Chapter 66 Death talk
Surprisingly enough I did get some knowledge from killing both Slipknot and Weasel. Slipknot had a special recipe in his head that made ropes as strong as steel and Weasel had knowledge related to his special serum and how to make costumes. This version didn’t have the corrupted version he had in the suicide squad movie but it still had far more side effects than a normal super soldier serum.
Slipknot also had some French, Latin, and Spanish speaking ability which was neat. His knowledge was mainly focused on curse words and getting only the bare minimum meant I would sound like a toddler if I tried to speak any language. Still better than nothing at least. We loaded up into the jet that would take us to the mission and I deactivated my obfuscation charm as it drew far too much mana to keep active for long periods of time.
As I do so Harley Quinn loudly yells. “Oh no! He’s hot!” I laugh hysterically as I sit down and let everyone get a good look at my face. We sit down and everyone talks for a few minutes before they all sit quietly for the eight-hour trip to the third-world country we were headed to. I chime up.
“So anyone wants to know how their future will end up? I can tell you right now as the bad guys most of you don’t have happy endings.” The look of confusion is quickly covered up by a want to know as they realize what I’m talking about. Captain Boomerang asks first. “Yea, what about me.”
“You’re a third-rate gimmick villain not really talked about much. You were in the movies but were killed off in the second one early on for shock value. I don’t think you’ll live very long and I’m honestly surprised you’re still alive since the world did kill off a lot of the less interesting people.”
He mutters under his breath. “Well fuck you too then.” I look at the ones that die and say. “I’m going to rapid-fire the ones that die. Savant is killed by the bomb blowing up when he tries to run away. Windfall is killed trying to save the team. Slipknot dies trying to escape and Weasel is presumed dead but actually survives which is why I killed that child killer… Who else? Ahh Lizard doesn’t die on missions because it’s a DC thing, not Marvel but he dies a lot in the comics so probably why they put you in with them. Oh, and Rick Flag dies a lot as well.”
I let out a little chuckle. “This mission seems easy but normal ass guns would put most of you down. The people I listed would have most likely died which leaves Deadshot, King Shark, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Vixen as the ones who’d live.” I look at Deadshot first. “You don’t really do much besides be a hired hitman and survive suicide squad missions. You do die in one when Black Mask shoots you but it was so reviled they retconned it… I guess if that’s your jam then keep on keeping on.”
Looking at King Shark next. “You’ll probably live or if you die it’ll be for the shock value that someone so strong died on the mission to prove no one is safe. You kill your brother after he kills your father. That might have happened already? Well, either way, you’re normally stuck with these team-ups like Deadshot since neither of you is popular enough for your own comics.”
Harley raises her hand and says. “Oh, oh me next me next!” I smile as I continue. “Harley, you end up breaking up with the Joker because you finally realize he doesn’t care for you at all and end up living far into the future. There’s a cameo of you as an old woman when your two granddaughters need to be bailed out of jail. You go straight Harley, you abandon the life of crime and sell out Joker’s secrets for immunity.”
The look of utter shock on Harley’s face tells me I hit a little too close to home with that one. It’s been weeks since she’s been imprisoned and this isn’t the first time she’s had to free herself without the help of Joker. She’s probably just now coming around to leaving him and to have someone call her on it might make her more defensive or solidify her plan.
The not so subtle fuck me eyes she keeps giving me leads me to believe she’s already decided to abandon Joker. The few quips she’s said also lean more towards the provocative nature than someone who had their blinders on for one person. Most had been bantering back and forth with me ignoring most of it. The jokes just weren’t landing so I stopped paying attention to Captain Boomerang and Harley.
“Vixen becomes a famous model and animal rights activist but she dies alone. Her few love interests don’t last and they pick other women besides her because she’s hard to get along with. She’s the strong type of woman who is often conflated with the bitchy type of woman… She also accused me of being a rapist when I wanted to help her and me beating her ass is probably the reason she was captured.”
Her eyes went wide as she looked at me in surprise. “It was you the whole time! I thought I recognized you but you have both arms!” I give her a deadpan stare before going back to ignoring her. “That leaves Poison Ivy and I’m pretty sure that isn’t even Poison Ivy but a clone she left behind and the real one isn’t here.”
I unbuckle myself from the jet seat and touch her to make sure. “Yep, fake ass clone right there. Full of sap and chlorophyll, a huge damn waste of my time coming here to protect her.” I’m half tempted to just smash her to a pulp but the look of shock and terror lets me know that she had no idea she was a clone. Also, she has similar functions to a real human, maybe a bit more durable as she could regrow chopped-off body parts but still shockingly human-like.
I wasn’t sure how she reproduced her brain functions and was banking on it being an actual copy of her brain matter put into plant form. Her organs could function like those of normal humans with the plant heart pumping sap through her vine-like veins. The moment of contact from touching her synthetic plant-based skin felt as natural as human skin. Everything about her functioned like a human would if humans were plant life instead of mammals.
I almost sigh as I decide to give trying to bed a plant clone a shot. Another thing I got from her is even though she wasn’t human I could still tell what her kinks were through empathic touch.
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