standing. Lungs are demanding a lot more oxygen than the air has to give.

Welp, this douchebag is dead. Can “sense” a couple of his buddies aren’t though. Can actually hear their hearts still beating. Ain’t that a bitch. Sway a bit, shit, really can’t pass out now. Pick up Tormentor and, with a couple tugs, get Sanctity out of mister ex demon.

Huh. They really aren’t hurting my hands anymore.

Take a total chuuni pose and… Stab left, jump, slide, thrust right. Skewering the skulls of the remaining rape club corpse posers. Be proud. You're a real corpse now.

With the fight finally over, feel the backlash coming. Exhaustion catching up. Start to tremble. Shiver. Bet I get PTSD from this. Stomach wants to rebel. Empty whatever this body ate before I moved in. But, I'm not safe yet. Maybe. So muscle it back down.

Finally, I can catch my breath. Take a good look around to see where I am.

...

“What a shit-hole.”

Ignith, Urnithun (male, demon, drasritorn)