Chapter 438: Dragon Turtles II
In the case of dragon turtles, are they even considered rare? Maybe legendary? Even mythical?
Probably just depends on how one prefers to rank it or incorporate it into their story, campaign, or card game.
Which is also most likely bound to be a different thing for the Chinese.
Since they pretty much combined two of the four celestial animals in their mythology. With it having the shell of a turtle and having the dragon's features for the remainder, it must be incredibly Feng Shui.
Still, for the most part, dragon turtles could just be downright impossible and improbable.
Given that they don't really exist... in real life.
Barring those Chinese statues and whatnot, of course.
Granted, how'd things even jump to dragon turtles anyway?
Even as the Saturday day turned to Saturday night, it sure still was a question that he was mulling over.
Was he worried about Bowser? Or in regret that he wasn't able to plunder Mario and company?
Regardless, Alexander could only blame this highly-associative brain of his. Not that he can do much about it.
It's not like he can dissect those wrinkly neurons of grey matter as simply as he's dissecting his steak dinner.
But, while he's at it, why not do some light dissection on those up-ticking box turtles that he's shelled or shelved from earlier?
Cause, without the appropriate wine to go with the meal, why not?
Not that he can really do anything too surgical with his steak knife against those mobile home units.
It's actually just another mental prying on the issue. Less on the fictional and more on the grounded and common ones.
Since not all turtles are half-dragons or teenage mutant ninja turtles in a half-shell.
After all, dragon turtles may seem fantastical, Leonardo may lead, Donatello might do machines, Raphael could indeed be a cool-but-rude, and while Michelangelo is the bonafide party dude...
Actual turtles don’t really do much.
Real turtles kind of just sit there, swim around a little, and eat.
That’s about it.
They also live a long time, around 30 years, and they grow to about the size of a dinner plate. Like the one he's currently dining on.
And for all of these reasons, turtles can make for rather costly and unexciting pets that require a long-term commitment.
For some serious pet owners, this may be fine.
But for others and for the environment, it's far from fine.
With the issue not really boxed to just box turtles... but outside of that.
Specifically on red-eared sliders. And while all kinds of turtles have become pets, this is by far the most popular.
Given that they're green turtles with yellow stripes and red markings right where the ears would be.
Features that are uncanny already. It's as if they evolved from traffic lights.
Yet subtly so on being bandana-wearing martial artists. Even though they are native to the south and Mexico.
Then again, they're about to stereotypically cross the borders soon enough.
As they set out to become a hit pet option in the 30s and 50s, costing just over a buck each. Apparently packed in a moss-protected package.
But, just as mentioned, they don't really do much... so, they kind of lost relevance.
That is until pop culture decided to juice four of their kind... with ooze.
Turning them into icons and making every other turtle into would-be candidates.
Seriously, what child or child-at-heart wouldn't want one?
And obviously, to complete the set, who wouldn't want four?
This is why during the height of this TMNT phenomenon, many turtles, especially red-eared sliders, were shipped all over the world as pets...
But for aforementioned reasons, a lot of them didn't really stay in their homely tanks.
Unfortunately, they are turtles that are mostly bought on cheap impulse or a spur-of-the-moment purchase.
And in short order, when said impulse buyers grow bored with the un-oozified pet, they're mostly dumped in the local pond.
Perhaps with a simple fling, they're dumped. Or worse.
Which are objectively much crassier than the classier dumping of flings that Alexander has done over the years.
This, on the other hand, was just so bad that it resulted in millions of homeless turtles and changed turtle ecology all over the planet.
Unsurprisingly, a mass dumping as bad as this would lead to severe consequences down the line.
But surprisingly, these red-eared sliders did not bear grudges. After all, they're turtles.
Instead, they were bearing their children... and diseases. And practically became forcefully introduced new predators in their corresponding ecosystems.
Over the years, they compete with the native turtles for food, basking space, and nesting space.
Eventually, earning a spot as one of the worst invasive species there is. Sliding into it like the sliders that they are.
All of this was really just another phenomenon in and of itself. Yet it also chronicles just how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles devastated the world's turtle population...
Quite ironic, really.
Alexander, as the new frontrunner of this social and environmental catastrophe that's waiting to happen, had the responsibility to do something about it.
Or, at the very least, as he's doing now, think about it.
That's probably all the extent that he could extend to the conundrum.
It's not like he can raid source locations and put a stop to the poaching or breeding...
Or intervene with trade routes and block it as he wants...
And really just police how these turtle operations are structured...
It's also unlikely for the likes of PetSmarts and Petcos to cooperate and listen to what he has to say.
Maybe a PSA with the ninja turtles themselves speaking up for the safety and welfare of their own turtle-kind.
And that's about enough of a public service that he can announce and do for the shelled fellas.
Which is really an improvement from the 'out-of-their-shell' callousness that he had for them earlier.
So... yeah...
Alexander figured that he's finally liable enough to move on to what Dragonball sort of exposed.
From Goku's peeking of what's under Bulma's dress pants... to Bulma herself panty flashing a perverted old man... to Chichi's panty-clad attire... and down to the seminal wish being wasted on a panty...
It's really no surprise that parents and even associations of parents were acting the way that they were reacting.
They've cancelled episodes and shows for far lighter reasons and Dragonball has far heavier stuff than just all the panty exposure.
Yet it's all something that Alexander was prepared for.
Which is a preparedness that he shared when it came to their complaints to jump to video games as well.
All those supposed addiction claims, rage baits, socializing detriments, and physical inactivities are really standard throwaways towards the industry.
If he didn't take account of all of that, then that would be concerning.
Which segways through to the only bit of concern he had for all of this... specifically on how it's been compiled over the other, like some coordinated pitching of forks.
A forming mob against Creed that is pretty suspicious enough to warrant appropriate suspicion.
Bringing forth the question of whether he's stepped on some big toes lately.
Disney, Hasbro, DC, and all those other Anti-Creed folks came to mind but nothing really stood out.
Aside from how out of place the television pastors were in the midst of all these.
Oh... televangelists...
The quack doctors of the priesting and pastoring world.
That's just his opinion though. Everyone else is entitled to their own.
He actually respects the hustle. Getting rich out of sheepish faith.
Other churches and cults aren't too far off, but as covered, everyone is entitled to their opinion and this was his.
In any case, the televangelist sprouting their nonsense did remind him that the peak of Satanic Panic was coming along...
So, which of the hell protocols should he even go with?
Or should he even lean into the controversy this time around?
Whichever decision he goes with, it will undoubtedly be another round of thoughtful ruminations like this one.
And what do you know... he's actually cleaned up his plate already...
Good meals sure do come and go.
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Of course, whilst Alexander's mental monologue jumped from dragon turtles to the next...
That didn't stop the others from making mental notes in their corners of the dinner table.
Especially with how absent-minded and lost in thought he was. More so than usual.
Monica Bellucci, working roles as the secretary, assistant, and consigliere altogether, kept in mind that it may have something to do with the restaurant food that she specially ordered to go.
Or that he could really just be troubled by the troubling reports she handed in.
Honestly, with how indecipherable his expressions are, it's difficult to tell.
Consequently, Milla and Drew had a much different line of thinking from one another... but they both did share a look...
Mutually affirming that perhaps they really should do what they've lunchingly planned to do.
Which should be enough... to distract their boyfriend from whatever distraction was distracting him.
Fortunately, they were also done with their salads, so a light dash from here should give them a headstart.
He's still distracted, isn't he?