Book Four – Interlude – Part Three – A World That Could Have Been

Melk was sitting his large body at a table much too small for a Kobold of his size. The black robe he had on today was short-sleeved, allowing his gorgeous sapphire-scaled arms to twinkle in the nicely lit room. Sunlight shone through the open window near a small, cheap stove that only liked to function on a good day. It wasn’t the kind that ran off of Skill Energy, but it had a rough time getting going with wood and coal.

“Aahhh!!! My friend, it is good to see you again!!” Melk growled and stood up. His girthy tail started to loudly tap the ground.

Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!

“Noo!!! Sirs, I’m sorry!!!” Myil suddenly exclaimed. He threw himself to the floor and prostrated himself, even going so far as to slam his head into the floor. He kept shouting his apologies while his fragile mind nearly shattered. The innocent noise of Melk’s tail acted as a remembrance catalyst, one that unfortunately sent Myil back through time to a horrific scene. As a Koena, one with such pretty scales, a prior owner had desired him for his physical attractiveness.

But what that deplorable previous master desired more than ever was relishing the facial expression of an abused slave as pain turned into pleasure. Even if it only lasted a single second, to them, that was worth leaving poor Myil alone with several foreign objects rammed inside him. One of those objects was the severed tail of a Kobold. It had a plug surgically attached to the base of it. One of Myil’s former owners used to chase him around the mansion with it, all the while banging it on the passing furniture or door frames.

It was a horrific game of hide-and-seek, but one that Myil was forced to play every day. And each day ended the same, with him tearfully crying himself to sleep but being unable to because of the excruciating pain originating from his backside.

“Please, sirs, not the tail!!! Not the tail!!! Anything but the tail!!! Master, I’m sorry!!! Master, please!!! No, Master!!!!” Myil’s cries continued, his desperate begging directly breaking Fisher's, Melk’s, and Kait’s hearts. Fisher especially struggled against exploding into a crying mess. Right when Myil was going to bash his head again, Fisher dropped to the floor and slid his arm between the Koena’s head and the floor. He pushed upwards while grabbing onto Myil’s pants. He was so small and weak, and it barely took an iota of strength to flip him to his back, and that was when Fisher gave the tortured soul a hug he desperately needed. He held a hand to the back of his scaley head.

The touch alone overloaded his fragmented mind, causing his body to shut down. Myil’s cries ceased to be, and for the first time in a few years, he was finally able to get even a modicum of proper rest.

Fisher sat the Koena down easily, then stood up and faced a wordless Kobold. He explained all about what happened since returning to Canary but failed to mention the reason why he left.

“How horrible… No one deserves to be treated like that… Not even the vilest criminal…” Melk growled. He wiped his teary eyes with a thick finger.

“I agree… That’s why I have a favor to ask. I’ll even pay for it. You said you needed priests and nuns, right? Would you be willing to take in Myil?” Fisher asked. He was now sitting down in a chair, with Melk to his front and Kait just now returning to the room via the swinging door. She had a fluffy pillow in her hands, and she gently lifted the malnourished Koena to place it under his head.

“Do not think you need to pay for something I would gladly do for free… Besides, the church has given a stipend to pay for two nuns and two priests. I will admit that he has experienced a past no one will envy. It will take a lot of work for him to see that he is worth something, and even then, the struggle will be an intense one. Unless he sees that there things to live for… things to fight for…and things to ensure for…”

“Father Melk, Myil is even younger than I am… I’d say he’s about twelve… Maybe even thirteen…” Kait crouched down and ran a finger down Myil’s chin. It brushed against his crackled scales, and she felt a harrowing sorrow in her heart. The bleeding and pain should have stopped, and depending on which healing skill Itarr used, Myil needed another few hours for his scales to be properly healed. It was also possible that they were healed, yet his malnourished body falsely believed they weren’t.

“I can see that, Kait. That is why my heart is hurting all the more. For such things to happen at all is unpleasant, but for the target of such malice to be a child? It is reprehensible. There are not enough words in the dictionary to explain the disgust I am feeling… And you said his former master was Hames Verily? I am not familiar with that name at all. While I cannot claim to know all of the nobility, I am knowledgeable about more than a fair few. If someone with that name, or representing that name, comes approaching, what should I do?”

“If anyone comes, refuse to allow them to meet with Myil. If they escalate the situation and threaten to become violent, just send for the guards. I’ll give my men word that the Koena known as Myil is a free man. And if it comes to it, just send for me, and I’ll come running. Myil’s lived a hard life. He doesn’t deserve to live in constant fear of abuse, betrayal, or abandonment.”

Melk tapped the table with his thick fingers. The blue scales were like coagulated slices of purified water frozen in time. “Thank you, friend, for offering to do that. Now, is there anything you need of me?”

Fisher had his head towards Myil but turned to look at Melk’s eyes. His unwavering stare read the Captain's face, reading the truth hidden behind a mask of falsehoods. This mask had a harsh crack, and it might as been as if it didn’t exist at all. “How did you know?”

“I’ve seen the faces of many with something to hide. After a while, you pick up on a technique to read a man just by looking at his face when he believes no one is looking. In my case, I can just…feel it. When you are ready, friend, just say so.”

“Why are you so friendly? And open? To me, to her… To everyone… You’re living a selfless life… A life so dedicated towards others that I almost want to find it sickening in how devoted you are.”

“That is what happens when you have stared Death in the face. Recall my story of the sickness of my childhood. I was rooted, unable to move… Every hour, my family had to come if I was still alive, and if I was, they wept at the pain I was suffering from. It would have been one thing if I died on the battlefield. That would have been honorable! Even my father kept thinking about carrying me to the nearest battle and throwing me down with a sword I couldn’t bear to hold. For a Kobold to die without fighting is what my kind believes is the greatest dishonor.

“My mother successfully argued against my father since she still had faith.  My father didn’t want me to suffer anymore, and I can and do understand his position.

“Adulthood was a far cry… Every time my eyes closed, I saw Death staring back at me. His bony arms raised his scythe, yet he faltered in the swing to take my life. My friend, I have eluded him with the help of that traveling doctor. It would only make sense that I would want to help others evade him, if only by a little bit.

“You see, I essentially regard my life as one that has ended. And this new life was given to me with the sole purpose of helping others. Should I die now, I will gladly pass on. But every moment that I can move this huge body… Lift these powerful legs… Work this educated brain to save others… I will do so.”

“Father Melk!!!!” Kait slowly stood up and wiped her crying eyes with the back of her hand. She ran to the oversized Kobold and gave him a hug. He returned it, even though his hands were almost twice the size of her little head.

She’s certainly an emotional Singi… She reminds me of Momo…

“Now then… If you wish to use the confessional booth—“

“I do, Melk… I want to use it…” Fisher narrowed his eyes. Oddly enough, any quivering or trembling he thought would be there was absent. In all actuality...

He unexpectedly felt calm and collected.

Would that last, however?

“Very well. Kait, could you go soak two rags using the well in the backyard? Place them on Myil’s wounds after cleaning them. If you do like I taught you, it will be fine.”

“Yes, Father Melk. I can handle it!” Kait lowered her veil and bandeau.

Melk smiled a toothy grin that didn’t mean to be devious, and Kait knew that. She skipped past the sliding door ahead of Melk and Fisher and scurried off to the backyard. The other two walked towards the imposing booths in the far back corner. Even as large as Melk was, these booths had to be bigger to support his massive body. Equipped with sliding doors, the pair entered at the same time, with Fisher taking the rightmost one.

He had more than enough room to stretch his arms forward and to the side, but he couldn’t say the same for the priest. It was spacious and a bit cold and unsettling. There weren’t that many holes in the booth, other than the few located to his right, which allowed voice to pass through. But the lack of any openings to allow light to come from the candles or windows meant it was dangerously dark. It was hard to see his fingers even after his eyes had adjusted.

“Good afternoon, my child,” spoke Father Melk. He crossed his large arms and focused his breathing.

“Good afternoon, priest,” replied Fisher, who closed his eyes.

“Do you have something you wish to confess?”

“I do… And I’m ready to do it.” During his education, Melk had to experience being on both sides during mock confessionals, but not once had he ever been in a real one.

He listened with an open heart and free mind. His lips were zipped closed, using all of his willpower to keep even the least audible breath from leaving his body.

During the assault on Fisher’s village, Melk was quiet. He avoided adding any of his own bias to the thoughts swirling around his mind.

The various attacks and assaults were recalled with startling accuracy and vivid, gruesome details, causing Melk to believe he was physically present for the atrocities. When he blinked for a quick second, he felt the stench of death rise up through his nostrils.

He nearly cracked underneath the guilt he believed Fisher must’ve had when he recalled the events that led rise to the destruction of Sakdu’s village. Of course, some particular details, like the aftermath of Sakdu’s survival, a girl with a Goddess inside her soul, and the truth of Lando’s Scar, had to be omitted.

And instead of explaining his worries about what Sakdu would have done to him, his family, and Canary in case Servi wasn’t there, he confessed that he was worried about ghosts of the past coming to steal his happiness just as he had done to them.

It wasn't a lie because it was true.

Fisher gripped the edge of his seat so hard that his knuckles started to become pale. The pain forcing its way into his hurried words was genuine, and even though he had already cried all he could, his body had an extra source of tears at the ready.

When the last word of confession left his unsteady lips, filling with sorrowful suffering, Fisher broke down again. In a flash, he felt angry, upset at what he momentarily thought was a horrific mistake. How could he trust this Kobold to keep this a secret? Did he have loose lips? Did he have a tendency to blather like a babbling child whenever sweet alcohol flowed down his throat? Or what about Kait? Or Myil? If those two were going to work with him, then what were the chances he might let it slip?

Then a thought ruffled through his maze-like mind. How could he trust Servi and Momo while having his own reservations about Melk? Was his former bias against Kobolds about to rear its ugly head?!

Fisher emerged out of the wide booth in a hurry, even slamming the sliding doors open so hard they nearly broke. Gods, he was an emotional mess. The salty tears just wouldn’t stop leaking, and it felt like his heart was about to squeeze under unrelenting pressure.

The booth next to his opened up with a similar slam, and two back-to-back slams caused Kait to emerge from the back room with a curious gaze. The tension was nearly malleable, filling the room with stress. Just one look at Fisher and his body language told her what she needed to know. Similarly, the tearful state of Father Melk filled in the gaps.

Captain Fisher… Father Melk…

Kait went to slip back inside, but a sudden voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

“Please, do not leave. Kait…” To her surprise, it wasn’t Father Melk’s deep, guttural growl that halted her…

It was Fisher’s quivering voice… It was just more a quiet murmur, a hint above an aged cat’s meow.

No!!!

“… I have…”

STOP IT!!! This was a mistake!!!!

“…to tell...”

You fucking idiot!!!!

“…you something…”

MOVE!!!! FUCKING MOVE!!!!

Fisher’s mind swirled around in a torrential hurricane. Thoughts, regrets, memories… All bashed together in a painful headache.

“My friend…” growled Melk. His heavy footsteps nearly shook the church as he approached Fisher, who grasped at his head in complete agony.

Another breakdown was coming, and instead of fighting it, he just…gave up and screamed to the high heavens. His chilling voice scattering throughout the modest church at a volume loud enough it could have awoken the dead.

“CAPTAIN!!!!” Kait’s voice was the last thing he heard when his head slammed into the wooden floor. Darkness set about to conquer his eyes, and he was lost to the world.

Fisher wasn’t out for long because consciousness returned to his body a mere half-hour later. The first thing he was the hunched over, alligator-like face of a Kobold so blue he could have been considered a living gemstone.

“Bwhaaa!!!! My friend!!!!” cried the massive beast. He grabbed Fisher by the shoulders and lightly shook him. His body bounced and flopped, but when he felt something soft, he realized he wasn’t on the hardwood floor. Was it a bed? It did feel smooth, but a few spots were lumpy and hard. But other than the dull ache on the back of his head, he felt fine.

Well, as fine as he could be with a 400-kilogram Kobold crying into his face. Fisher looked past that and realized the ceiling was the same as the church’s, so he knew he wasn’t in a different spot. And the smell of blood lingered in the air, tickling his nostrils. That meant Myil was still close by. Even if his wounds were cleaned, that scent would remain for a while longer.

“Father Melk, you have to give him some room!” chastised Kait, who just strolled through the swinging door. She held a moist rag in each hand. Fisher looked to his left, but there was just a wall. He couldn’t lean up, so the last option was to his right, and he saw Myil’s calm face. Only when he was asleep did he look his age.

“But… But… I’m just so happy!!!” howled Melk. He stood up off a stool that shouldn’t have supported the Kobold. Its thin wooden legs should’ve cracked the moment the big lad sat down.

Kait walked over and kneeled down, putting a rag to his head. “You fell pretty hard… Take it easy, okay?” Her veil and bandeau were raised up, but her lovely ears were twitching.

“How can I…take it easy…? Melk, I shouldn’t have said anything… My vows… I’m not even strong enough to carry them…” Fisher ignored Kait’s wishes and swung his legs off of the makeshift bed, which was nothing but a thin mattress that sat on top of a long, small table. It wasn’t in here before he passed out, so there must have been a storage room or something. If not that, then a shed in the backyard?

“On the contrary, friend, it is just what you needed. Holding such things in for a decade… I can’t even imagine how it has torn you apart. Even less was the fact that you’re still here to this day…”

“Did you tell her?”

“Of course not. A confession is secret from all, even from my closest allies. The only way anyone will know is if you tell them… Do you think that is what your heart needs?”

Kait realized an important conversation was starting while she boiled some water for tea. It was a good thing she filled the pot earlier so she wouldn’t have to make another trip to the well.

“Kait… What do you think of me?” asked Fisher. He stood up and walked to the table that Melk sat around. He looked to Myil, who was lying on a makeshift bed of his own, then sat down.

“I know you’re a captain. And you do have a reputation for being an incredibly harsh trainer… And then there’s your title… Justice Captain… They say that there isn’t anyone out there who could match your desire for what the concept of Justice should be. And that’s all I really know. Oh… And I know you have a family—a wife and two little girls.” Kait reached up to take a box of tea leaves from a cabinet above the stove. She gave them a small sniff and smiled at the sweet odor they emitted.

“I’m don’t have an ounce of justice within my bones… That was just an idiotic, hurtful title a man named Arnold forced me to carry… And it originated from an incident that was only senseless slaughter…” whispered Fisher.

For a second time, he recounted the same confession he told Melk, word for word and tear for tear. He refused to look up to see what obviously hateful expression Kait had on her face. Any second, he expected to feel a pot full of boiling water burn his face and a pair of thick arms trying to crush his head.

Why would he expect anything else? He stood up in preparation for the abuse he thought he rightly deserved to bear.

It was so easy to understand why he gasped in anxiousness and fright when the hands that did approach him only wrapped themselves around from the back. Even as the kettle screamed itself to death with boiling water, warm, salty tears dropped from Kait’s eyes and onto Fisher's cloaked back.

“Why…aren’t you upset…? Both of you…?

“Because… Because…” Kait couldn’t force the words out, so Melk finished it.

“Because, my friend, you were just as tortured. Seeing your sister die like that… And the rest of your friends perish through an attack… You might not think you are one, but you were a victim all the same. But that doesn’t mean you can be cleared of any blame. At the end of the day, you were responsible for the deaths of innocents. But before I continue, what were you opening to obtain by confessing? Was it peace of mind? Forgiveness? Absolution? Clemency? Atonement? All of the above? Or neither one?”

Fisher remained quiet, forcing a growing sob to flow back down his throat.

“You also told me of your nightmares… But if you were hoping that they would end just because you confessed, then that is not how the world works. It isn’t how your mind or brain works. And even if it did, your internal soul would warp that false sense of comfort, and your nightmares would only increase in their ability to terrorize you.

“While you were unconscious, I sent Kait out to fetch a few things. When she came back, she overheard a rumor. Mind you, rumors spread faster than an out-of-control tornado, and with how false they can be, it is often better to hear it from the person. So let me ask you this… Fisher, did you pay to free Myil?”

He didn’t know how he gathered the strength, but Fisher slowly nodded his head.

“I see… And why did you do that? Did you do it because of your past? Because you wanted to? Or because you wanted to follow your own moral highway, even if you have to throw legality to the side?”

Fisher remained still, holding his breath as if it was illegal to breathe.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter that much because, at the end of the day, Myil can live as freely as you and I. With that said, I do want you to know this, and while I’m not saying this to harm you, it will be brutal to hear.”

Melk took in a deep breath, then steadied himself.

“Fisher Jin… If you think doing good deeds will lessen the pain, you are a weak man. You have stolen hundreds of lives, and a harmful feeling like regret will not change that. Feeling sorry for yourself is outright disgusting for the amount of harm you have caused.  When your life does come to a natural end, do not expect to find yourself in the Heavens Above with your wife and children. A thousand acts of kindness does not outweigh a moment of regret. Keep that in mind.

“At the same time, I do find it honorable that you have started to work your way towards being a better man. And in fact, that is the least that can be asked of you. For I believe it is your task to live. Live not for yourself but for the ones that have passed. The good that you will bring to the world should be for them, not you. Because at the end of the day, you are alive, and they are not.

“But that does not mean that the happiness you feel can be disregarded. Don’t stifle any smiles you may have towards your children, and don’t even fathom not loving your wife because you think you need the additional punishment. In all essence, the best thing you can do is just live while striving to make the world a better place. Not just for you, but for all the ones who aren’t with us today. Create the world they weren't able to experience.”

“But is that enough?!?!” Fisher blurted out. “What about those that come to seek revenge?!”

“It does feel uncomfortable, does it not? You must live with that incorrigible feeling until you’re strong enough. As for whence that will be? Only you know… As for the revenge? I do not know what to say to that since it is a very real fear. Living every day in constant horror is not the way to live, friend. If you think that behind every shadow is a scar of your past, then it is no small wonder you are still standing here today. But should that ever happen, and you find yourself staring at a shade of your past, come and call for me. I will swear it upon my life that you have learned and grown into a better man.”

Kait removed herself from her hug and walked around until she was in front of Fisher. She grabbed one of his hands and held between two of her own. With a tear-stained face, she offered her own words.

“Captain, like Father Melk said, you are a victim. And I do feel for you… I really do… Your story is a sad one, but it's not one that hasn’t been shared by many. You have my support! And Father Melk’s support as well. Anything uttered in this house of worship will remain here. Your confessions are safe here… And if something happens that requires Father’s Melk’s support… Well, I’ll come and help too!”

“Aren’t you two afraid of me?” asked Fisher. His eyes were as red as blood and as raw as an onion. With the snot flowing down his nose and the quivering noises he made, he was a visual mess. “Why would you put your lives on the line for me?!”

“Do we have a reason to be afraid? Stop thinking you’re the same man that did those terrible sins. You. Are. Not. Him. If you were, then you wouldn’t have had a family, you wouldn’t have been anguishing yourself over this, and you definitely wouldn’t have come here. This is a church exclusively staffed by Demi-Humans, and you brought a Koena here. A Koena, mind you, that you’ve paid to free from slavery!! That was something the you of the past would have never done.” Kait smiled, her ears adorably twitching as if to further reinforce the fact that she wasn’t afraid at all. “And you’re always putting your life at risk. Every morning, when you wake up and put on your armor, you’re standing guard for Canary and her people against any criminal that might try to harm her.”

Truth be told, Kait really did regard Fisher as something of a bonafide hero. In the past, he once stopped a thief that had stolen her mother’s purse. It was during a busy day, and the brazen criminal thought he could use that to his advantage. It all happened when he was still far from being the captain he was now, but Kait remembered. She can vividly recall how he rushed out, bolting like a dart of lightning whole dodging and hopping around people and carts. He looked so inspiring and heroic, too, when he tackled the criminal to the ground and tied his hands together with rope.

That was just a few years ago, but Kait was an impressionable young Singi. It almost set her heart aflame with happiness to know that she was able to help her hero.

Ahh, but he probably doesn’t remember that. It was just an out-of-the-blue incident… But if he hadn’t done that, then mama and I wouldn’t have been able to eat dinner that night…