Chapter 54

"WILL YOU HELP ME!?"

"I will help you!" Her voice sounded ecstatic.

"Good! I've got something to do, so I'm hanging up…"

"NONONO! Wait for a second!" She raised her voice, "Don't you dare hang up on me like that. As for what you said, that you are going to give me your all, right? I don't need it. I simply want us to be together."

"I said, I will give you myself, nothing about my heart."

"And I'm not talking about being lovers either. We barely talked as you 'tried to know me better'."

I stopped in my track and clenched my fists tighter. "Can you please stop walking in circles and say whatever you want?"

"I'm saying I have two conditions for helping you." I could hear Mara licking her lips. "First, I want you to listen to whatever I have to say."

"Isn't this what I've obliged to do?"

"Nooo." her raspy voice stretched as she probably pouted. "You don't get it at all. I said, listen to me, not obey me? The difference is, I won't force you to do anything. But I don't want you removing me from your life like the last time. You must listen to what I've got to say first, okay?"

"Whatever."  Through my anger, I felt her intentions clearly. Wasn't she simply trying to get on my good sides saying all of this?

"Good. The second condition is simple. I need you to heed to my advices. You want to do it with your hands, yes?"

I grumbled something inaudible in return.

"Then everything is settled. Honestly, you are so lucky that I've returned in time and didn't block you. If it was a day later…"

But I cut her off. "If it's all that you wanted to say, I'm going to sort some business out."

"Wait! Why are you in such a hurry? I can hear that you are not in your right mind, so we should meet before you do something irreversible."

"I don't have the charge to talk with you all day!"

"The more reasons to meet in person. Where are you going?"

Feeling that she won't let me be, I chose to answer her, "I need to visit the school."

"So, we will meet there. That's decided. I will wait for you in the staff parking lot. And don't do anything before meeting with me, okay? It will be better to do it this way."

"Hah, aren't you commanding me what to do?"

She went silent for a second before opening her mouth once again. "I'm not. I'm doing this in your interest. You are currently worked up, you are on edge. Do you think I can't feel this? You need to calm down…"

"How can I calm down!?" I hissed at her in anger.  "You don't know what the fuck I've been through! And if I told you the whole story, chances are you will dub me insane. What can a girl with a golden spoon in her mouth whose hobby to whore around understand about me!? I constantly trying to fight myself, fight for my future. How the fuck can you understand what it's like!?"

"Have you tried?"

"Huh?" I was caught off guard.

"Have you actually tried to talk with me? Or you prefer to wallow in self-pity?"

I felt the vein on my temple throb. "Wallow in self-pity!?" I've barely held myself from roaring at her.

"Yeah, that's pretty much what you do. Have you actually took any actions to prevent this from happening to you?"

"And what do you think I did!? Calling you!?"

"And what If I went to whore myself around? And toss you out, what will you do?"

"I…"

"Jumping him from behind with a knife? Beating him up with a pipe? And what if you fail?"

"Fuck! I would think of something."

"And I will give you yet another piece of advice. Don't talk like you know everything, and stop acting like the universe is indebted to you. You are what you do. What have you done in the past couple of months?"

"Fuck you!"

"Yeah, I pretty much guessed it was something along these lines. If you WANT, you can meet me, and if you don't…"

"FUCK! Okay, okay, I will meet you!" Hanging up, I wanted to throw my phone at the road but stopped midways.

I was fuming. What the hell!? The universe is indebted to me. I've never thought like that, didn't I?

You are what you do…

I haven't done anything… thus I'm nothing?

No, I've done something. Beating up those thugs, who went after Jet, and now he is lying in the hospital. I've accepted the help from Jessie, and now she's arguing with her family.

FUCK! I clasped my face and wanted to tear it off.

Worthless scum.

Be somebody, be different, do whatever I want. What happened to this motto? I've thrown it away in favor of carefree life. But I didn't add the world trying to fuck me up in my calculation.

"AAARGH!!!"

Looking around, I saw some passersby giving me a look like they saw a madman. As I talked with Mara, I walked past the bus stop.

"Fuck it!"

Walking back, I've waited for my bus to come as I tried to keep my feelings inside without letting them burst. Paying for the ride with cash that my parents left for me, I started waiting for my stop.

I couldn't stop my emotions from running wild. Right now, I wanted to fight this wretched world. Never in my previous life did I feel such anger.

Silently grinding my teeth, I've waited for my stop.

"Birch Grove Street."

Hearing the bus driver, I went off and started walking in the direction of the 'Birchland High'. The alma mater of all my problems.

Entering the college's ground from the front, I was now standing before the junction. Either to meet Mara or to go straight to Violetta.

I looked at my phone. "Out of charge, how untimely." I spat down. "I guess it count's as a choice." Without my phone, I wasn't able to contact Mara. I wanted to skip this meeting, but eventually, I decided to meet her at first.

Arriving at the parking lot, I saw a large black SUV.

"So she is already here."

I wanted to back down at the last moment but remembering what she said made my blood boil again. I quickened my pace as I went towards her car.

As she probably saw me from the car, she got out and looked at me.

Of course, she didn't change in the slightest. Her hair was combed backward and held by a clip. There was no excessive makeup, and she wore her usual piercing. Her grey eyes were looking at me as if I was her prey. This didn't change as well, and it pissed me off even more.

"Erlig!" Seeing me, she threw her hands up. "I'm glad you listened to me."

"I didn't listen to you to appease you, I wanted to say…" I tried not to let out my pent-up anger as I walked closer to her, but she quickly crossed me.

"As I thought… You look awful."

She went after my face, but I slapped her hands away.

"Don't touch me!"

This, however, didn't stop her. Squinting her eyes, she slapped my hand in return and pinched my ear.

"OUCH!"

I swear it hurt more than getting punched to the face.

"I did say that I won't ask you to abide me. But I never said that I will not force myself on you." She finally let go of my ear.

In return, I almost choked on her audacity.

"Don't touch me!" I took some distance, and my bag fell to the ground.

"Oh I will touch you however I want, and there is nothing you can do, not in your current state at least." She came even closer to me, and I felt her touch as her hands clasped my face and she started looking me over.

"This wound on your forehead is fresh. Where did you get it?"

My eyes burned with fury, but the next moment I almost cried as she pinched my lips and started pulling them back.

"And don't you dare to give me this look! Here I am, trying to see if everything is all right with you," she pulled my lips as I whimpered in pain, "The first thing I hear, when I returned was that you went and fought for money. How could you do something stupid?" she pulled my lips downwards, while I flailed my hands powerlessly, "You know how worried I was? Of course, you don’t! You are too self-absorbed." her hand along with my lips went sideways, "Honestly, it's good quality, but only if it's a healthy egoism, healthy you hear me? You should develop yourself as a person, not wasting your time feeling sorry for yourself." She finally pulled my face closer to her and looked me in the eyes. As I frantically nodded to her, she let me go.

"If you are so worried, why the hell are you doing this!?" the moment she let me go, I made some distance as I barked back at her. all while rubbing my lips.

"Doing what?" she stepped forward so quickly that I couldn't follow her footwork. And while I was busy looking at her long legs.

"SLAP!"

"OUCH!" she slapped the back of my head.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I'M INJURED!" I couldn't stand her antics, and I complained to her.

"Doing this?"

"SLAP!"

"OUCH!"

"This is your punishment. If you have the energy to bust your forehead open, surely you will be able to hold yourself against this." She rubbed the palm she used to slap me lovingly.

"Fuck you!" I was ready to get back and dodge her next slap at any time. However, she simply gave me a disappointed look.

"This again?"

"What else should I say to someone who resorts to violence?"

"But you rejected my caress, didn't you?" she flashed me a crafty smile.

"AAARGH!!! THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RELATED TO YOU!!!" I scratched the scar on my nose as my hands were shaking. "WHY, JUST WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?"

"And how should I act?"

"Like a stranger!"

"Then should I go away? My mother told me not to talk with strangers."

"AAAAARGH!!!!" I ruffled my hair. "Is it funny to play with me like this?"

"You can always answer back." She caught a single strand of her hair and twirled it around her finger.

"What can I even do to an heiress of a transnational corporation!?" I wanted to cry tears of blood.

"You can either embrace me and kiss me or slap me back."

"Is it funny to do this to me? I wanted your help. You even agreed!"

"Yes, this is indeed what happened."

"Then why, why are you acting like this?"

"And why are you saying that I whore around?" Her crafty smile was nowhere to find as she looked serious. For the first time since we started talking, she didn't look like she was playing.

"I…"

"You think I don't have feelings that you can hurt? Or you think you are the only one who can be hurt? I agree, I've made mistakes in our relationship. That's one of the reasons why I agreed to all of this in the first place. To correct my mistakes. Yet you in return. Have you asked for my forgiveness? Or perhaps thought about my feelings?"

"But it's the truth! Everyone knows about your dealings with the boys in school."

Her face darkened even more so than before. "So, you assume that every person in school sleeps in the same bed with me?"

"No, but…"

"Than you baselessly believed the rumors?"

"Isn't it true?" I clung to this hope, as it was probably too late to admit that I was wrong.

She hid her face with the back of her hand. "Honestly, you are such an asshole, why did I even fall in love with you." She turned around so I couldn't see her face.

"Erm." I didn't know what to do. I came here fully prepared to discuss my revenge. I was burning with anger, and I felt it was the right thing to do. But in return, I hurt the feeling of my only helper.

"I'm sorry?" I didn't know what to do.

She didn't answer my apology, so this time I said it with more power behind my voice, "I'm sorry!"

"And what for are you sorry?" She turned back, and the corners of her eyes were moist as her pupils glistened. "Do you even understand what you did wrong?"

"I'm sorry for believing this baseless rumor."

"So you didn't understand a thing…" she said bitterly. "I'm leaving. I lost my mood. We can discuss your revenge later." As she turned back and started walking towards her car, I saw her rubbing her eyes with the base of her palms.

No, WAIT!

"WAIT, MARA!" I ran after her. "I'm truly sorry, wait."  I wanted to take her hand, but she dodged me.

"You aren't sorry." she threw these words at me as her voice was on the verge of breaking.

"I DO! I'm sorry for whatever hurt you! It's true."

"No, you are not! You are simply afraid that I will leave you! Did you think that by throwing your body, you will ditch all the responsibilities? That way, you won't need to think about anything but yourself, right? Even right now, you only think about yourself. The only reason you apologized, is because you want me to stay. You don't even see me as a person who can be hurt. A person who has feelings! I'm a tool for your revenge!"

Now I felt utterly lost. I was unable to grasp what was going on.

"I…am…thinking like this?" Looking at Mara and her accusing gaze, I felt, shameful?

Perhaps… As she stood there silently, I thought of what I did so far. And how exactly I thought of others.

Surely, she was right.  All this time I couldn't look at everyone around me as if they had feelings. I shirked all the responsibilities.

"You are right Mara." I rubbed my face. "And I'm sorry for this. You are right, I was acting like an egoist." I still couldn't process what happened here, but I did what I thought was the best thing at the time.

"So what does it have to do to me?"

"I've hurt you, so it's natural for me to apologize. The thing is… How can I even apologize."

"So you are saying that you understood your mistakes? And leave the decision of forgiving to me?"

"What else can I do?" I tiredly shrugged. "You are right at everything that you said. I wasn't paying attention to anyone, I fucked up majorly many times, and you are one of my fuck ups. You know… Now that I think about it... Acting like this, I've hurt more of those few people who tried to help me. Whatever you decide, I am at least thankful for you for cornering me into understanding this. If I want to achieve my revenge and have a life after it I will have to change. I won't say I will change overnight, but I will try."

"SLAP!"

With round eyes, I was rubbing my cheek that got slapped a few seconds ago by Mara.

"I will corner you again if you will ever return to the way you used to be."

She flashed her dazzling snow-white teeth in a beautiful, sly smile.