Book Four – Interlude – Part Nine – The Captain’s Elegy

Blasé then explained that they had a spirit stationed right outside the church, and when nothing happened after a while, sent it inside to discover the aftermath of a brutal scene. The battle had been over by this point, and upon seeing the captain dangle on death’s door, the two rushed in to get him. Fisher was in a horrible state, yet his body refused any healing skill. With no other choice, they had to use bandages and salves. That was just enough to stabilize his life. Only then did they hastily, yet carefully, make towards Fisher's home, prioritizing the back streets and empty alleys.

Marissa hurriedly rushed to the door when she heard a voice because she was sitting in the kitchen. She saw her husband’s wounded state and gasped in horror. She shouted at the governor and his secretary, who then used Veil of Obfuscation and Silentium Fluctus. The furious wife demanded the world and then some.

“She smacked us no less than thirty times…” Blasé said. “And no, you’re aren’t dead. Almost, but you’re clinging to life.”

Using what very little strength he had gathered, Fisher spoke more about the incident, adding more details that he had previously done until all was explained. “Marissa?” he asked with a tearful whisper. His heavy head turned from the bed to his wife. “I’m…home…”

The lovely wife shed a few dozen tears of her own. She hugged her wounded husband as tight as ever, then just remembered he was awfully sore and exhausted. Not just physically, but he was mentally drained. Before his ears had a chance to fall victim to her gorgeous voice, Fisher’s eyes closed, and he fell back to the bed. His scared chest was beating, just slightly, but it was pumping.

She ran a hand along his cheeks, using her thumb to clean a tear from his right eye. “Welcome home, dear…” A kiss on his dried lips finished her wifely affection. Then an irritating and serious conversation emerged into the atmosphere.

“My husband is too good for the likes of you two to be used like a weapon… I will not allow this to happen again. In fact, I’m starting to get the sense you two swayed him towards doing your dirty work! Why couldn’t you have done this yourself?! You’re obviously powerful if you can use Deus Lux without an incantation! Was there not anyone else available for you to ruin? Why did it have to be my husband? What will I tell my children? How will I explain this to them?!”

“It was for the good of the city,” Blasé said.

Smack!

“You heard what he said. Nicholas was trying to kill you and your daughters to turn Fisher into a pawn to brainwash this city into nothing but a colony of prayers…”

Smack!

“We could not have gotten anywhere close…because of reasons I cannot divulge…”

Smack!

“Your husband was the only one who could do this.”

Smack!

“If he hadn’t acted, who knows what he had planned? There is just no telling who all was under his control! The only one I could be sure that wasn’t affected by that damn bishop was your husband!”

Smack!

“You can hit me as much as you like, but this was one of the most optimal outcomes.”

Smack!

“Your husband is a hero, dammit! He’s still alive, isn’t he? A menace to this city has been destroyed before it had the chance to grow out of control! Tell that to your children! That their father is a hero who used his body to protect this city!”

Smack!

Marissa had started to feel an aching in her right palm. She nursed it to her chest and growled a thinly-veiled insult. “A hero?! If you want to use that excuse, why couldn’t you take up that role?! You know what? Just leave! Leave my family and me alone! I hope you feel the pain my daughters will experience when they see their father in this state! I may not be as strong as Fishy, but don’t you dare let me see you step on our property again… You better hope I don’t go public with this…”

Wordlessly, Blasé turned to face towards the shut door. “I wouldn’t advise that, Mrs. Jin. We are all in this together as collaborators… You, me, Eina, your husband… We all willingly knew and took part in it… Would you want to ruin your life, not to mention the childhood of your daughters…just to see me in chains? You’re a smart woman, so think it through. Eina, it’s time for us to leave,” he said, watching as Marissa grunted with anger and clenched fists.

Eina joined her brother and left the master bedroom. The two of them trailed down the hallway and descended the steps, their faces unable to be read.

“Brother, it’s hard to believe everything worked out the way you planned it,” Eina whispered when they left through the front door. There was a slight hint of regret added to her words. Even with it being so late at night, Canary was quite energetic after six days of constant festivities.

“It’s all for the city, sister. Truthfully, Fisher was the closest person to rival us in terms of power and status, with Nicholas being the second closest. It seemed the captain failed to capitalize on his popularity… Leaving him mutilated and weakened… Well, that was just another ploy to assure he would not try to physically usurp power from us. To answer your question… No, things hadn’t gone as I wanted. I hadn’t expected him to be injured to that degree, but I was hoping he would suffer from something… You and I both know that we could have eliminated Nicholas and this Klee without a second thought…

“But I will say this was all a drastic stroke of luck… Being able to take care of two potential betrayers at the same time… It almost does feel like a Goddess is watching us…”

“Even though it is so obvious, I never would have tried to combine Hypnosis-like skills with Necromancy. It makes so much sense in hindsight, and it completely eliminates Necromancy’s primary weaknesses… Still, what we just did was dastardly, but it is for the sales of father’s desire for this city. Well, I suppose we can’t stop now…”

“With Nicholas out of the way, I’m sure I can do something to drastically lessen the church’s presence in Canary. I don’t know what went through Parrel’s mind when he made them exempt from paying taxes while allowing them to receive so much monetary assistance… With them gone, we’ll have more money to funnel around… I’m not too concerned with our one-armed captain because his wound is easily curable. He just has to want for it. And public support for him will be higher, but his loyalty to this city will skyrocket after putting his life on the line to save his family. Men like him are easy to read and direct. I have no fears he would try to wrestle away control of Canary from us.

“Might I add, Qina, you were a terrific actress for these past few weeks. Especially when I mentioned assassinating.”

“I can read you like a book, brother, so I just followed your plan...but I wasn’t always acting… I really am tired of seeing people as numbers on a sheet that denote the growth of this city. I know it’s all for mother, but I can’t help but feel a tinge of pain at how we damaged Fisher’s family… Brother, do you think there will be a time… A time where if I look a child, I see a child and not some statistic to manipulate?”

“When our mother is back with us… I plan on dropping everything… Qina, I just need you and her in my life… We can go to a quiet city in Mornkin… Being a whole different continent away from our foolish father will do us all some good. Who cares what happens here? Father could slit his own throat and die, or he could start a war with Lando and Westera for all I care…”

“Living with you and mother? That sounds lovely… Until then, will I just have to swallow this despair?”

Claus stopped walking and turned to his sister. His eyes sure did love to stare at her pretty face. From the smartly blue eyes to her soft blond hair, the kissable cheeks, and pink lips… For their entire lives, the two could really only depend on each other for the majority of it. Veris and Trerk had gone their separate ways after training the twins, and the last time they had met was when they were promoted to Rank 1. He hugged her tightly, fishing his fingers through her hair. “You and I will have to do that… If we turn back now, everything will have been for nothing. Stay strong, sister… But don’t be afraid to lean on me…”

The two shared a tender moment out in public—something they agreed that shouldn’t be done, but no one could fault them for showing weakness in a stressful time.

“I did mean my promise to Fisher. I won’t allow his family to want for anything… It’s the absolute least I can do to apologize for using him… In the morning, after checking out the restoration of the land where the governor’s mansion once sat, let’s head to the auction house in Adenaford… If I sell a couple of jewels from the Mornkin mines we visited…”

“Then Marissa wouldn’t have to worry about money for the rest of her life… It’s a sweet thing to do, but something tells me she won’t take it.”

“I won’t force her, but it will be there for her. Suppose I could pay Bokuso to stick around for a couple more months. Qina… I’m not turning into our father, am I? I hope you don’t think I’m doing this because I want to… You and I both know we can’t fight against him and the guard. If we could have killed him and rescued mother, we would have done it years ago…”

“I know… You’re not him, brother. You’re doing the best you can while keeping the losses to a minimum… It can’t be easy to be in your position…but you can lean on me as well.”

Claus placed his hand to Qina’s cheeks and leaned in, touching his forehead to hers. It lasted for less than a second, but this forbidden embrace from a pair of taboo lovers was what they needed.

“Brother… It’s been a while, but tonight… I want… I want to be your woman again…” Qina’s trembling voice whispered.

“And I want to be your man…”

With the twins hugging it out in an empty street, Fisher had started to groan awake. Marissa was still in a rather unhappy mood, yet seeing her husband awake temporarily brought a smile to her frowning face.

The two of them had but a few seconds to share a kiss and another small conversation before a pair of uneasy footsteps pushed open their slightly opened door.

“Da…Daddy?” Meri said, wiping her eyes. “It’s…loud…Da—Da—DADDY?!?!” Fisher’s oldest child rushed forward, tears falling from her reddened face. Mari was standing still, too afraid to move. Her bright little eyes were staring at the injured state of her invincible father.

Before anyone could do anything, Fisher clutched his head as a dead man’s voice populated his thoughts.

When you are at your most pitiable, when you’re bordering on the edge of losing it all… I URGE YOU TO REVEAL YOUR DEEPEST, DARKEST CONFESSIONS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! TO EVEN YOUR WIFE!!! ENJOY FEELING THEIR FEAR AND DISGUST UPON YOUR—

Nicholas was no longer a part of this world, but it didn't mean his Urge implanted in the living had been erased. Right in his weakest state… Right when Fisher nearly lost everything…

The Urge activated. With his mind being as fragile as it was at  that very moment, it took a solid grip on his soul.

For the next five minutes, Meri and Mari were stunned into total silence as Fisher detailed his murderous past against his will. Marissa did her best to stop him, but an unknown force forced Fisher to move, duck, and dodge away from his wife until his nightmare was uttered. Even if he was far too sore, a formless entity had him by the grip of his soul.  It forced him to make it explicit and visceral, going so far into detail that he found himself nearly vomiting while speaking like a perfect machine. The tales of cutting babies from wombs and suffocating children with their parents' blood emerged out via a calming voice. Even as Fisher wanted to kill himself to prevent the atrocities from coming out, this Urge kept him locked into a cycle of confessing his darkest days.

“No… NO! DADDY WOULDN’T DO THAT! He’s a hero! Daddy’s a hero… You—You’re a villain!!! I HATE YOU!!!” Meri shouted. She bolted out of the door, dragging her little sister by her crying hand. Their entire existed devastated by the truth of their father’s past.

“No… What did I do?!?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!? GODDAMN IT!!!! NICHOLAS!!!!!!!!” Fisher shouted. He slammed his left arm down on the bed, and Marissa rushed forward to hold him against her weeping chest.

“MOMMY, GET AWAY!!!!” Meri shouted when she returned to the bedroom before her mother spoke even a single word. One hand held the hand of her crying sister, and the other held the very wooden blade she had grown used to. Her eyes leaked salty water, the training sword quivered unsteadily.

“Meri, don’t do this! It’s me! I’m still your father!!!” Fisher said. He stood up out of bed, falling forward to the floor as dizziness turned his world upside down. His wound re-opened, causing bloody crimson to spurt through his oversaturated bandages.

“DADDY ISN’T LIKE YOU! He’s a hero!!! DADDY’S A HERO!!!!”

Fisher tried to crawl forward, but he just didn’t have the strength to drag his body. An anxious Marissa helped him to his feet, and he stumbled forward. “Girls! Don’t act like this! Your father… He’s still your father!” She stepped in front of Fisher.

“NO! He isn’t!”

Those three little words caused the captain more grief than anything he had ever experienced. Fisher felt the strength drain from his body, his knees touching the ground as his upper body wanted to slump over onto the bloody floor and pass away then and there.

Marissa hastily turned around, walking to the side and kneeling to help her husband. The little avenger took her chance to shine. Her five-year-old body stumbled forward with the wooden sword raised high up.

‘I love daddy’ was written on the side in a child’s messy penmanship.

The training blade had a shaky, unstable downward arc to it…and it was wielded by a little girl who just had her heart shattered.

Fisher’s God considered it to be an attack, and the fighting spirit welled up within his soul. A hidden source of strength caused him to turn his upper body to the left as a hand that wasn’t there tried to stop the incoming attack.

Since the space was only occupied by nothing but air, Meri’s attack had nothing stopping it. She struck his bleeding wound, forcing it to open even more as the bandages were cut right through. A splash of crimson jettisoned forward, covering his daughters’ faces in his blood. The sight of such a traumatic event, along with Fisher’s traumatic yelp, utterly shocked both children into straight unconsciousness.

“Girls! Darling!”

Through clenched teeth, Fisher told Marissa to check on the girls, then ordered his wife to put them to bed after cleaning his blood off them. She refused at first, then went ahead when Fisher raised his voice.

That was the first time he had ever shouted at his wife. She regretfully left him in his bloody, naked state, wrapped with rags so soaked with crimson they couldn’t be called bandages anymore. By the time she returned, he had somehow stood up with the help of a sheathed sword kept hidden under the bed.

“I… I am not fit…to be a father…” he whispered through thick tears.

“Don’t say that! You’re—”

“I am not the man deserving to be their father… You saw the look in their eyes… When I told them about my past. GODDAMNIT IT, NICHOLAS! That bastard and his—his shitty skill… Marissa… How can my girls look me in the eye when they know I’m a monster…?” Fisher’s face was pained and sweaty hair stuck to his face like glue.

Marissa being stunned into silence was an isolated experience in that it never happened quite that often. Truthfully, she had no idea what was the best path forward. She tried to get Fisher to bed, but he refused and asked her to help dress him. “Sleep will do me no good…”

By the time she unwrapped his bandages, cleaned the wound, reapplied them, and managed to get him dressed in a casual shirt and pants, the parents heard a pair of terrified cries coming from Meri’s and Mari’s room.

“GIRLS!”

Marissa pushed open the shut door and found her daughters huddled together on the far side of the room. "MOMMY! WATCH OUT!!!”

Marissa lost her temper. “That is enough! Please, stop acting like this! He is your father!”

“No, he is not! Daddy died! That man isn’t daddy! STOP TRYING TO REPLACE DADDY!!!!!!”

At that very moment, Fisher believed he had solved the mystery. Marissa was about to argue again, but Fisher just sighed loudly enough for his wife to become quiet. In the next breath, such overexertion of his daughters’ minds in so little time took their consciousness away. Together, they fell down against the pillow, their arms wrapped around the other in a protective embrace.

“Goddamn it…” he whispered. “Marissa… Can’t you see? They think I’m dead…”

“What?! No, don’t be silly. I’m sure—”

“Please listen to me,” Fisher said while stumbling out of the room. Instead of turning to head back to his bedroom, he wobbly made his way down the stairs, taking well over a minute for each one. Marissa followed behind, doing her best to swallow the long-awaited tears bubbling from her eyes. “In just one moment, I destroyed their image of me in such a way they really do think I’ve died and been replaced… Or maybe they want to think I’m dead so my memory of them won’t be tarnished by my past… Marissa… I do not have a place here anymore…”

“Don’t be stupid! Dear, I need you!” Marissa whined. She wrapped her arms around his back, crying even more when Fisher yelped in pain.

“You need me, but our girls don’t… How can you expect me to stay here when they’re so afraid of me?! You saw them… They really thought I was about to hurt you… Staying here will just cause them pain…”

“But… BUT—”

“Don’t…be upset with them… If you have to be angry, be angry at me for being too weak to finish the mission without succumbing to any injuries…”

“No!” She shook her head so hard her hair whipped the side of her reddened cheeks. Stress incarnate ruled over her face. “It’s the damn governor’s fault! He should have supported you!” Marissa whined like a child throwing a tantrum, and she held back the urge to smash the nearest object.

“He did support me… More than you think… Before the mission, he promised that this family would be taken care of… And darling… I had to do this… Nicholas was targeting me, but he told me he had tried multiple times to kill you and our girls before I ended him. The reason he failed was because of Blasé. He paid a bodyguard to protect us while we had fun at the festival… This same bodyguard also prevented that damn bishop from finding Myil’s location when we visited.

“Nicholas… He had to die, and I was the only one here who could have killed him… To protect this city… To protect you and our little girls… I murdered him… And now? I’m just paying the cost of my past… You can’t run from it… No matter how long you try to avoid it, it will catch up to you… And now it has… This happiness I’ve acquired for myself wasn’t meant to last forever.”

“Don’t do this… Fishy, don’t leave us… Please… I need you!!”

“I’m not leaving the city…but I can’t stay here… Until the day I die, I am the Captain of Canary’s Guard. If you see me around… Even if you don’t have the girls with you… Pretend I don’t exist…”

“How can you expect me to do that?!?! I refuse because I love you!!”

“Because it’ll hurt when we have to inevitably separate… You are the mother of our children. I don’t want you to associate the sadness of our parting with their existence… I have to do the same… Meri and Mari? I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to hold them again... It won’t be long until they’re too big for me to pick up… I won’t hear them say ‘I love you, daddy’ ever again… I just want to be there for them! They’re my whole world!!! Marissa, don’t make this harder than it needs to be… You’re still the woman of my dreams… Even as an awful man as I was, I hope I made you happy…”

They were standing in front of the door…

Marissa had opened the flood gates from under her eyes. The pain in her heart felt like half of it was about to be ripped out and never replaced. She got to her trembling knees and begged her husband with all of her might… “I don’t know how to live without you! Don’t go! Fishy!!! Darling!!! Dear!!! I NEED YOU!!!” Nasty snot dribbled down her nose, staining her upper lips.  Her remarkable beauty did not exist at this very moment. Even still, there was still something serene and lovely about her love for the only man in the world deserving to be her husband.

“Marissa… I’m sorry… But I have to do this for the girls… You’re a strong woman… Stronger than I… One day… I hope the girls will forgive me… I hope you'll forgive me… Maybe then… We can be a family again… But until then, do not take out any of your anger on our daughters… Continue being their mother as you always have…”

Suddenly, an obvious idea popped into her trembling mind as Marissa stood up. “I’ll talk to them… Every day if I have to…until they understand… Fishy, they have to understand that you aren’t the same man as you were back then… And when they do, we’ll come and get you!”

“The trauma I caused them? I don’t know if that’s something their innocent mind will ever understand. It’ll take a miracle…”

Marissa then turned to the Heavens Above. “THE GODDESS! Fishy, let’s go talk to her! We—”

“No. I’ve caused them more than enough trouble with my past already, and it was because of Sakdu they suffered through hell… The Goddess and her associates have earned their rest… Please, do not harass them…”

“…” Marissa lost what she was going to say and felt a tremble in her heart…

“I’m hurting just as much as you are… Marissa, you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved… Of course, I don’t want to do this! I. Don't. Want. To. Do. This. But. It. Is. The. Only. Way. If I wake up in the morning and walk into Meri’s room, and she cries in fear? How do you think I will feel? A father is supposed to protect their children, not deliver nightmares into their little heads!" Fisher grabbed the door handle and turned it. Marissa looked so weak and vulnerable, her hands clutching her pained chest.

She reached out and brushed her fingertips against his shirt as one foot stepped out into the night. “I love you. Forever and always… And our children… I’ll always love them… Fishy, I’ll make them understand… I swear I will! And when I do, we’ll come rushing to get you!”

Marissa continued to cry her lover’s name as he walked and hobbled down the road. Tears poured from his eyes as he knew this was the only way. To be cast out and removed from his own slice of happiness due to the hatred that fueled his heart a decade ago…

His worst-case scenario had come true. His daughters were frightened of him, attempts on his life had transferred to his family…and most of all, he believed himself had become the coward he never wanted to be.

Memories of a distant future flashed through his eyes, detailing a beautiful Meri standing at the altar with the love of her life… Meri was standing off to the side as the maid of honor, and Marissa… Pretty, pretty Marissa held a white handkerchief to her crying eyes.

Servi was there… Momo was there… Even Itarr was there in whatever her physical form may have been… Melk stood at the altar with a book of scripture, ready to bless Meri and her spouse-to-be.  Kait, Kaitlyn, and Myil were sitting in the front row, dressed in their Sunday best. Feral… The big lad who became his daughters’ first Kobold friend was doing his best to hide his tears while failing in the process.

And Fisher? The one-armed guard believed he had no place in that fairytale scene. Even as the creator, he didn’t want his imaginary image to tarnish a product of his daughter’s happiness… He stood outside the make-believe scene, refusing to partake in his mind’s creation.

The weeping captain just kept shuffling down the road, turning to the one place he had left even while knowing that each step took him further away from being able to perform the duties of a husband and father.

A selfish man would say it would be better my loved ones had died since my image of them would not have been corrupted. I’m so thankful they’re alive and well… Even if I can’t tuck them into bed…or read them a story…or hold them…or praise them…or thank them…or comfort them…or love them...or play with them... or...or...or be their father...

They’re alive…

As a father, I wish for my daughters to have all the happiness in the world.

That is my duty, and that is what I will do… Even I can’t be involved… I will have to endure…

It hurts so much…So very…very…much…