Chapter 28: Tiang Li Falls No More
---D-Day+177, Goridine 20th, 2nd Wednesday Evening---
---Chenghai, Lian Clan Estate---
*sob* *sniff*
Tears moisten my silk shirt.
Chick tears.
Sigh.
Took a day, but the reckoning finally came.
Eh?
No, I’m not talking about the imperial guard. According to Big Ji, those were really just fancy cannon fodder. Compared to cheap peasant cannon fodder. Turns out? There are actually thousands of “imperial guardsmen.”
And many of its units have a clan “sponsor.” Responsible for paying and equipping them. Making them very partial to their paymaster's… suggestions.
The detachment we took down at the dock belonged to the Zhan clan. This second batch was just a squad. Part of the Cao clan’s company.
Now the few hundred “real” royal imperial guards never leave the emperor’s side. At most, dispatching only a handful when there are kingdom threatening, um, threats. They're like Yangxu’s xianxia special forces.
The guys we’ve killed so far are ones the clans “encourage” to do things when they want stuff to look legitimate. But it may not actually, or completely, be. And there’s so many of them that losing a few, permanent like, is considered normal.
Yep, shady as fuck politicking and corruption. Like I never left home.
*sob*
The reckoning here is Little Li’s. Who's curled up on my lap. Head in my sadly still hairless chest. Come on body hair, grow! Making this nice green silk tunic damp.
“There, there,” patting her head, “it will be okay…”
*sniff*
Hey, not a simp. But like most red-blooded men I am not immune to a woman crying. Especially one who is always ready and willing to satisfy her man. Which am I.
Not sure if my yanese princess let emotions get the better of her. Or this was some kind of test for the faction. But that clique looked pretty fucking dumbstruck when the “young master’s club” and “revenge” was said.
The shaoyeshe are basically all the slappable face characters from those xianxia stories. But here they have their own club. And it has some pretty stringent membership requirements.
Are you the son of a “great” clan? Have a way overinflated ego? Expect a harem? Like to bang sluts? Including those who don’t realize they’re sluts yet?
Congratulations, you’re in. Here’s your member card and lifetime supply of date rape drugs.
Ya dumbass.
They call each other “shao” and spend their time competing with each other. Over things like, who can spend more? Who can rape more? Who has the dumbest minions? And who can get killed by the protagonist the fastest? You know, the usual wuxia stuff.
They are like a fantasy frat. But with extra douchebag.
Of course Little Li’s "friends" reported her rant to the clans. Who took the news, shall we say, poorly.
Guess me butting heads with the emperor’s favorite concubine is bad. But being a famous alchemist’s only apprentice? Balances the scales.
However, not saying “no” to declaring open season on young masters? Now I didn’t say yes either. Just chose not to answer at the time. Well that pushed the scales back over to the negative. Way over. Can’t really blame them either. Lurch says every big clan has current and former members of the shaoyeshe.
And like body odor and bowel movements. The young master’s club is considered part of the natural order of things. Unpleasant, but necessary to keep our armpits and buttholes from exploding.
So the six qingnu, “young ladies,” who I finally started remembering the names of, skedaddled. Did she really expect her posse to be okay with me murdering their brothers, cousins and nephews?
Oh, of course they didn’t say it to my face. They’re nobles. So they lied, like, a lot. But nobody was fooled, and by this morning. Little Li’s faction was back down to three. Or two, if Sayuri really has defected to Hitomi’s crew.
Which is how I ended up with a “needs sympathy” bawling yanese princess on my lap.
Well at least that Wu clan kid should be ecstatic. I've fixed his meridians, dantian and now his crush is back on the market.
“Hey, come on, stop crying. It's gonna be okay. If they’re not willing to help you kill their siblings? Then they weren’t really your friends anyway.”
Ya psycho.
“R-re-really?” Wet green eyes look up at me.
My god, I'm using parental "not really friends" lines on a xianxia princess in isekai land. Can this shit get any weirder? Granted, she's young and royalty. So probably not used to friends bailing. Especially on her home turf.
"Really." Smile reassuringly.
*sniffle*
She leans against the chest again and runs a finger around my nipple.
“Xingan, will you help me kill them? Please?”
Now from what Ji has told me, there are hundreds of “shao.” Thousands if you count all of Luyan. The region Yangxu is part of. Maybe more. And that’s not counting all the former members who lead clans and even kingdoms.
Now, again, cultivation here isn’t like it is in most eastern fantasy stories. Where one rank is considered fucked if they face off against any higher ranks. For example, as a third realm, which I am, you have a decent chance against a 4th or even 5th realm daoist. Depending on how skilled you are.
Hell, with my cheats and minions? I could probably take down a 6th or 7th realm. “Uncle Hands” was a 7th realm, I think, and I took him down as a first realmer. Though it was with a Hail Mary sneak attack that caught him completely off guard. Still, a win is a win.
But Little Li wants me to take on hundreds of cultivators? That’s not ballsy. That’s suicide.
“No promises, but I’ll think about it.”
Ji’s younger sister gives me a squeeze and nods her head.
“Un.”
Well I don't want to shoot her down. Not yet, at least. Will probably kill a few just going about my day to day. And things might change. Best to stay flexible.
See a Lian guard keeping a not so subtle eye on us from one of the courtyard's entrances.
Ugh. And thanks to Li’s proclamation, even our hosts have been dropping hints that we’ve overstayed our welcome. But poor Pi ain’t being pushy. My undead have the estate locked down tight. Anyone gets too uppity? And I can execute everyone in this super siheyuan without even breaking a sweat.
A voice interrupts my pondering.
“Your drink, Junfei Badun.”
“Thank you.”
The servant kneels and hands me a porcelain cup of baijiu, white liquor, that has a honey scent. It's pretty good. A nice sweet drink with a kick for these late summer evenings while we sit on the second floor and look down on the enclosed garden.
As she stands up I see a simple talisman, under her top, get exposed for a moment. A piece of wood with the yanese characters for god, shen, and beast, shou, carved on top of each other.
Sigh, Frankie’s proselytizing again.
Of course I'm having sex with the maids sometimes. Think I recognize her too. Holy shit, am I an isekai Charles Manson? Yeah, no thank you.
Some of the back to nineteen strong harem play in the garden. Relaxing after another day of training. Others stay near me. Bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear. You know, the usual harem stuff.
Smells of garden, wood, perfume and incense compete for my nose’s attention. Buzzing insects supposedly kept at bay by the fragrance from the burning censers. It's even a clear sky as the sun begins to set in the west.
Fortunately, the chill of the grave aura from my dozen new armored skellies posted along the walls helps combat today's heat. Sadly, rapey wannabe didn’t make it. His soul being ripped to shreds by yours truly.
Oops.
This is great, but I’m feeling distracted. Restless. Frustrated.
First by the fact that my wagons, skellies and golems are still not here.
The elves are supposed to ship them on one of their own boats and they should be here any day now. Lurch has let me know though that the ship will not be allowed to dock in the harbor. Unloading undead is a big “no no” in Chenghai.
Hmph. Prudes.
So the elves will let the blue guys know when they are close, by bird, and we’ll meet them north of the city. Probably a trap but I’m not so big an asshole to start a panic in a city this size. Raelera had already experienced my minions a couple of times and knew to not mess with them.
Chenghai would probably freak the fuck out if my bone boys marched through town.
Second would be fixing Frankie.
As in her fertility. Yanese medicine isn’t up to [Recovery Magic] level but it’s more advanced than tourinese. Both Baiyu and Qinxin stated there should be a solution in the sect’s archives. But I’m not any closer to it while stuck here.
Third, golemancy.
Yangxu uses a number of golems in its armies. Some made of clay. Some made of bronze. A few are apparently huge. Like several stories tall, huge. But how to make them is a closely guarded secret. Elder Qinxin says there is a golemancer's club at the sect so I may find answers there.
Maybe Agrag, who's with my golems, will know how to make them. Didn’t have a lot of time to explore the field before my expulsion. And gundam sized ones are sounding more and more badass. Maybe mount cannons on them and go full 40k titan mode.
Like to see those japanese nazi’s faces when a few golem godzillas come stomping over the horizon. Yeah, they are still on my shitlist for the assassination attempt on Hitomi. Plus supplying the fanatics who killed Val's kids.
And number four, drumroll please, the allfather.
Information has already started coming in from the Biaoju and Gaibang. The father of gods is likely in a dungeon around the cursed capital. A couple there fit the ancient texts’ descriptions. But even if I get to him? Lizzy’s summoning and other records hint that killing a god may be not enough.
Not nearly enough.
Might need to think bigger to solve the isekai threat to my son. A lot bigger. The numbers that have been isekaied, just in the last century, are downright disturbing. And in no way am I only talking about Iagreth. Worldwide? Its fucking scary. Or at least as worldwide as the Beggar’s Gang can reach.
Over two dozen incidents suspected. Eleven actually confirmed. But the numbers could be even higher. And for every intentional ritual summoning. There are two or three that were accidental or coincidental.
Then there is how quickly they, we, die. Most within months or, at most, years of arriving. A few tried to become conquerors. Most kept a low profile. Staying under the radar. Didn't matter.
In fact, besides the japanese kids, the brit and me? There are only two other living "outworlders." At least known of by the Gaibang. One is a desert warlord in the southwestern part of this continent, Anyango. The other is an infamous thief on a southern continent. Both accidentally summoned decades ago.
No data on what year they are from or even if they came from my “Earth.”
What the fuck is going on with this planet?
…
Screw it, I need some tunes.
*slap*
“Xingan…”
Little Li pouts after I give her ass a love tap.
*muah*
“Scoot, daddy needs some Cheri time.”
As soon as that tight yanese hienie is off my lap, Hitomi delivers the red yamaha electric.
Hmm… let’s start with something rebellious.
♫We’ve got the right to chose and, there ain’t no way we’ll lose it. This is our life. This is our song…1https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9AbeALNVkk&t=173s♫
Only Dee Snider could make mascara masculine. How about some beastie.
♫Foot on the pedal, never ever false metal. Engine running hotter than a boiling kettle. My job ain’t a job, it’s a damn good time. City to city I’m running my rhyme…2https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07Y0cy-nvAg♫
Oh yeah, that hit the spot. The sun is down and the rest of my women are coming up for their “night cap.” It is twilight, isn't it.
♫Somewhere in a lonely hotel room. There’s a guy starting to realize that eternal fate has turned its back on him. It's two a.m…3https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2xsbmBn09g♫
God damn that felt right. The ladies gather. Homing in on me like they have, hehe, radar.
♫I’ve been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel. There’s a voice in my head that drives my heel…4https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckM51xoTC2U♫
Frankie’s fingers massage my shoulders. Her hot breath steam cleaning my ears.
“Master…”
Duty calls.