45: The Bill Is Due

Honoka slowly woke to beeping. Scrunching her face, the groggy architect decided to call in sick today, idly moving an arm to flip the alarm off. She’d left the most wonderful dream about walking down a brick road and the drowsy woman wanted to return there.

Stupid Steve can CAD his own Goblin Bank, Honoka blankly thought through the muddle of a sleepy head.

“Mommy?”

Honoka started, her addled mind throwing off lingering fog while eyes flew open, though they quickly shut again when the light blinded her. Then like a one two punch, she groaned when universal soreness throbbed throughout. Past those sensation, something heavy and warm rested on top of her . While this might have restricted her breathing a bit, Honoka felt the instinct to hold tighter, weakly hugging around a scaled girl.

“…Jaya?” Honoka asked past a throat frog, her eyes adjusting enough to squint a bright green outline hovering over her head and snuggling against her. “Wh…why are you here?”

“Because Jaya was worried,” Diane said from to Honoka’s left. “We all were.”

Honoka finally became fully awake and rubbed her eyes, scanning around the room. She wasn’t in her own bed, someone cobbled together a twin into the hosting room where Uncle Aki’s medical equipment glowed and hummed. The beeping came from a laptop program connected to wires and nodes stuck to Honoka, the sound matching her heartbeat. There was an IV in one arm, Honoka dressed in too-small flannel PJs which pinched in places. Rather than pushed to the side, through her daze Honoka realized she lay in the center of the room; more alarming, her whole family was present, dealing with their worry in different ways.

Jaya, believing Honoka would be alright, already snuggled back into place in Honoka’s embrace and fell asleep, softly hissing as her snake body relaxed past the bed and along the floor. She wore a rumpled long pink sleeping shirt with teddy bears on it. It would have been adorable at another time. However, the large damp spot on Honoka’s shoulder broke the injured woman’s heart. Jaya must have lied atop her new mother through the night, sobbing and dreading if Honoka would leave the seven-year-old like her father did.

Diane was an absolute wreck. Seated directly on the floor, her head and arms draped over the quilt covering Honoka’s legs. The ground nearby was littered with plates, bags and wrappers. Clothing stains and crumbs were other testaments the pregnant woman took stress eating to new levels. Her usually gorgeous fiery red hair was a birds nest atop green horns, sweats and tank top worn since yesterday ripe from both spilled food and using them as tissues.

Using Jaya’s body as a pillow, Aruna slept in his cloths, a throw blanket keeping him warm.

At the nearby wall, mother bear Shilo was awake and smiling towards Honoka, both her children curled in her arms and snoring soundly. Ken and Miu were dressed in pajamas and appeared woken in the middle of the night to join a vigil. They didn’t have blankets, but the plush white fur of their mother was warm and inviting, Honoka knowing from experience.

Sitting cross legged beside to the door, Miaka frantically disassembling and cleaned all the guns the family owned, two piles of armament rather dauntingly stacked around her. When Honoka glanced towards Miaka, the owl shot a brief smile before returning to her nervous cleaning. Honoka wasn’t sure if her mind played tricks, something was off with the fierce woman. Honoka decided to put a pin in that for now and moved to the next person in line.

Dolly fussed in the kitchen area, hunching over Quinn. The otter lay atop a counter with a blanket over her. At first, Honoka idly wondered if the two were up to sexy-time, Dolly’s hands working under the covers. Then Honoka grew concerned when Dolly’s hands pulled bandages blotted in blood and worked replacing them with fresh wraps. Quinn stared into Honoka’s eyes for a brief moment before turning her head the other way.

Next to them, Banda and Padmava crouched and ate breakfast, both eating like their dog just got hit by a truck. They wouldn’t meet Honoka’s gaze.

Eve crouched around the other side of the room, her computer monitor displaying online university class homework, lots of spreadsheets and a muted classroom. She turned her head briefly for a quick smile and thumbs up, but even the unflappable goblin looked morose and hesitant.

“Did someone die?” Honoka asked softly, shifting slowly to extricate from under Jaya without waking the young mamba. Honoka’s voice sounded a touch frustrated, many in the room flinching at that tone.

“You almost did,” Diane replied, gripping Honoka’s leg, her face ready to spit fire. Spreading this glare around the room made it clear Diane was out of food and would happily eat the next person to step out of line.

“Not really, but we were all concerned.”

Akisame, walking into the room holding two bowls of steaming okayu with egg, casually checked the numbers on his laptop, every bit the doctor looking over his patient. “I’d like to hear your Status before I tell any more, System numbers will be more accurate than my measurements.”

Honoka did , surprised with the results as she read out loud.

“That is…unhealthy,” Honoka stated with trepidation when she finished, pulling back the covers to view her stomach and waist. With a bit of interest Honoka realized her voice was deeper, enough to sound like a different person. Also, because she still allocated thirty-one Endurance, ten Strength and ten Health, her current state told a horrific story of what could have been if she hadn’t allocated through her sleep.

Diane pursed lips when Honoka moved about, Irish temper rising on her face enough to force any wife she gazed upon to flinch away. It was clear the fanatically protective succubus didn’t like what she saw either and wanted to blame someone.

Honoka looked like a weird caricature of a person underneath ill fitting flannel PJs. Finally gaining enough muscle definition to thrust Honoka into fitness model range, all of the fat in her body had been sucked away except for boobs and butt and hips. Those extra three inches grown last night stretched the formerly small woman into a longer body, her proportions now thin and lanky instead of small and shapeless. With detached surprise, Honoka’s face felt different when she reach up, narrow rather than wide and cheekbones more pronounced. Touching downward again, she traced something bordering anorexia over her abdomen. Overall, with hips flaring abnormally outward, Honoka resembled a Barbie doll more than a person.

“I did some calculations: you lost a fifth of your bodyweight,” Akisame said, handing Honoka the bowl of rice porridge. “Frankly, if you weren’t allocating, you would have suffered organ failure.”

“That…” Honoka paused, thinking over the implications and nodding. “Yeah, ok.” She carefully raised the spoon to her mouth and winced, stomach a roiling sea of pain and upheaval when it received the food.

“Take it slow, the IV is a mana potion,” Diane urged, reaching out and helping keep Honoka from spilling. “We weren’t sure about your MP levels. I…we couldn’t risk you running out. You are probably over the tolerance limit for potions and everything will hurt. Until you recover, grab another thirty Health and twenty Wisdom from everyone. That should allow you to eat and regenerate mana faster than you’re spending it.”

Honoka nodded through her pain, agreeing with the assessment and pushing dials over. Within moments, agony diminished and her ability to comprehend increased. She also grew ravenously hungry and attacked the bowl as if she hadn’t eaten in a month. While licking it clean she found another steaming bowl appearing. That one she took slower, even if her hunger hadn’t abated.

“I have something to say,” Honoka announced between bites, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Last night was my fault.”

The room immediately erupted in denials as wives talked over each other to explain how Honoka was wrong. Children woke with yelps and groans, Shilo glaring at everyone unused to dealing with sleeping kids. Akisame was the only one unperturbed, calmly studying Honoka’s vitals and nodding to himself.

Honoka let them vent for a few seconds before she held up her spoon like a sword and chopped sharply through the air, everyone getting the message to shut up. Honoka took the opportunity to snuggle closer to Jaya, awake again and still adorable. “No more talking. This isn’t a game to see who can feel the most guilty. Whether you think you are the one to blame, I didn’t stop any of you. None of you did anything different than what we’ve done for the last month; the reality of the situation is I knew better. Four years ago, my uncle and I performed comprehensive tests to find out what my limits were. While allocation and leveling lets me move the goalposts, it hasn’t changed my body’s natural limits. We have had a lot of…fun in the last month, yet each time we tried something new it was like sprinting across a tightrope over lava.”

Staring into the worried and trusting eyes of Jaya, Honoka smiled and finished her bowl. “I can’t risk everything when I have so much to lose. But…we also can’t stop, either. We can’t stop because I believe everyone will lose just as much if we do nothing.” Taking a deep breath, Honoka bowed her head in apology. “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

The only noise in the room was the faint, slow beeping of Honoka’s heart from the monitor. Diane was still angry, though now more petulant than anything. Others were ashamed, even if they shouldn’t be. The one to break the silence was Jaya as she slithered out of the bed and stretched big.

“I’ll get a double breakfast ready for you so you can feel better,” the energetic naga girl announced with a solid matter of fact attitude. “Miu can help. Loves!” With a sloppy snaky tongue kiss to a bemused Honoka, the green scaled girl picked up Miu and placed her on her back and tail, both girls laughing as they sped out the door.

“And you two can help me clean up the kitchen,” Shilo said, standing up and herding two teenage boys out the door. The polar bear aunt slyly winked before exiting, pushing surly teenagers to move faster than they wanted too.

A spell broke over the room, though the remaining women still hurt emotionally. Honoka determined nothing would get done if everyone stayed in mope mode. Pushing off covers, yanking out various wires and tubes, Honoka instantly regretted her decision to stand when the room wobbled and shook. Gritting teeth, she teetered over to Banda and peered into the light brown and orange mixed irises above Banda’s bovine face, currently drooped in sadness.

“You,” Honoka said, jabbing her finger deep into a massive boob, eliciting a damp spot on the white and red checkered shirt the holstaur barely fit into. “I can hear you blaming yourself from across the room.”

“I…I…the blessings…”

“Stop it. I love you.” Honoka put words to action and went in for the hug, burying her head in boobs. Honoka motorboated a little. Who wouldn’t if they had access to massive titties like Banda’s? “This is on me, not you. I should have been more careful.” Pulling out to address the room, Honoka lost a little balance before finishing her turn and straightening. “That goes for all of you. Now, I have to talk to my doctor and then eat breakfast, but I think we should all be happy for upcoming children instead of dwelling on the past.”

Whatever anyone else wanted to say, they held it to themselves for the moment as they shuffled past Honoka for a quick hug and a kiss before leaving. When Quinn delicately limped outside, Honoka did make one quick change and threw goblin regeneration her way. Which left only Honoka and Akisame, who produced two cups of barley tea as if by magic and offered one to his niece.

“I disagree with your assessment,” the older Japanese man said, sipping tea and comparing notes with his monitor readings. “There is plenty of blame to spread around. You were not awake, there was no indication you would wake again. Your spouses expressed panic and sorrow greater than I ever witnessed. When you did not wake and grew worse, they shouted and fought for blame. I was afraid Diane would kill Banda at one point. Shilo managed to mitigate further violence by involving the kids, but it was touch and go.

“By taking responsibility upon yourself, you saved them from the foul corruption of shame and guilt that causes unending misery and heartache. What you did wasn’t a perfect solution, there will still be problems, but no solution in marriage is ever perfect. Your maturity has me more proud of you than I can express.” With that announcement, the older man showed a rare smile, his pale eyes misty.

Honoka’s own eyes also misted, leaning forward to hug her beloved Uncle Aki who watched over her for so long.

“Now,” Akisame stated after patting Honoka’s back, “let’s see if we can develop a regimen a tad less reckless than you normally practice.”

Blushing, Honoka agreed and sat back, enjoying her tea even if the conversation moved into embarrassing and explicit details.

********************

“This is soooooo cool!!” Miu shouted from atop Mount Tummy, Honoka finished eating a double breakfast and waiting for her massively bloated stomach to shrink down. She wouldn’t wait long, it was already half the size after ten minutes, the allocated thirty-one Endurance working overtime to digest everything. Jaya also rested on the summit, laughing and bouncing with her step cousin, both girls instant and easy friends after one day.

Under her mini bunker (the wives built a sturdy box covering Honoka’s head and torso so she could check her phone while digesting these massive meals), Honoka smiled knowing younger generations only living in the Changed world would see past Race and find people. It might take a while, but Seuss’ Sneetches living together on Beaches would happen. Until then, there were more important things to ponder than idle philosophies.

“Frag,” Honoka mumbled, flicking the screen on her phone, passing on a media influencer medusa girl with bucked fangs. “Frag.” The next one was promising, a human woman tanking for her guild, but scrolling down Honoka spotted a no poly clause and Tank Girl got the boot. “Frag, frag, double frag, frag.”

*ding* Achievement unlocked: Swipe Master!

“That is the stupidest…grrrr.” In frustration, Honoka fragged the next dozen girls without looking, the DoubleD dating app’s game-like mechanics generating a headache instead of making it fun like Honoka hoped. About to call it for the day and switch over to watching cat videos, the app dinged again, this time informing Honoka someone was LFG. Tapping, Honoka found a pretty girl in tailored navy pantsuits, although the girl was completely wrapped in white bandages. Scrolling through the information, Honoka discovered the girl’s Race was mummy, which told Honoka nothing.

Well, not nothing. Honoka knew what a mummy was, even in gaming and mythology terms. However, as she also well knew, that didn’t always equate to a person’s actual Race. A quick search online, Honoka learned mummies were a subRace of the Undead group. They had more in common with Golems because they lacked a real body, entirely consisting of cloth-like bandaged shell instead. Considered one of the rarest of the Undead group, there were less than five thousand documented mummies in the world. Mummy pics didn’t garner Honoka any IRL hits, but Rule 34 came through with lurid artwork.

“Hmm,” Honoka mused, growing hard but forcing herself back to the mummy’s profile. Boners were not an indication of attraction anymore to Honoka: thinking about taxes aroused the futa-girl, Honoka likely to screw a W-2 rather than file it. She dived further into the profile to see if there was more to a mummy than the wrappings.

Julieta Catherine de la Vega immigrated twelve years ago from Columbia, earned citizenship four years ago, graduated with her JD at the University of Tennessee two years ago, emphasizing in Change law. Likes rap music and bad puns…

“He…hehehe!”

Deciding to take a chance, the Ymirian emerged from her bunker and rolled off the blue gym mat while accepting Julieta’s request to meet, setting a lunch date at the chicken joint nearby where Quinn used to work. Almost noon, Honoka waved at Jaya and Miu and power walked to the stairs, wondering if there was any clothing that still fit in her closet.

“Got a minute?” Eve asked at the base of the stairs, startling Honoka. The little goblin woman dressed modest and casual this morning, a simple black jumper with her green hair in pigtails.

“If you don’t mind walking quickly and finding me a date outfit,” Honoka replied, taking the stairs two at a time while noticing a folder in Eve’s hands.

“Never a dull moment around here,” Eve said, pumping small goblin legs to keep up. It was a strange hop and skip, like she had a sprained ankle, but instead of gasps of pain it sounded like someone licked her clit with each step. “Update on the weird bad news…uummm…the IRS isn’t auditing Becoming Monsters, it is going after Quinn specifically. Which makes a twisted sort of sense, she’s listed as the executive officer after we filed transfer forms ten days ago. That isn’t so bad, she turned eighteen this year and the year previous worked part-time at a chicken restaurant…oh yeeeaaah…so not a lot of auditing to do. However, when I dug to see why we got targeted, it appears like the FDR, OSHA and even the FCC are sending inspection teams our way.”

“How much of a coincidence is this?” Honoka asked, arriving at the top of the stairs and turning towards her room. “I mean, how often are other guilds smacked sideways outside of the gate like us?”

“Zero.” Eve still limped but her grinding voice spoke gravely. “These are government agencies, they move at the glacial pace of bureaucracy unless prodded. Someone’s playing a game on us.” Eve handed the folder over when they entered Honoka’s room. “I put together everything covering our end and what each federal agency will look for, including relevant CFRs and inspection statistics for other guilds in the last two years.”

“Thanks,” Honoka replied, sticking the folder in her pink bag next to the door, pulling off pajamas quickly and walking into her closet, the New And Improved Beast leading the way. Staring down at her penis in frustration, she realized new measurements were next on the growing list of tasks she didn’t want to do. “About earlier…”

“We were scared,” Eve whispered, looking away. “In a lot of ways that matter, you are our world.”

Honoka turned around, bent down and kissed the blushing green wife on her prominent nose. “I love you too.” Finally processing the night before, Honoka realized she had questions. “There is also…this is really hard to put in words...”

“Why?” Ability scores mislead people, the majority assumed numbers were the sum total of a person. Eve proved again she truly was the most perceptive in the family, never mind Status. Sighing, the goblin flopped to the floor, leaning her back against the bed, picking absently at the lint on the comforter. “Why did we throw you into a bag even though you were kidnapped last month? Why do we all crave preggo right now instead of acting reasonable? Why even get popped if our kids will be just like Diane’s? In other words, why risk years of pregnancy and Legendary Racial children that will hit us in the piggy bank? Probably also want to know little stuff, such as Pad forgetting to be Mrs. Responsible?”

Honoka paused, holding up a blouse that wouldn’t fit in her dreams at this point and reviewed everything point by point. “Yeah, I think that covers my concerns, though I’m mostly worried about the money, honestly. I can guess and accept the rest.” Grumbling, she tossed the shirt and opened a drawer to hunt for something else. “Still want to hear the reasons.”

“Pad’s the easiest. Remember when she didn’t drink those potions and raw dogged you in the bath? Woman already has kids of her own, yet she’s more baby hungry than any other wife. No satisfying Mamba Mama until she hatches kids in the double digits. The whole stuffing you in a bag was her idea, said her husband did something similar on their honeymoon and convinced us it would be fun. Cross my shriveled goblin heart, none of us thought anything of it until afterward.” Eve grimaced, putting more of it together. “Yeesh, I think we’re lucky you didn’t kill any of us. You’re scary powerful, but you’ve only been like that for a week or so.”

“No worries,” Honoka said, distracted as she tossed all the shoes and boots aside and tried to find something other than barefoot. While Honoka did have worries, they weren’t important. The last thing Honoka wanted was to burden anyone with her traumas. Besides, bottling up anxiety might as well be a Racial Feature, Honoka had done it for so long.

“Anyway, why do we all want kids now instead of later, well…H, do you want children?”

“Yeah,” Honoka replied, pausing and grinning while she ran her hand over a red skirt. “Wasn’t something I ever expected, yet just thinking of holding a baby clicks. It completes something inside.”

“Ok, how many?” Eve asked, her red eyes intent and unwavering.

“…” Honoka wasn’t as perceptive as Eve, but she realized there was more to this conversation than she realized. “I don’t know.”

“Whatever number you think of, it needs to be divisible by seven. Eight, if Bone Babe joins the harem.”

Honoka turned and crouched, reaching eye level with Eve. Didn’t help her cock jutted out between them. Oh well, nothing to be done for that, and Honoka asked the important question to her wife. “Why?”

“First, because we love you.” Eve didn’t back down, reaching out and taking Honoka’s hand. “We - all of us - want to share everything with you. However, the real answer is selfish and true: none of us want to become a secondhand wife.”

“That isn’t…!”

“I know! We know! You love us all the same, you selfless nincompoop!” Eve’s green hand was hot and sweaty, goblin sweat more slimy than salty. “Try to see it like we do. If we chip in and do our parts, if we love you, if you want kids, we all want to have those kids. Not having kids doesn’t make us less. I’m rambling.” She reached out her other hand and gripped tightly to Honoka. “You are doing so much, which means each of us tries hard to be better, to give you all of ourselves.” Eve’s eyes leaked, pleading for Honoka to understand. “It isn’t rational, I know. Babies aren’t some kind of scorecard. Doesn’t stop us from wanting to be there for you. We need to do this together, if we want to equally be part of your life.”

Honoka nearly winced, Eve’s worries hitting too close to home. Close enough, in fact, that Honoka decided to sidestep the underlying issue, loosing a hand to wipe away goblin tears. “One of these days I’m going to unlock a truth feature or a mind reading ability. Then everyone - including lovely goblins - will know without a doubt that I love you all the same. There will be enough children running around for everyone to be a mom soon enough. Jaya taught me that: popping a kid out of my hoohaa doesn’t make me a mother.”

“Random tangent, I call dibs on impregnating you first.” Now Eve grinned eagerly, measuring the Beast and looking down at her own crotch, clearly thinking what it would be like. “Just need to figure out how to get your dick.”

“Ask nicely,” Honoka replied, wiggling her eyebrows. Laughing, Honoka remembered she still needed an outfit. “Brings us to Final Jeopardy: how do any of your expect me to pay for these Legendary children? A week from now and I’ll have to design buildings on the side just to feed everyone.”

“I’ll admit, money is tight right now.” Eve jumped up and combed through the clothing, helping to find a proper ensemble. “But you are severely underestimating our earning potentials. We are in startup mode, all startups lose money at first. Banda is a one woman dairy, Diane’s potions were top shelf before she boinked you, and Quinn is a force of nature in the Dungeon. We’re a bunch of money printers all together. This time next year, we will bank golden toilets and private jets kind of coin. Seriously, I’ll go over the numbers with you tonight.”

Honoka heard the optimistic pitch before. And despite herself, she believed it. Didn’t stop Honoka from worrying, but this wasn’t the time. “I’m going to turn all allocations off and read my Status.” Frustration of the most feminine kind rose up and smacked Honoka in the face, the growing girl ready to pile abandon whole closet as a lost cause and light a fire. “I give up, nothing fits or looks good. Can you hunt up an outfit that works for first date material? I gotta scoot in twenty minutes.”

Honoka was relieved she didn’t collapse in pain or exhaustion when sliding everything back to normal. Her HP and MP both stabilized above fifty, measurements reading a healthier 28C-23-30 (71C-58-76) and her weight was up to 128 lbs (58 kg). Breakfast does a body good. More critical, eyeing the mirror, she was still skinny (except for her hips and butt, those looked like she was borrowing them from some twerk queen), but instead of the shapelessness of yesterday, she stretched into the long and disproportionate awkwardness some teenage girls found in puberty. More concerning was her Health stayed at 6, meaning even her OP Ymirian ability to transform food into panacea couldn’t overcome a night of bad choices. Honoka didn’t know if it was low Health or natural anxiety affecting her more in that moment.

Clothing managed to be simpler than Honoka feared. There was no helping bras, a house full of women and none of them fit Honoka’s new size. Eve’s solution was simple, running to her room and coming back with a pair of white pasties and a long sleeved neon pink bellyshirt made out of lycra or some other stretchy fabric. It was tiny, but Eve assured her wife it would fit just fine. Honoka didn’t argue, having run out of time. Slipping on a clean jockstrap, she sucked in and latched her black and white striped skirt into place. Eve solved that problem with a safety pin, then licked each pasty and slapped them on Honoka’s nips, giggling when Honoka yelped less in pain and more in arousal.

“Hey, I got a date to get to,” Honoka said as they struggled and stretched to get the pink shirt on, fluffing out her thin black hair down her back and slipping on the only footwear that fit at the moment: a pair of flip flops. “Maybe when I get back I’ll show you a good time.”

“Don’t jinx it, maybe your date will end with a quickie in the bathroom.” Eve emphasized her point by slapping Honoka in the butt hard enough to leave a mark through the fabric. “Just in case, you got some potions?”

Honoka walked over to the door, picking up her trusty pink canvas bag and opening it, finding the spare C&A and feeling like a guy keeping a condom in his wallet. “Oh, before I forget, I want to talk with the supplier for Ice Wasp honey and see if we can get a bulk discount. I know they are somewhere in the lower floors, which means I’ll need a delving team. Can you talk to Quinn and set up for later today, please?”

“Jawohl!” Eve replied with a sharp salute, causing Honoka to giggle as she jogged out of the complex and arrived a few minutes late at the unnamed chicken restaurant.

Honoka was about to enter, her mouth already watering from the intense and spicy smell of fried meats, when her phone buzzed. Thinking it was Eve, the horny chocolate futa grew irritated discovering text was from an unknown number, asking for a good time to call. Thinking it was spam, Honoka hit the ignore option and walked inside. Never mind she recently finished eating enough food to feed a high school of hungry teenagers during lunch rush, Honoka’s appetite knew no limits. And the chicken here was the bee’s knees.

“Honoka Jefferson?” a high pitched Hispanic accented voice with oddly familiar echoes asked.

Honoka turned around, finding the mummy from her DoubleD app standing to one side of the door. Startlingly to the flustered woman, she was shorter than Honoka by several inches. Shouldn’t surprise Honoka, reality smacking the growing girl in the face: Honoka grew head over her heels in only a week. Back to observing Honoka’s date, Julieta’s clothing was more casual than her photo with a black spaghetti tank over capri jeans, blond hair in loose ponytail. This left a lot of skin exposed, and Honoka found it enticing and fascinating. Every part of her body wrapped in a strip or looping strap of plain white cloth. What hadn’t been apparent from the photo is the fabric molded into minute details throughout Julieta’s body. Indents to show fingernails folded on her fingers, tiny ridges of her lips were creased in the fabric, even fluttering eyelash strings wafted slowly above an eye detailed enough to for cornea and iris. Peering closer, Honoka found each detail in Julieta’s round face adding depth and lending strong Latin vibes.

“Need to use the bathroom?” Julieta asked, her mouth quirking into a smirk.

“What?” Honoka suddenly straightened, her dark skin reddening in a deep blush. “No, I mean…what?”

“Because you want to borrow some TP?” The mummy said this lazily as she presented herself, all wrapped in white strips, her form a classic Hispanic hourglass.

“I…” Honoka was rendered speechless, glancing away and wondering why she was so nervous. With a bit of clarity, Honoka realized this was the first actual date she had experienced (that first time with Diane didn’t count, paying a prostitute for sex isn’t a date no matter how serendipitous it turned out). Unconsciously, Honoka was desperate to avoid doing anything wrong.

“No pasa nada,” Julieta said, waving a hand effortlessly and stepping into the queue. The place was packed, this particular fifties style diner a favorite in the Lair. “Find us a place to sit?”

Honoka gulped, nodded and went to find a booth. Took a fast minute, having to wait for two burly orc construction workers to finish. When Honoka sat down, Julieta followed shortly holding a tray with two baskets of chicken, fries and two glasses of milk.

“This is one of the only places to find holstaur milk in the dungeon,” Julieta said, arranging food for each of them and popping a fry in her mouth. Even her teeth were wrapped in cloth. “I hear the head of that new guild selling the milk used to work here, so Bruno gets a discount.”

“I…you don’t say,” Honoka muttered, smiling a little as she took a gulp of Banda’s delectable lactate, unable to repress a sigh of satisfaction for something so creamy and delicious. Honoka polished off thirty gallons (113.5 L) of the nectar earlier this morning, but it never got old.

“You look different than your photo,” the mummy said, munching a fried drumstick slowly as she talked, her manners impeccable even with fried fare. “I don’t know, older? Whatever it is, you look good.”

“I…um…it’s a Racial thing.” Honoka repressed rolling her eyes, this whole date swirling around the bowl and ready to flush. Which is why she probably forgot herself and stuck an entire fried breast into her mouth and swallowed it whole, her mouth and throat widening inhumanly for a moment as she gulped the entire piece into her gullet without difficulty.

“Madre—!”

Honoka realized her mistake immediately, then reacted quickly by reaching out a hand with one finger up, stopping the blasphemy before it finished. Honoka spent so much time around her family she forgot the rest of the world profaned and blasphemed like they were going out of business. “Sorry, I’ll explain my Race in a moment, but I have a hard rule about foul language. Please no blasphemy or profanity around me, this is something I am passionate about.”

Julieta stared at the finger for a tense moment, closed her mouth and nodded, though her eyes remained wide. “I can accept that, its a bad habit anyway.” Puffing out her cheeks, she let out a long breath and fiddled with one of her fries. “Ok. So, you listed Giant as your Race on your profile. Want to elaborate?”

“I’m a subRace, I think. At least, I have enough in common with other Giant Races I can fake it.” The cat out of the bag, Honoka took a handful of wings and shoved them in her mouth all at once, swallowing them in one go. Fortunately, the booths had high backs and lent each customer privacy. Julieta didn’t react, but she did twirl that fry faster. “And there’s a lot more to it than what I’m willing to share on a first date, but how I eat food is part of it.”

“Its called the Gluttony Effect.” The hollow echo of her voice became more pronounced, but she recovered and started into another piece of fried chicken. “I’ve never seen it before, but millions of people suffer it to varying degrees.” Honoka was giving the mummy an appreciative glance, which positively nudged Julieta’s confidence and posture. “I’m a lawyer specializing in all things Change, I know a bit more than the average person about Racial peculiarities.”

“Guess they named it since I last checked, which was a few years ago.” Honoka proved the name of the effect and finished her chicken and fries by tipping the rest of the food from the basket into her mouth. Realizing what that must look like to her date, the shy Ymirian ducked her head and stared into Banda’s milk, bangs hanging low enough to hide her face. “Sorry, I’m not very good at this and I stress eat and you’re very pretty.”

Julieta froze, her face gaining an odd expression that Honoka wouldn’t have understood if she were looking. All Honoka saw through her hair was the cleavage that pushed up from the table as the mummy woman put elbows down and rested a clothed head in her hands. That bit of casual eroticism, whether the other woman consciously intended it or not, drilled straight into Honoka’s brain and activated urgent hormones demanding something be done immediately. In other words, Honoka’s semi-erect state went full-blown and contracted hard enough to worry Honoka about what might happen if she kept sitting there.

Well, what would happen.

What was happening.

“I have to take a Change break!” Honoka announced far too loud, throat hitching hard to leave her gasping for air. Stumbling out of the booth and placing her pink bag in front of the hard cock tenting her skirt, Honoka received a surprised and exasperated look from her Undead date before rushing towards the restrooms on the opposite side of the establishment. Honoka drew other odd looks, but there were enough empathetic Racials to go around that Honoka didn’t feel bad rushing into the Change room and locking the door.

What followed is described by Bruno Erwin, owner and head cook of the Lair’s best fried chicken. As an elephant beastkin, his particularly sharp ears were capable of hearing everything even twenty feet away and with two walls in between. Nothing was hidden about Honoka’s experience. So while he would never tell a soul what he heard (especially not about the wife of his favorite former employee), the dirty old man chuckled to himself whenever he remembered that afternoon emergency and what he heard happen in that restroom.

“Oh fudgesickles, how much bigger did I get?”

“This is…ungh…a lot harder than a month ago.”

“Come on! How much Strength do I need allocated to point you down?!”

“…almooooost…Ah crap, it sliiiiiiipppOOO!!”

*spurrrt spuuuuurrt*

“Nononono! Go in the toilet, not all over…now the toilet’s overflowing!”

*spuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt!!*

*glop*

“Gah! How did?…great, now I’ve got it in my hair.”

*jangle…janglejanglejangle*

*glurp*

“…where’s the plunger?”

*squick-squeck squick-squeck squick-squeck*

“This isn’t working, its too thick.”

*slllllurrrrrp*

“Dungeon-chan to the rescue! Now I need to see if I can save this…aaaand water makes this shirt translucent. I might as well prance around naked.”

When Honoka left the Change restroom, she emerged like she spent the last fifteen minutes in a war zone. Hair slimy, matted and tangled, her pink shirt left nothing to the imagination and clearly showed white pasties along with everything else, skirt having lost safety pins and held up with one hand. And the musk. This sexual funk miasmaed from that restroom and wafted into every corner of the restaurant, leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind what went on in there. With a loud click to the much quieter eatery, Honoka locked the door from the inside, hoping whatever time it took to fetch a key would be enough to let Dungeon-chan clean up.

Shuffling awkwardly back (getting an odd wink from the elephant beastkin frying up another order of chicken), Honoka slumped into her seat and the polite residents returned to minding their own business, the noise in the room normal in seconds. Knowing a failed date when it ejaculated into a toilet, Honoka planted her head on the table, lightly banging the laminate wood with her forehead and decided to put it all out there. “I also have a huge penis and an uncontrollable sex drive.”

“Uh-huh,” Julieta echoed without commitment. She pushed the mostly unfinished chicken and fries to the side and instead worked on finishing her milk, maybe to give the mummy enough time to think of a better response. “Ok, nothing wrong with that, I guess: plenty of hermaphrodite Races out there. I don’t think its for me is all. Sorry.”

“I’m the one who should apologize,” Honoka mumbled, reaching to her bag and searching for her new valise holding a modest collection of dungeon coins. “This disaster was my fault, I’ll pay you back for…”

“No.” The mummy leaned across the table and put her hands over Honoka’s. “This was fun. A little short, definitely unexpected, but fun. And it helps you’re very pretty.” Julieta pointedly peered down to Honoka’s transparent shirt and gave an appreciative nod. “Maybe I’ll change my mind in the future.”

Honoka smiled radiantly. It was a tiny thing, yet Honoka couldn’t remember the last time someone told her she was pretty (well, there was that one guy from Carnival, but she didn’t count awkward bus stop flirting). Even her wives all loved her as a person. It didn’t bother Honoka, for someone who could change into anything it was all so superficial. A better love existed beyond the surface, a stronger bond. Yet what woman didn’t want to be told they were beautiful?

Pulling out her phone, the mummy clicked her tongue (which actually sounded like a wet slap) and got out of the booth. “Sorry to cut it short, a client settlement just pushed up their meeting by an hour.”

“It’s ok,” Honoka replied, remembering her own busy schedule and deciding to at least put a dent in her own pile of projects, pulling out the folder Eve presented earlier and flipping it open. “I’ve got my own homework to take care of.”

Julieta twisted in curiosity - likely taking the comment on homework literally and wondering about the class subjects - then paused as she leaned over to get a better look. “Audit…FDR…wait, you’re with Becoming Monsters?” The mummy lightly punched Honoka’s arm. “You probably drink holstaur milk by the gallon! Hmmm…” The mummy checked her phone again and then reached into her cleavage, producing a business card from inside her boobs. “I might not want to be your girlfriend, but I can definitely be your lawyer. Consider this date my confidentiality retainer. Call me on Monday and we’ll set up terms.”

Dazed, Honoka took the card and then appreciated the view when Julieta left. Other patrons also appreciated the view, one young wolfman turning to Honoka and throwing a thumbs up. Absently moving the basket of food the mummy left unfinished, Honoka munched as she studied the incomprehensible collection of papers and Julieta’s card, thinking a lawyer would be a really good idea. Seeing the sexy mummy again would be an added bonus.

Sighing, Honoka ordered three more lunch specials and spent the next hour trudging through the tedium of corporate compliance.