Chapter 42: Hanbao
---D-Day+206, Siesic(Youyue) 17th, Monday(Yiri) Afternoon---
---Beyulongong, Lower Ward---
Sects are rich yo.
"This way, please, Shenshou." The tall hairless elf disciple says, very humbly. And begins leading me through the lower district's maze of streets.
Sects are the elite of the social order in Luyan. And the only place where a peasant can, technically, be considered equal to a noble. The strongest clans all got their start in one sect or another. And remain at the top by feeding their preferred group of daoists with recruits, resources and wealth.
In return, the clans get an inside track on bringing the best and brightest into the fold. Many a talented peasant, totally coincidentally, meets their future husband, wife or concubine, in the sect. These cultivators then help represent and defend their new family's interests.
This social engineering is more difficult in the all male and all female sects. But the clans find a way.
Cultivation equals power in Luyan even more than magic does in Tourin.
Meaning that in a "large" sect, like the North Jade Dragon Palace? With patrons such as Yangxu's own royal family? There is a hell of a lot of money to be made. And to be spent.
So while the "A" rank goods and craftsmen can be found in cultivator towns. And the biggest cities. The "S" rank stuff is produced within the sects themselves. Made by some jackoff following the "Dao of Making Shit."
It's really not very hard to tell.
The stands and shops in and around the Beyulongong's "market," are a step above what I saw in Yuxueshi and Chenghai. Like comparing Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills to Main Street U.S.A.
No longer distracted by feeling a child soldier's blood on my hands. I'm better able to pay attention as we cross the sector. This is the most populated of the three wards, by far. Thousands of disciples live, learn, train and work here. As do thousands of servants.
Dress and demeanor makes it easy to tell which is which.
What I didn't notice, day before yesterday, was the hundreds of neither. Merchants, scholars, craftsmen, entertainers, officials, soldiers, guest daoists and more. All congregating around the central eastern half of the ward. That's also where the market is. Near the big eastern gate.
Here the roads are still low enough for donkeys, goats and other more sure footed beasts of burden to pull carts up the stepped streets. Palanquins are the most common form of public transportation. Instead of the many rickshaws and carriages found downhill in Jade Snow City.
Drizzle from the grey skies continues, as we stroll towards the pagodas clustered around the North Jade Dragon Palace's mall. Air is cold and damp. A steady wind sprinkles our faces despite the umbrellas.
Pedestrian traffic is a fifty-fifty split between umbrellas and thick cloaks. Busy, despite the rain, but not crowded. Washed out colors regularly interrupted by islands of warm light from lanterns hanging under eaves.
My own paper sunshade is decorated with a white and blue pattern. Each of ours appears unique. There is even a sect parasol club, the Sanshe, whose members compete with each other to make the most intricate designs.
"Fresh fish!" "Incense from Nandao!" "Tastiest dumplings in Luyan!" "A spirit stone for this?!" "See the flameproof silks of Madask!"
The noise of a wide open air bazaar washes over us as we round a corner. New smells of cooking food, burning incense and browsing people come with it. Along the market's perimeter are high-priced two or three story shops and a couple of four or five story inns. Also along this border are several pagodas.
The tallest is nine stories and looks very, um, "official." Banners showing the livery of Yangxu and the imperial family hang from its tiered roofs. The shortest is a fat tower. Six stories tall and covered with, you guessed it, statues of oriental pheasants.
Elf chick barely speaks a word before the staff at the entrance is ushering us inside.
We ascend flight after flight of my old enemy… stairs.
Fuck introducing firearms like the Japanese Nazis did. I'm going to show these primitive screwheads how to build escalators. If, you know, I actually knew how to build escalators.
Goddammit.
Anywho… we passed four floors going up the central stairwell. The first through third are open. Scattered tables. Half occupied by customers. Fourth and fifth are sectioned into private rooms. A few doors face the landing around the open shaft. But when we reached the sixth? Only a single set of double doors faces the landing.
Beside it stand the eight zombies necrobitch had when we first met outside the capital. Pale, bluish skinned, stitched together, very clean, muscular undead. Four per side of the door. Wearing black daoist robes with a paper talisman covering most of each face.
Living shadows manifest around me and have a face off with the walking corpses. Rowl and his two hounds seem particularly ready to throw down.
"Enough!" A mature feminine voice yells through the entry. "Let them pass."
Without hesitation two zombies pull open the doors. Shen's minions walk through, then we do. Shades and guardswomen fan out. Taking up positions along the walls. Laurel and Hardy flank the entrance. My maids, ladies and I stop in the chamber’s center. While hairless walks over and stands next to her mistress.
The room we're in is… odd.
From the outside, the building is an octagon. But here? Only three sides, with windows and porch, are visible. Walls with a single door halfway down each are to my right and left. Implying there’s two more rooms.
Built into the center outer wall is a large brick fireplace. Fragrant wood burns, cracks and pops. Windows are slatted and closed. Two exits to the balcony. Light is from the fireplace and several oil lamps. Bathing everyone in a yellow-orange glow. On my right, staff members softly play1Chinese Ancient Music Vol 1 instruments.
Furniture is sprinkled across the room. A tasteful collection of small tables, cushioned chairs, loveseats and even a daybed.
Guess this is a lounge.
“Thank you for accepting my invitation, distinguished Taiyi2Imperial Physician.” I recognize her face from the alchemy shop. Jade skin, button nose, tender lips, small ears and green within green eyes. But this Shen Ling is dressed very differently.
She has the attire of a core disciple. Blue daoist robes embroidered with the characters 北玉龍 in gold. Signifying the Beyulongong. As well as golden collars, edges and sash. On the sash is emblazoned the characters 死亡道. Siwangdao.
However, these duds are tailored very conservatively. More so than most male disciples. No bare skin is exposed beneath the neck. Zero cleavage and her breasts seem to be bound. Looking much smaller than the C-cups I remember. And her hair? Like Princess Leia from the first Star Wars movie. Even has gloves on.
Uh… is necrobitch a crossdresser?
Gotta admit, it's been decades since a girl talked me into getting that “experimental.” A learning experience I never, ever, plan to repeat.
Right up main street.
Well, whatever her kink is? It ain’t doing nothing for me.
“After what you said to Li, outside Beiguang? You’re still on my shit list, lady.” Hairless and the wonder twins bristle at the disrespect. But Ling? Not even a twitch.
She bows deeply. “Your displeasure is justified, Disciple Badun.” The blatant hostility during our last two encounters is completely absent from her voice and posture. “I stand shamed and lost face over my behavior.” Elfy's shocked by her boss’s admission. “Please. Let us move to the dining room and discuss compensation for my actions.”
Motions with her arm and walks to the left. Where two staffers open another set of double doors. Unleashing the heavenly scent of grilled…
*sniff* *sniffsniff*
Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells… smelly.
!
Beef?
That’s not goat. Not hog. Not lamb. Not chicken. Not duck. Not even buffalo. Nor one of the many monster versions of such.
The last time my nose encountered this? Was, yeah, a burger joint.
Cautiously come around the corner to look in the room.
*choir of angels*
No. Fucking. Way.
A long table runs down the center of another three wall room. Has the same fireplace and patio. But the only furniture are chairs and this table.
Waiters come and go through a door on the other side with plates. Setting them down on the hardwood surface. And on those dishes?
The bottom end is a toasted bread roll. Half of one. And laying on it? Heaven help me, is ground beef. An actual grilled patty of ground beef. Next is a slice of cheese. Not too thin. Not too thick. Then, sweet Jesus, another patty. And another slice of cheese. Finally crispy lettuce, juicy tomatoes and seared onions. Or at least veggies that look like them. And last but holy shit not least, the other half of that toasted bread roll is on top.
It's… a hamburger. The whole fucking table is burgertopia.
*sniff*
Now, I'm not the most manly man in the world. I even cried during that one scene in whatever the hell that movie was called. Don't remember the name because it was a chick flick my wife made me go to.
But I still cried.
Not ashamed to admit I'm on the edge of bawling my eyes out right now. And not just because of the onions. You know? If you ignore this. That. The other stuff. And every fucking thing else. Except that glorious dead cow sandwich?
It's… It's kind of like… I'm back home.
The thought is enough to bring tears to my eyes. Oh, and drool. Lots and lots of drool.
A waiter guides me to the seat of honor at one end. Where a triple is plated instead of a double.
"Revered Core Disciple Badun Yuehan," the server says, "we were informed you would prefer the three hanbao instead. Correct?"
Numbly nod as I sit down. Need two hands to pick it up. The scent of burnt moo gets even stronger. A few drips of grease escape their browned ground grave. The cheese is just starting to melt. Open wide. Chompers at the ready. Have to squish the sandwich a little to get a good bite.
*crunch*
Oh…♡ baby.
*slow mo chewing*
The juices. The seasoning. Grilled to somewhere between a medium and rare. Think I've found nirvana.
Watching me, Xianxia Karen smiles. Yeah, she got me. And we both know it. Did her research and knew exactly where to hit me. Bitch.
Fuck, this is a good burger.
*crunch* *munch* *chew* *gulp*
Appreciative moans and groans fill the room as everyone digs in. Can almost feel my cholesterol spiking with every bite.
Half expect necrobitch to smirk but she doesn't. Instead? She just sits next to me. But on the long side. Crosses her hands. And starts speaking.
Uhoh, my monologue senses are tingling.
Don’t care.
Eating.
"Over a century ago, I had everything. Respect, status and influence. A husband who adored me. And a gifted healthy daughter." Pauses. "Then assassins injured my husband and poisoned my daughter. It was a rare toxin with an even rarer cure. So, with a heavy heart, I left to seek it." Shudder. "Foolishly not realizing that I had been the true target all along." Hands clench. "My companions were killed and I was captured. Expected to be killed myself. But they had other plans for me."
Picks up a porcelain tea cup and takes a sip of something that smells alcoholic, before continuing.
"My captor was an elder of a demonic sect who practiced dual-cultivation. His art could pluck a woman’s yin or steal a man’s yang. I was tortured with both pain and pleasure." Expressionless. "Tormented by that evil man until he had twisted my mind… and heart."
A bigger sip.
"While I happily became his sex slave. My child… expired." Thousand yard stare. "Later, I was informed that up to the last moment, she begged for me. Longed for her mother’s touch." Pause. "But I was busy being a demonic sect’s prized whore. Lustily giving myself to anyone and everyone."
Another drink from the cup after Hairless refills it.
"When my husband finally found me? I stabbed him through the heart." Emotionless. "Held him in my arms as he faded away. Telling him how happy I was now. How great it was to just be a whore." Swirls her cup. "The sadness in his eyes confused me, at the time."
A bigger drink.
"My maker was so amused that he sent me home. To my mother-in-law." Shiver. "Instead of killing me. Mother tortured and tormented me all over again. Breaking me all over again." Pause. "Instead of a wife and mother. Instead of a slave and whore. She made me a spy and assassin."
Idly looks at her hands. Flexing fingers.
"I was mother’s tool. Spent decades waging a personal war against both demonic and dual cultivators. Exacted bloody revenge against that man, and his sect. Eventually stabbing him through his black heart." A small smile. "With the very same dagger I used to kill my husband."
For the first time, the Way of Death disciple pivots in her seat to gaze at me. Her eyes, teary but none have fallen or run down her cheeks.
"Mother then decided I would be her heir. Training me to lead the Siwangdao. But I have too many heart demons. Stalling my cultivation." Sighs. "This emboldens my rivals and threatens mother’s last wish." Sad. "Already failed her in so much."
Shen Ling stands up. Steps to the side. And, of course, kowtows to me.
Ugh.
"Please," gazes up at me from the floor, "Badun Yuehan, tell me what I must do. How to earn your seed so I can cultivate. How to earn your touch to heal my heart. Help me, Shenshou, you are my only hope."
…
Yep, that was a monologue. Would have interrupted but… eating. It was personal, informative and tragic. Hit all the highlights. Still, do you really want the guy you want to fuck you. Know you stabbed the last two guys, who fucked you, in the heart?
Momma always said, never stick your dick in crazy. And this Xianxia Karen's got psycho tramp-stamped all over her.
Ling lays her head back down as I finish the yummy goodness. Showing no interest in her appeal as I pop the last bite into my mouth. Finally make a satisfied grunt and turn in my chair. Glaring down at her.
"I don't like you." Good start. "And can tell you don't like me." Pull on my beard. "You're looking for sympathy. But I've heard no reason to trust you. And plenty reasons not to." Query. "Answer me this. What happens after you get what you want?"
"After?" Shen replies.
"Yes, after. You hate dual-cultivators." Motion to my women. "And it's not hard to see I like dual-cultivat-"
*burrrp* Whoa, excuse me.
"Master?" Frankie looks concerned.
Wave her off. "I'm okay. Just feeling… weird."
*burrrp*
Why do I taste medicine?
"Jon-kun?" Hitomi's next to me in a flash. Feeling my forehead with the back of her hand. "You're burning up."
Eh? Um, why am I getting a hardon?
"Wretches." Kitsu puts her hand on her saber. "Did you poison my lord?!"
Down dude. Now’s not the time little bro. Let's not embarrass ourselves in front of the nice lady who bought us dinner. And likes to stab people.
Elfy stands, offended. "The Siwangdao does not poison!" Points. "We are not assassins. Not alchemists."
Wait… alchemists?
…
Son of a bitch!
*BOOM*
Aura explodes outward. Shadows swell. Searching. Hunting. Instantly everyone nearby is suppressed by a massive spiritual weight.
Stand up, now showing off a sizable tent with my rock hard cock. I growl out. "Where are you?” Eyes roaming. “Come on out you dickless douchebag. Show yourself!"
Spreading minions reach the far side of the market. And there, on a floating shield. Stands a too tall elf with a too high voice. The eunuch who publicly declared that I'm his apprentice.
And regularly insists I take suspicious pills at suspicious times. To which I regularly reply, "fuck off!"
Hiding a pill in the hamburger? What am I, his pet dog?
Through the shadows I see a too wide, too angular grin get even wider as he stares at the sixth floor of the Jade Pheasant. Then the asshole cheekily waves. Before zooming off into the distance. Swear I hear the bastard giggling.
That tears it.
"Mother… fucker!" I'm a little upset. "Lurch!!! I would stab you in the dick! If you still had one!" Just a tad miffed. "I would cut off your balls! If you still had them!" Somewhat peeved. "Instead? I'm going to shove Sanctity up your ass and send a thousand volts through you!" A smidge perturbed. "Then I'll shove Tormentor in next to it! And turn you into an elfy roman candle!!!"
Seething, trembling with rage. It takes a few minutes to get my aura under control again. And call back my undead.
The room now looks like a disaster area. Chairs knocked over. The table's split in two. Food shotgunned all about. People are helping each other up. Seems quite a few pissed themselves.
I'm still standing. Shaking. Breathing deep and slow. Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. I am beyond pissed. Raging erection, still raging. Necrobitch is up on her knees now. Staring at my covered pole with a not sane gleam in the eyes and a lunatic grin across her face.
Sigh.
Not going to get far in this state. Can feel the beast inside. Clawing and biting at the bars of his cage. My, uh, appetite’s been getting worse and worse. But are that eunuch elf’s drugs really to blame or is this psychological? A way to mentally compensate for the impossible shit I keep seeing, and doing.
Oh well. Mystery for another day. Gonna have to deal with this first.
There’s only one rule in this fucking jungle. When the lion’s hungry? He eats.
Better make a public safety announcement.
"Hey! If you got a dick? Get out! Now!" Running and stumbling noises. "If you got a puss? I suggest you leave too. Because, if you stay? You may never walk straight again."
Damn, there’s scales on my arms again. Lurch’s pills usually just change your skin color for a while. Probably another extra he added to mess with me.
Really need to murder to death that Loki wannabe one of these days.
Lean over and grab one of Ling's hair buns. "Like the doctor said before my last colonoscopy. Be careful what you wish for." Pull her up and closer to see the flames in these amber eyes. "You just might get it."
Dragging necrobitch behind me, by that same hair bun. I start uncomfortably walking back to the lounge. There was a bed in there, wasn’t there? Shadows and ghosts drag out any remaining or still unconscious idiots and secure this improv love shack. Oddly, the zombies help.
My ladies are already stripping as they follow me. Knowing what’s about to begin. As do my maids and guardswomen. Unsurprisingly, several of the female staff remained. There’s always a few who do. Surprisingly, the hairless elf stayed too. Though she’s a bit shyer about shedding the uniform. No biggie. I’ll cure that condition quickly enough.
…
Really wish I could have had another burger. Since I doubt we’ll be welcome here anymore, after this.
…
It was a really good burger too.