Denial

Looking at the staircase with a smile, Christian walked down the first step with his healthy foot, then moved his cast foot. Taking a little bit of habit, Christian was able to descend the stairs after a few minutes, finding the second floor of the house he is in.

It is quite small, as you go down the stairs, to the left you come across a kitchen with a circular table in its center, while to the right there is a living room with a small television in front of it.

The walls looked a bit old, although half of the house looked painted and in good condition, the other half still had fungus and leak marks.

"Ashley? Are you here? Stop hiding, I don't want to play hide and seek."

With annoyance, Christian turned towards the staircase, finding something that lit up his eyes "Ashley! You were upstairs, now I'm coming to get you, wait for me!"

At the top of the stairs, Christian saw the woman he was looking for, looking up at him with a smile.

*Thud*

Trudging up the stairs, halfway up, Christian stumbled, falling heavily, but without losing his smile, he got back up and climbed, arriving after about 2 minutes on the second floor.

"Ashley? Where did you go?"

With confusion, Christian noticed that his sister was no longer in sight.

Turning his gaze down the hallway, Christian saw her again, looking at him outside the same room he came out of "Why didn't you tell me you were there? I went to all the trouble to come downstairs..."

Shaking his head, Christian advanced towards Ashley, noticing for the first time that the second floor had 2 more doors apart from where he came from.

As he was about to reach the room, Christian saw Ashley enter, causing a sigh to come out of his mouth "Sis, I don't want to play anymore..."

Entering the room, Christian took his first look at the entire room.

The room had a full-size bed on one edge, while, on the other edge, a white closet could be seen, where next to it a small desk could be seen.

The room was not very big, at least half the size of the kitchen, not exceeding 6 meters, but it was painted with beautiful dark violet color, giving it an additional beauty.

But without giving it another glance, Christian advanced toward the closed closet, scowling at its closed doors.

"Sister, are you here? I can't open the door...I don't want to play hide and seek anymore, come out please."

Receiving no response, Christian sighed "*Sigh* You're so spoiled..."

Bending down a little, Christian placed his neck between the handle, and gently turned his head, opening it after a few seconds.

"You're not here either?" frowning at not finding Ashley, Christian turned towards the bed "Are you under the bed sis?"

*Thud*

Reaching to the side, Christian tried to crouch him down to floor level, but unable to support his weight any longer with a pure leg, he fell back down heavily.

Crawling a little closer to the bed, Christian lifted the blanket that covered his view, thus being able to peer under it, finding nothing but a dark and empty space.

"Ashley stop it, I don't want to play your game anymore!" shouted Christian angrily, looking up at the ceiling with a pout "Come out wherever you are!"

"..."

Receiving no response, Christian turned his gaze towards the door, this time finding Ashley standing in front of him.

"You finally came out of hiding, I was getting bored!" grinning with joy, Christian crept towards Ashley, so that, in the blink of an eye, she disappeared and appeared again a little further away.

"Sis? Why are you walking away?" Reluctantly, Christian looked at Ashley sadly "Are you mad at me? Is it because I hit Brayan? If so I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do...he wanted to hit Hailie...sorry."

Looking regretfully at Ashley, Christian waited for an answer, receiving nothing but silence, while Ashley kept the same smile.

"Sis...isn't that why you're mad? Is it because I hit those kids? If so I'm sorry, they were really bothering me and I just lost control... but I promise I will be a good boy, I won't fight anymore... I will listen to everything you say... I will eat all my food, even the vegetables... please don't ignore me anymore"

With tears welling up in his eyes, Christian pleaded, as he slowly crawled towards Ashley.

"I had a really stupid dream Ashley.... in that dream mom told me that you killed yourself, hahaha~" Laughing mockingly, Christian crawled with a desperate smile towards Ashley "You believe that stupidity? I know you would never leave me, you're my big sister after all...you're so young, you have a lot to live for, right?"

"..."

"Ashley?"

But as if her pleas didn't reach his ears, Ashley smiled one last time, and disappeared, leaving Christian wide-eyed.

"No... Ashley don't..." Shaking his head sharply, and with the apparent reality hitting him, Christian looked up and shouted "ASHLEY, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!".

"Christian!!!" Rushing into the room, Eva looked quickly into the room, then quickly ran to Christian and grabbed him with concern "My boy...everything will be alright."

Finding some warmth, Christian broke down, crying bitterly in his mother's arms, still unable to believe that a person he loved so much, was gone forever.

"WHY!!!?" Christian shouted loudly, the anguish of losing a loved one tormented him for the first time in his life, while self-loathing and regret assaulted him with cruelty "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME!!!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO SELFISH AND LEAVE US ALONE!!!? BECAUSE I AM SO STUPID!!!? WHY!!!!? *Sniff* why? Because you had to leave me..."

"Mom *Sniff* I feel so bad *Sniff*" Sobbing softly, Christian whispered painfully "It's all my fault mom *Sniff* if I hadn't-"

"Christian look at me!" grabbing his face with both hands, Eva lifts Christian's gaze to her face, looking with absolute seriousness on her face "It's not your fault, your sister Ashley just went through problems she didn't know how to deal with, and the only one to blame is me, I failed her as a mother and I wasn't with her at the time she needed me the most"

"No!" Spoke Christian quickly through tears "I was the one who wasn't with her, I was the one who aggravated all her sadness if I had thought more before acting-"

"Christian, if you say that nonsense again, I will be angry!" Eva exclaimed, frowning.

"B-but mom-"

"Christian, listen to me-" Forcing him to look up, Eva looked gently at her boy "You're not the reason your sister left...she just went through a lot...having to leave school puts a lot of strain on you, and the problems with your father weighed her down... your sister just couldn't take it anymore... I'm the one who's to blame, not you... I'm the one who should have called a halt with your father a long time ago, not you... I'm the one who let it all go on"

"You know your sister loved you very much, and she wouldn't like to see you sad for her... you have to smile for your sister to rest in peace" With reddened eyes, Eva brought her face closer to Christian, putting nose to nose together "Besides... now you are the older brother, you have a big responsibility with your little brother and sister, you have to take care of them for Ashley"

"..." Looking sadly into Eva's eyes, Christian bit his lips, accepting that not everything is a dream, while the reality is bitter and painful "I-it's not fair mom... w-why did Ashley have to go? *Sniff* she was a good woman... She had a lot to live for... because... *Sniff* why did Ashley have to go...?"

"I don't know my son... only the goddess knows... maybe she needed another little angel and sent for her... it's all in the goddess' plans... but your sister is in a better place now... she's resting"

Frowning, Christian averted his gaze from his mother, as derision grew in his heart 'the goddess's plans... what the fuck kind of plans does she have as to need a little girl to die...'

"..." As she watched the forlorn look on her son's face, Eva's heart clenched.

She'd had her time of sadness, she'd cried, she'd screamed, she'd wailed. As the months passed she thought she was getting a little better, but having to live through all the pain again with her son, she realized that no matter how much time passed, the loss of Ashley still hurt just like the first day.

Also, just thinking that she was about to lose her son as well, leaves her nerves extremely tense, even more so after she saw her son coughing up blood, the worry was growing by the second, but seeing him now awake and relatively healthy, relieved her worries a little.

"Mom..." Christian whispered with reddened eyes, looking directly at his mother with fear and sadness "Please... never leave me... that's what I ask the most... don't leave me... I don't want to be alone anymore... please..."

Hugging Christian tightly, Eva looked at him with affection and smiled "My baby boy... mommy will never leave you, I promise"

"*Sniff*"

...

Saturday, November 7th, the year 2009.

It has been 6 months since I came to this world and 3 months since I woke up from coma.

I managed to live many good experiences, and at the same time, many desolating experiences.

I also lived many new experiences that I really appreciate.

Like when they celebrated my 9th birthday.

Thanks to the fact that I was in a coma when I had my birthday, it couldn't be celebrated, but my mother celebrated with me a day after I woke up.

There weren't many people there, just my family and my mom's friend and her husband, Sara and Jayden.

The moment mom handed me my present, I felt my heart stop for a few seconds.

Although Christian had received a gift before, his duck; John was the opposite, he had never received anything in his life.

So when he opened his present and saw a pair of dinosaur pajamas, I couldn't stand my tears and cried.

I think it goes without saying that I cried quite a bit that day, something that got on mom's nerves because she didn't understand what was going on, but well, it all ended with smiles.

I also went trick-or-treating for Halloween, it turns out that the place I woke up that fateful day, was my new home, the house that mom bought with her loan.

The house has 4 bedrooms, 3 small ones on the second floor, where my brothers and I sleep, and the room on the first floor, where mom sleeps. Although most of the time the rooms are not used since almost all of us sleep with mom.

The purple room is my new room, and mom painted it for me while I was in the hospital.

My point is that our home is not in a good area, even my old orphanage was in a better location.

I live on the west side of mile 7.

Pilgrim St & Patton St, Detroit, MI 48223, to be exact.

Not a bad location, but at night you hear a lot of gunshots from different sides, although thankfully I never pass close to home. For that same reason, Mom only let us go out trick-or-treating during the day, being at 8 p.m. already in the house.

I'm not complaining though, I got a lot of candy thanks to my dinosaur pajamas. I honestly think Halloween should be celebrated about 3 times a year, as the candy doesn't last me long enough to wait every year.

Two months ago, a few weeks after waking up from my coma, I went back to the same school.

Mom said there's no need to switch us to a new one, since she drives us to and from school every day, taking advantage of the fact that it's on her way to work.

Needless to say, Emily was mad at me for dropping her off, but she got over it quickly. I was quite surprised when she showed me that she could count to a thousand, and even learned to add and subtract in my absence.

No doubt the girl has a talent for math, since she learned everything on her own from the library books, and just needed a little push to get her to handle it on her own.