Chapter 83
Author's Note: Surprise Chapter :)
Anyways, this part of the story might be a little slow for some of you guys so I decided to release another chapter. This also makes up for the chapter I skipped after the end of the 2nd volume.
More importantly however, I have been planning to do edit up some of the earlier chapters ~ probably the 1st volume. Nothing too big, just minor details, dialogue, more description, etc. so that it would not affect the story of course. I am not sure how important it is though, but if you are a more recent reader and could remember the beginning (or even if you are an older reader and could somehow remember), letting me know would be nice.
Thank you to everyone and especially my patrons: Shadeymankey and ThisClown
Enjoy the chapter! <3
The following day, Qian Yu awoke early in the morning as he left the inner court and headed to the Bai Jia’s office. He had previously told her that he’ll visit today.
“Hello sister, you’re so pretty today!” Qian Yu complimented Bai Jia as he entered the office. Currently, she was laying on the couch and reading a book while wearing a light blue long dress. It was simple without any signs or symbols on it. Well, it didn’t matter, she was pretty everyday to him.
“Yeah, yeah, keep complimenting me hehe,” Bai Jia had dressed up for Qian Yu. Even then, she had held back wearing a simple designed traditional dress with a few layers. It showcased her beauty and elegance while also being reserved.
“Haha, anyways, I sort of ran into a problem,” Qian Yu looked around, finding himself a place to sit.
“Huh, what’s up?” Bai Jia said with a serious expression.
“It’s actually about Zhao Xieren. I was wondering if you knew anything about her situation these days,’ Qian Yu said.
“Sister Zhao?” Bai Jia muttered.
“It seems like there is something else bothering her. I know that she still feels guilty over what happened during the winter hunt even after seeing my wellbeing. I don’t think it should be that big of a deal but then again, Zhao Xieren is pretty young and still maturing. I was just wondering if there is something else bothering her,” Qian Yu said.
Bai Jia grew quiet hearing Qian Yu’s concern for Zhao Xieren before realizing that Qian Yu had never directly asked her about anything relating to her life. ‘Towards Zhao Xieren, he’s so active but for me, he’s the opposite, completely passive. Does he… have no romantic feelings for me or anything? Am I too old?’ Bai Jia started feeling uneasy now.
She knew Zhao Xieren and Qian Yu were friends, but she didn’t worry since he didn’t show any interest in pursuing girls previously. To her, Qian Yu was someone who had fully devoted himself to cultivating but now, she realized she was wrong.
She looked downwards, ‘Miss Zhao was completely right. Should I be more active? But what should I do right now though...’ Her thoughts trailed off as she remembered what Miss Zhao had said to her a few months ago.
A few minutes later, Qian Yu noticed that Bai Jia was still in deep contemplation. “Sister, is it that big of a problem?” Qian Yu interrupted her.
“Huh, oh sorry,” Bai Jia snapped out of her thoughts.
“For sure, she likely feels guilty about her decision and it’s probably the main reason that’s bothering her,” Bai JIa first stated.
Qian Yu nodded his head and she continued, “That’s something that you can’t just easily solve. However, there is some other stuff bothering her as well.”
“What do you mean?” Qian Yu was confused.
“It’s pretty complicated since there are things that you don’t know of. I had talked with Miss Zhao before and learned a few things. For example, did you know that sister Zhao didn’t want to be a leader for your group when you were an outer court disciple? Still, she went on and did it due to pressure from her family,” Bai Jia asked.
“I was not aware…” Qian Yu said as he started remembering the past. According to his memories, all he could remember was that Zhao Xieren did put in a lot of effort in order to look and act like a good leader. Recently though, she did say it was something stressful to her.
“Was she scared of failing her family’s expectations?” Qian Yu blurted out.
“That’s a part of it. Like you said, she is still pretty young and immature. She puts too much value on what people think about and if she fails to meet them...” Bai Jia stood up from the couch.
“It’ll hurt her self confidence or something? The winter event also probably affected her self confidence as well,” Qian Yu finished her sentence.
“Mhm… anyways, I have somewhere to go so let’s leave,” Bai Jia started heading to the door.
“Eh? How can I help her resolve the problems though?” Qian Yu followed Bai Jia out of the door. While they identified the things bothering Zhao Xieren, Qian Yu didn’t really know how to help her.
“Hehe, I know you’re smart, use your brain! Do your best!” Bai Jia forced a smile, yet Qian Yu didn’t notice it as he started mumbling to himself.
Qian Yu started thinking while walking out of the office, ‘Confidence and expectations huh? They naturally go together. Her family’s expectations had always been a constant bother for her. Along with what happened in the winter hunt, it had hurt her confidence in leadership along with making her feel guilty. I know that her mental health hasn't been the best as of late but it seems like I have underestimated it a little.’
‘Plague with low self esteem and 4 months of guilt, it would be hard for anyone to smile and be happy. In fact, the only time she wasn’t downcasted and sad was when it was related to cultivating or when I made some cheeky remark,’ Qian Yu realized. Perhaps, she had only been able to handle it for so long thus far because of her going into isolated cultivation.
‘It looks like I need to be more proactive like Sister Bai said. Firstly, I’ll deal with her worrying too much about expectations. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes yet she keeps brooding over the past. Regarding confidence, every cultivator needs the confidence to fight, make decisions, and in order to live and grow stronger. Without confidence, you aren’t a real cultivator,’ Qian Yu resolved himself.
It wasn’t even a matter about their relationship at this point. Rather, it was something that had to be addressed otherwise it would hinder Zhao Xieren’s growth and put her in danger. Qian Yu couldn’t help but remember about the guy that got an inner heart demon from him. The chances were slim, but they were still there.
On top of the medical hall, Bai Jia sat down as she watched Qian Yu leave. Biting her lips, she stared at the sky, wondering what to do.
Qian Yu returned home and got to work as he brainstormed a more specific plan. Along the way though, he realized he didn’t have a single idea on what he could do or say to help Zhao Xieren. Visiting the library, he grabbed a dozen random scrolls and books about cultivators, mortal philosophists and artists.
“Biography of Martial Emperor Wang Yang”
“Quotes from Scholar Tian”
“How I became the Divine Fist”
“Alright, let’s go over them. It’s been a while since I read books,” Qian Yu had grabbed a few random pieces and laid down, reading them.
The last time he could remember reading books was when he had just entered the sect and read the books that Bai Jia had given him. Back then, they were interesting stories that entertained him. Yet now, reading these same types of books now, it was different. Slowly, he made a list and wrote out quotes and important beliefs.
The hours passed as Qian Yu went through the scrolls. Some were short, taking a few minutes to go through while the longest took about an hour.
‘I wish Zhen Yue was here,’ Qian Yu stared at the ceiling. This was something Zhen Yue was strong at. She was a lot stronger when it came to anything social, most likely a result of her once being a noble.
Additionally, he never really had expectations put on him. It wasn’t something he could sympathize with.
By the time dusk arrived, Qian Yu was outside, waiting for Zhao Xieren to show up so they could have dinner. Putting together some of the ideas he had read about and his own experiences from his adventure, he had made a short speech and plan in order to help change her mindset. Of course, it was still somewhat scuffed considering Qian Yu had made it.