2.31 – Worm

None probably?

Sevdia kept hoping she'd wake up. She'd hit her head and was having a nightmare. Why did her solitude have to end today? She knew by now that being alone for so long was bad for her—she was even worse off now than when she'd left the city—but she wasn't ready to deal with people again. Let it be six years of solitude.

Or maybe seven years, that was an auspicious number. Or let it be tomorrow, and give her at least a day to mentally prepare.

They didn't seem like bad people, don't get her wrong! She just wasn't ready. She was scared, stressed, despite that potion they'd wasted on her; it calmed her physical symptoms, but mentally she still spiraled.

It was especially awkward with the human, Thera—Sevdia was using her entire brain to commit all these names to memory—she'd gathered her team again and was parading her in front of everyone.

"Sevdia's going to be helping us today in exchange for some supplies, so be nice to her, and—look at her ears. Aren't they adorable? She's a—is it okay if I tell them your class?"

Sevdia shrugged, and Thera began explaining what a [Nekomancer] was. They laughed at the story, expressed their empty praises over her ears being 'cute', and so on, but Sevdia was spacing out.

It was so embarrassing, demeaning, they were all patronizing her. This entire interaction was out of pity. As if she couldn't tell that much. She wasn't stupid or blind. She probably read body language and facial expressions better than the average person, hence her need to hide away from everyone else. She didn't need their generosity when all of this was the price. How had she let herself be roped into spending the day with them?

Thera's explanation ended, and she handed Sevdia a cloth bag.

"Hmm, I think maybe collecting the smaller rocks would be easiest for you? It's just filling these sacks. There's other things too, so just help out however you want."

"Okay."

Sevdia took the sack and began looking for special rocks, happy to have an excuse to wander off. Thera explained what it was they were doing while they'd searched for Bo and Ann earlier. She understood. The rocks were all from a larger rock and looked similar. You could guess for most of them, but their [Mage] could use her magic to double check the iffier ones.

Apparently the cave near their camp led to an abandoned spa. Her swamp was fine and all, but Sevdia hadn't had a real bath in all of her five years there. Not one with hot water, soap, maybe some fragrance...

She'd declined Thera's offer for a bath. Because of course she had; that was her default response to being offered something. Regret over that choice and a longing nostalgia had appeared in hindsight, but she wouldn't dare bring it up again on her own.

Even worse than her own desire was the realization that Thera may have offered for a reason. She might smell.

She probably did smell, actually, despite keeping herself 'clean' with the lake water as best she could. One grew immune to their own smell, she suddenly remembered, and it had been five years. How embarrassing. That must have been why Thera offered her a bath. Not out of kindness or generosity, but because she was sullying their fresh air.

She'd refused the offer to clean herself, and instead insisted upon offending their noses with her disgusting presence. How rude, how atrocious. She was so stupid. Her existence was truly obscene. They were probably all talking about how rancid she was now and debating what to do—

"Hi, Sevdia, everything going okay?"

The lamia's sweet voice interrupted her spiraling. Sylla, she exerted effort to remember the name. Sevdia looked up and changed her twisted expression to what she felt was neutral—what she hoped was neutral. She lifted the sack of smaller rocks to show she wasn't slacking, though it was fairly empty. It probably did look like she was slacking.

"Y-yeah. Thank you."

"Oh, not bad. You're doing really good!"

Fake enthusiasm, Sevdia decided immediately. More pity for her. Please just call me awful instead of lying to me.

Sevdia mumbled her appreciation. She tried not to focus on the envy that welled up in her every time she saw the lamia. She'd often felt that over the better species she saw in the city, but it was Thera's comparison earlier that triggered it hard this time.

Her cruel joke that Sevdia's fat slimy body was anything like Sylla's long and beautiful one, covered in pretty white and blue scales. Her hair was better, too—all of her human parts were better. Every part of her.

Sylla was silent for a bit, but then spoke in an overly-considerate tone.

"Um, Thera told me you'd been out here for a long time. I know how hard it can be, to be around people. I guess I just wanted to say that I understand a little..."

At least she didn't try to force eye contact, but focused on filling her own sack of rocks using magical hands she'd conjured. But how was Sevdia supposed to respond to that kind of thing? Simple, actually.

"Thanks."

Be polite. It revealed nothing of her inner reality, was neutral, and so on. She doubted that Sylla could understand to any real degree, even if she was the shyest one of the group. Had she withdrawn into the wilderness for five years?

She did recognize, and appreciate, that Sylla was being nice. Sevdia didn't dislike her. It was just her own feelings that made her uncomfortable.

For the most part, the comment filled Sevdia with shame. Her fear was something she wanted to hide most of all. Her body would never be acceptable, but she at least wanted to seem like a normal person personality-wise, to blend-in, in just the smallest of ways.

Sylla's comment pointed out that it was painfully obvious she wasn't normal, that she had a problem, was struggling, was different. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt.

She fended off a couple more platitudes and empty comments, and then they worked in silence, the distance slowly growing between them. Intentionally, Sevdia thought. She felt bad about the awkward silence, but what was she supposed to talk about? Sylla hadn't said much else either, to be fair. They really were similar in that regard.

Just when Sylla had finally wandered far enough away for the pressure to think of something to say to dissipate, Sevdia nearly bumped into Dort while navigating around a tree. She jumped, silently startled.

"Sorry—I didn't see you..."

Sevdia scooted out of the way, and then felt a rush of panic. Not because you're short. But she shouldn't actually say that, right? It was more typical to assume she hadn't meant it like—

"Hah, not looking low enough? You're fine."

In his arms was a small boulder that must have weighed as much as him. He nodded to her, and she chuckled uncomfortably at the apparent joke. She untensed as he continued toward the camp and out of talking distance.

The dwarf had been entirely casual, far more than Thera or Sylla had been, but Sevdia's nerves were coming back. That potion was already wearing off, and she felt rattled. This already was more stimulus than she'd had in the last five years.

She wandered through the forest, no longer able to focus on her task at all. Maybe she should just go find somewhere to hide? They probably wouldn't think to look for her at the bottom of the lake.

A tap on her shoulder made her jump. Alas stood there, face sternly neutral. A disdainful look? Dismissive?

No, Sevdia knew that was only her warped perception in this case. The look was merely expectant as she held something out. A black leather...collar? Sevdia hesitantly reached for it, and when Alas made no move or comment, grabbed it.

"What do I do with this?"

The raising of her brow was the only change in Alas's expression. Sevdia fidgeted with it in her hands and avoided the piercing gaze. A [Huntress]'s eyes.

"You want me to...wear it?"

The half-elf's head tilted slightly, and Sevdia squirmed with her leech-half. She obeyed, of course, clasping it around her throat. Her reward was Alas's thin lips curving upward the slightest amount. Approval?

Sevdia tried to assume the worst—that she was being laughed at, bullied—but if she actually trusted what her gut was telling her...none of her body language was actually malicious. Alas raised her hand then, and Sevdia squeezed her eyes shut and half-turned away.

But what came was merely a single, gentle pat on her head. She pulled her hand back after, leaving Sevdia confused and...wanting another one.

"Good. You're my worm now. Come with me, worm."

Her tone left no room for questions. She didn't even wait for an answer, but merely turned and expected Sevdia to follow. Which she did, of course. The simple command calmed her a little. The silence wasn't even awkward while they walked, as it was clearly expected that she not say anything.

She was nervous about where they were going and what she'd be doing exactly, but she'd already resigned to her fate. The mistake had been letting these people find her to begin with. At least this member of their party gave clear commands.

"Tie your bag shut and set it there."

Sevdia nodded and secured the sack of rocks she'd collected. She turned once she was done, ready for her next instruction, but Thera had shown up with immediate protest.

"Don't be mean to her—what are you having her wear? Take that off. Sorry, don't let Alas bully you."

Thera frowned at Alas, and Sevdia began unlatching the collar. She froze at Alas's words, sensing the conflict.

"I'm not being mean. She's my worm now. You should ask if she wants to take it off."

"Why are you calling her a worm? She's part leech if anything, but you know it's rude to..."

Sevdia flinched from being called a leech, what she actually was, rather than from being called a worm. Worm felt fine to her, maybe even good. Thera seemed to have noticed, and trailed off.

"Her name's Sevdia. Anyway, of course she doesn't want to wear a collar or be your pet, you can't just rope her into something weird."

Sevdia knew Thera was just trying to look out for her, but she couldn't say she appreciated it. It meant she had to stand there awkwardly while they argued over her, hand still frozen on the collar, unsure of who to obey.

In retort Alas raised her eyebrows in an even more pointed way than earlier, which eventually made Thera sigh and look at Sevdia.

"Do you want to take it off?"

Thera took for granted the answer would be yes, but Sevdia hesitated and looked to Alas. The [Huntress] didn't acknowledge her, refusing to tell her what to answer. She'd told her to put it on to begin with though, hadn't she? Sevdia looked at Thera.

Two choices.

One promised to treat her as an equal. One who needed protecting—pitying. The other promised...security? A clear role to fill?

What other choices would she be forced to make for herself if she chose the human? Sevdia shook her head and re-fastened the collar. She clasped her hands in front of her, showing her decision. Thera's face scrunched up in confusion.

"You're sure? And you don't mind her bossing you around, or—calling you a worm?"

Sevdia shook her head again. She even spoke, just to make it abundantly clear.

"It's fine. I like that more than...what I am."

Alas's smile seemed...triumphant this time. A slight smirk at having bested her captain, and Sevdia thought, or maybe hoped, approval for her. Thera's face was skeptical, but Alas crossed her arms.

"I'm taking her under my care. There'll be nothing untoward done to my pet worm, Captain. She just really needs a bath."

"I offered her one."

Accusation and defense. Sevdia lowered her gaze guiltily. She really shouldn't have declined earlier. Now she was making Thera look bad. Alas said nothing, and Thera seemed to give up.

"Alright. If she's fine with it then go ahead. You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with though, Sevdia."

Sevdia nodded, feeling like she'd been chastised. Or judged maybe, for making the choice she had. But it was a satisfying choice. She was being made to take a bath, and she could only look forward to it.

Alas turned toward the spa entrance.

"Good. Come along, stinky little worm."