Chapter 12: Pop Quiz
V1P20A
“Baseball?”
Hadn't taken ten steps when I noticed an oddly shaped rock. It looked pretty damn close but, of course, it's just a rock. Was never great at baseball but pitched a few times.
“What the hell.”
So, picked it up and spun into a fastball. Must admit was curious on how far I could throw with this muscle car I'm now driving. Course it was just a coincidence that mustache and the rape patrol were in the direction I threw. Complete coinkydink.
*fwing*
“Hooked it. Shit.” Oh. Here's another.
*whooph*
“Slice.” And another one.
Need to think this through.
“My left is straight. But I'm not keeping my head down.”
Awful lot of rocks on this planet. Planet of the Rocks?
“Always try to hit thru the ball.”
*fwooph*
“Don't think of it as work. The whole point is to enjoy yourself.”
*crunk*
The douchebag to the right of mustache slides from his saddle and flops onto the ground. Well Mudville shouldn't be too sad now. Mustache though? Looks perturbed. My [Super Senses] ears pick up.
“Is that idiot looking to die?”
A dozen horses turn around and are facing me now. One rider dismounts and starts casting spells on the guy that fell. I suspect it's too late to save him. Think I mashed his brain.
“Let me.” “Scum.” “I’ll kill him.” “My spear is thirsty.” “Peasant.” “Barbarian.”
They are keeping an eye on me but also discussing my fate. I wait. Haven't fought or killed “humans” here yet. Need to know my weaknesses and the only way to really tell? Put your life on the line.
Saw the looks on their faces when mustache was bragging about molesting easy elf. They're scum. Not a one of them doesn't deserve murdering to death.
“Just another coinkydink I guess.”
Now, I'm not a complete idiot. Used [Super Senses] to confirm we are the only humans for miles. This little exam won't be interrupted. Looks like they are done powwowing. Just two?
Mustache must be using magic because he's about a football field away but his voice is crystal clear.
“It is impressive to beat demons. If that is what really happened. I know better than to trust that bitch.” Wish I did. He bows in the saddle with one hand on his chest. “Each of us has been killing demons for years. So do forgive me if I am less than impressed.” Man that is a cocky smile. “And once you are dead? Naughty princess will be up for sale.”
“Sire Balian and Sire Gileber, will be your judgement.” Mustache gestures to the two now in front of him. “You face real knights now, beast. Try not to die too quickly. I want to be entertained.”
Two knights kick off and charge down the wide dirt road. Their horses are not armored but built like Clydesdales. Solid. Both knights have plate on and hold long spears plus shields. Interesting, one is right handed and the other left handed? So both are wielding their spears in the middle. As they gallop towards me I sense various magics trigger.
Must be the body magic bitch mentioned. Physical enhancement magic.
I calmly wait for them with Sanctity and Tormentor drawn.
*rumble*
200... As they pick up speed I do some torso twists to warmup.
*rumble*
150... And hide my fear.
*RUMBLE*
100... This must be what it feels like to have a freight train coming at you.
*RUMBLE*
50... “Shit. Did I leave the stove on?” What a great movie.
*tach* *tach* *tach*
Spring forward and run right towards the center of the gap between them. They squeeze the gap. Lower their spear points more to skewer me.
Only 15 feet left between us when I pop cheat power number three, [Bullet Time]. Yeah, know there are no guns in this world but it's the effect I wanted. Like the whole world slows down. In fact, it's the opposite. I'm thinking and moving a lot faster.
Physical enhancement magic can have a similar effect. Let's see how mine compares.
*takch* *takch* *phush*
Plant both feet and jump. These are veterans and buffed, so they quickly raise their spears to stab or at least slash as I pass.
“To slow.”
Clear the business end of the spears, somersaulting forward. Quickly looks like I'm standing on my head, but ten feet in the air and facing the way I came from. Swing Sanctity and Tormentor outward. End up looking like I’m being crucified upside down. Except instead of nails in my hands? I have swords.
Can feel their wills helping guide the blades, and my hands, to find their targets. It's over 13 feet from sword tip to sword tip. Plenty to reach the riders on both sides.
**slich**
Complete the somersault, land on my feet, stand tall, and yell. “Are you not entertained?!” For my Gladiator moment.
Or, at least, was going to do that. Instead? My swords swinging cancels most of my forward momentum so I come up a little short. Landing, and sliding, on my butt.
*scraakch*
“Ouch!” Rocks got shoved right up main street.
*kank* *kank* *kank*
As [Bullet time] ends, on my left and right, the now body-less bouncing helmeted heads of Balian and Gileber come to rest. Both facing me. Like they are looking down on me even in death.
“Show offs.”
Guess mustache is speechless. Bet watching me behead two of his buddies with an action star move is not what he was expecting to happen.
“Kill him.”
Okay, so not completely speechless.
*RUMBLE*
Ten horsemen charge from over 200 feet away. Spread across the dirt road and clearings beside it. Two aim crossbows and three start casting. The others have spears and swords.
*tak* *foosh* *tak*
Roll right to avoid the first fire spell and both crossbow bolts. The second fire spell is a [Fireball] though, instead of [Firebolt], so it explodes.
*foom*
Hot! Back gets toasted. Suddenly feeling heavier tells me what the third spell probably is. A debuff? Like with [Mind Mist], my great mana lake quickly breaks the [Slow] while I roll to my feet and begin sprinting towards the tenth rider. End of their line on my right.
Catches number ten, a caster, off guard and he reins back. His fear is felt by the horse and it rears up.
*thump*
Launch myself and my right shoulder rams into the horse's upper chest.
*whiny*
Being hit with this muscle car that high up? On this uneven ground? Is enough to ruin its balance and tip it backwards.
*crunch*
Landing on its back, and it's unfortunate rider. Would like to say something clever but nine is already on top of me with his sword slicing down.
*zkang* *shulch*
Catch his sword with Tormentor and run Sanctity up, under his shield, deep into the line between nine's front and back armor plates.
*woosh*
Jump back to avoid eight's spear, which is thrust past the front of the dying nine.
*whiririr* *sunch*
This also lets me escape nine's horse, which eight has driven him into. Toppling it sideways towards me. Exposing me to another crossbow bolt from seven.
*zish*
His aim is off so it grazes my left arm. Eight's open as his horse has turned to the right after bouncing off nine's mount. Spring back forward and use the body of nine's pony to get airborne.
*thonk*
While eight's spear is out of position? He's kept his shield toward me. A flying left kick hits the shield. The impact knocks him back off his saddle. His stirrups hold though, so he is still on the horse. But now? So am I.
*halhk*
Quick reverse grip on Tormentor and stab down into his neck while Sanctity pins the sword he's trying to draw.
*slish*
Seven's sword pierces in from the left, he's dropped his crossbow, while six is casting again on my right.
Throw myself off eight's horse to avoid seven's blade, he should have kept the crossbow, and use nine's poor steed again. This time to vault towards six. He keeps his cool and tries to sprint his horse past me while still casting.
*slulch*
Really should have stayed back as Sanctity cleaves his right arm off at the shoulder. Was going to take his head with a back spin from Tormentor but mounted mustache interrupts me. Charging pass and landing a powerful two handed slash.
*zhang*
Manage to catch it with Tormentor but it wrecks my balance and sends me rolling. Mustache's play gives them space to recover. Letting five, four, and three, come at me together.
Ground is dry and a lot of dust is being kicked up. Through the haze, five and four swoop in with spears from the left and right while three circles behind and lines up his crossbow. Need a ranged option. Fortunately there is, “rock,” patent pending.
*phish* *whiny*
A quick pitch misses three but hits his horse. Throwing off the bolt's aim and it passes overhead.
*scralch* *shtin*
Four's spear cuts across my back but manage to deflect five's with Sanctity.
*skeerrrr* *thung*
Run along four's spear as I hold it down with Tormentor. He blocks me with his shield and tries to pin me.
*chokch*
Hack through a large part of his horse's neck with an overhand blow. With its spine cut, the mount drops to the ground.
*unch* *chilsh*
Breaking four's guard completely and letting Tormentor take his head.
*shink* *thalk*
Scissor five's next jab as three's latest bolt buries itself in my arm. Five shows excellent mount control by turning it away from me and having it kick. He's dropped the spear and is pulling out a mace.
*phif* *zhilch*
Not willing to let a weapon go to waste, grab and throw that spear at three while sweeping with Tormentor to chop off the pair of hind legs coming at me.
*whiny* *squanch*
Screaming in pain, five's horse drops and rolls, with him underneath it.
*thunk* *vihrirh*
Showing how not badass I am, again missed three and again hit his horse instead. With a spear in its side, three loses control of his mount, keeping him from taking another shot at me.
*klang* *cholp*
Mustache comes charging through the dust again but I've got a strategy now. Deflect the hammer like blow, god he's strong, with Tormentor and use Sanctity to take off his mount's front legs.
*vihrir-* *fofp*
Mustache gets launched as his steed does its very best to stop all its forward momentum with its face. Two and one are right behind him with a sword and an [Ice Arrow]. Leap left to put two in between me and one.
**slich**
Two's shield is now on the wrong side. His sword still being pulled back around as I run both Sanctity and Tormentor deep into his side.
*zhuuzh*
Unaware that two is already dying, one rides around his front. Maybe thinks I'm being kept busy? As panicky as ten was, one's aim goes wide as he finds me meeting him there.
*swilch*
My blades cross at his waist, cutting him in two.
*tholk*
A crossbow bolt buries itself in one's mount, next to my head. Turn to see three is on foot now and shakily loading another bolt as fast as he can.
**chulch**
He doesn't make it. Cover the distance in a moment and sever both of his arms at the elbows.
*crulch*
Spin with Sanctity in a reverse grip this time and ram it into three's face nearly down to the crossguard.
After pulling it out? Notice the chaos has settled somewhat. Still hear a couple of horses in a great deal of pain and a couple running off. Smell is pretty god awful. A number of bowels, human and equine, have emptied. Of course there's the smell of blood, gore, and a tinge of burned mana too.
I won? Really?
“What are you?!”
Ah!
Jump, startled. Uh, meant to do that. Figured everyone was dead or gone. Oh, yeah, that's seven. Where did his horse go? Behind him, six is propped up against a tree and very pale.
Seven seems a little freaked out right now.
“No one can do this! You can't be real!” Is killing ten fantasy dudes in a minute or two really that hard? “I, I yield! You m-must provide healing to the wounded!”
What? Tilt my head in confusion. This was a duel? Shouldn't that be one on one?
“Think there's been a misunderstanding.” Start walking towards him. Can smell he's already pissed himself. “This was never a duel. I just wanted a test.”
Seven turns almost as pale as six.
“Test?”
His knees are shaking something fierce. He might pass out.
“Run.”
Hear six manage to squeak out through the pain and blood loss. Seven hears it too and turns to face him. That was stupid. Is six his boyfriend or something? Finally notice the resemblance. Oh, maybe brothers?
**slich**
Take the opportunity he so nicely gives and the business ends of Sanctity and Tormentor sprout from the front of seven's chest. Six is crying. Manly tears of course.
“You... bastard.”
Are the last words six says. Before collapsing, and dying.
Oops, forgot my line.
“Hey! Mustache! Are you not entertained?!” A spike of hostility. “Got you.”
He's on the other side of the carnage, trying to mount a horse. But he's a bit unsteady. Faces me as soon as he realizes I've spotted him. Ouch. That face has a serious case of road burn. Wow, could get a tan from how much he hates me right now.
“Are you done?”
I ask, walking towards him through the remains of the fight. Sanctity resting on my shoulder and the tip of Tormentor dragging through the dirt. Mustache finally manages to get in the saddle. Grabbing the reins he again looks at me with absolute loathing.
“Yes, we are.” Did he just snort? “Your technique is terrible. Skill is amateurish at best.” Why is the loser insulting the winner? “However, your strength is too overpowering.” So you're, letting me win? “A true beast.”
Before the last word has finished, he kicks the horse's flanks and charges hard. Away from me? Oh. He's running away? Fuck that!
*tach* *tach* *phuuuu* *tholch*
I'm halfway through the carnage so it's easy to find a spear close at hand. Line up my shot carefully, this time, and try to imitate a javelin toss I saw on the telly once. This time, thank you track and field, it connects.
His horse slows down and comes to a stop. Dragging its now fallen and impaled rider by a stirrup, like an anchor. Really didn't want to burn more mana to run him down.
“Is everyone dead now?!” Hmm... No flare ups. Better double check.
Stretch out with [Super Senses], yep, everyone's dead. Or really really close to it. Oh, looks like some wolves are already dragging off the one I got with a rock. Do feel bad for the horses though so I finish off the injured ones. Coax up the couple too terrified to stand and gently get them moving. Stripping and cutting off their tack as best I can.
“You don't need the dead weight.”
Thought about saving a horse for myself but, I have zero confidence in being able to stay on one. Or even get it going in the direction I want it too. My ego's been bruised enough for one day, thank you.
“Am I done?” Guess so.
*blegh*
Again, as soon as I'm not sure what to do? My body picks throwing up. A lot. Emptying what little was in my stomach onto the road. Come on belly. We're going to have to get used to this. Should I start carrying barf bags?
“[Touch of Menerva]”
When the heaving and shakes finally settle. Pull the bolt out of my arm and heal my various injuries. Yeah it looks bad but they should finish healing over the next day or two. After wiping off most of the blood. Start walking towards camp again. Wolves and, I think those are, goblins close in behind me.
Scavengers. Nature's janitors.
Quite the feast for them today.
Stop as I walk past mustache. He’s still gurgling up some blood while weakly fumbling with the spear sticking through him. Can’t help myself and laugh in his face.
“M-m-monster…” Wetly spoken through saliva and blood.
“Hehehe. Haven’t you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?”
*cough* *brbl*
Brush some dirt and blood off his shoulders.
“You are a vicious bastard mustachey and uh… I’m glad you’re dead. Hahaha!”
Walk away as the jackals start tearing into the corpses. In my ears it almost sounds like the wolves and goblins are laughing with me. Not at me.
“Hehe. I’m glad you’re dead. Hahaha!”
Futterel, Ives (male, human, tourinese)