Book Three – Chapter Twelve – Part Three – The Fleeting Touch of a Friend

“Servy…” Momo whispered. She crawled along the gravel road and embraced her best friend. “You’re you. You’re always going to be you.”

“But what if I’m not? What if the 'fixed' me is different in every way? What if our friendship was something she made for me? How can I ever trust my feelings again?”

I DIDN’T DO THAT!!!! Itarr forced Servi’s ID to show up, flying it into the Human’s face until it was the only thing she saw. Servi, I only did what I thought was best for you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!!! You’re my everything, Servi. You saved me! Without you, I’d still be in that seal with nothing but my mind to occupy me.

Servi shouted, ignoring the heartfelt message Itarr wrote. “HOW CAN I TRUST YOU?!?! YOU... YOU MADE ME KILL PEOPLE!!!! You sent me down this path of endless bloodshed!!!! And all I get is an existential crisis BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!!!!! Everything I've done since I died that night has probably been from your meddling! Are you the one who stopped me from killing Fisher? Are you the one who made me lose control when we fought him?! No, I didn't fight him... You did... You fought him when you STOLE MY BODY FROM ME!”

In terms of good or bad, Servi and Momo’s reactions were definitely on the worrying side. Even Itarr’s endless rehearsals of confessing her crimes didn’t prepare her for her situation. She knew Servi and Momo would be upset, but she didn't think it would be to this extent.

That was why Itarr was prepared to shut off her consciousness for good. If she didn't have to think, then she couldn't ever hurt anyone ever again. And Servi had Momo, so she wasn't going to be alone. Yes, the Goddess thought having Servi wield her powers like she was nothing more than a tool would be the best way to atone for her transgressions.

Servi looked up and saw Momo’s face staring down. Even after confessing her sins, the traumatized Human didn’t see anything that suggested Momo wanted to end their friendship.

“Servy, Itarr told me what’s going to happen. I’ll be right here to support you every step of the way. So don’t be scared, okay? Your best friend will help you through it.” Momo smiled and held out a hand. Servi took it, gripping tightly and using it to stand up. Then the Singi moved closer and gave her best friend one final hug. They shared a few tears, crying into each other’s arms for what very well could be the last time.

Not even Itarr knew how it was all going to play out. She had her hypotheses, of course, but that was all. She could only hope and pray everything would be fine.

“Just...” Servi said in a quiet voice. “Just go ahead and get it over with.”

Momo walked back about 10 steps and sat down. Then she stood up and sat down again. Her nervousness had shown itself. Did she have to stand? Would sitting be better? As crazy as it sounded, would the proper etiquette be laying down and waiting for whatever would happen to happen? She didn’t know.

Dang it, Momo! Just stay still and wait! She shouted internally. Even during her minor dilemma, her eyes stayed focused on the strongest girl she knew. Momo believed no one had the mental strength to withstand what Servi had to endure. The Gods Above knew Momo couldn’t. She was weak and fragile, mentally speaking, who could crumble like a house of matches whenever something slightly went wrong. But now, she needed to become as sturdy as a nadrium foundation.

It was for her best friend. Finding the courage to grow stronger on someone's behalf, rather than growing out of selfishness, was the needed difference.

For the final time, her ID appeared from thin air. Okay, Servi. I’ll do it. I love you… Itarr waited for the four little words she desired to hear, but they never came. And that was the single signal she needed to know that there was no room in Servi’s heart for a backstabbing traitor.

There were two girls on a rocky road that cut off into two directions. One was a Singi. No matter how tousled the pink hair and tail would become, they would perpetually bloom like cherry blossoms in the early reaches of spring. She was innocent, yet her heart knew of the dangers the world suffered from. Sitting down and crossing her legs, she waited patiently for something that would change everything for the girl standing in front of her.

That person, of course, being a Human with black hair and red eyes. Her skin was bordering on the edge of being pale, but that was a lie. In truth, it was stained with the blood of over 10,000 people. Most were criminals: vile, wretched scum that wasn’t even fit for the sewers that carried literal feces.

Though there was a space of a few meters separating them, it wasn’t empty. A particular red stone tablet subtly moved up and down as if the person controlling it couldn’t concentrate.

“Itarr,” said the Human. Her eyes were vivid like an uncut ruby, yet they harbored no life or passion. It was like the excitement of life had been viciously torn out by the one she loved.

That was because it was true. Servi had lost faith in what little she believed in because she believed she was at the center of one of the greatest betrayals in the known world.

“Go ahead and do what you need to do. Release the sections holding my emotions or whatever…” Servi continued speaking after a brief pause. It was like she didn’t register Itarr’s last words of affection, prompting the Goddess to repeat them.

Okay. Servi, here I go. I love you…

“And I... I... hate you...”  And there it was, the thing Itarr was most afraid to hear. She had prepared herself for the possibility, but the anguish that surged throughout her trembling soul was the worst pain she had ever felt. She wasn't the only one hurting, however. Even Servi never thought she would ever say those words towards the Goddess who saved her from death.

Crying, Itarr lifted the separated partitions inside their soul and allowed the millions of emotions to battle out. Within moments, the battle's results had been made clear, both on the inside and out.  However, it seemed as if Itarr was wrong about one thing. When the Mad Dog took over and configured Servi’s emotional state, Itarr had wrongly guessed it put a permanent freeze on everything.

It didn’t.

Everything Servi did while in that week of hell had a proper emotional reaction, and it took the form of grief. It always took the form of grief.

There was grief for putting two innocent kids in danger and threatening them in front of their father.

There was grief for killing a doctor who only wanted to make amends for his crimes.

There was grief for not doing much to save Old Man, who only turned to the dark side out of love for his granddaughter.

There was grief for not rushing to save Momo when she had the chance. That was something Momo hadn't chose to talk about, but even Servi knew that was coming. However, she was prepared to blame it on Itarr, but she didn't want to do that. She never wanted to believe that the Goddess who saved her had also been controlling her like a puppet. And since she took so long to confess, Servi wondered what else Itarr had hidden from her. In the absolute worst-case scenario, everything was of her own creation, meaning that Servi, not once, had ever had any kind of free will. Or maybe it was Servi's guilty conscience looking for an excuse as to why she slaughtered innocent men, women, and children. Even just thinking that way might've been Itarr's ultimate plan.

Servi just did not know.

In spite of all of that, the most grief came from a particular piece of information given to her by Sakdu. When he told Servi about the nurseries located in the RASP buildings, the grief created from killing hundreds—thousands-- of innocent babies dwarfed everything else. Her hatred of the Mafia for taking her best friend couldn’t compare. It was like asking a fish—a water-dwelling creature of the ocean and lake— to live in an volcanic pool of lava.

Her persona at the time prevented Servi from immediately suffering, but once she had accomplished her goal, everything it held back swarmed in at once. If there was ever any balance in the emotions Itarr had meticulously caged up and divided, it didn’t exist anymore.

And for Servi, who showed a tendency to harm herself at the drop of a hat, there was no better way for grief to manifest itself.

Immediately, she forced both hands to her cheeks, peeling her very skin like her head was an orange. Splashes of red and white slapped the ground in front of her, covering the numerous little gray pebbles with a new paint job.  Her enhanced durability crumbled like wet paper to the weight of her grief.

“AAAAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

A guttural sound not from the world clawed its way out of Servi’s throat. Hot stomach acid followed suit, draining out of the corners of her mouth like an overfilled bathtub. The foul liquid sputtered down her chin, burning her clothes.

"SERVYYYY!” Momo shouted at the first sign of blood. Any sign of cowardice did not exist in her heart. She vowed to be there for Servi and be there she was. Practically jumping forward from her rear, she hastily covered the space in a matter of seconds. Her two hands went for the ones on Servi’s face in an attempt to pull them off, but Servi’s fingers keep clawing and skinning.

“STOP IT, SERVY! IT’S OKAY, NOW!! MOSIE’S HERE!” Since strength didn’t work, Momo tried to nuzzle her head in between whenever Servi’s fingers allowed the skin on her cheeks to heal, but Itarr hastily prevented that. A red ID appeared behind Momo, and she felt an invisible force restrain her arms and legs.

She shouted, kicking the air with her stiff tail and begging to be let go as her body floated backwards. The distance between her and the girl she wanted to protect increased with each second. It wasn’t until she saw a floating ID that Momo put the two together.

“ITARR, LET ME GO!!!!” Momo screamed. The surface of the tablet remained blank, and the only that happened was Momo slowly rotated. After a few seconds, she only saw brown trees and green grass, not the torturous state of her best friend.

“PLEASE, RELEASE ME!!! I NEED TO SUPPORT SERVY!!! LET ME SUPPORT HER!!!!” She strained against the force restraining her to the point where her bones had no choice but to shatter. Itarr promptly noticed the difference in Momo’s cries and healed her. It was a small wonder Itarr even discerned the change at all, considering Servi had yet to stop moaning that awful sound.

Her cries didn’t sound like they came from the world of the living.

“ITAARRRRRRRR!!!!!” Momo pleaded with the Goddess, and she finally spoke to the Singi.

Momo, I can’t let you face her. It’s not because she will hurt you, but it’s because she will hurt herself. Out of all the emotions that took control, it had to be grief. I figure that was the case, but I never expected for it to snowball like this... I imagine it’ll take the form of the lives she took via the act of taking her own life. Do you know what this means?

The air around Momo’s floating body didn’t disappear, but that was what it felt like. Oxygen clearly made its way to her lungs, and the act of respiration did continue on like normal, but the shock of her newfound knowledge froze her heart. Her eyes became big and heavy, and endless water, filled with a salty taste, streamed down her moistened cheeks.

“You don’t mean… TELL ME YOU DON’T MEAN THAT!!!”

As if to prove Momo right, Servi’s screaming stopped for a second as a round object rolled in front of the suspended girl.

It was a head with black hair and red eyes. Servi had black hair and red eyes. Therefore, it belonged to Servi.

It was a lifeless head.

It was a head with no body.

It was a head that belonged to someone who was just alive seconds before.

It was the same foul trick Sakdu tried to do with Momo, and he succeeded. But there was a stark difference.

Servi had died. And there was her head. It didn't have a body attached to it.

The math was elementary, and Momo uttered a few words in the small silence she had before screaming.

“Servy’s dead…? But… She said she’s immortal… No… AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Momo redoubled her efforts of freeing herself from the dictatorial invisible force holding her hostage. Shoulders broke, arms shattered, and legs splintered, but the determined Singi fought through the pain with a rebellious spirit. Itarr begged Momo to calm down, but the catgirl ignored everything the Goddess had written. It was only when her fluffy ears cringed from a sudden inhuman noise did she allow her body the chance to rest.

Even though they were mad at each other, Itarr never once withheld healing from Momo. She had a constant stream of Remedium Lux and Deus Lux, the Rank 1 healing skill, which kept Momo in tip-top shape.

Servy’s alive!

“SERVYYYYY!!!! Let me face her!!!” Momo shouted right as another head rolled on by. That was the third one, and the silence in between screaming lasted a bit under a second.

I can’t do that. I don’t want you to see what Servi's body looks likes. It’s… It isn’t pretty.

“DAMN IT, LET ME FACE HER!!! HOW CAN I BE THERE FOR HER IF YOU WON’T—GGAAAHHHHH!!!! LET!!! ME!!! GO!!!!”

Before Itarr had a chance to say no, fifteen nadrium weapons exploded out of Servi’s ring in a blaze of red light. Itarr didn’t control them, so that only left one person who could be behind it.

Servi.

In her grief-stricken state, her mind had decided that she needed to accelerate the loss of her lives.

When would she stop? That was simple.

The grief flooding her body would disappear only when Servi’s deaths equaled the number of people she had killed since waking up near that forest, which was more than 22,000.

The girl filled with sorrow chose to fly the fifteen weapons in front of the bounded Singi floating a short distance away. Just the sight of 30 glowing lines, pulsing a blue glow that could halt royalty in their tracks, appearing in Momo’s eyes was enough to take her breath away.

She had heard about nadrium when she was a child. Her grandpa had told her that even seeing one was rare. Owning one was even rarer. And having more than one was nearly unheard of unless a person was of royal blood, unfathomably rich, or incredibly strong.

But fifteen?

“Are you telling me she’s going to kill herself over and over with THOSE?! Itarr, please make it stop!  Stop her from doing this! I don’t wanna see her—NOOOOOO!!!!” Momo’s words went unanswered as the weapons suddenly turned their bladed-ends towards their controller. One by one, they launched like rockets, bypassing Momo's eyes without hurting her and cleaving Servi in half. Then another death was added to the invisible counter.

Momo thought the worst part was the screaming that kept being interrupted. A part of her wished that when it stopped, it wouldn't continue. And because it did, it only meant that Servi had to suffer more and more.

For the next fifteen minutes, Momo continued to beg Itarr, who kept refusing. Servi’s decapitated heads kept rolling away and finding a spot in front of Momo. The blood spurting from their necks soiled the green grass, tainting it forever. The Singi’s eyes stopped blinking. Perhaps it was a form of self-torture, but she never looked away from the decapitated heads. Nor did she try to ignore Servi’s blood-curling screams from corrupting her imagination. When it started, Itarr had tried to cover Momo's head with a blindfold, but the Singi shouted and raved, nearly breaking her own neck because she kept shouting that she had a right to see it through. "I can't keep hiding myself away! I have to see the pain she's going through! Turning away from it all means...I'm repeating the same mistake... Running away was the biggest mistake of my life..." That was all Itarr needed to hear to remove the clothing blocking Momo's sight, but she refused to turn the Singi around. Itarr hoped that just seeing the rolling heads were enough...

Regardless of seeing it or not, it was far worse for her mind to put together what she thought was happening based on auditory clues.

It took a moment for the depressed Singi to smell it, but a horrid stench corrupted the area around her. The hair on her tail became warm and uncomfortable. “Itarr, what’s that smell?! Itarr? ITARR!!!” Momo shouted, but her voice had gone horse. Her throat had become so raw with her crying that her words came out with a subtle groan. Even if she could speak loudly, Servi’s anguished screams had only increased in intensity.

Itarr noticed flew her ID to Momo and maneuvered it like one would when shaking their head.

Momo, please don’t make me say it…

“ITARR!!!!! Think about how I feel! I’m just hanging here, and you won’t let me console her! You won’t let me understand what she’s going through!! To do that, I need to see it with my own eyes! I won’t run away… I promise I won’t make that mistake again. I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I know you only meant the best for her, but I want the best for her, too! She’s saved my life more times than I can count, but…”

Momo. She’s… Servi’s… She’s disfigured. The fire is burning her skin and scorching her heart. The blood is being vaporized as soon as True Immortality regenerates it. Her essence is one of a constant cycle of pain with no way to take a break. The swords she retrieved from the ring are constantly stabbing into her body, and her arms, when they’re back, are ripping her head clean off. Do you want to see that? I don’t want your image of Servi to be soiled.

“But why are you forcing yourself to look if it’s that bad?!”

That’s easy. It’s simply my punishment. I’m watching the one I love die over and over again because it was my fault things have gotten this far. Momo, I’m the real monster. Even though I’m a Goddess, I never should’ve toyed with her emotions. No one deserves to have that kind of power, and yet... I abused it...

Though they were words on a red stone tablet, Momo had a brand new understanding of just how much Itarr suffered with Servi.

She’s bearing witness to the product of her fatal mistake. I shouldn’t have said I hated her without knowing both sides of the story. Dang it, you pathetic cat. You always act without thinking! Didn’t you say you were going to change?! The bullies in the village were right. I really can’t do anything at all…

Lost in the decrepit world of her sadness, Momo did her best to stay calm under her current extravagant circumstances. But between her worse personality traits and her best friend’s suffering, she found it hard, if not impossible.

You’re her best friend, Momo. And I’m nothing. Please, help Servi while she’s recovering. You’re the only one I can turn to.

The air-restrained catgirl read those heartfelt words from a Goddess who had everything to lose. How funny, she thought. Moments ago, Momo wanted to curse Itarr. Then she sympathized with her suffering. But now, Momo wanted nothing more than to become friends with sorrowful Goddess. It was clear to her that they both cared very much about their mutual friend. Both had also committed crucial mistakes. Those ended up forcing Servi to live through a hell that, while different in nature, both had the original effect of overloading her fragile mind with a tremendous amount of stress.

Having a Goddess give her utmost trust in Momo reignited her passion. This time, she vowed to never let it extinguish.

“I promise you, Itarr, I’ll be there for her. Even if it takes years, I’ll always be right by her side.” Momo smiled the best she could, but water fell from her eyes. She felt like she had just made an important decision that would have dire consequences for the regret-filled Goddess.

Itarr thanked Momo one last time and forced the ID’s surface to become blank. It wobbled slightly in the air as Itarr’s Telekinetic connection to it vanished. Red dust exploded when it smacked the rocky ground, spewing up and over until it nearly covered Momo.

It warmed her a little a bit, but that was probably Momo’s mind playing tricks on her. When the dust passed Momo by and returned to its owner, the Singi felt like she had experienced a bittersweet conclusion.