Chapter 30: Birthday Boy
---D-Day+82, Daroine 21st---
---The Workshop (Intransit)---
“I’ll be damned. This one is leaking too.”
At the moment I’m mumbling to myself while using a steampunk-ish looking head mounted magnifier, brass with multiple lenses, and my [Super Senses] cheat to examine a low ranking skellie. That I have laid out on a sturdy oak table in front of me.
Outside the sun has gone down. The sky is calm and clear. But inside? Lamps and lanterns keep it bright enough to see. Though they give everything a yellow-orange tinge.
I’ve changed into more casual clothes. Loose black button up shirt with black trousers. No, I’ve not gone emo. Just don’t want to get my student uniform dirty. Dark clothes hide dirt, grease, blood, and other messes, better.
Already discovered that even if I can magic it away? Until then, white silk shows it all and you look like a murder hobo. Plus, if you use the spell too much? Can really wear down the material.
Moved my workshop from the basement, to the inner courtyard’s stables. Needed more room. Kicked all the horses out while my new workshop is under construction. It's being built with solid stone, a couple stories tall and a couple basements deep. Behind the keep and snuggled up against the eastern inner wall.
Mostly out of sight, from guests and visitors, since the main inner gate is to the south and the pedestrian gate for the footbridge to Stormgarde is on the western end.
Bit worried about the smell, other people live here too, but new old seneschal swears the smell and miasma will be vented away. He hired the school’s engineer. Who has lots of experience keeping chemical fumes and toxic mana away from picky blue blooded schnozes.
As an ex-stable, this place reminds me of Doc’s shop from that last Back to the Future flick. Lots of wood and dirt. Now filled with all the tools and machinery an isekai necromancer or fantasy scientist might need. No floating skateboard yet though.
Not to brag, too much, but I designed most of these contraptions myself.
Yes, that also means most of them don’t work. They’re a work in progress!
Just like my mad scientist laugh. Can’t have an evil lab without one.
Muah ha ha ha! No. Fua ha haha! Dammit. Muah haha hahaha! Ugh. I’ll try again later.
Isn’t it an isekai trope where the protagonist introduces tech from Earth? Well that’s what I’m going to do too. Once, I figure out how to do that.
Assault rifles are a lot harder to make than you might think they are.
Sigh.
Been a couple days since the “Frankie-Hitomi Incident,” and thankfully things have settled a bit. Ha! Who am I kidding. My harem life is a fucking mess right now.
Before the FHI of 333? Frankie was the only one always at my side. Only leaving for cult stuff every now and then. But even that had become rarer and rarer. Her explanation? The cult has grown so much that she just needs to provide advice every now and then.
Lately the cultists come to us. And just stand there trembling while stuttering out reports and requests. Priest-wife says they are “overwhelmed” by my presence. Yeah, right, pull the other one. Probably can’t think straight with Frankie’s holy shit g-cups in front of them.
Runner up was always Red. Dutifully following the Marquis’ order to be my bodyguard. On top of being the primary wife, so should be nearby. But she’s also got Blue now, is studying to be my general, still trains as a knight, and regularly takes rests for our bun in her oven.
For third place Lili and Mila were tied. Lili serves as my personal secretary who also manages Barton Inc and is the majordomo of my territories around Lions Keep.
Mila declared she would be my “sword,” and bodyguard, but knows she’s behind, power-wise, compared to Red. So does an insane amount of training.
Blue, Simone, Odaline, Frosty, Foxy, and the rest? Distant fourth place. Don’t even medal in the race. Yeah they spend a lot of time with me, especially sexy time, but they’ve got their own lives too. Their own duties. Their own jobs.
And I’m fine with that. In fact? Lately, I prefer it. Even shoo them out the door. Yes, I have trust issues but there is a distinct lack of “me” time in isekai land and I’ve really started missing it. So I’m a-okay with the ladies doing their own thing. While my, ahem, shadows keep my paranoia in check.
But Hitomi’s declaration of war blew that arrangement right out of the water. Mila trying to force her way into the harem was bad enough. JK girl trying to usurp Frankie? Like throwing a mouse into a herd of elephants.
Uh, the cartoon version.
All of a sudden, the haremites be feeling a wee bit unsure of their place in it. And how are they choosing to cope with this newfound insecurity?
By spending as much bloody time near me as humanly fucking possible!
“...so for week three we should…” “...the chant here is difficult so…”
Frosty is head honcho of Stormgarde’s magic stuff. Dean of such and such. And one of her duties is giving “advice” to her subordinates on the right and wrong way to teach.
Right now those “subordinates,” are Zoot and Dingo. The twin Umbra I subs. Who are listening intently to Frosty’s lecturing. Even taking notes. Senior loli citizen told me they are trying to bail on their fiances and get teaching positions in Stormgarde after graduation.
Which, completely coincidentally and surely having nothing whatsoever to do with me, happens to have an opening or two in [Dark School] studies right now.
They’re from a lower ranking tourinese house and were pretty much sold to remote lords. Not surprisingly, the Castle Anthrax twins want to take control of their own destiny. Instead of becoming Lady Housewife Wombmobile of BFE Barony.
Majoring in the [Dark School] was their way of rebelling against family dearest. [Super Senses] even overheard them whispering about “male oppression.” Great. Isekai feminists.
My japanese girlfriend is like their idol.
Simone and Odaline chime in from time to time while they review their own lesson plans and student work with their assistants.
Yep, Stormgarde’s taken over a corner.
Of my workshop.
“...seen the latest harvest estimate?” “Baron Ferani is asking for…”
Lili is going over budget requests and letters with a couple of scribes plus new old seneschal and chamber pot. Blue and Red are having a little date there, drinking tea while snuggling on a bench and watching me tinker with bones.
So another corner down, occupied by Lions Keep.
“Master Choveser will arrive on…” “...he got even more handsome?”
Foxy is here too with her brother Gaizo, Mister Nigs with his sister Huga, and other guild reps. Redbrand is back also. Tabby, their halfling thief, keeps glancing at me and whispering to Dwarfinator. Bet she wants a reunion toss tonight.
They’re all reviewing treatment schedules, requests, and prices, for me to heal crippled adventurers. Which I still do once or twice a week. Keeps the guild in my debt and brings in a lot of cash.
Third corner down. I’m running out of corners.
“...dragon on the fifth above Luna descending.” “Find the green troll and make sure she…”
Hitomi is leaning against the wall behind me and chatting with Milti’s merchant dad. Speaking in code so not sure what the hell they are saying. Probably taking care of her spy agency, the Shades.
Their “cover” is that Hitomi owns part of the guild Milti’s dad belongs to. Moderca Trade Company. What about speaking in code? Apparently that’s pretty common between merchants. Trade secrets stuff.
Really great, everyone being so productive. Good to see. Swell. But, you know, does it really have to happen...
In. My. Workshop!
No! This is my private area. My place of zen and peace.
Oh, and corpses.
Lots and lots of corpses.
Well, less of the fleshy ones and more of the boney ones. I’m just not a fan of the zombie look.
Huh… When did this become my new normal?
…
Well, whatever. Okay, so yeah, its not unusual for the harem to be here with some of the brat pack and cultists.
But when the harem was here? Before? They were helping me do “my” thing. Not “their” thing. Things.
This place is supposed to be my man cave. What’s next? Sewing clubs by the flesh renderer? Scrapbooking on the bone cooker?
They are violating my territorial bubble!
Woah. Chill. Calm. Remember. Inner peace. Outer violence.
*moment of zen*
Whew, that’s better.
The only sane one is the dead one, Val. Who is out hunting with her daughters.
Oh, and it's my birthday! Well, was my birthday. Lili asked and Frankie admitted, it actually went by a couple weeks ago. So I’m sixteen now! At least this body is. Woot, woot! I’m legal!
In some countries.
Really more like seventeen. Ipran years, tourinese reckoning, have 12 months with 32 days each. Adding standalone days for the summer and winter solstice, gives you 386 days.
Compare that to 365 day years on Earth? Means this body is more like seventeen years old, Earth-wise.
Discussed it with Hitomi and we figure that since her and her friends' spirits and bodies were both brought over. Instead of just the spirit like with me. Their age, up to when they were kidnapped, shouldn't Ipra’s longer years.
And we’ve still got another couple of months until her birthday, August 27th, though that does raise the question. Have it on the same month and date numbers? In this case, Khabien 27th. Or have it on that day in the year? Which, I think, would be Khabien 15th.
Of course this started me thinking, oh shit, when are the other girls’ birthdays? Big relief that I hadn’t missed any yet. Always reliable Lili already put a list together and the soonest, Red’s, is next month.
But what to get for her birthday? Another sword? Bigger breastplate for when the titty fairy comes to town?
Decisions, decisions…
“Xingan? You look so serious. Are you thinking about us?”
Sigh.
And if the harem, cultists, brats, bureaucrats, spies, and guilders, squeezed into this ex-stable weren’t enough? The younger of the two chinese sisters showed up tonight. With her entourage.
Yep, the last corner, and about my last nerve, is gone.
This may be the busiest little shop of horrors in isekai history.
Maybe I should have been a dentist?
Before I can reply, ever at my side Frankie answers the yan royalty.
“Master is examining one of his creations. So of course he is deliberating on the mysteries of life and death.”
…
Uh… Yeah, let’s go with that. No way would I be thinking about birthday presents while my eyes get lost in boobville across the table.
“Pffft!” Is heard behind me.
Not helping, Hitomi!
Instead of standing at my side, like the leader of my cult is. Her celestial highness, Tiang Li Zexi, is on the opposite side of the table. Leaning over in front of me. Leaning way over.
Wowzers!
Wearing a red silk chinese dress this time, instead of green. Curves so eye-catching you could crash on them. Lots of dragons sewn in with gold thread. And an even bigger boob window framing her juicy c-cups.
Long lusciously black hair with a bunch pinned up in hair buns but still enough left to hang down past her butt. Milky smooth white skin with shyly smiling peach lips below a small thin button nose and enchanting deep brown eyes.
This fairy-like oriental beauty is bent over so far that I barely have to move my eyes to see all the way down cleavage canyon.
Like Chigusa Hitomi, fantasy china has the last name first, so for me she’s Li Zexi Tiang, I think. Her entourage about had a seizure when I called her “Li” again instead of all that gobbldy gook they say.
Young Li laughed it off this time too, still snorts like a drunk farm girl, and now insists on calling me “xingan.” Whatever that means.
She started rambling while I told another skellie to climb on the table and began examining its soul. Complaining about her father, gushing about her older sister, major siscon, and swearing every bit of her belongs to me.
Claims its for bringing her sister back from the living death she was trapped in.
Now I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t have a chubby. How can I not with a mouth watering but untasted boob oasis in front of me. Still, having your balls drained multiple times a day by eager hotties? Really makes sage mode last for a while.
Ugh… Need to get back to work. Figure this out.
As if on queue, Zexi breaks out the sultry voice.
“Please tell me, xingan. We will do anything to prove ourselves to you.”
Sigh…
“If you gotta know, I’m looking at it’s soul.” That raised her eyebrows.
She looks skeptical. “Why?”
“Because it's broken.”
Young Li tilts her head. Confused.
“Sorry, hard to find the right words.” Raise one hand while using the other to adjust the lenses. “When the connection between the body and spirit fades, after death. Pieces of the soul get left behind.” Talk with my hands to. “In both the astral and physical sides of this world.”
China girl nods as I continue.
“If conditions are right and enough soul gets left behind? Undeath can occur, hehe, naturally. Ghosts, zombies, etc…”
Younger Li looks doubtful.
“And they are not… broken?”
Raise a finger and point up.
“Exactly. My undead are, of course, unnatural.” Duh. “The necromantic spells I use, gather bits of soul and attach them to the body or spirit if there is not enough soul already there.” Raise another finger. “But I’m doing something wrong because many are leaking.”
Chinese princess has the “gets it now” look.
“Making your creations harder to maintain compared to other undead.” A delicate hand adorably rubs her pretty chin. “Then you should ask another necromancer.”
“Happen to know any?”
Realization strikes again! “Oh…”
“Yep, necromancers are not popular folks. The inquisition hunts them and about everyone else persecutes them. So most choose to hide what they are.”
Zexi crosses her arms. “Except for you.”
“Well, I have a vitamin deficiency.” Shrug my shoulders.
My china girl gets alarmed. “What? Xingan! If Yangxu can-”
“Its lack of give-a-shit-ium”
Little Li stops and frowns sweetly.
“Pffft!” Is heard behind me.
Helping, thank you Hitomi.
“Xingan is a very naughty fuma.” Her ivory jade hands mount the sides of those delicious hips and she squints at me.
Oh, that’s supposed to be her “I’m upset” pose? Yeah, maybe I was teasing her too much.
“Sorry Li, but you look pretty when I tease you.” Face immediately blushes as she hugs herself.
“Xingan…” She twists and whines cutely too.
“Ahem. Yeah, well, without an experienced necromancer to show me the ropes? I’m stuck with general [Dark School] classes and whatever material I can find.”
Little Li has the “gets it now” look again. “And because it is a taboo art…”
Start counting with my fingers.
“What I can find is either one, basic and vague enough to be almost useless. Two, encrypted so much its effectively illegible. Or three, intentionally misleading. One tome even had a curse.”
A nasty one that the author mixed into the text which a reader ends up casting on themselves. Thank god my [Super Senses] cheat sniffed it out before I finished the incantation.
Wouldn’t be surprised if some of these were actually penned by the church.
Sigh.
Focus back on the skellie on the table and confirm its soul is broken and leaking too. But why does more mana drain the more there are?
I’m learning more. Understanding more. Discovering a lot I was wrong about. Mostly though I’m realizing how little I actually know.
And if it wasn’t for Frankie, Margo, and Ferra? Might have made no progress at all.
Raising the oracles Margo and Ferra as living shadows somehow “inverted” their [Light School] knowledge. Turning it into [Dark School] spells.
Frankie was saved after the church ambush through a shitload of Dark magic and repairing her body using corpse parts. The process ended up inverting her [Light School] grimoire too.
But, like me, they lack a foundation to build upon. Leaving huge holes in their understanding of dark magic.
So we’ve been experimenting and learning the dark magic language and necromancy together.
Guess Little Li thought I wouldn’t notice but, through shadows, see her pointedly look at a scribe type member of her entourage. Who bows in return and begins writing in a journal he’s carrying.
“My xingan?” Here it comes. “Do you know why yan come to Stormgarde?”
Haven’t seen her in days and she shows up on my first night at the intransit workshop? She wants something, and it's not my seed. Or not just my seed.
I shrug. “Connections? Merchants from across western Iagreth send their kids here.”
Princess Li begins slowly walking around the table. Suggestively running her fingers along its edge.
“That is true, but there is a more important rea-”
“Magic.” Frankie interrupts.
Zexi stops for a second to frown at my priest-wife. Did she seriously expect a private chat with so many assholes and elbows in here?
“...Yes.”
“Oh.” I add. “Because Anyango uses dragon magic instead of elemental magic?”
Li seems a bit off now. Guess she expected to control the conversation. Frankie is more than willing to keep it this way though.
“Master is wise.” My arm gets a breast press from wife number two. “Iagreth arts are based on the gods or elements. Anyango arts include elements but are based on the dragons.”
My attention focuses on Frankie. Chinese princess begins to pout.
“So the yan really do that cultivator stuff I told you about?”
Frankie nods. “Xianxia? Yes, master.”
*squish*
“Xingan… Please remember us…”
A breast press on my other arm and a girly voice signals the arrival of the sulking princess. I turn and look at the teary-eyed temptress and choose to let her off the hook, for now.
“Okay Li, but tell me. Do the Anyango cultivators have ranks?”
“Cultivators?”
“Those who strengthen their body and spirit through training, pills, and meditation. Hoping to become immortal.”
“Oh.” She nods and smiles. “We are called xiuxian.”
“We?”
“Yes, everyone in the imperial family is on the path of the xian. In your language you might call us, uh… Daoists?”
“You don’t look like you can fly.”
“Xixi… Xingan is so silly. Most uh, daoists cannot fly until yuanying.”
“Yuanying?”
“Oh, uh, yuanying is the seventh level on the path of the xian.” A shy turn. “I am merely a juqi. Uh, a second level… cultivator?”
She sweetly smiles when I nod and then shyly turns her head away. Only looking at me from the side.
“Has xingan heard of shuangxiu?” That milky face turns red as a tomato. “Uh, dual making?”
“No.” Is she talking about dual cultivation? “What’s that?”
China girl’s blush spreads to her ears as she starts mumbling and twiddling fingers. Can hear what she’s saying thanks to [Super Senses]. Can’t understand what she’s saying because it's not tourinese.
Glancing over at her entourage I see the conniption fits are in full swing. They all look like they want to chop me up. Into really tiny pieces. And then do unspeakably horrible things to those pieces.
Like make them watch a Hallmark Channel movie marathon.
*shudder*
Guess I should go easy on Little Li before steam starts coming out her ears.
“Li?” Totally said that while staring down her entourage. “How’s your sister?”
That shakes her out of the hentai fantasy she’s lost in.
“Oh… Oh! Xingan, we forgot!” Her head turns back to me and looks into my eyes. “Please help our Chan Ji!”
Eh?
“Didn’t I already help her?”
“Oh, yes. Yes! But…” The princess stops and visibly composes herself. “We apologize, xingan, you have done so much for us.” Pauses again. “We have heard that you practice, uh, meditate?”
I’ve learned that mediation is relatively rare among Iagreth magic users. Especially using it to “breathe” your mana. Sharing it with those around you. Admittedly, got the idea from web novels I remembered.
“Yes…”
China girl blurts out. “Please let us bring our Chan Ji to meditate with you!”
…
“...Okay?”
The chinese princess wraps my arm in her boobs and hops a little while showing a smile bright enough to outshine all the lamps and lanterns in here combined.
Sensing my intention, Frankie lets go of my other arm just in time for Li to try planting a kiss on my cheek.
Turn and wrap my other arm around her waist. And lift her up so those peach lips meet mine instead of my cheek. Feel her body jolt in surprise and just as quickly melt in my arms.
*muah* *chu* *shlurp*
Feel her soft thin arms wrap around my neck as she pulls herself further into the kiss. Our tongues meet and do their best to caress every part of each other.
Not sure when it happened but my hands are deep in that ass now and her legs wrap around my waist. Her butt is on the table, bringing our faces in line with each other. We’re about to give everyone here a live sex education demonstration.
“Your celestial highness! Remember your sister!”
Through shadows I see the same geezer scribe who took notes earlier, shouting.
*pant* *ha* *pant*
Princess Li shakily unwraps her arms and legs. And I let her push me back a little. Breathing kind of rough there china girl, aren’t ya?
“W-we have sh-shown you, you something, unseemly…”
Almost falls off the table trying to get down but I catch her. Feet are a bit unsteady and legs trembling but she mostly manages.
"It's okay.” Her whole body quivers in my arms with a light smooch. “What can I do for your sister.”
Not sure what is going on with the prim and proper act. Her and her sister were both on my lap, licking me, just the other day.
“Xingan…” Rallies herself again. “Ahem. Umm… Yes, uh, you were able to heal her body and spirit.” Yeah, remember that, I was there. “Yet Chan Ji’s dantian is still wounded. Qi? Stagnant. What meridians are not crushed are clogged.”
China girl looks about to start bawling. Want to help but need some clarification.
“Dantian?”
“Oh, uh, we believe you call it your mana reservoir or pool. Uh, qi you call mana. And meridians uh, channels? Pathways?”
“It will take many years for dear Chan Ji to restore her dantian and meridians. Maybe never.” She is still in my arms, so turns only slightly to point at the yelling scribe. “Guanhuan Xiong believes bathing in your mana will restore her.”
The old guy shocks the rest of the retinue by stepping forward and kowtowing. Gasps and grumbling spread until silenced by a hard glare from Princess Li. The old guy stands back up with a whole bunch of dirt now on his oriental style outfit.
“Humbled Guanhuan Xiong Zan greets the mighty Viscount Barton Jon.” I nod back. “Please give the senior celestial highness Tiang Ji Ping the chance to return home, restored. Not as a cripple.”
Turn to Frankie and she bows.
“Master, shall I handle the preparations?”
“Sure-hmph!”
My relaxed answer is interrupted by china girl wrapping herself around me again, and shoving her tongue in my mouth. Not that I’m going to complain. She smells sweet and tastes sweeter.
“Celestial highness, please, we need to make preparations as well. Fuma Barton Jon has his own duties.”
With an audible groan, chinese princess drops back down again. Though she never takes her eyes off mine.
“Yes, you are correct guanhuan. We will do this properly.” Another bright smile. “See you soon, xingan…”
Retinue chasing after her, Little Li about floats out of my workshop. Can almost see the hearts surrounding her.
Hehe… Wow.
Notice the skellie on the table has turned its skull towards me.
“Hey, what are you lookin at?” The skull faces up again. “Go on, get down. We’re done for now.”
As the bones move, I hear an amused voice next to me.
“Did you find what you were looking for, master?”
“Hmm?” Watch the door china girl left through. “Yeah, her mana reservoir is definitely different compared to yours and the other girls.” Pondering. “Have to see how her sister’s looks.”
“Yes, master.”
Give Frankie the side eye. “How’d you do it?”
“This was not my doing, master.”
“Pffft…” Is heard behind me.
Eh?
“Hitomi? This was you?”
Arms wrap around me from behind and a head rests against my back.
“Your second wife is not the only one who knows Jon-kun needs allies.” The arms squeeze as one hand starts working its way towards my pants. “The yan are infamous rumor mongers.” A throaty giggle. “One whisper in the right ear is all it took for them to find the rest.”
See Frankie frown. Can feel her forcing herself to give Hitomi points for this.
As JK girl whispers “happy birthday” and “reward me.” I prepare to take her up to the loft to do just that. There is still hay piled up there.
While I pull my japanese girlfriend around to my front, before my pants end up on the floor. Find myself wondering…
What the fuck is a fuma?
Barton, Alote (female, human, tourinese)
Barton, Edelys (female, human, tourinese)
Barton, Lilias (female, human, tourinese)
Barton, Odaline (female, human, tourinese)
Barton, Simone (female, human, tourinese)
Barton, Ushinua (female, elf-human, tourinese)
Chigusa, Hitomi (female, human, japanese)
Filydor, Clarina (female, human, tourinese)
Filydor, Elisette (female, human, tourinese)
Frost, Franziska (female, elf, tourinese)
Gaizo (male, beastkin, barbarian)
Huga (female, human, tourinese)
Kurfoud, Duridegit Cavebraid (female, dwarf, thuriborn)
Mauger, Ortwin (male, human, tourinese)
Mimchau (female, beastkin, barbarian)
Miyula (female, beastkin, barbarian)
Nigs (male, human, tourinese)
Roshenauc, Symond (male, human, tourinese)
Steiatius, Tebabia (female, halfling, aquecian)
Tiang, Li Zexi (female, human, yanese)
Tiang, Ji Ping (female, human, yanese)
Valaine(vampire (female, human, tourinese))
Xiong, Zan Fo (male, human, yanese)