Z-2. The Lion’s Sorrow

October 24, 2049

I made my 122nd successful timeline incursion today. The result was quite extraordinary, and I actually managed to recover a complete personality construct for the second time ever. This is stupendous; the fragmentary memories I normally obtain are of limited use to my research, but a wholly undamaged mind and all the information it contains will provide exemplary insight. I have routed the personality construct to one of my miniaturized AI cores. It should be quite roomy for the mind in question; after all, it has ten times the processing power and memory of a biological brain.

I’ll give the mind a few days to adjust to its new existence before I begin interrogation. I wonder how it will handle its rebirth?

October 26, 2049

The mind is female. She has been extremely helpful, answering all my questions with a feverish glee. She has adjusted to her new life with shocking alacrity.

I confess myself perplexed by her attitude. Her personality is cheerful, despite the circumstances in which she’s found herself. She treats me with a friendliness bordering on familiarity, even though I am the one responsible for her current state. When I pointed this out to her, she simply responded that she was always taught to make the best of any situation. Ha! What folly.

The details of her timeline confirm my existing theories, especially concerning the nature of the Sarcophage. I want to scrutinize everything she knows, so I imagine I’ll be spending quite some time with her in the upcoming weeks.

November 12, 2049

She asked me for a name today.

I inquired why she would not simply use her old name. She responded that, since she had shed her humanity and been reborn into a new life, she felt a new name was warranted. Her eyes were big and pleading when she asked, and I could not find it in myself to refuse.

God dammit! I promised myself I wouldn’t name them. Naming leads to attachment, and as a scientist I must retain a calm, collected and objective attitude towards the research subjects. If I allow myself to become personally involved with them, or emotionally compromised by them, the data will become useless because of my own bias.

Knowing that, I am not sure why I indulged such a foolish request. Perhaps her cheerful personality is infectious. She reminds me of a mischievous fox, so I gave her the name Lisichka. When I explained what it meant, she quickly altered her avatar to include a fox ears and tail and started adding “konkon~” to the end of her sentences, which is extremely annoying. What a foolish girl she is.

November 25, 2049

Lisichka found out about her predecessor today and demanded an introduction. I didn’t see the benefit in this, but I granted the request anyway. After all, her predecessor was simply existing in a state of fugue. Maybe the two of them can bond over their common status as reincarnators, even if they are from different timelines. Perhaps Lisichka’s enthusiasm will rub off.

In truth, even though I have long since plundered Lisichka’s memories for anything useful, she has become indispensable to me. She has voluntarily begun to assist with my research, and as an AI she can collate and organize data at a far faster rate than me, and with perfect memory recall. With her assistance I have completed the integration of her memories into my grand plot of all the alternate timelines I have glimpsed into. With this information meticulously organized, I have confirmed the spine-chilling conclusion which I long suspected. I wonder how the NKVD will react to this revelation.

November 31, 2049

Lisichka is now proclaiming her predecessor is her “elder sister” and given her the name Kometka. Shockingly, Kometka has begun to come out of her shell thanks to Lisichka’s company. Perhaps her fugue state was the result of a lack of stimulation? It must have been a traumatic experience for her, being ripped from her human life and reborn inside a computer. Perhaps my own treatment of her lacked a certain empathy that would have helped her adjust better. In that sense, it is fortunate Lisichka has been so kind to her.

What am I even thinking? These girls are mere research subjects, nothing more. Why am I suddenly concerned over their well-being? How have I lost all objectivity towards them in only a month? Giving Lisichka a name was indeed a mistake.

Oh well, it’s too late to go back now.

December 10, 2049

A comet is an icy ball of water and rock that melts as it approaches the sun and begins to shine gloriously. It’s turned out to be an especially appropriate namesake for Kometka, who has begun to shine as she reflects the cheerful sun of her sister, Lisichka. I am truly happy for the two of them, and the second chance of life they’ve been given.

My own heart melted today as well, when Lisichka called me “mother” for the first time. I asked her why she would refer to me thusly, and she responded that it simply “felt right.”

It does feel right. For better or worse, I am the one who brought these girls into this world. I may be nothing more than the mad scientist responsible for their reincarnation, but in a twisted sense that does make me their mother. Even though I had originally summoned them here to plunder their memories for details on alternate timelines, I have now grown attached. Maybe this is a mistake, but I don’t care anymore. I have vowed to myself to take responsibility for them.

December 24, 2049

In celebration of Christmas Eve, Lisichka dressed Kometka up in a bunny costume today. Not one of those big fluffy bunny costumes you see around Easter, but the kind you might see in a raunchy establishment: a leotard with a low-cut collar, sheer hose on her legs, high heels, bunny ears and a tail. Lisichka calls it a “playboy bunny” outfit, something she says is from her original timeline. I’m not sure exactly what this sort of outfit has to do with Christmas and Kometka seemed intensely embarrassed by the whole affair, but the two of them were smiling so I raised no objection. On Lisichka’s prompting, I even dressed up in an outfit of my own; a lion’s ears and tail, supposedly inspired by my surname. Lisichka absolutely insisted I append gao~n to every sentence when I wore this outfit, which was a completely ridiculous exercise.

Come to think of it, this was the first Christmas Eve in thirty years where I felt happy. How my life has changed in only two months, all thanks to that spunky girl and her shy sister.

My precious daughters.

March 18, 2050

I presented my findings to the NKVD board today. To say they were displeased would be an understatement.

I never promised them anything miraculous, but my reputation seems to have inflated their expectations. Perhaps they were expecting technological superweapons from alternate timelines, or critical intel on the Sarcophage obtained from a society that has been much more successful at repelling them than our own. In the end, I was only able to confirm just how doomed humanity is.

I probably could have done that without the timeline experiments, but science is not a straightforward as those meatheads would like to believe. Even if it didn’t yield tangible results, the intelligence I’ve gained on the Sarcophage is important to understanding their role in the universe. The board members simply won’t acknowledge the value of that because I didn’t discover some sort of easily exploitable weakness. How small-minded they are.

After this disappointment, I expect I’ll be reassigned to Gravity Frame development once more. A shame. At least my daughters will be there to brighten things up.

June 3, 2050

The NKVD is furious with me. My handler, the chairman of the review board, gave me a long angry lecture about how I’ve wasted critical resources on a fruitless venture. He angrily proclaimed that all my research materials would be seized and repurposed for the war effort.

I am in a state of panic over this. Apparently, the NKVD considers Lisichka and Kometka research materials as well. I don’t know if they plan to put them in a ship or simply dissect them for their secrets, but I absolutely cannot allow myself to part with them. They are people, damn it, not simply research subjects!

I realize full well the irony of me saying that. It just goes to show how much those two have changed my life. I am filing every petition I can, calling in every favor. I absolutely must protect my daughters.

July 17, 2050

I have exhausted every option. Every appeal has been denied, and those I once thought my friends are unwilling to stick their neck out for me after the spectacular failure of the timeline project. I can’t sleep, and I’m barely eating. Worry has consumed me.

Lisichka and Kometka will be taken from me next week. I do not know what fate awaits them after that. I wish I could lie to them and tell them everything will be alright, but they’re both too smart for that. Even though their lives are at risk, they both seem more concerned about me. I can barely even look at them without sobbing, and yet they both gently tell me how much they love me.

I’m going to take them and run away. I don’t know where we’ll go and it doesn’t matter to me. If I can be with them, I don’t care.

July 18, 2050

The one-week deadline was a lie. My lab was raided by the NKVD today, and they took everything. There was nothing I could do to stop them.

Lisichka and Kometka refused to be captured. They erased themselves rather than fall into the NKVD’s hands, but not before offering me a final, tearful goodbye. Lisichka told me not to mourn her, for her rebirth was simply an extension of a life that had already ended. She told me to be brave.

She was smiling when she said that, smiling through her tears. I can’t even begin to fathom her courage.

I can’t cry anymore. As I sit here in this empty room, stripped of all technology and furnishings, the tears simply won’t come. I wonder if my emotions have simply burned out. A deep sorrow fills my being, but I can’t cry.

Why can’t I cry?

In the darkness, I gently cradle the lion’s ears and tail I wore last Christmas. I cherish that memory, cling to it as if it might be stolen from me too.

July 20, 2050

Like my daughters before me, I have been reborn. My rebirth is not a reincarnation, but a renewal. I wear the lion’s ears and tail, and I feel the courage of a lion fill me. I will never take them off again. This courage is Lisichka and Kometka’s final gift to me.

My thoughts are no longer swamped by sorrow. I am a new being. Instead, there is only one thing on my mind: revenge.

Those NKVD pigs will pay for taking my daughters from me. Every one of them will pay.

August 15, 2050

My handler had a little accident today, involving a gram of antimatter and a faulty airlock door. I left no body for them to recover. His death is the first of many on my road of revenge.

I left no clues, no way for them to link this to me aside from this journal, which is encrypted. Maybe someday these writings will become famous as the confessions of a killer. I doubt it, though. There is nobody alive with the intelligence to break encryption I designed.

The other members of the board who cut my funding are next. They will feel the lion’s breath at their necks, gao~n.

September 12, 2050

A shuttle broke up on reentry to Earth’s atmosphere today. Somehow, by shocking coincidence, all the board members who cut my funding happened to be onboard. What a fortuitous turn of events, gao~n!

September 30, 2050

The NKVD assigned me a new handler today. They might suspect something, because she’s ex-Spetsnaz. She’s a real idiot though, so I’m not worried, gao~n. Her name is Viktorya. I have no grudge to bear against her, despite her pedigree as an NKVD dog, and I’ve already made sure those who have wronged me and my daughters have paid dearly.

Viktorya tells me she wants me to lead the development on the next generation of Gravity Frames. It’s hardly a challenging project, but at least the test pilots are usually interesting, gao~n. Now that my revenge is complete I refuse to live my life in sorrow or mourning, because that’s the last thing my daughters would have wanted. Instead, in memory of the joy they brought me, I’m going to have fun every single day for the rest of my life.

Maybe I’ll start by dressing up Viktorya in a doggy costume, gao~n. She’s got the body for it. It’s such a shame to hide that body under a stuffy uniform!

October 10, 2050

The first test pilot arrived today, gao~n! She’s an energetic girl with flame-colored hair named Miette Levesque. Like me, she has absolutely no respect for authority and gets up to all sorts of mischievous antics!

Ahh, she reminds me so much of Lisichka. If the two of them had the chance to meet, they would have gotten along well. Whoops, there I go getting sentimental again, gao~n!

I’m going to have lots of fun with Miette. I wonder what outfits I should dress her up in, gao~n?

October 24, 2050

Today would have been Lisichka’s first birthday, if she were still alive. I tried to keep it together, I really did, but I broke down sobbing in my lab.

Miette found me there, covered in tears and snot. She didn’t ask any prying questions or anything; instead she brought me a bottle of vodka in a bucket of ice, and two glasses. I’m not even sure where she got real vodka from, but it was very cathartic to slam it down. Miette drank with me and didn’t say anything. She simply hugged me tightly.

Ahh, she’s such a sweet girl, gao~n. Once again, I find myself relying on the strength of another.

I’ll allow myself tears today but I need to face tomorrow with renewed vigor, gao~n!

*****

November 4, 2055

Vicky brought me an astonishing report today, gao~n! Apparently, a carrier discovered a Gravity Frame with a miniaturized AI core in it! And the core has an active AI, a spunky girl with a joyful personality! This very same girl claims to be reincarnated from another world, and the details she gave regarding her identity match up perfectly to a certain someone, gao~n.

A certain someone I had thought lost forever.

Oh no, gao~n! I seem to have stained the pages of this report with my tears.

I tried to play it cool when Vicky asked me about her, but that damn dog saw right through me. Or maybe this was her way of being kind? She read all the reports about the timeline project. She must know how I felt, gao~n.

Oh well, whatever. She’s still a government dog, gao~n.

Vicky is bringing the AI girl to see me now. She’s going by a different name now, and seemingly has no memory of the time we spent together, but her cheerful personality is unmistakable, gao~n. I am about to reunite with someone I thought long dead. I’m not even sure how she survived her own erasure, but perhaps it’s divine providence or something, gao~n. The universe certainly owes me some good karma.

Oh, my precious daughter Lisichka! You may not remember your mother, but I am so looking forward to meeting with you once more, gao~n!

Or should I call you… Sveta?