38: Security, Safety, and Sleep

My lungs struggled, choking in the ash and dust, and getting more of both than the life giving oxygen I desperately needed. My head swam with dancing stars and the screams of those around me. My throat was focused on sobbing quietly. That’s all I had the air for. Something felt wrong with my legs, they refused to listen to orders.

“Dad?” I croaked, the single word pulling more hot air and smoke into my failing lungs.

There was no reply, only the distant, failing screams of other people from the mall. That’s right. I was at the mall, and…

True wakefulness dragged me from the dream like a farmer pulls livestock from a bog, and I flopped gasping on my bed. My heart crashed against the inside of my ribs. Screams still echoed in my ears.

"Did you hear that?" A quiet voice asked, setting me instantly on edge. Where was I? Who was talking?

Another, more confident voice replied to the first. "Maybe she's finally waking up?"

"No, not that," the first, soft voice said, my thoughts finally organising themselves enough to figure out it was Elena and Paisley speaking. "I thought I heard a whimper."

"She has bad dreams sometimes, I think," Elena said with a shrug in her tone. "I'll go make her some coffee."

Paisley's reply was a worried sound followed by footsteps as she approached the stairs up to my bedroom. Her head poked around the corner and we locked eyes. Whatever she saw confirmed her suspensions, because she made her way over to the side of the bed and sat down.

Movement was still beyond me. The memory of fear and pain still turned my muscles to stone when I was defenceless in sleep. Only when I was awake could I truly keep everything locked away.

Truth be told, I didn't dwell on the event much anymore. It was the events at the hospital that had brought it all back to the fore, as well as giving the nightmares more material to work with.

Paisley's hand brushed my cheek, and I twitched in surprise, meeting her brown eyes again. "Same nightmare?" She asked, her voice so kind, so gentle.

I nodded.

Leaning over, she gave me a quick hug, then pushed back and stood again. “Elena is making you coffee, but… your mother is here too. Well, she was. When she realised you were still asleep, she took a bath, then left again. Made me give her a bunch of money, too. You never told me how intimidating she was, gosh.”

“What? Why did she leave?” I asked, still bleary eyed and confused. “Intimidating? She’s like only a little over five feet tall.”

Paisley laughed and gave me a disbelieving shake of my head. “Oh, really? Well, she’s very different in the game then. Plus, you’re less than five feet and you’re very intimidating.”

“Am I?” I asked, raising an eyebrow in what I hoped was an intimidating way.

She tried to keep a straight face, but it crumpled as she burst into a tiny fit of giggles. “Girl, you look like you’ve been indoor skydiving without a hair tie. You’re not intimidating right now. You are definitely cute enough to snuggle for days, though.”

“Why don’t you, then?” I asked innocently. Please do it. Please snuggle me, Paisley.

Sadly, she just choked and coughed, eyes wide as a deer in the headlights of an oncoming magrail train. Her pretty elfin face flushed bright red, especially her sharp cheekbones, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well then, clearly the idea of snuggling me is terrifying to you.”

“No, it’s not!” she blurted, wringing her hands. “You’re just hot, that’s all.”

“Oh? Go on?” I grinned, reaching over to poke her stomach playfully.

She pouted and rolled her eyes. “Stop being silly and get up."

“Fine, fine,” I grumbled, still smiling despite my best efforts to attempt a poker face. Paisley’s casual care over my nightmare and the banter that had followed were exactly what I’d needed. She made me happy, despite the strange new tilt to our friendship. Or, maybe it was enhanced by it? I had no idea, and I definitely wasn’t going to put it under a microscope and ruin it.

Equipping a pair of linen slacks, I half rolled, half fell out of bed and followed Paisley as she led me back into the main room. I made straight for one of the sofas and flopped down into it, rubbing at my eyes with the heels of my hands.

Heavenly coffee sent my hands up and out towards the cup that Elena was offering with a look of unabashed amusement. “You okay there, Tiny?”

“Just tired,” I grumbled. “Muscles ache from all the forging yesterday.”

“I can imagine,” she laughed, wandering over to sit in one of the armchairs. “Shame we have to deal with that kind of thing in virtual reality.”

I shrugged and sipped my coffee. “It makes sense from a mind integration perspective. Muscles are meant to work like that, and it’s not a purely negative feeling either. I sort of like the feeling of muscles recovering after a good workout.”

At the mention of muscles, her eyes flicked down to my bare arms, and she gave a little chuckle. “Yeah? I guess I can appreciate that.”

Paisley arrived back from wherever she’d been and flopped down on the other side of the sofa I was on. Elena glanced at her absently for a moment, then grimaced and gave me a serious look. “So, uh… your mama, she’s not going to be ragey about me banging you all the time, right?”

Her question almost caused me to inhale hot coffee, and I had to set it down as a coughing fit wracked my body. “Jesus, Elena. Some warning?”

“Yeah, that’s kinda what I’m after,” she grinned, enjoying my distress. I glared at her.

“All the time?” Paisley squeaked, interrupting my grumpy look. I glanced over at her, then saw the wide eyed stare she was switching between me and my roommate.

My face burned, and I unsuccessfully tried to play it off with a shrug. “A reasonable amount. And no, she won’t be bothered by it.”

“Good, because wow, I can see where you got your…” she waved a hand in my direction vaguely. “You know…”

“I don’t.”

Elena looked to Paisley for help, who nodded in understanding. Neither of them clued me into what my thing was that they were talking about. I huffed out a sigh and slouched further into the sofa, nursing my coffee. They shared another look. Layered another glare on top of the glare I was already giving them.

Before I could protest their weird behaviour any more, a knock sounded at the front door. Oh boy, here goes nothing. I made to stand up, but Paisley bolted to her feet and pushed me back down.

“Stay,” she said, giving me a soft, meaningful look. “You’re still… you know, waking up.”

It took me a second to realise she was trying to say I was still upset by the nightmare. Except, I wasn’t. Why would I be? I was used to them, used to waking up some mornings with fear beating a drum in my chest. They were even beginning to ease, especially… huh, especially since I started playing as Keiko.

I recognised the footsteps approaching before I saw her, but they weren’t the soft, slight footfalls I remembered. The cadence was the same, but there was more heft to them. She came into view with her gaze scanning the room for me, and before I even realised it, I was running to her.

My footsteps slowed when the image of her that I had known all my life failed to fit over the woman standing in the living room doorway now. She was at least six feet tall, with big hips and broad, but gently sloping shoulders. Her body bore the lithe figure of the race she’d chosen, an elf, but it was also more… womanly. I refused to think of my mother as, ah… how do I put this. Let’s just say that Elena was drooling.

Her face was mostly the same, except for the sharper cheekbones and the long pointed ears, and the big smile on her face as she saw me… that was the same too. I closed the remaining distance between us at a more sedate pace, and fell into her arms. And promptly squeaked in surprise when she picked me up.

“Mum!”

She laughed and squeezed me extra tight. “Where’s a brush? We need to tame your hair.”

“My hair is fine! Put me down!” I cried, wriggling in her powerful grasp. Damn it, how was she already so strong? I was a deadly warrior, a stabber of terrorists, a soloer of bosses—This was undignified!

Mum just laughed again and plopped down on the sofa with me in her lap—Where I sat like a dazed, confused little bunny. I was being… being… mumhandled!

“What level are you?” Paisley asked curiously, taking her spot on the sofa again. With mum sitting near the middle, my friend could only just fit herself in beside us. “She’s level twenty something, so unless you dumped everything into strength, you shouldn’t be that strong.”

“I called in some favours with my old gaming buddies,” she said, grinning broadly. “They were a little surprised to learn I wasn’t playing a healer this time around, but they helped out.”

“That wasn’t an answer, mum,” I grumbled, looking up at her. “Plus, that isn’t the build of someone who isn’t going to do combat.”

“I figured I would take your advice, Sprite,” she said, placing a tender kiss in my hair. “I’m a level 36 Hellion. It’s sort of like a mix between a berserker and a rogue.”

“How in the f— in the frick does that work?” Elena asked, while I blurted, “Thirty six, already?”

“Favours,” Mum smirked, tapping the side of her nose with an index finger.

I flopped back against her rather ample chest and sighed. “You’re enjoying this way too much mum.”

“Hey, let an old woman enjoy her elixir of youth,” she said with mock chastisement, while wrapping her arms around me.

The feeling of having my mother’s arms wrapped around me after so long without, it was so amazing I wanted to cry. The safety and comfort. The trust that she would make sure we were okay in our scary new form of existence, and that we had survived everything together, and now nothing short of a digital apocalypse could get us. It was like my whole body, every muscle and tendon, all relaxed at once.

Mum and the other two kept talking, but I just lay there with my eyes closed. I felt happy, and that was not something I had been accustomed to recently. Of course, then I fell asleep.