Chapter 158 – Recounting
"I discovered I was a masochist when I was in high school. I spent most of my high school days experimenting with myself and when I was in university, I got my first boyfriend. At that time, indulging in masochism was giving me such excitation that I based most of my decisions on that criteria. That boyfriend was a sort of delinquent, rebellious, and violent and I thought he would be perfect for me. He was also quite popular among other girls but I managed to attract him by making myself completely submissive and obedient. At first, things went well. He treated me badly and I loved it. But, as time progressed, his treatment of me got worse and worse. He started using me only as a way to unwind and got more and more violent. There was also not much love between us and one day when he was very stressed, he got too far and hurt me badly. After that, things got awkward between us and we broke up."
She stopped for a moment before going on.
"The next few boyfriends were pretty much the same and I always ended up picking the bad kind, who I thought were well-matched to me. But the conclusion was always similar and the relationships never lasted too long. I saw this wasn't working so I decided to aim for more normal guys. I got a normal boyfriend, someone who had nothing special, neither having a good personality nor a bad one. After dating for a few weeks successfully, I told him my tendencies. He was a bit repulsed at first but I convinced him to try it. The first time went much better than he expected and he enjoyed controlling me as he pleased. For some time, things went well. However, the more he controlled me during sex, the more it affected his attitude toward me during normal times too. After a few months, he began treating me as some sort of servant that would do anything he asked. He grew used to the power he had over me and our relationship turned more into something convenient for him than a lover's relationship. As you can imagine, it didn't last long and we separated soon after because this wasn't a healthy relationship."
She sighed and took another break. These were probably not the best memories for her.
"The next boyfriend I had went pretty much the same way and I found out once again that I was doing something wrong. I decided to completely change my approach. I created a cold and distant front and I only let the people I trusted in my life. That's how I met someone totally different from my previous boyfriends. He was a very kind guy, always smiling and helping other people. He wasn't extremely brilliant and didn't have much for him except for his nice personality. Still, after spending a lot of time together due to studying the same subjects in university, I began to fall in love with him. However, I was very conflicted. With him being such a kind person, he was a bad match for me. However, I was young, foolish, and more importantly, I was completely in love with him. I spent more and more time with him and I was eventually successful in starting a relationship with him. Because of his personality, I hid my masochist side from him and things went well for a long time. We loved each other very much and our relationship was the longest-lasting I ever had. We graduated together, found work, and even started living together. But when he started to talk about marriage, I felt extremely guilty and in the end, I couldn't hide my secret from him any longer. Contrary to what I thought, he took it very well. He told me that he wasn't into it but he didn't mind indulging me from time to time because he loved me very much. As you can expect, I was on a cloud. Still, I remembered my previous failures and we set some strict rules for this. We decided to strictly separate this from the rest of our lives. And it worked. Those times were the best in my life. He never did anything very cruel or extreme but I didn't care because I always felt his love for me. As you can guess, he was my late husband because we married soon after."
She stopped for good at that point, looking melancholic. Benjamin was quite affected by the story, especially because he knew how such a nice person ended up in the end. However, it seemed that wasn't the case for his grandmother, who had probably heard that story so many times that she had gotten used to it.
"Ben, for reference, Vera's life story is pretty much the same. The point here is that masochists are extremely annoying creatures that want to get treated badly and be loved at the same time."
She sent another resentful look at the two ladies who avoided her gaze once again. Did she make him listen to this whole story just to say that? It seemed she held quite a grudge against them for their previous BDSM session. At this point, Angel intervened.
"Ben, the real point of this story is to understand that letting someone have too much control over you never ends well. Power ends up corrupting people, even the most normal and good-natured ones. For example, right now, I could snap my fingers and ask them to give me some money. They'll gladly do it but that would break the trust between us. That's why we have agreed on never doing it to get anything from them outside of a sexual context. I hope you'll also follow this limitation and never use it for your benefit."
"That goes without saying. I swear I'll never do this. And if I ever do, just smack me until I regain my senses."
The four women smiled at him, happy with his declaration. His grandmother mentioned.
"Good, as expected of my darling grandson. Now, we've gone off topic for a long time, let's go back to our initial discussion. I've got a question for you, Ben."