Chapter 89. What Makes Love?
“I finally confessed to them because I wanted to show them that I loved them. Confusing, I know. They were both really mad at me for putting myself in danger all of the time, and it really made me realize something. I was interested in them both, yes, but I never really came to terms that I was in love until I saw them like that. After I knew that I was in love, I wanted to let them know I cared. I couldn’t just make promises anymore. I had already broken that. So I told them I would answer something about myself.” I let out a sigh with a slight chuckle at the end before continuing.
“They asked me how I felt about them. I was still coming to terms with my feelings, I felt too guilty to fully say them in my head, let alone out loud. I still feel guilty even now.” It was silent again until Ashido spoke up. Her voice felt closer, but I was still with my eyes closed thinking of the past. “What happened next?” I thought back a little more before continuing on. “I had to let go of my mental blocks, holding my thoughts back, and just say anything without thinking. I just kept yelling nothing but how I truly felt. Kinda like you.” I chuckled a little.
“I wanted to let them know I cared for them, but I didn’t want to lose them for not feeling the same way, or hating me for my feelings. I couldn’t do that second part so I just forgot about it. All that was important was letting them know that I did care about them, and I would be different from then on. Keeping my promises more, not hurting myself as much, and just being together with them more. I still almost think this is just a dream that I’m gonna wake up from, and be back alone again.” I hugged both girls a little tighter causing them to adjust a little bit while hugging me a little as well.
I stopped hugging them tight, and went back to petting the both of them. “So that was a little taste of what happened. I love them so much, and for some reason they are both gracious enough to love me back.” I just rested like that for a bit before I felt the lights dim. I opened my eyes to see what was happening. When I did my view was taken up by Ashido less than a foot looking down at me upside down. I felt my face get hot under her gaze. “Umm… Is there anything else you want to talk about?” She just kept staring at me with intrigue and interest. I kept looking at her dead in the eye; not moving a muscle.
We were like that for almost a minute. Just staring at each other. I saw her face in detail I never noticed before. Her eyes were black with yellow irises, that gave a sense of danger. She always seemed to be the most playful, fun and happy of everyone else, but her eyes seemed to draw a sense of danger to them right now. Her skin and hair were a lovely shade of calming pink. The color seemed to strike a strange contrast of her dark, dangerous eyes and her calm sweet feeling skin.
Her hair looked like it was made of cotton candy, with her two horns barley peeking out of the ruffled tom-boyish mess. Her breathing was calm, but had sudden bouts of heaviness almost like she had forgotten to breathe. While I was absorbed into just staring at her, getting more flushed at each new thing I managed to find, Ashido slowly moved closer to me. I kept my eyes open in horror of what she might do while both Momo and Kyoka were sleeping on me. She then put her forehead against mine. My vision was taken over by her cotton candy hair.
I was still freaking out a little bit at what was happening. She stayed like that for a while before asking me something. “What does it take for you to fall in love?” I just sat still while hugging Momo and Kyoka tighter for a little bit. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I believe in such a thing as soul mates. Meeting that perfect person that almost seems designed for you, as you are for them. That just seems like a lie. Love is something that can happen with anybody, as long as a few prerequisites are met.” Hearing this, Ashido slowly lifted her head off of mine and just stared at me with those black eyes of hers.
“I think there has to be attraction; you have to like what the person looks like to some degree, and love will amplify that. After skin deep attraction comes personality. Does the person you love have personality traits you deem high? What if you disagree on a few really important topics? What is the person generally like? Do they like passing time in the same way you do? There are a lot of questions about personality that may take years to answer. So I have found something that tells me that I can love that person and never let them go.” Ashido just nodded slowly at my thoughts, and silently told me to keep going.
“I have three questions that matter to me personally most. Does that person try to better themselves for you? Does that person get mad for your sake? Is that person willing to make sacrifices for you? After all of that I don’t think I could ever not fall in love with someone who does all of those things for me repeatedly. It just so happens Momo and Kyoka did these things together. I fell in love with them both, and want to hold up to my own rules I set for myself for them. Love begets love, sorta speak.” I gave them both pets while looking down at them for a bit. I then looked at Ashido who was tearing up.
I looked at her in confusion and worry. “Are you ok?” I took my hand from Momo because Kyoka was still on my arm. I brought my right hand to her head as best as I could with it being upside down. I missed a bit and touched her cheek instead. I was about to pull it away before she grabbed it and held it in place. She just shed tears in silence for a while. “It’s ok, I don’t know what is wrong exactly, but I’m sure you’ll get through it all and on the other side you’ll be using your big goofy smile.” I smiled and laughed a little just thinking about her smile.
Hearing this seemed to calm her down quite a bit, as she just looked at me in shock. I smiled at her again, while patting her cotton candy hair. “Just don’t overthink things. You always rush into the right things. Be yourself, that is the best you can be.” Hearing me continued on she just started to laugh with her smile returning. “You really are a total idiot, just like Jiro describes.”
I sighed. “What has she been telling you?” Ashido kept giggling while looking at me from time to time, and wiping tears from her eyes. “I’m not telling. Not unless you tell me something of equal value.” I paused at that for a moment. “Did Momo tell you to ask me that, if you ever got the chance?” After I asked her that, she just froze while glancing at Momo, seemingly asking for help. “Alright I don’t mind, just what is a question of equal value?” Hearing me ask that question Ashido looked back at me with her big contagious smile. I smiled while waiting for her to talk.