Volume 4 Introduction: The Immortal Way
*nom* *nom* *nom*
*tink* *clink* *tink*
Yep, it's dinner time.
On the aft of the giant treasure ship, Jinshibo, is a guest house. More like a mini mansion. U shaped. Taking up the sides and back of the top deck of the boat's sterncastle. One story tall with a red tile ridged roof.
In the front middle of the sterncastle’s top is a three story pagoda looking building. Also with a red tiled roof. Where the admiral and captain live and direct the ship and fleet.
Though how they can do that with all those sails in the way? No clue.
There’s a nice little chinese garden looking area between the pagoda and palace. No ponds but nice rocks, bushes, and shit. Very tasteful.
On one side of that mini palace is a big ass dinning room. With a long ass table in it. Like a really long ass table. Gotta be room for fifty people here. And it's full.
Not an empty seat in the house.
Decor is very Big Trouble In Little China. Lots of reds, yellows, and greens. Chairs are more like stools though since they have no back.
And the food? Like someone raided a chinese buffet and took down a red lobster on the way back. Lots of noodles, buns, and dumplings. Plus seafood. And even more seafood. The room overflows with the smell of ginger and garlic.
On one end of the table is the admiral. And filling the seats by him are the captain and officers. Sort of recognize most of them from when we boarded.
On the other end is the kung fu queen. Down the right side of her are the twins and a bunch of other people. Some dressed up like they belong to Little Li’s sect. Others completely not.
Some look like they’re from hawaii. Polynesian. Others from Lula’s homeland. African. Some aren’t even human. Couple elves, beastkin, even a dwarf. Strangely, Hitomi ran into someone she knows and the two are chatting away.
Down the left side from sect lady? Is, uh, me. No, I don’t know why. Next to me is Li, then her sister Ji, and the rest of my harem. Quite a few do not look happy with their spots. Guessing we will be skipping these get-togethers in the future.
Of course Little Li looks happy as a clam and has been bragging about me nonstop. She's even fed me more than once. Clearly making one young master looking yanese guy mad as hell but an older wuxia guy keeps shutting him down whenever he tries to raise a stink.
Thank god there’s regular utensils on the table. Because I suck at chopsticks.
And while Li’s motor mouth seems to be making the other sect people uncomfortable? Superwoman and the sword twins are absolutely loving it. Swear they’re about to fall off their stools laughing at any moment.
Eventually my little china girl has to stop to breathe and the sect lady uses the opportunity to pop a question.
“Junfei Barton,” Oops, forgot to ask what junfei means. “I recall there being fourteen women in your harem.” That makes the young master even madder. “Yet now I count… eighteen?”
Sigh.
This is so embarrassing.
“We, uh, found four in our luggage.”
*chink*
And that brings all activity at this end of the table to a screeching halt. Over a dozen people are staring at me. Hard. Well, except for the lady Hitomi was talking too. She’s now giggling. At me.
Hardy har har. Laugh it up fuzzball.
Ugh. I'm decades too old for these teen antics. Though, if I think about it. Most of the women I'm involved with? Aren't.
Ugh.
Thank god the other end didn't hear me. Admiral dude still looks pleasantly oblivious to my plight.
Kung fu queen is giving me the eye.
"Four ladies stowed away in your luggage to follow you?" There's the "ara ara" look. "You must be quite… impressive."
Need to change the subject, fast.
"Yes, well, uh, elder? Could you tell me more about the immortal way?"
She knows what I'm up to but chooses to humor me.
"Of course, junfei. While the dragons taught the ancestors magic. There was no purpose to it. No goal."
Folks slowly stop staring at me and start listening to superwoman. As well as go back to eating.
Thank god.
"Then the Yidi, uh, first emperor came. And he showed our ancestors the dao, the xiandao."
Elder, uh, Baiyu was it? Gets into her tale as she sits up even more. Arms disappear into the robe's sleeves. And she crosses them.
"He knew that strength with no purpose was not just empty, but evil. Demonic." A couple listeners spit in disgust. "So he declared all who use dragon magic, daoshi. Uh, followers of the way."
Okay, makes sense I guess. Though I wonder what that makes folks who want magic but not the "way." I'll ask something else first.
"So why do you have the, uh, dazung?"
This lady seems to be a natural born teacher. Her face lights up and green eyes twinkle when getting an honest question.
"The xiandao is a path. A long one that winds back and forth." One milky skinned hand comes out of the robes and makes a snaking motion. "One part of the road is in the mountains. Another section goes through a swamp. Still another is in a desert."
A black guy speaks up.
"So what you need for one stretch is not the same as for the rest."
Kung fu queen smiles and nods.
"Indeed. And more. Each curve improves your strength. Your resolve. Better able to handle the next li, uh, mile."
I ask.
"So you must follow the path exactly?"
Superwoman grimaces. Quite the look with her green lips.
"Ah, uh, no. The path winds, so you can try shortcuts. Breakthrough to the next dazung before finishing the part you're on." Sad face. "Unfortunately, even if you triumph, your success may haunt you."
A beastkin girl asks.
"Haunt you?"
Sect lady frowns some more.
"Yes, qianzai dizi. By taking shortcuts you create impurity, pollute qi, perhaps even damage your potential." The twins nod. "Some desperate dizi, or xie zong, may believe the price acceptable." Shakes her head. "True daoshi know it is not."
The fox looking beastkin girl seems to be seriously contemplating something. So I ask more.
"So is that why your magic is so different?"
Baiyu snickers.
"Xixi, bu. The elementals taught you dongren their language. The dragons showed us yan their ways." More sect people nod. "Where dongren use words? Yan use motion."
Superwoman makes a short series of movements with her hands and a floating ball of light appears.
I choose not to mention that "elemental" magic can cast spells with hand signs too. And kung fu queen seems on a roll anyway.
"Elemental magic users tap the qi in their astral spirit." Pats her belly. "Dragon magic users channel the qi through their material body. Requiring the development of our spiritual and physical selves."
It does seem interestingly different. And the whole immortality is a big possible plus. Boys would love having forever to, uh, pown newbs on the fortcraft. And wife’s honey do list would get longer than a CVS receipt.
*scrape*
As Little Li tries to wagon train another dumpling into my mouth, the sound of a stool being pushed back catches our attention.
Oh, it's the stock young master trope character. Who stands and gives me a hateful look before bowing and saluting superwoman with cupped hands.
"Duibuqi, Lao Baiyu. I am not feeling well. I shall return to my quarters and cultivate." Turns and bows to Little Li. "Wan an, Diwangfei Tiang Li Zexi." Thens turns around and walks out a side door.
Hear one of the twins whisper.
"Liham xiang che tian rou."
The other twin speaks after seeing me tilt my head.
"He is toad lusting for swan."
Old sect guy who was sitting next to him shakes his head and clicks his tongue.
"Oh to be young when everything is new and desperate. Only to find you are a frog in a well." He smiles at my china girl. "Wangfei Tiang Li, it is good to see you again. Even if your plea threw our plans into the sea."
Li looks regretful as she bows and cups hands towards old wuxia guy.
"Duibuqi, Lao Fuan. It was… necessary."
He waves it away.
"So the harvest is a little light this year. There will always be another year. Always be more qianzai dizi." Raises an eyebrow. "Who you should really apologize to is Lao Baiyu." Glances at the fox beastkin girl. "She's only found one so far."
*ahem*
We turn to superwoman after she clears her throat. Smiling at old guy and waving her hand in my harem’s general direction.
"Are you sure about that, Didi Fuan?"
Raises his eyebrows and chuckles as he stands.
"Hoho, Jiejie Baiyu. In truth, this may be your best year yet." Six others stand with him. One sect girl and five foreigners. "Well we shall withdraw too." Looks at Big Ji. "It is good to see you again too, Wangfei Tiang Ji."
Ji faces down and tries to speak.
"L-lao F-fu-"
But old sect guy interrupts her.
"Please do not think ill of us, Xiao Ji. Ren suan bu tian suan ru." Sees others look confused. "Ah, uh, man proposes, heaven disposes." Sympathetic look. "There were… circumstances. We could not intervene."
Big Ji nods but I'm not satisfied. Did these fucks know what was going on? About to start demanding answers but Little Li squeezes my arm and shakes her head pleadingly.
…
Fine.
I'll let it go, for now.
Besides, would be hard to pilot this canoe if I killed everyone on it.
Who am I kidding, I'd just raise them all.
Hmm… Maybe I'm more of a Barbosa than a Sparrow.
Through shadows I see both elders eye me curiously.
After a moment or two old sect guy looks a little disappointed, "Oh well, wan an everyone." Then walks out of the room with his six whatever they ares.
Reach over and give Ji's hand a squeeze which brings a small smile back to her face again.
Sigh.
The Love Boat? This ain’t.