Chapter 218-220

I had just finished with one of my future wives and was returning to a set of food trucks to buy lunch. I was in a really good mood, things were just going so well for me for so long that I started whistling again. I used to whistle every single day until I was drafted, and then my higher-up disliked my whistling, which made me mostly stop. Did it for a short time again after I got out then quit again as I was focused on living and didn’t have the chance to be happy or sad.

That was just how it worked sometimes. If you’re just trying to survive, you often aren’t as miserable as someone who has food on the table and a safe house to go back to. Your mind is so focused on staying alive that it doesn’t have time to be depressed or get mad at its situation. I was whistling the theme song for the Andy Griffith Show. It was the default song I whistled before I realized I was whistling the same song for like thirty minutes and switched it up whistling the Mario or Zelda theme songs.

Song of Storms was one of my favorites to whistle but it was the Andy Griffith theme still for the moment. I was so happy I didn’t realize that a basic bitch beat cop was angry at my happiness. “Hey, whistling dixy. Come over here for a second.” I turned to look at the old man as I was the only one whistling. I think about mentioning his out-of-date term, but I was just whistling Andy Griffith, so fair is fair.

“What you need, chief?” I stopped whistling as he ran up to me, his posture oozing that he wanted to argue or fight. I think about just walking or even running from the guy, but that was making a mountain out of a molehill. “What do you think you’re doing?” I think about his question before I decide to be cheeky. “I don’t know. I just follow wherever this behemoth between my legs goes. Why, what’s up?”

He looked at me again before asking. “You look familiar. Where do I know you from?” I thought of where he could know me from. “I did a few ads, modeled a bit, I’m the richest person on the planet, advocate for metahumans, I’m also one of the newest members of the Justice League, and once again have a massive hog between my legs.”

His eyes lit up when I said I was a member of the Justice League, and he spoke about his thoughts. “JJ mentioned you! You’re the crooked superhero who beats up innocent people.” I was taken aback by what he said. The old fuck managed to stun-lock me with his stupidity as I asked my robot wife what the fuck he was talking about and she beams the entire clip into my brain in less than a second.

I watch as JJ pulls up one of my fights and a supervillain slams into a building. I broke off to help the people who were on the verge of death and let the other heroes deal with the villain while I took the girls I saved off to do stuff JJ couldn’t show on air. He alluded to what I was probably doing but it was clear fear-mongering and how the fuck did that lead to me beating people up? JJ then went off on a tangent where he brings up Spiderman and says were practically the same and are most likely villains in disguise.

“Alright then. It was nice meeting you. I’ll be on my way.” I didn’t want to keep interacting with this jumped-up Steve Buscemi-lookalike, so I went to be on my way, but he stopped me again. “Where do you think you’re going?” I pointed over at the food trucks. “To get lunch, unless I’m being detained.” His hand hovered over his gun as he spoke with more surety than someone so dumb should have. “You’re damn right you’re being detained. How can our streets be safe with you heroes running around causing more damage than you stop, huh?”

I take a few deep breaths as I try not to explode this time-wasting dickhead. Killing him would be overkill; hell, even hurting him would only prove in his mind that JJ was right. My mind immediately went to what I could do to make him regret stopping me before he fired his gun at me. I was so shocked that I didn’t even bother trying to stop it. I was well in my rights to put this fucker down and I had enough connections that I’d only get a slap on the wrist.

I wanted him to regret that mistake, though. I ripped the gun and wallet from his pants as I stripped his clothes from him and made them disappear. Looking at his name I quickly have all his bank accounts drained as I leak all the hidden texts he has sent over the past two decades to his wife. There was no cheating, but the gambling debt and shit-talking about his own wife to his friends would probably start fights. Leaving him completely naked on the street, I teleport into Jay Jonah Jameson’s newsroom as he’s in the middle of one of his rants.

He looks at me for a few seconds before he recognizes me and just as he does I close the last few steps so I can beat the shit out of him. While live on air his fans get to see me stomp the ever-loving shit out of this dumb fuck. I left him with two black eyes, a broken nose, and missing teeth. Surprisingly, he is still awake and coherent as I pick him up off the ground, completely mad at the situation he put me in.

“A cop just fired a fucking bullet at me because of the shit you’re spewing. Got anything to say about that?” He stammers out an answer. “W-w-what he did was right! He clearly was in the right if you showed up and assaulted me while on live camera. There’s no way you’re going to be able to spend your way out of this.” I punched him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him as I broke one of his arms and legs.

“I’m not Spiderman! I’m not going to put up with your bullshit! You're lying about me wasting my time and ruining my good day. I hear my name come out of your mouth again your astronaut son gets teleported to the moon without a fucking spacesuit, you understand?

He spits up blood as I walk over to the camera, glaring at the people watching this idiot. “You all should be ashamed of yourselves. Use your brains and think things through. If Spiderman was really as bad as this douchebag makes him out to be then why hasn’t he shown up and butchered everyone in this building? It’s because this fuck face over here is fear-mongering. That’s why I know he isn’t going to do shit except tell the police what I did to him and if he thinks a single penny is getting paid out I’d rather burn all my fucking money and start over before I let that happen.”

I teleport back to the same area the police officer was at as he was talking with another cop with his body covered up by a hoodie someone donated to him. He didn’t notice me as I kept walking until I started whistling again. More slowly than before, I whistled the Andy Griffith theme as he turned and made eye contact with me.

The self-assured look was gone as his eyes widened in fear. He didn’t even tell the other cop that I was the one who stripped him of his police uniform and gun. I made my way over to the lunch trucks, where I got a bit of everything and looked through my phone. I was going to head to space soon, but I wondered if there would be any backlash for beating a news reporter live on air before I did.

Chapter 219

I sat in the eight-man spaceship the Marauders owned. It still was crazy to me that I was going into space with the freaking X-men. Not the Justice League, not the fantastic four, or any of the other well-known space-fairing comic book teams but the fucking Marauders. Kitty Pryde flipped buttons as if she had done it hundreds of times.

To be fair, they did time travel in the comics. If I didn’t know that time travel was off the table she very well could have done this hundreds of times. They had most likely only flown into space a handful of times, and as this was another newer version of the crew missing a few members and having several new faces, I wait as the ship flies up, and we exit the atmosphere in a fairly anticlimactic way.

The Earth’s gravitational pull on a spaceship from this world stood no chance, and the normal fanfare of rockets firing to push the ship into space didn’t happen either, as it practically just floated into space. I felt no G-force, and I wasn’t pressed into my seat from the sudden increase in speed. It was like that one scene in Futurama where Fry does the countdown to go into space and gets to nine before they’re at the moon already.

It will still take us weeks of space travel to get anywhere good, anyway. The biggest chunk of space travel just spent going from one location to another. I started to fiddle with the seatbelt that strapped me down before Kitty spoke up. “Alright, should be fine to move around now.” We didn’t need to be sat down and buckled in, but it was just an extra precaution.

The ship was small, the rooms were only about the size of a person with four bunks in each, one on each side of the ship letting eight people travel. The food is only enough for about a month, which is just enough to get us out of the backwater galaxy we’re in. The next week, the small confined spaces started to get on everyone's nerves.

With limited water, most people were only allowed a single four-minute shower over the entire course of the trip. The large storage room that also functioned as the living area had a set time where we each watched whatever that person wanted for two-hour increments. Even with only six people on the ship (2 less than the capacity it could house), it was still awful.

Especially because I was going out of my way to annoy people by the third day. To be fair, I was very bored as well and it had started with a prank pulled on me by Kitty. We were about halfway to the nearest galactic empire when I decided I was done playing around. “Welp, I’m gonna peace out for now. Since I have a homing stone, I can always teleport to the ship I’ll teleport back when we get closer. Peace out.”

With that, I gave the peace sign and teleported off the ship.

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Kitty Pryde’s Point of View

“THAT MOTHERFUCKER COULD LEAVE AT ANY TIME!?” I couldn’t help but scream as I woke up Wolverine, who had been pretty much hibernating the entire trip. Slamming my hand down on one of the crates of food I almost broke it before Gambit spoke with a thick French and Cajun accent. “Well, what did you expect, mon cheri? We bein paid good money to head there. He didn’t say nothin' bout comin' along with us.”

I was so mad at him for this! Not only was he making the trip more miserable by being here he also kept everyone up as he had sex with the two other women who came on this trip. Polaris yawned as she made a bowl of cereal already expecting this outcome. The only person who seemed upset by what happened was me.

It wasn’t just that we had a person on the ship eating our limited food and being annoying; he also made it impossible for me to get any sleep, and the little prank I played on him on the first day backfired as he didn’t sleep with me. Polaris and Armor were definitely pregnant as they went at it like bunny rabbits. Every single night for multiple hours, the only thing I could hear was one, if not both of the women, loudly moaning in pleasure.

Armor followed out next, rubbing her eyes as she yawned and asked. “What’s up?” I couldn’t help but explain again. “Danny could have left at any point and just teleported back on the ship once we got there.” Armor looked at me, confused, as she asked. “He didn’t mention that to you? He’s been bringing me candy and other things from Earth every once in a while.”

Everyone else confirmed they were also getting things delivered by teleportation trips back to Earth, I felt my eye twitching. The guys also had their room expanded with space magic and the four of them had their own separate full-size beds to sleep on, so he was fucking Polaris and Armor in those small beds just to fuck with me. “Are you serious!?”

All because I pulled a harmless prank on him? He did this to me? “Is he a fucking psychopath!?” I couldn’t help but be furious at the entire situation. I put a piece of tape in front of the boys' door, not even targeting Danny, and this entire time, he could have expanded the inside of our ship and made the trip easier for all of us. I heard his voice speak from behind one of the crates of supplies at the back of the ship.

“Hello. Is anyone there? Can you pull me out real quick… I’m waiting.” I looked over, confused as I moved the crate and saw a tape recorder placed down. “By now I’ll have left and hopefully someone will have explained that I have been helping everyone else but Kitty because she pulled a prank on me.” I yell again. “It was a harmless joke.”

He speaks as if he heard what I said. “Now, she’ll probably have yelled out at me, probably something like ‘It’s not that big a deal!’ or ‘It was a joke!’ something along that line.” He chuckled before continuing. “Well, so is what I did. I could have made it easier on everyone but it was way funnier not including you because of something so petty as tape touching my face for a second and you snort laughing at the clearly not funny joke.”

He sighed as he explained. “A group of my friends had a prank war during the actual war. It started out exactly like this, with seemingly harmless pranks that escalated to more and more severe ones. It ended when one of my friends tried to recreate the blood scene from Carrie, except the bucket fell down on the person's head, paralyzing him… Since then, whenever anyone tries to prank me, I immediately escalate it to extremes, so it’s not fun for them. That’s why this tape recorder is set to explode glitter over everything, making it impossible for the ship to ever be clean again.”

Everyone’s eyes went wide as the tape recorder still in my hand exploded into a cloud of glitter, as if by magic, covering every surface of the ship. All of us began to curse at the same time.

Chapter 220

I didn’t need to take a spaceship to get to the galaxies or planets I wanted to visit, but I traveled with the Marauders to get the authentic space travel experience. The self-replicating space drones Hestia produced and sent into space have allowed me to visit every point of interest in our galaxy and many different ones. There wasn’t anything of real value in the solar system except trace amounts of vibranium in the asteroid belts circling the sun.

That was valuable to other people, but as I could just make thousands of pounds of it from the divinity I’d gain from doing an interview on a talk show, there was no need to worry about it. Vibranium wasn’t all that powerful when put against the bullshit metals that came from the DC universe anyways. The drones were a net not focused on a single goal like the Marauders, but over the course of their expansion, they’d give me different locations to visit that I wouldn’t need to get the galactic coordinates to visit.

Most space-fairing races had their home planet's coordinates well hidden, often only the galaxies they existed in, which was the only known information about where they were located. Exploring the entire Milky Way galaxy and seeing no forms of life besides the Martians and Inhumans I could visit at any point was slightly disappointing but not surprising.

They weren’t worth the problems. Inhumans had their story changed to be mutant Eternals like Thanos, and Thanos once lived near Earth with them before he met death and began the process of culling the universe. As the barrier to entry for the strongest in the universe was increased, Thanos wasn’t nearly as big of a threat compared to Darkseid or the bigger DC villains. He wasn’t a world-breaking scourge but a force at the equivalent level as a galactic empire.

Galactic empires were things like the Nova Corps, Lantern Corps, Skrull, Kree, the Imperial Council, and Asgardians(without Odin’s help). Any large collective of different planets or a single planet with the backing to fight against the other space-fairing threats was considered a galactic empire. Above the galactic empires were forces that couldn’t be contested by anything but themselves.

Odin, ruler of Asgard, Darkseid, Zeus, the Celestials, The one above all, The one below all, Kryptonians, and Czarians. Some of these could be fought but the vast majority of the universal threats were no longer threats. Gods could no longer exist in the universe so they could only send out avatars of their strength without ripping themselves out of reality. Kryptonians and Czarians were slain, and most of the other true threats to me running wild in space wouldn’t bother me unless I started blowing up big planets.

It was a global balancing act where the galactic empires kept each other in check and those who grew to become a threat to the others would be beaten by everyone. Kryptonians weren’t the race of perfect peacekeepers. They weren’t as bad as the Viltrumites in Invincible but there were enough Kryptonian space warlords for the entire universe to collectively destroy their planet.

Although it was a smaller extent for the Czarians, the cost the galactic empires had to pay to remove those two threats was vastly expensive. Who knew how many galactic empires were destroyed in the process? There could have been dozens of other empires that were destroyed in the process of wiping out the Kryptonians. Still… I had time to waste now since I didn’t need to sit cooped up in a small spaceship. I pretty much did everything I wanted to do on Earth. I guess I could wrap up the few women I didn’t have the time to have sex with.

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Ice Maiden, Ice, Killer Frost, Fire, Magma, and Nova. Three ice-based heroes and three fire-based ones that I had somehow not had sex with. Ice and Guy Gardiner had a will-they-won't-they thing in the comics but that decision was clearly leaning to the won't they as I was going to ruin her for other men. Ice Maiden had soft blue skin and a model physique; she was the original design of Ice, but they separated the two into two different heroes in this universe.

Caitlyn Snow was another beauty. Her pure white hair, pale skin, and blue lips gave her an otherworldly look, even compared to the women with different skin. Her clear blue eyes made her look almost blind, but I knew she could see perfectly fine, and it was just another aspect of her powers.

Fire was a bombshell, with large breasts and wide hips giving her an hourglass figure not many on the planet could compete with. I remember seeing her in the Justice League cartoon show, and they tried to pair her up with the Flash. The relationship didn’t work, but it made me slightly jealous of the Flash because she was that beautiful. To be fair, that was most of the heroes in that show. Hawkgirl and Black Canary probably gave me my superheroine kink.

Magma was a mutant with fiery hair who could also turn her body into flames; that was the go-to power for most fire-themed heroes. Most fire-themed heroes could also fly, while the ice-themed ones got cold beams that froze what they touched… I wonder why that was? Why weren’t there an ice hero who froze themselves and flew in the air instead of gliding on ice paths they created… Tangent aside she was the most normal-looking out of the group, maybe like a girl you’d go to school with but not supermodel levels of attractiveness.

Frankie Raye was probably the most basic out of all the heroes. I think her character went as far as ‘Hey, let’s make a girl human torch who can be his girlfriend,’ and it just didn’t work out. I think they even went to the point of making her look like a gender-swapped Johnny Storm. She had an athletic body from her job and originally couldn’t turn her powers off, which I fixed for her.

The elemental differences of the women made it fairly difficult to have sex with all of them at the same time. Every time they came, they’d lose control over their powers, which, if I didn’t intervene and control, would have hurt the opposing elementals. All of their eyes were lidded as they had burned through most of their energy and settled in for slow, passionate sex.

I couldn’t help but smile as I drew moans and groans from the six women. Their voices almost sounded musical and gave off different tones from each other. I couldn’t help but think I was making a true song of ice and fire as I brought the six to squealing orgasms at the same time.

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