Chapter 125: F*cking-A, He Can Act!

Chapter 125: F*cking-A, He Can Act!

I stumbled back slightly, raising my hands in a loose wave toward the ring. "Thanks for being a great sport, I will go now, and um, he might need medical attention, cough, Hic!"

I felt the beer hit me heavily in two distinct ways. First, a massive influx of rapid alcohol mixed with a fast-pumping heart simply meant a ridiculously fast buzz. Second, I really had to fucking piss. I currently had seventy-two ounces of sloshing liquid sitting heavily inside my stomach and bladder, so someone seriously needed to point me toward the nearest restroom.

Ignoring the staring crowd entirely, I zigzagged in a staggering, desperate run for my goal. My frantic, uncoordinated sprinting still managed to draw some loud chuckles from the heavy drinkers in the audience who fully understood exactly why I was running for my life.

Up in the nosebleed section of the arena, two women stood watching the chaotic events unfold on the main floor. The first woman wore a thick winter cap alongside a standard medical mask to cover up a cold, her red eyes squinting slightly as she watched me flee. Even without seeing her mouth behind the fabric, anyone could easily tell she was smiling broadly at the ridiculous display.

Beside her, the second woman, an older redhead wearing a baseball cap with a heavy scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, stared down at the arena floor with a look of genuine surprise washing over her face. "He really can act, and I can tell he actually has talent for it. He seems to be much better at physical comedy for sure. If he were just a bit more handsome, he would even beat you out in popularity."

Kate adjusted her mask slightly, a hint of sharp displeasure entering her voice as she immediately defended me. "Looks are not everything you know. He makes up for it in many other ways. He has this magnetic something that pulls you right to him."

Jean sighed softly, shifting her weight as she looked back down toward the ring. "Sadly Kate, there are many readers who won't read a story with an average-looking protagonist because they have poor self-worth. There is always going to be a portion of fans that won't like Rick even if he were a literal superhero. Plus you are gorgeous, so you don't even know what it is truly like to be average like Rick."

Kate frowned deeply at the comment, immediately pulling out her smartphone and pointing the screen directly at Jean's face to display an old picture of her ten-year-old self. "I was less than average back then, so I do know what it was like to be stuck in the shadows of popular girls like Tina Feng and Linda Lang. And you know what? Rick still made friends with me back then. He looks past all of that surface stuff."

Jean Jia blinked in surprise, completely forgetting that specific part of her friend's past. She had only ever known the flashy, ultra-popular superstar version of Kate, momentarily forgetting that even super idols came from incredibly humble beginnings. "Well, I will send this specific video to that tightwad Pam Sun along with our official demands. I will tell her flat out that I am fully prepared to take our contract over to NBC, Tiger's Gate Entertainment, or 21st Century Lang Entertainment."

Kate, who was never exactly the sharpest spork in the drawer, tilted her head in pure confusion. "Why not just sign with Tiger's Gate Entertainment directly? They would absolutely hire a member of the Tang family to star in a major movie, right?"

Jean nodded slowly, her expression turning serious as she began to break down the industry politics. "Of course they would, but the real problem is that only SEG owns the actual rights to the Vampire movie you just did. Because of that, you and Rick could not make a proper sequel there. The two of you would be stuck starting over with an all-new platform and a completely different script. The main advantage of doing The Vampire I Fell For 2 is the fact that it already has a massive following and an established fan base. Not only that, but Pam Sun could easily make a shitty, cheap version by replacing you entirely, which would actively diminish your core movie credit by attaching your name to a failed franchise."

Kate swallowed hard, her confidence wavering as she clutched her phone. "B-But, does that mean Pam Sun holds all of the cards right now?"

Jean smiled, her eyes gleaming with the sharp, ruthless calculation of a fox. "Only if she successfully signs Rick. But with her son's recent intervention, Rick won't easily agree to work for her under any circumstances. And that is assuming we could even get him to agree to do the movie with you in the first place. He may not even want to be a star."

Kate looked down at her shoes, growing visibly anxious. "Then what should I be doing? The New Year's Eve show is in exactly one week, and I am still not entirely sure how to approach Rick."

Jean tapped her chin, offering a sly, knowing suggestion. "Sing him that song you made, Waiting for a Hero, and then transition right into the cover you are working on, Stand by Me. I think if you perform that second song right behind the first one, Rick will finally feel the true depth of your emotions."

Kate scrambled to make a tight fist, punching the air cutely as excitement completely took over her features. "Perfect! Those lyrics are beautiful, and I can truly express my feelings that way. Thanks Jean, let us get out of here right now so I can practice and record the song to release it early."

The two ladies quietly slipped out of the arena doors, completely unnoticed by the surrounding crowd who had absolutely no idea the famous Kate Kong had been sitting right among them.

Meanwhile, inside the Tang family VIP box, Anthony, Kim, and Helen had secretly come to watch me compete in the university match. My final fight had caught them completely off guard, not because of my martial arts ability, which they already knew all too well, but rather the crazy, dramatic show I had just put on for the audience.

Helen let out a soft chuckle, turning to her father and stepmother with an amused expression. "Ufufu, look at cousin Rick running and swaying all the way to the bathroom, that is so funny!"

Even Anthony had a rare, genuine smile on his face, thoroughly entertained by the realization that the Yellow Emperor possessed such high-level acting skills. "I have not seen a good Drunken Fist in a very long time. I think I was just a small child when those movies originally came out. It is an incredibly rare style due to its sheer complexity. Only real-life Masters in the China Empire currently practice it on a daily basis, and only a few Masters in Eurasia actively pursue the art since most prefer more practical animal forms."

Kim glanced over at her normally stoic husband, thoroughly surprised to see him talking so animatedly about my performance. "So at the very end there, while he was running and swaying around like that, was he still acting?"

Anthony burst out into a loud laugh, shaking his head at the thought. "Ha-ha, no. He drank at least a half-gallon of beer in an incredibly short amount of time. I am absolutely certain he currently has to pee like a racehorse!"

Helen smiled warmly, her soft spot for me showing clearly as she leaned forward against the glass. "Rick really can act, so I truly hope he thinks about pursuing it. Maybe I will call him later, fufu. I am going to ask him for his autograph before he gets famous."

With my constant help, Helen had finally managed to fully get over the tragic loss of her mother, largely due to finally having a family that genuinely cared about her. The two of us made it a point to talk at least once a week and regularly hung out around the university campus.

Up in the Long family VIP box, the atmosphere was just as lively as several of the women in the room watched me run for my bladder's absolute life, completely unable to hold in their laughter at my bizarre, warbling escape from the ring.

Mary wiped a few stray tears of laughter from her eyes, gently rubbing her pregnant belly as she spoke down to it. "Sorry baby, your daddy is a total clown, ha-ha. But I am absolutely saving this recording to show you when you are old enough to tease him about it."

Ashley turned her attention back toward Jim, who was still carefully holding a cold ice pack against her injured shoulder. "Monkey dear, your friend is a highly reliable man, so make sure you help him out in the future."

James frowned deeply, thoroughly confounded as to why his pet nickname had suddenly transformed into freaking Monkey. He looked at her, questioning it for the umpteenth time. "Ash dear, why do you keep calling me Monkey? I really don't think that name fits me at all."

Ashley nodded solemnly, instantly shooting down his protest without a single shred of hesitation. "If you want to be my husband, your nickname will be Monkey, or you can say goodbye to me right now."

James looked exactly like a man who had just been forced to eat shit, his shoulders slumping instantly as he gave in. "Ash, I absolutely love the name Monkey!"

Akeno immediately jumped onto the poor guy, adding to the teasing with a bright grin. "Hmm? Yes, Monkey does love to eat bananas at home, so Monkey is absolutely perfect. It is certainly much better than Dumbo, or rather, Jimbo."

The rest of the ladies in the room burst out laughing at the brief interaction, making Jim thoroughly hate his life. From that exact day forward, his wives would exclusively call him Monkey. Down the road, the moment he finally discovers the entire joke was entirely my fault, he actually jumps on me in a fit of pure anger and resentment.

Linda had been silently watching the aftermath of the final fight from the corner of the room, her eyes sparkling with a deep joy despite her completely emotionless voice stating what everyone was already thinking. "Our Rick really can act."

Meanwhile, inside the private VIP waiting room of the Star General Urology Department, a completely different mood hung over the space. Sam and Pam Sun sat together in tense silence, waiting anxiously for the final results of his intensive medical examination and testing.

Sam curled into a ball on the couch, sobbing loudly. "Sob sob sniff, Mummy, I can't take it anymore, make them fix me! I don't even get morning wood anymore! Sob sob!"

Pam held the grown boy tightly in her arms, her heart breaking over the sudden, disastrous condition her little baby was suffering from. The terrible, unspoken reality was that this little bastard had previously forced every single girl he got pregnant to abort their children. Now, if the doctors could not fix his current erectile issues, she would have absolutely no grandchildren to pass the Sun family Head position down to, meaning her sister would automatically become the new Head over Sam.

This was the strict, built-in safety mechanism of the 4 and 17 noble families. If the current Head or the designated next Head became physically incapable of bearing children or simply had no direct blood child, they were immediately passed over for inheritance rights. Because of this law, Pam would be forced to hand her hard-earned position directly to her sister or her sister's child, which was deeply shameful to her.

This exact rule was the precise reason Anthony had gladly brought me back into the Tang household, serving as a vital biological spare in case anything ever happened to Helen, since Scott could never fulfill that specific role. Of course, neither Anthony, Helen, nor I actually wanted that scenario to happen, but absolute clan survival strictly demanded it.

When Helen eventually steps up as the official new Head, I will immediately lose my current spare position. Instead, I will transition into becoming a brand-new Tang Branch Family. That shift is the exact reason why my future children carrying the Tang last name is so incredibly vital for the long-term survival of my future branch family line.

When this structural shift finally happens, either Hana's or Mary's baby will officially become the next future branch head the moment I pass the title down, allowing the lineage to continue seamlessly into the distant future. If the main family bloodline ever completely died out, my specific branch family would automatically step up to become the new main family, and the cycle would repeat.

Both Linda and Tina are also destined to become the Heads of their own future branch families the exact moment their respective sisters take over their main family Head positions. Because of this rule, my children with both of them will explicitly carry the Lang and Feng last names, stepping up as the rightful next heads of those specific branch families.

Why did I strategically choose to not include Victoria alongside the Feng and Lang family descriptions? Because dealing with her is an entirely separate, massive ball of fuck that is currently upcoming in our lives, sigh.

So with that detailed breakdown of how these elite noble houses operate under the surface, you can easily find it in your heart to deeply sympathize with poor Pam and Sam Sun. Yeah, right.

Pam sat rigidly on the clinic sofa, her smartphone buzzing as an urgent email notification popped up from her personal secretary regarding the Kate Kong situation. She squinted at the screen, shifting her weight while still tightly holding her grown baby in her arms.

The email laid out the unsettling news of Kate potentially taking negotiations over to the other three rival movie studios. Right below the text was an attached video link showcasing a recorded stream of my recent Drunken Master tournament fight. Sam stopped his sniffling for a brief moment, leaning his head over against her shoulder to watch the footage play out.

The moment the video ended, Pam let out a deep, agitated breath, her brow furrowing into a tight scowl as she muttered under her breath. "Fucking-ass, that little bastard can act."

Sam watched his mother's expression shift into anxious calculation, instantly panicking at the thought of her giving me any credit. He scrambled to scramble her train of thought, his voice whining loudly. "Mommy, you cannot seriously consider him! He doesn't even take standard acting classes at the university! He has absolutely never acted a day in his life, plus he is way too ugly to ever be a mainstream star. No one in their right mind wants to see an average-looking man become successful!"

Pam paused, visibly swayed by her little baby's desperate words as she rubbed his back. "Then we should simply force Rick to join you in the Drama Club to explicitly prove whether he can actually perform at my Sam's level of natural charm. You can easily bring him down and ruin his confidence with your superior acting ability. Once you do that, Kate won't have a single ground to complain on if you take over as the definitive star for the film. What do you say?"

Sam looked up, a bright glint of hope finally entering his eyes at the prospect of stealing the incredible role back. He nodded his head rapidly, looking exactly like a spoiled child receiving a prize. "I have already been a member of the Drama Club for a half year now and know every single student and teacher in the department. Rick will have absolutely no helpful aid or allies in there, so I can easily lock down all the good parts and shove it right in his ugly face. Let us do it, mommy!"

Pam let out a sigh of relief, a smug smile returning to her face as she felt something finally going her way. "Then I will draw up a preliminary contract with Jean and Kate immediately. This time I am going to lock her into our agency for an even longer duration by using the bait of significantly more money and top-tier movie scripts. We can begin filming the second movie the exact moment university lets out for the summer, and the finished film can hit theaters by the Fall!"

Right at that sudden peak of shared joy, the double doors clicked open, and the lead urologist walked into the VIP room to deliver the final results of the examination.

The doctor adjusted his glasses, his face completely pale as he looked at the charts. "Our entire department went over your charts three times, consulting with six separate specialist consultants to be entirely certain. We have concluded that Sam Sun's current condition is a rare infection sexually contracted from a past partner. We have genuinely never seen this level of severe tissue damage before, but it is entirely consistent with the worst erectile dysfunction STDs of ancient history. It is exceptionally rare, and our facility currently does not possess a medical cure to repair the physical dysfunction."

Sam froze, staring blankly at the medical staff as his mother's grip tightened around him.

The doctor lowered his clipboard, his voice dropping into a solemn tone. "The only surgical method that could work at this point would be installing a permanent penis pump. However, this procedure will not bring back your lost fertility. To be perfectly frank with you, Sam, you are completely sterile and cannot have children ever again in your life. My deepest condolences."

The Sun will no longer rise.

Meanwhile, inside the main men's restroom at the Star Arena, a completely different weight was lifting.

I finished thoroughly washing and drying my hands at the sink, letting out a massive sigh of pure relief. I had thankfully made it to the porcelain throne in the absolute nick of time before I ended up joining Ralph and Logan in the eternal Hall of Shame.

The moment I stepped out into the corridor, my lovely ladies were all waiting for me in a loose semi-circle, and we immediately began making our way up toward the private VIP rooms. Mercy stepped up alongside me, her voice dropping to a softer, more personal tone. "Master, this upcoming week, I will be traveling to visit my mother for Remembrance Week. Could you accompany me? And if you are planning to visit your parents' graves, I would truly love to join you."

I looked over at her, nodding gently as the memory crossed my mind. Mercy had mentioned it briefly once before, but her mother had tragically died on a distant battlefield fighting against the Southern Cross in Africa about six or seven years ago. "Mary and I make it a point to go every single year, so I would absolutely love it if you met them. Besides, I definitely need to visit your mother to pay my respects. I have taken her daughter after all."

Mercy beamed, a warm, radiant smile washing over her face at my immediate willingness to join her journey.

This alternate world did not possess traditional holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, or the Fourth of July. The entire flow of global history was fundamentally different in my current reality. But the single massive national holiday celebrated the week right before New Year's was formally known as Remembrance Week.

The event was a massive national holiday actively practiced across both Eurasia and North America. All schools and non-essential government buildings completely shut down for a mandatory vacation, establishing a winter break that stretched all the way until the third of January. While students were entirely off, many standard businesses still remained open under regular hours.

During Remembrance Week, people traveled across the country to visit the graves of any deceased siblings or parents to burn incense for them. The core cultural belief was that your personal well-wishes and the rising smoke would directly reach the afterlife. Sadly, having lived past lives, I knew for a fact the afterlife was a complete sham, but the emotional sentiment behind it was still incredibly nice. I was still fully intending to do it for my own parents. All three of them.

While traditional funerals in this world involved burying the dead and immediately moving on, Remembrance Week was entirely unique because it strictly excluded distant ancestors like grandparents, uncles, nephews, or casual friends. The tradition was exclusively reserved for direct blood relations, specifically siblings, parents, and children, creating a far more intense, personal mourning experience.

It was realistically the closest thing to an organized religion this world had left. The only other real spiritual practice involved respecting ancestors, past Emperors, and ancient Mythical Beasts. Angels, devils, and demons were merely viewed as the various Guardian Beasts and servants occupying the Heavenly Realm. It was all complete garbage, of course, but legends always existed for a specific reason.

Jenifer overheard the conversation about my parents, immediately stepping closer to adjust her uniform. "Master, as your Personal Maid, I too wish to properly greet your parents. I currently have no family of my own left to greet."

I smiled softly at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder to comfort her. "It is actually a very good thing to not have anyone you are forced to visit or burn incense for during this week. My parents would absolutely love to meet you, so make sure you stay right at my side, Jen."

I had absolutely no intention of ever telling the people of this world that the afterlife was a total lie. Why ruin the fundamental hopes of everyone on the planet when there was absolutely no positive purpose to it? I truly hoped none of my future parallel selves ever committed that mistake either. Faith was inherently good for humanity, and having someone to pray to when you were down in the dirt sounded incredibly nice. Hell, I still found myself doing it from time to time because it simply felt good to think someone out there actually cared.

We finally met back up with the rest of my family at the main exit, packing into our vehicles as we set off for home.

Now, it was time for Remembrance Week.