Chapter 48

"How could you forget about your promise!?" Judging by the way she said it, teacher Rose was definitely angry at me.

"I…" I rubbed the back of my neck. What was the promise? I totally forgot about any kind of promise.

"You!" She stomped with her feet which was meant to be intimidating. Yet seeing her doing this after being thrashed by Jessie while we trained made her look cute. "You said I will get to see one of your training sessions!"

I've made a face of enlightenment. "Oh, that."

"Don't tell me you forgot about that?" Her eyes widened while her small dainty hands were clenched hard and trembling.

"No, look, let me explain…" I tried to appease her.

"I won't let you." With her index finger right in front of my face, she interrupted me. "I won't let you talk your way out of this. I'm not only your teacher and hold responsibility for your health, but I'm also your friend."

I wanted to wince and scream at the top of my lungs: "YOU'RE NOT!" But I couldn't. It was enough that I had problems with Violetta and the higher-ups of the school staff. Making one more enemy of a potential ally was a dumb move.

Thus I was ready to tolerate whatever she wanted to say with a bitter face.

"Honestly, what has happened to you? You've changed so much." her accusing tone grew softer. "I heard about you and your friends. You were also seen with Mara Sobol."

"I won't be anymore," I interjected but seeing her extremely disappointed look, I understood that my job wasn't to justify my actions. It was to hear her complain.

"You cut off contact with almost everyone. After that, you didn't bother to contact anyone, even me. There was even the rumor that you fought with some kids." She turned away and gave me a sidelong glance. "After getting back from the hospital, you act like a completely new person. But you should remember something." She took a deep sigh and turned back to me, making a few steps toward me. Her hands went backward on their own, her eyebrows went up, while her voice turned into a whisper.

"Erlig, whatever you are going through, you should remember that there are people who care for you and want good for you. Please don't push these people away and let them help you."

I've got so much to say to her. I was hated by an absolutely batshit crazy dude with baffling connections and power behind him for a reason I didn't know. A girl who is arguably even crazier was after me, her motives unknown. And lastly, I was in a fucking different world.

The only thing I could rely upon was a strong body and a training team with a young lass being the head coach.

How could she help me? I was doubting if she even knew about Reid and me? What did she do when shit hit the fan back then, before me getting into this shithole of a situation?

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to swear, thrash everything around and send everyone to go fuck themselves, taking everything I needed, which was my body and go far-far away.

But I knew I couldn't do this. I was too scared. I relied on something that was given to me.

Fuck, was it true when they said: "It's easier to change the landscape than a person's nature?"

I got so angry at everything, but in the end, I exhaled and gave my answer.

"I know, but everything is good."

Rose peered into my eyes for some time, finally averting her gaze. "Why are you so stubborn? It's beyond me."

"Teacher Rose? In the end, how come you are here?" I awkwardly rubbed the scar on my nose.

"It's Jessie's merit."

I tilted my head, Jessie's?

"You didn't contact me for so long about your training progress, so it made me nervous. Being a teacher," She gave me a look, "Brings me the benefit of knowing all the students and having some of their personal information."

Uh-huh.

"After looking up the team you were affiliated with, I found her, and she told me everything about you."

Yeah.

"She got so into talking about your training that we spent hours talking about it." Her voice for the first time sounded cheerful, "She told me that you enjoy it very much."

Was I really enjoying it so much?

"Yeah, you are right." I closed my eyes, reminiscing about everything that happened to me in the gym. And the truth was, there wasn't much that happened to me. I didn't get into any sort of clique, nor was I a training fanatic.

After training, I was often liberated from any unnecessary thoughts. I was free from the oppressive reality of the situation I've got into. It was fun to learn a different thing, to sweat it off against other guys in wrestling training. And when Tanya took care of me, I was only thinking about survival rather than Mara or Reid or whatever else.

When I was training, I felt liberated. Liberation from the memories of my parents, who were left in the previous world. My only true friend who understood me. Memories of my past that felt so distant to me now.

"See, you are smiling even now." teacher Rose sighed.

"Am I?" I tried to touch my own face but didn't feel much of a change.

"Are you truly sure about all of this? I will be honest, I was scared. When you cried in pain at the end of your fight..." She shut her eyes tightly.

Am I sure?

"I'm sure. At least for now, this is the best for me." I crossed my arms. "After those two fights I had, I'm now sure that I like all of it. It's not about causing pain or damage. I felt it was something more spiritual, and I want to keep improving at this craft. I feel like this opens up a path for me, a path to self-improvement and growth. The moment I tapped out, the pain wasn't what concerned me. It was my loss. I want to win." I told her the truth.

"At least you preserved your habit of these sudden monologue outbursts." The smile that hung on Rose's lips looked really bitter.

I shrugged my shoulders in exasperation. "I guess?"

"Make sure to contact me. If you don't, I have your girl's contact information." She took out her phone and shook it in front of me.

"She's not MY girl. She's my friend."

"The more you deny something, the more people will believe in it."

"I know." I felt defeated while looking at the teacher that got into a playful mood.

"The place is still empty?"

"How else could it be?" I couldn't possibly tell her that I had someone to relieve my urges instead of a proper girlfriend.

"Hiding things again, tsk tsk. You don't learn, do you?"

"But I told the truth," I whined while sweating buckets in secret.

"You can't trick a woman's intuition. But don't you worry, I will let the girl you like be a secret for now."

"…Thanks." I groaned internally. WHAT GIRL?

As our dialogue went in a more 'cheerful' direction, I suddenly had this one thought.

"Rose, actually, I have something you can help me with."

"What is it?" she nudged me to continue talking.

"Do you have a dream? As in some kind of a goal or an aspiration? Perhaps a wish?"

"Hmm." As she held her finger near the corner of her lips, she felt deep into thought. Her eyebrows, as well as her nose, creased. "A tough question."

"If you don't want to answer, you don't need to."

"No, I will answer as this question is closer to me and my occupation. And I think at the moment, I don't have any dreams. In fact," Rose puffed her chest triumphantly, "I achieved almost everything I wanted to do."

"It's like that." I didn't think about such an answer. "But how does it feel to achieve your goals? Don't people feel empty without a goal?"

"You are feeling like this?"

"Let's finish talking about you first."

She started walking left and right. "I felt empty at first, but there are always new goals that you can set for yourself. But instead, this feeling of emptiness was replaced by the feeling of belonging. I wanted to be a teacher from the beginning. After making it with my goal, I understood how much more there is to my initial aspiration. And I felt almost, almost like I was finally relaxed, happy, whole."

"But you need to achieve it first before getting this feeling."

"Is it so hard for you to think of what you want to become and achieve?"

I started fiddling with my fingers. "It's more like I forgot. I had this talk with a few people. About their dreams. I feel like I'm forgetting a big part of what made me a person."

Rose covered her mouth as her eyes opened up more than usual "Is it… because of the injury?"

I shook my head left and right. "Not this. I can't even put my tongue around this. It just keeps getting away from me, and truth be told, it bothers me. I'm not feeling complete without this."

"You should try and relive your memories from childhood. It may help you."

"I will try this."

After we finished talking, Rose walked to the car of the Arndt duo. She politely refused the offer of taking her home, saying that she had some personal affairs. Asking Jessie to discipline me with firm hands, she went away while I rode the car back home.

"What do you feel about the whole ordeal, Erlig?" As Jessie continued to silently sulk, Paul tried to start a conversation with me.

"I'm feeling good. I'm even excited for my upcoming fights." As I said these words, I wasn't even lying.

"Hoh." Looking through the mirror, I saw Paul's eyes widening before he squinted them while the corners of his lips lifted up. "I will be honest, it's unexpected, but I'm happy to hear this." He glanced at his daughter profoundly.

"But there is something I want to tell you."

"Go ahead."

"I won't lie. I feel bitter." I leaned back in my seat. "The more I think about the fight I lost, the more bitter I feel. I felt like I could've won there. I also feel angry at my own actions."

"That's good that you told me about this. That way, we can manage and solve all of this without things getting too ugly. Your frustration will be turned into a proper motivation without poisoning your mind. Don't worry, as we will do a proper job in this."

I wanted to smile, but my facial muscles stopped listening to me, and my expression turned into one of half crying.

"How can I even thank you enough?"

As we were waiting for the light to turn green, Paul turned to me.

"Erlig, the answer is you don't. I can see why Jessie was so persistent in bringing you to our team. But unlike her…" The light changed, and he turned back, our car started moving again. "I can see something else inside of you. You can call this an insight of an old geezer, but I can see that you are troubled."

Was it really so obvious?

"Don't worry, I won't pry into your life. Nor will I overestimate my own capabilities. There is only this much a single human can do." He took me off guard as I wasn't expecting this. "I can help you with training and a piece of advice when you ask for it. That's about it. So you should relax a bit, take a break for a few days."

Coincidentally, as we finished talking, we got back to my apartment.

"You should visit a physician tomorrow. The one in your school would be good enough."

"I will do as you said, thank you." I got out of the car and walked towards the front door when I was suddenly called by Jessie.

"Erlig, wait there for a second." She jogged towards me and moved her head closer. As she tiptoed, her face was at the same level as mine. "I'm sorry."

"Huh? What for?" I didn't understand her at first.

"You know, you got caught up in our family fight. I'm terribly sorry for this," she whispered quickly before standing up in front of me.

"No, I…" I scratched the back of my head.

"I didn't want all of this to happen like this. Back then, on the bridge, I saw you requiring help. I wanted to give you some, it's just… My dad can't understand me. He keeps pushing…you...us." As she said this, she kept nibbling on her lower lip while her line of sight was all over the place.

"I think I get what you are saying. More so, you don't need to say anything like this in the future. You've already helped me a lot, and I don't mind it." I smiled at her to reassure her that everything was okay.

"I hope it's true." She looked really down and distressed. She was probably sulking due to her argument with Paul.

"Aren't we friends?" I extended my hand for a handshake. "Don't worry about me. I've discovered that I'm not as soft."

"Hah, you are the biggest softie I've ever seen in my life." She chuckled while smiling wryly. "Thank you, Erlig." She shook my hand and started walking away.

"And what about increasing the intensity of the training?"

"As you are my dear friend, I would pardon you, but only this time," she said without turning back as she waved her hand.

A second later, and the car of Arndt's family was gone.

"Sheesh, what the hell has happened." I rubbed the scar on my nose.

Was it really Paul who was pushing me towards the fights? He sounded pretty laid back when we were getting back. And the way he gave me advice, he has his fair share of life struggles, I guess.

They had such a harmonious relationship, yet it was spoiled this time.

"Was it because of me?"

I felt guilty.