Chapter 88

Once I finished eating I set my bowl aside and collected my thoughts while I waited for the other girls to finish.

Fae would have finished eating first at the rate she was going but she received a double portion since her meals had been rather light the last few days from the way she explained it. The cook had been skeptical but Tarklin made sure it happened. The way she ate didn't look particularly ladylike but the thought actually just made me smile. It wasn't until she noticed I had been watching that her face flushed and she slowed down. She still finished before Bella though.

I cleared my throat. "Now that you're done eating I was hoping we could talk a bit more..."

Her eyes briefly gazed at our adjoining wall and I quickly picked up on her issue. I cast [Zone of Silence] around us and she turned to me with an interested look.

"You claim not to be a noble yet you talk like one, have a charisma skill, and can even use [Zone of Silence]."

I raised an eyebrow. "And nobles are the only ones who can use this spell?" I asked.

"W-well of course not... Most people wouldn't have need for it."

"The one I learned it from entered girls' rooms at night," I said with a shrug. Absolutely not a lie, he had entered my room after all.

"I... see..." She clearly didn't have a response to that as evidenced by the blush on her face. Perhaps I shouldn't talk like that around a kid but she's remarkably wise for her age. I would be shocked if she wasn't aware of that kind of thing. It's not like I wanted to have that conversation with her though, let someone else teach her about the birds and the bees.

"Anyway... there was a reason you didn't want Silva to join us in this room. I decided to go along with it but I want to know why."

She turned away for a moment, seemingly to think before she sighed and looked at the ground. "She... scares me."

My eyes narrowed. "You have her in a slave collar..."

She took a shaky breath. "When we were escaping, when she was protecting me... I watched her kill half a dozen people barehanded. ...The reason she was my father's slave in the first place was because she murdered a noble..."

Ah I think I can see how these pieces fit together now.

"You don't trust that she wouldn't kill you too, since she's killed a noble before and doesn't hesitate when fighting. ...You don't think she would protect you if it wasn't for the slave collar."

She sat there for a moment in silence before continuing. "I haven't truly known her for very long... She had been assigned as my personal guard for a few weeks now. I didn't understand why my father thought I needed a personal guard to follow me around the house..." Her voice was barely a whisper now, "I wonder if he knew."

She looked away in thought for a brief pause but then continued, "When we were first attacked I watched her kill two men before I knew what was happening. She killed them in moments. I had been so afraid, afraid... of her, that I ran. One of the people that were attacking us, a human, found me before Silva caught up with me and stabbed me. She snapped his neck in front of me only seconds after. She threw me over her shoulder and kept going..." Her hand traced the part of her abdomen that had been pierced. "the knife was still inside of me when I got a kill notification... my party had killed someone."

Taking a deep breath she continued, "Despite being carried like that I got some credit for each of her kills and went up five levels... I was so panicked I dumped every stat point I got into Vitality hoping to live through whatever was happening. Silva had apparently been taking me to the castle healer, she knew my wound was bad. When we got there the healer was already dead and some of the men were holding... my father."

Her eyes closed and she took a shaky breath, on the verge of tears now. "I watched one of them decapitate my father and take the head..."

Bella sat down next to the young girl and pulled her into a hug. Fae cried quietly for a couple minutes. Eventually she pulled away, rubbed the tears from her eyes, and readopted her strong demeanor.

"I... know I shouldn't be afraid of her. ...She saved my life that night. She bandaged me in the back of an apothecary we broke into while the city was on fire... I found out days later that her foot had already been broken by then but she kept walking on it anyway." The young girl curled up, wrapping her arms around her knees. "...but she scares me. Every time I look at her I remember the blank stare on her face when she broke that man's neck. ...the look on my father's face when his head hit the ground..."

Her voice quivered but she kept going. "When we were traveling to Traehall, I asked her why she was a crime slave. I was hoping it would be something that would put me at ease... something that would make me trust that she had only been wronged... Instead she told me she had murdered a noble. She... She felt justified in her actions and told me that she was taking responsibility for it by serving me... But that's not good enough to assuage my fears. I- I have every reason to trust her but I just can't. I don't feel safe around her... That's why I chose to sleep near you tonight, I can barely sleep with her watching me..."

I frowned. This was a lot more complicated than I thought it was. It wasn't that she was... a danger to us. More that part of Fae's trauma had attached heavily to Silva. She became a strong reminder of her traumatic experience despite being the reason she survived.

I scratched the base of my horn. "I don't mind watching over you while you sleep, at least when I'm not on night shift. That won't really solve your issue with her though," I said, half thinking out loud.

"I- I was thinking about selling her off once we got to another city. I... don't think I can handle being around her any longer than I have to."

"Have you told her yet?"

"...no. I'm afraid of how she'll react. It wasn't safe to tell her that."

"Wouldn't she be forced to protect you anyway?"

Fae looked up at me, she had a pained smile on her face. "For someone who owns two slaves, you're pretty ignorant of its workings... The magic that enforces commands has trouble with nuance. 'Protect me' can mean 'sacrifice your life trying to keep me safe' or it can mean 'offer token resistance and watch helplessly while someone kills me.' It has more to do with how the slave themselves interpret the order. You also have to be super precise while giving orders or your order might have loopholes that allow them to ignore or even work against you."

She shook her head and looked at the ground. "If I can't trust her to follow my orders in a way that can benefit me I'll always be looking over my shoulder at her. That will only breed further mistrust and resentment." She sighed. "I'm at an impasse. Now that I've linked up with someone else to protect me while I find out what from my life can be salvaged, I can't keep her anymore. I can't trust her even though I know I should..."

There was silence while I mulled over her words in my head. I knew where I was leaning but I wasn't sure if this was right or if I was taking advantage of the situation. I could offer to buy her from the girl. Perhaps it would be a relief. I would need to talk to my other party members about it and get to know her a little better first though.

I nodded. "Alright. I guess that's all I really needed to know. We'll keep an eye on her but if it'll help you relax, you can sleep in the room with us for a while."

The girl smiled. "Thank you. I'm sorry if this brought you any amount of distrust. ...my heart doesn't agree with my head right now."

"Understandable," I reply. I dropped the [Zone of Silence]. "I'm going to quickly talk to the twins so that at least one of us will be able to stay in the room with you at all times."

Fae hesitated but simply responded, "Thank you."

I gently knocked on the door of the room the twins were sharing with Silva. I didn't have to wait long, it didn't seem as though they were asleep yet.

Morrigan opened the door for me. "Lilith, is something wrong?"

"Morrigan, can one of the two of you switch night watch with Bella tonight? I... think it's probably a good idea to keep an eye on Fae through the night. She needs extra reassurances right now."

Silva sighed loudly. "She's worried about me, isn't she?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say.

She nodded. "It's alright. That girl has been through a lot. That night was... well... nearly everyone that girl knew is probably dead now. I had to kill several people around my level to escape and I let her get hurt almost immediately. I did the best I could to shield her from it all but she barely knows me and the single most memorable thing I probably did for her was kill a bunch of people." She shook her head. "Tell her that if she wants to get rid of me, I won't hold it against her."

I paused. "If it helps... she said she knows she should be able to trust you. But her heart won't let her."

Silva returned a pained smile. "It does."

I turned to Morrigan. "Will you switch shifts with Bella tonight?"

"Sure, I'll stay up with you now. Easier than trying to go back to sleep after."

I turned to Silva. "Sleep well Silva, I'm sorry things have turned out like this for you." I turned to Torien and nodded. "Sleep easy Torien."

"Goodnight Lilith," Torien replied with a smile. I hope she picked up on my intended meaning there.

I quickly popped my head back into my room to tell Bella that Morrigan was switching with her tonight. Fae, the young noble, was already sleeping soundly curled up next to Bella. She quietly nodded in reply and I felt acknowledgement flow through our bond.

[Soultouched connection has increased from level 3 to level 4]

I felt the range increase giving me a stronger connection to Bella, even at this short distance. I had been using the connection more and more lately and expanding the ways I use it. It was among my most used abilities now and I was growing more comfortable with it. It's a very intimate ability, sharing thoughts and feelings through it felt very personal. As a result, its use became more comfortable the more comfortable I became sharing that level of connection with others.

I gently closed the door and walked back into the hallway. Alone with Morrigan for the first time in a while. She smiled and gently took my hand, comfortable knowing most of the camp was asleep. It was still a bit early for our shift but we made our way over to the wall that people had set up the night watch at.

Morrigan squeezed my hand, happy for the quiet moment we had alone as we made our way to the lookout. We sadly let go as we made our way up the ramparts.