Chapter 147: Bland and Cold Ro-Roman
Alexander didn't have much aversion to the weird kind of attention they were giving him though as it didn't affect him much. He could jest that they just cared well for him.
However, it was too bad that he might not change from the "bland and cold robot" that their mugs say about him. He could be a "sweet and warm human" but it might take a while for that to be natural.
He just wasn't an out and going person who is out to showcase to everybody what he is and how he is feeling.
Reacting from things with a lot of detachment and wait-and-see's had given him a clear grasp on how to properly go about with certain scenarios. It was what he does best and what he found great in every scenario he encountered in his life.
The rest of the world says extroversion is key but Alexander thinks otherwise. As someone who took solace in the identity of being an introspective person, Alexander doesn't have much envy towards extroverts.
Losing calm, rambunctious attitude to everyone else, and intolerance to those who disagree! Extroverts may not be those things but they were just too headstrong in Alexander's opinion.
From the list of extroverted negative, one could tell that he just has a deep aversion to them. Of course, even though he doesn't like them, he could still interact with them when necessary.
Alexander could very much stay being an introvert as he is but it is his outward persona that would adapt in case a socializing happenstance is encountered.
Not being an outspoken person doesn't mean being unsocializing after all.
In any case, the rest of his birthday ensued but it was mostly calm from there as liveliness wasn't anywhere close to their theme.
This birthday just happen to be the time for being a versatile and adaptable individual as he sat through the rest of the planned events.
The celebration ended calmly and smoothly just as how it started. There weren't too many bright spots but it was quite a stable and pleasant day for everyone involved.
It wasn't much but it was still interesting.
-----
In any case, as much as he was quite accommodating on this special day, there is a lot that Alexander was trying to keep mum and silent about.
There was something bothering him since the peak of the day after all. He just kept it in quite well lest something untoward would happen if he told anyone else.
He headed to his room after the niceties were done and he was back to introspection once again.
It was finally an entire year since his re-life and Alexander wasn't caught up about the implications of being the chaos butterfly and all that. He had already done that during the first day of the new year after all.
Now, he was dealing with something much troublesome and verging towards the traumatic side of things... it just so happen to have something to do with his dread towards the chaos monster.
What he was rummaging about in his thoughts was the fact that he had 'died' during his last birthday and Alexander was quite skittish that it might happen again.
In fact, he hadn't truly 'died' as he was 'rewarded' but his trauma of the chaos monster was still ever-present and clear as it had been.
Chaos practically chaotified himself out of the realistic plane and made him a blank consciousness that drifted about with many questions in the unknown void. If that wasn't death, then Alexander wouldn't be able to generalize what the fear was.
In all honesty, the chaos monster might have been lingering inside of him and it was only now on this specific day that it finally surfaced, ballooned, and heightened.
This surfaced fear might have been the reason for him not fiddling with computers as much. He was the computer-loving type and he could have set ablaze to the computer industry with his capabilities yet he seems to have dove into creative factors.
His cloaking up of his father's computer since the start of re-life may be due to his hidden fear of the chaos monster once again.
After all, it was the medium in which the chaos monster transferred him and it was the medium in which it could be spawned.
----
Here he was, in his room, sitting by the edge of his bed, looking at the cloth-draped computer as his imagination seem to drift itself into the fact that the chaos monster may still just be lurking beneath all of it.
Alexander wasn't in some panic attack or schizophrenic illusory trance though as he was in an unruffled calm and an incredibly still demeanor.
He just processed his inner trouble in silence and just hope that his day would pass and the next day should be enough to deflate his heightened trauma.
Just as Alexander was to ensue his inner turmoil in loneliness, his door creaked open and he found little Milla peaking in with curiosity apparent in her eyes.
Perhaps he might not be lonely in dealing with inner troubles after all.
"What are you doing, Milla?" He asked.
Since she was found out, Milla didn't have much trouble as she entered the room to voice out her concern.
"You seem much gloomy now and you were quite happy during your birthday celebration." She observed and whisperingly asked. "Did you actually not like your gift and you became so gloomy sad because you can't tell anyone about it?"
"I quite like your gifts so my "gloomy sad" as you say is not about that." Alexander can't say much due to certain unknown implications but he could still talk to someone about it... albeit in a sanctioned manner.
"What are you moping about then?" The girl was in curiosity now.
"It has something to do with my dad's computer." He pointed out to the clothed chunky monitor and explained. "It was grandpa's gift to me for my previous birthday. Essentially, my troubles have something to with that thing."
"Do you... miss your dad? Oh! And your mom?" Milla felt that she got what he meant. "Grandpa Sullivan said that you were a sweet, cute, and warm kid but losing your parents made you the bland and cold ro... uhm... Roman that you are now."
"I think you meant robot first, then human and ultimately ended with Roman." Alexander chuckled despite his inner worries. Still, her Roman mistake was not wrong. "But sure Roman soldiers could be cold and bland."
"Cheeky Alex." Milla harrumphed at his usual 'I-know-better-than-you' attitude. "I'm helping you as your helpful friend, you know. There's no need to point out my beautiful flaws."
"Sorry." Alexander knew his wrong and lamented that his inner troubles led him to slip up like that.
"I miss my dad as well but my mom says that dad is just trouble now. I was quite angry at both of them but I'm quite lucky when I think about comparing myself to you." And so, Milla went on as a helpful friend who just wanted to help as she can. "I don't know much of what you're going through but at least you've got a friend in me."
"Thanks." Alexander said that with sincere emotion this time around. Mills doesn't usually doesn't show much maturity but he could still notice her sincerity in things like these moments.
The kid duo then euphemistically went about with their talk therapy session. Mingling did do wonders to alleviate the traumatic tenseness inside of Alexander.
As much as he derogatorily considers her a test dummy and a 'forced' friend, little Milica could very well be the best friend he never thought he would have.