3 – Women do what? First answers!

Now that the information was apparently burned into my memory, that was probably the last time I was going to open that particular section of information. Too long for too little. The skills were mostly identical to the ones in the game. There were few that were completely different, however. I could no longer summon an entire army of cavalry to trample my enemies, for example. Something I was completely alright with, to be honest.

I continued reading my ‘status’ information, and this time I succeeded in keeping things simple.

There were no longer game elements such as critical rate, critical damage or critical resistance. Maybe critical attacks didn’t exist in this world. I’d miss my 100% critical rate and 540% critical damage, but it was no major loss. It would be difficult to implement that feat in the real world. I imagined a slap that would make people explode, and remembered the bandit that suffered a similar fate. I scowled at the memory.

I took off a ring and saw the number in parenthesis go down. I did the same with a plated boot and was relieved to see no changes. My suit of plate armor was a costume in the game, not actual equipment. A few experiments led me to the conclusion that they were treated as a natural piece of armor without any enchantment or enhancement. The game allowed you to improve gear via enhancing anvils, enchanting scrolls and npc’s that ascended your equipment. The first had a chance to fail, the second was completely randomized and the third was very expensive.

After undressing and dressing, I reached the conclusion that my leather undergarments were what boosted my status so much, but were quite fragile compared to the metallic plates of armor. If I were to believe the flavor text of all items were turned into reality in this world, my armor was forged in a star.

[Starforged Eternium Plate Boot (Legendary)](Durability SSS+)(Weightless Wear)

That’s some bullshit. If that’s true on every case, my spear was forged with the claw of a Demon God. My thoughts sent a shiver down my spine.

If that turned to be factual, I could imagine very little having a chance against it. I felt drops of figurative sweat go down my face.

That’s no bueno. Let’s see. I summoned my spear out.

The thing materialized on my lap. I used the magical eye of absolute truth, or whatever its name was, to appraise the weapon. A few lines were missing, including the flavor text that referred to the Demon God.

[+100 Alma Pike (Mythical) {Ascension Lvl 10}](SSS+ Sharpness)(Durability SS+)-Sharpness + 100% ({Lvl 10 Emerald}x10)-Sharpness and durability + 45% (Enchantment)-STR + 250-CON + 200-DEX + 195-Infects wounds, cursing enemies-Cursed enemies have their reflexes impaired-Cursed enemies' nervous system is crippled, reducing their offensive capabilities-STR + 250 (Transmutation)-CON + 250 (Transmutation)-DEX + 250 (Transmutation)

Changed quite a lot, huh? I sighed. It would’ve been way too much if the spear was actually forged with parts of beings beyond mortal understanding.

The rest of my general information was pretty close to that of the game, but some values were way lower. My character had well over 200k health and a good 20k mana. While the damage numbers were obscene, it made sense when fighting hordes of enemies coming at you in waves.

A world where life is precious cannot be held to the same standard of a videogame.

Nerfs may be necessary. I concluded. True, the basic status are inflated to Pluto and back, but nothing to do there. There’s no screen showing me my average damage or armor values.

Besides. I eyed the horses around me. I need a mount. I rode a fucking penguin in the game and it’s nowhere to be seen. Horses, though? I doubt a horse can go fast enough or be strong enough. Are horses used like war mounts in this world? Would that be animal abuse? Maybe. I could keep one to move around. I’d need a stronger beast or monster to fight, though. I don’t even know how to take care of a horse, let alone a fantasy beast. I hope I can find a stable or something in this River-whatever town we’re going to.

I appraised the horses once again. Nothing interesting. Most were level 3 or 4, two were level 5. Frustrated that my penguin was not even in my inventory, nor any of the mount eggs from the game at that, I changed my focus to try and find anything to kill time. Fortunately enough, I found books. Those quest tomes from the game turned into full books in this world. Hooray for fantasy worlds!

Reading a series of journals belonging to an archaeologist from the later chapters of the game, I killed time while driving the cart. Lapia’s snoring and the clip clop of the horses kept the early night from being mostly silent, though I could hear distant owls and wolves from time to time interrupting the incessant noise from insects and small critters.

I had to take a lamp from my inventory when the night got dark enough that the horses stopped advancing, guiding them to the side of the road. Sitting on a tree root that had grown into the road, I faced the cart and horses. Having spent some mana, or E’er, to make the contraption work, I relaxed and continued my reading while eating dumplings and drinking some juice I had.

As someone who played the game on various characters, and seeing as all my character’s inventories were with me, I had the complete collection of books the game had to offer. However, as many books as I had, I didn’t have the time to read them all in one night. I barely read four journal volumes when dawn broke and Lapia woke up.

With a startle, she shot up, summoning a fireball and looking around her. When her eyes met mine, realization struck her and she relaxed.

“You okay?” I asked while standing up, putting the lamp back into my inventory. I walked to the cart and, as she didn’t reply, leaned over the side and put a dumpling and a bottle of juice next to her.

As I did so, I noticed a sack full of grain. Assuming it was the horses’ feed, I took it and approached the group of animals. I opened it and they all rushed me to have a piece.

As the first few ate in turns, I heard Lapia sighing loudly and rustling around. A few minutes later she walked to where I was feeding the horses with a sack of her own and helped me feed them, not before returning the bottle. I smiled at her and resumed the task.

“Good morning.” she said while yawning. Her voice was a little hoarse due to having just woken up minutes ago.

“You snore like a storm.” I said as a cheeky horse tried to take the sack from me, failing to do so due to my superior strength.

That managed to crack a smile from the elf and she visibly relaxed, chuckling to herself.

“Surprisingly enough, horses sleep very little.” I said as the last horse ate its breakfast.

“Yet they eat as much as a whole village.” she stared at the empty sack in her hands.

“They must’ve been on the road for a while. Four days since your incident, plus however long they prowled the roads before that. No surprise they’re so hungry.” I caressed a horse’s face as it tried to take the sack from me, a few grains were left inside.

She nodded and walked to the cart. I went over to the river and quickly undressed, jumping in the water. It was positively refreshing. Although the day was comfortably warm, it wasn’t hot enough to the point where I’d sweat under the sun.

“Hey Lapia!” I called from the water. “What season are we on?”

“It’s the middle of spring. The rainy season is coming close.” she said as she approached the edge of the water, where she just stared at me.

Her green eyes were jumping from me to the road. I could see her hands shaking a little while grabbing her improvised clothes. Standing up from my floating position, I kept my distance from her.

“They’re dead.” I said. Her eyes snapped to meet mine. “They can’t hurt you anymore. You can relax and take a bath. If you want, I’ll watch over the road.” I offered a hand to her.

She took a deep, trembling breath. Her eyes darted to my lower half and she visibly flinched and gasped.

“Yes, I have a penis.” I looked down to my new partner. “However, I am a female. I understand what you’re going through. Most people would, actually, regardless of gender.” I lowered my hand. “You just had bad luck. Nothing will come from looking away from reality. You have the power to move forward.” I turned around.

“B-but…” she stammered.

“Make your choice, Lapia.” I relaxed and allowed myself to float again.

A few minutes went by and I heard the splash of water, following by sobs and muffled cries. I smiled to myself. Crying is healthy. Though what I said could be called insensitive, reality is reality after all. The cries then turned into hiccups and finally laughter. Suddenly I heard an explosion and Lapia’s laughter growing in volume.

I turned to see the elf wearing a manic smile flinging fireballs into the water. Her hair was damp and her breathing ragged as she swung her arms, producing fireballs the size of an adult head while water rained on us.

The display of unrestrained emotions went on for a while until she fell to her knees sweating profusely and trembling slightly. Her laughter, however, didn’t stop.

“Now what?” she asked after calming down.

“Dunno.” I replied honestly. “That’s nobody’s business but yours.” I stood up, walked over to her and offered a hand.

She took it and as I pulled her up, she went stiff as our bodies touched. Her skin was coarse. At least compared to my own. Now that we were this close, I noticed her fingernails were long and sharp, almost claw-like. Her lips were thin, hiding unnaturally sharp teeth behind them. Aside from those details, she didn’t look that different from an anorexic human.

“Wanna go?” I looked at her eyes as I asked.

“Yeah, sure.” she blinked a few times and nodded, her damp chestnut hair stuck to her neck and face.

Must have a lot to think about. I sighed as I used a towel from my inventory to dry myself.

“This is pretty high quality. Was this in your storage?” she asked as she dried herself with another towel I lent her.

“Yeah, pretty neat, huh?” As we dressed up, I heard a distant whistle.

Lapia froze for a second, then started wearing her clothes as fast as possible. I tried doing the same, but the nature of my outfit was more complicated. As I finished wearing my leather garments, however, she whistled back two times to whatever it was.

While I was still focused on finishing, the sound of cart wheels reached my ears. I looked down the road in the direction we were going and saw a coach followed by various carts quite a distance from us.

“What was that?” I asked Lapia as I tightened a belt around my waist, fitting my armored pants in place.

“A caravan. When they spot someone in the rivers or lakes, they whistle to make their presences known so as to not intrude on nude people. It’s a courtesy of the road adopted by mostly everyone. They then wait for a response, after which they resume advancing.” she talked as she rummaged through the bags and sacks on the back of ‘our’ cart.

“Huh. Pretty civilized.” I nodded in approval.

“Avoids conflict, really.” She sighed. “Imagine a powerful individual is walked into while naked and doesn’t like it. Some heads might roll.”

“Does everyone use the river to bathe?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“While traveling, yes. It’s allowed by law. You shouldn’t litter, though.” she explained.

The caravan was getting closer.

“Makes sense.” I said as I continued equipping my whole ensemble. “This shit takes way too long. Wish it would just materialize around me from my inventory.” I grumbled as I fumbled with the belts and clasps.

“You can, though?” she showed me her hand, where a ring appeared and disappeared on her index finger. “Takes a lot of practice. You should try it when we get to the city.”

“That...” I gaped at her. “Looks awesome.”

She smiled and removed a bag from the cart, which she put down next to her feet.

“Not everyone has a personal storage, though. I am learned in E’er and spent time developing my own pocket space.” she leaned back on the cart. “Most people use an enchanted item that holds a similar effect of a storage allowing them to store and retrieve items. Of course, you were born with one holding massive space. E’er just loves Halves." she chuckled. "Then again, maybe that’s the norm when one reaches such power.”

“Wouldn’t that make more sense?” I said as I finished dressing. “Maybe at a set milestone there is a prompt or something that would make developing it that much easier. At two hundred or five hundred total.”

She shrugged at that. “Maybe. That wouldn’t explain yours, though.”

“You’re under the assumption that it has to. I’m made of the thing you strive to understand and control. I could work under different logistics. For whatever I know, you’re the one that’s different.” I looked up at her. “It’s a matter of perspective, is it not?”

Her brows furrowed and a scowl formed on her face.

“Not really. Sure, there are distinctions the more powerful one grows, but the Law of E’er is constant. Halves are the most influenced by E’er and at the same time are the ones that most influence it, but the only difference between an extremely powerful individual and a Halve is their affinity with it.” she looked up.

I just got schooled. I smiled.

The caravan was reaching us.

At the front was a coach driven by a bald old man with no outstanding features. The coach itself was of wood and had windows on its sides, there were black drapes hiding its insides. It came to a stop before us. The two horses pulling it were taller and more muscular than the ones we had gathered.

The driver looked at Lapia and frowned. He then turned and tapped on the roof of the coach.

“What is it?” came a deep voice from the coach.

“Lady Lapia is here, and she doesn’t look good.”

Rustling was heard from the coach and soon the door facing us opened.

A well dressed man came out. He had deep black hair and a stunning mustache. His clothes were mostly silk and high quality leather. His eyes were clear and brownish, which squinted when they met Lapia.

“Lapia!? What happened?” he approached her with raised eyebrows, folding his arms behind his back.

His eyes flashed between surprise at seeing her, shock at hearing her words, and horror at witnessing the malnourished state of her body. Though Lapia had no wounds on her, her thin complexion said more than was necessary.

“Lord Punten.” she bowed slightly. “My cart was ambushed by bandits and my companions killed. I could not deliver the missive to Ratunke as asked.”

He sighed deeply.

“I am sorry to hear this. You may take a paid leave for a month to recuperate.” he then turned to me.

His eyes opened like saucers with surprise. Then understanding dawned him and his face relaxed.

“May I know the name of Your Excellency?” he said as he took a weird posture as if wanting to bow, but not wanting to send the wrong message. He decided to nod appreciatively in my direction.

Your what? Do I look like royalty to you? Don Ramon looking ass...

“Natasha Novak.” I said. “I met Lapia here when she was being held captive by the aforementioned bandits. They attacked before anything was really said and it ended in a gorefest.” I shook my head at the memory, and my hands trembled slightly with a feeling I was not comfortable with.

“I see.” he said as he closed his eyes for a moment. “I appreciate the aid you provided to my associate.” he then searched his coat and retrieved an envelope. He opened it and a quill appeared in his other hand, with which he began writing something. He closed the envelope and handed it to Lapia. “Bring this to Julis.” he tried to smile but failed several times.

“I… There’s no need. Natasha here has already healed my wounds, I only need to rest and eat healthy for a few weeks.” she replied in a rush, refusing to take the letter.

At her words, the coach driver, a few guards and Lord Punten turned their heads in my direction.

“Don’t ask.” I said, crossing my arms.

They quickly averted their gazes with apologetic smiles and blushing.

It really is taboo. I thought back on Lapia’s words. They might think I have healing powers, or skills, or whatever.

We all stood awkwardly for a few seconds until inspiration struck me.

“Lord Punten, was it?” I faced him.

“Yes, Your Excellency.” he managed to smile this time.

“I assume you’re knowledgeable in the ways of the trade?” I asked, eyeing his coach and the impressive caravan.

“That I am.” he said while stroking his mustache and laughing gently.

“I am looking for a battle mount. Preferably more durable than strong. I don’t mind magical beasts or the like.” I could feel my heart rate rise slightly at the thought of a dragon or something along those lines. “Any idea where I could make such a purchase?”

His eyes showed a smudge of confusion for a split second and I could feel my heart sink.

“May I ask what do you mean by ‘majeekal’?” his voice was moderate and soothing.

“Right.” E’er this, E’er that. “Beasts of E’er.” Or is it E’erial? E’eric?

“Ah. I see now.” He stroke his mustache and thought for a few seconds. “There is a breeder in Riverfield, she owns a farm and deals with such beasts. If, however, you seek a really powerful beast you might want to head to Paarjo. The merchants there deal with the best Lumin Kingdom has to offer. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.” he offered a flawless smile.

I, on the other hand, felt my brows knit and a scowl form. I quickly smiled and gave a light laugh. I could clearly see a bead of sweat forming on Lord Punten’s forehead. He raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“Did you just say ‘Kingdom’?” I asked in the most friendly tone I could muster.

“Hm?” he blinked a few times. “Yes, I definitely said that.” he quickly fixed his face to a polite smile. “Lumin Kingdom. His Majesty King Gordon Igne Lumin IV rules a large territory along with his wife Queen Josalia Hyth Lumin. Territory, which in case you didn’t know, is where we are standing at the moment.” He gave a polite laugh. “Is anything the matter?”

I looked up to the sky, where the two suns were indiscriminately bathing the world with their light.

“Not at all. First time hearing this. You see, I woke up barely a week ago, and I’m not that learned about the world.” I struggled to smile, which must’ve shown, because the man in front of me slightly fixed his posture.

A few seconds of awkward silence followed my words. Silence that was interrupted by the man’s words.

“I see.” He leveled his arm in front of him, looking up to the sky for a second before checking his wrist. There, a golden watch sat, indicating the time. “In any case,” he started with a polite tone “I must take my leave.” He looked at Lapia for a moment and sadness was clear on his eyes. “Remember to rest, Lady Lapia.” he turned to me and gave a flawless smile. “It was a pleasure meeting Your Excellency.”

“Have a safe trip, Lord Punten.” Lapia called after he turned around.

“Have a good day.” was all I said.

He raised a hand and waved as he walked towards the coach.

I focused my ultra high level newborn senses into the way of the dao and appraised the man as he was getting on the vehicle.

[Punten, Level 82 Perco Human Fencer.]

Soon, the driver whipped the reins and the horses began their track. A few minutes later, the last cart stopped by us and Lapia handed the bag she had taken from our temporary vehicle over to the man sitting on the back.

“Good travels.” she said to him.

“Take care, Lady Lapia.” he smiled gently and waved at her as the cart went away.

As for us, I climbed back on our cart and sat at the front. Lapia slowly made her way next to me and sighed.

“Popular, aren’t we? Lady Lapia.” I snickered and whistled. The horses taking the sound as the command to start pulling. The beasts that weren’t in front of the cart slowly began their own trek of following us.

The elf gave me a shit eating grin.

“What?” I asked tilting my head.

“Jealous?” she asked with as much smug as she could muster.

“Jealous?” I repeated in disbelief. My eyebrows almost fusing with my hairline. “No way, sis. You can have those for yourself.”

“Hmph!” she rose her chin. “I’ll have you know that Lord Punten himself has showed interest in me.” she bragged. “Alas, I have yet to make a decision and approach any of them. There are promising young men among them. A few too shy to even look my way. Haha!” she gloated. I could even see her nose stretching with how smug she sounded.

“Wait, what?” I could not help but fixate on a few things she said. “You would approach them? Not the other way around?” I asked, confusion making my brain itch.

“The other way around?” her eyes opened wide and a smile not befitting an elf showed itself. At least not in my mind. “Wouldn’t that be divine, being accosted by men seeking my hand.” she sighed almost as if regretting reality. “Life is different, my dear.” she patted my shoulder almost in pity. “In this world, women chase men.”

I felt a thunderclap explode inside my head. My mind blanked and my mouth fell open. I could not articulate a single thought for what felt was hours.

“What?” I whispered weakly. “What about chivalry? What about masculinity and hoarding females as prizes? Is this a nightmare?” I stared at my hands in utter disbelief.

“Hoarding females?” a slightly disgusted expression crossed her face. “I have standards, you wont' catch me fucking a man with another woman.” she shook her head. “If you find a man willing to force himself on a female please let me know, hehehe.” she laughed like an old man.

“Then what the fuck happened to you?” I asked, all thoughts of the topic being sensitive flying away. “Did they not rape you?” I stopped as even I found my own words extremely wrong, confusion blinding my sense of reason for a brief moment.

I was about to apologize for being out of line, when Lapia suddenly let out a sound belonging more in a bedroom than anywhere else.

I turned to her and found her blushing, a transparent line leaking from her mouth.

SHE’S DROOLING!? I was beyond shocked.

“I wish.” she said, smiling depravely and wiping at her mouth. An instant later, her face replaced that blissful facade by one of pure rage, pain and humiliation. “Those barbarians tortured me until I cried blood!” her voice trembled with unrestrained anger, her hands balled into fists that soon turned white.

I turned to the front, too confused to think straight.

Was she not traumatized by rape, but by torture? I thought to myself. Then why did she recoil when she saw my new partner? Was it not a memory of the sexual assault, but an unconscious link between male and pain? Maybe I’m oversimplifying this, but she looked like she’d prefer being gang raped than tortured. Was it that bad? Or is this elf that much of a sexual deviant?

I then came to the conclusion that I was too hasty in assumptions. There were the signs, sure. I’d seen them first hand before. The repressed anger of a rape victim, whether male or female, are surely alike, with slight variations. Though not a psychologist, I had unfortunately dealt with that unsavory side of reality. A thought came to me then.

Is pain and death magnitudes worse than rape in this world? The thought deeply confused me. Was rape not torture? Surely in a world where individual strength varied so much, forcing others to have sex would be treated as bad, if not worse.

Is it that? I had a scary thought. One that would challenge my view of the world. Anything related to death is bad, and anything relating to the creation of life, no matter how foul, is good? Then another thought that genuinely scared me crossed my mind.

Is rape, not actually ‘rape’ in this world?

I felt a mushy sensation in my head. Much like when one learns that the definition of a word one thought one knew, was actually wrong, and meant something completely different. I remembered when I learned that schadenfreude had nothing to do with friendship, but a complex feeling. I felt my cheeks heat up in a mix of shame, anger, confusion and disgust.

“Anyway...” I had no business in the views of this world, to be completely frank. “That conversation is better left for another time. Preferably when alcohol is in the mix.” I sighed, feeling a slight pain behind my eyes.

“Oh?” I could almost hear the smugness Lapia exuded. “Are you perhaps inviting me to a night of passion? Did the mention of carnal pleasure leave you in the mood?” I could feel her breath infiltrating past my hair and brushing against my ears.

“Restrain yourself, woman!” I laughed and backed away slightly. “Besides, aren’t I considered a newborn? Isn’t that morally questionable or something?” I eyed her with caution. This elf was a whole bag of surprises.

“Aiya!” she sighed exaggeratedly, looking at me with a hint of pity on her eyes. She rose both hands. “You Halves can topple Kingdoms, slay Divines, sink continents and much more, mere minutes after being born, and you mind affection?” she explained with a small smile.

“What are we? The end of times?” the sarcasm was obvious in my words, yet her smile grew.

“A few think so.” she nodded slowly. “What is a being that is manufactured by the very energy that governs the universe if not a divine being? Some believe Halves to be sent by heaven by that reasoning.” she stretched her arms and back, letting out a quiet moan of pain. “However, if that is to be true, why is it that your species is so fragmented? Why not create an earthly paradise? Why not rule the world? Yet, none have tried.” she let out another sigh.

Because that would be boring. The thought came to me faster than I could mull over the conversation. It felt so ingrained that I did not question it. Not that I would have. World domination was not fun. My instincts told me so and I, personally, thought so too.

“Hmm.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I have an idea why.”

“Yes. Many Halves have given an answer. It all boils down to it not being the least bit interesting. Perculis said it was in your nature.” she cracked her neck. “He was a very known Halve for various reasons. ‘Why sit in power when we can be out there, having fun and living adventure’ is what he said.” she smiled, this time there was a spark in her eyes.

“The dude had a point. Not everything has to be so serious or be that great of a life goal.” I stared at the horses, letting my mind go in whatever direction.

“Anyway.” she fixed her posture and crossed her legs. “We should arrive at Riverfield tonight.”

“What’s wrong? Need to take a leak?” I summoned a juice bottle from my absolute inventory of infinite space, or whatever its name was.

“Nah.” she waved my comment off. “You see, a girl has needs. And being held captive for three days straight with no affection left me pretty dry. Add that to meeting Lord Punten’s retinue, with all those young attractive boys. I’m a bit fidgety, is all. Haven’t had time to myself.” she explained with a slight blush.

There we go again. I felt my eyes roll as I sighed inside my head. It’s only time until she jumps someone.

“You need to relax. Get home, eat healthy for a few weeks, exercise a little, get some beauty sleep and then you go hunt for young boys.” I laughed. Her explaining the nature of the captivity lifting an incredible weight off my soul.

“Yes, yes. You don’t need to worry that much.” she waved me off. “That elixir you gave me healed all my wounds, even a few old ailments. I bet it would take barely a week of rest and I’d be back in top shape.” she turned to me. “Anyway, what’s the deal with you?” she pushed an accusing finger on my arm.

“What do you mean?” I chuckled, this Elf changed moods way too fast.

“What was that reaction to there being a Kingdom?” she rested her head on her hands.

“Whatever. I don’t plan on committing regicide if that’s what you’re worried about. Just don’t like the concept.” it was my turn to wave her off. “Not that big of a deal.” I shrugged.

She noisily exhaled through her nose. “If you say so.”

"Let's talk about something else. You know, liven up the atmosphere." I looked at her.

“Like what?” the Elf asked, staring deep into my eyes.

“How old are you? What’s your full name? Things to kill time other than the moral quest of a race I don’t particularly feel a part of, yet.” I offered.

This chick is pretty chill, all things considered. I leaned forward.

“I will be turning 81 next winter.” she nodded to herself. “Lapia Pofeta, Flame of the East. I come from a port city in the Queendom of Maaruhk. Took studying E’er since an early age. Current Adviser of Lord Punten, though it’s more of an association than anything else, actually.” her voice was smooth, tickling the back of my ears, relaxing the tension at the base of my neck.

“And you don’t like buhiir mushrooms.” I pointed out.

“Hubis, they smell like raw meat and taste like death. Somehow they ended up as luxury food.” she shook her head, a deep scowl on her face.

“Where did you study E’er?” I already felt my muscles relaxing. No big brain time.

“Royal University back home. Completed three courses, then took up teaching. I found myself in a bottleneck researching absorption of E’er and set out to look for the answers. Experience it myself and all that.” she extended a hand and summoned a ball of fire. “Bar what happened this week, it’s been quite relaxing.” her fingers closed into a fist, the fire extinguishing.

“That’s a more interesting conversation.” a long breath escaped me. “Speaking of conversation, what language are we using?”

“Common Tongue. Spoken by mostly everyone.” she then switched to a barrage of hisses, clicks and a lot of throat sounds. “That is Elvish. My native language.” she eyed me warily for a few seconds, then smiled when she confirmed I didn’t understand.

“I bet you said some raunchy stuff.” I chuckled as she kept smiling. “Is your cycle close with so many erotic remarks?" I asked in Spanish, raising an eyebrow.

Her eyes widened in surprise.

“No, it’s twenty years away, actually.” she said back in Spanish. That surprised me more than I thought it would. “You speak Earthen Tongue?” she asked in common.

“Earthen Tongue?” I couldn’t help the shock from showing on my face.

“Dwarven Language.” she clarified. “That’s a high profile one. Takes years to learn.” she nodded approvingly.

Then I tried with my own native language, Russian. “How about this one?”

Her reaction was squinting her eyes and rubbing her chin. “I heard that one before. Say something simple.”

“I love water.” I said in Russian, or whatever it was in this world.

She knit her eyebrows and closed her eyes.

“Flower.” I offered.

At that, her eyes shot open. “Orkish!” she said with a triumphant smile.

I felt my head fall into my hands.

Orkish!?!?

“What do they look like?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Orks? Blue, very tall, sharp tusks from ancestral features. Very intelligent, they live in the republics of the far east, across the Bulukuru Sea.” she closed her eyes in thought. “They don’t really separate themselves into races, mostly cultural differences represented by white markings on their bodies.” she opened her eyes and shrugged.

Oh… better than I thought.

I sighed in relief.

“Quite knowledgeable, aren’t we?” she nudged my arm with a smile.

How about the Hell ones?

As that thought formed, a tsunami of words, intonations, pronunciations, and even ways to flex the tongue I didn’t even think possible registered in my mind. I went through the words with surprising speed.

“Are there any banned languages or something like that?” I asked before speaking them. I tried voicelessly saying words and realized they’d sound very rough.

“Not that I know of around here.” she shook her head slowly. “Why?” she looked me in the eye and smiling cheekily.

“Are you sure?” I asked in Infernal. My voice, however, came out less than a voice, and more like a snarl, making the air vibrate and reverberating in my bones.

“What the fuck was that?” she grimaced and looked away.

“Something I better not speak too often, I suppose.” I winced at my own voice.

“That’s a Power Tongue.” she sighed heavily. “Those can command E’er, and are considered to be very well a Divine tongue.” she placed a hand on her chest. “That, however, did not sound like Celestial at all. More like the exact opposite.”

“Infernal.” I explained. “Yeah, yeah. Taboo.” I said as her aghast expression morphed into an accusatory glare.

“I never heard of Infernal before.” she said slowly. “And I would bet only those who are really ancient would recognize it, perhaps not even understand it.”

“Might aswell avoid speaking Abyssal, too.” I said while looking up, and felt a nudge from my right. There, Lapia was clutching her left hand, pain on her face.

“Did you just punch me?” I asked, amusement evident in my voice.

“Yes.” she winced. “I think I broke a finger.” she said, her face melting in anguish. "Don't just give that information away."

As she moaned in pain and took deep breaths, I retrieved a small health potion the size of a thumb from my awesome, infinite, absolute, hyper, mega, ultra space dimension and handed it over.

She didn’t take it, however, her hands busy with the now swelling pinkie. It looked positively purple and engorged.

I took the cork off and held the back of her head gently and poured its contents in her mouth when she understood my intentions, following my movements. Her face relaxed for a brief second and then turned into a scowl.

“That tastes like rancid beer.” her breath now under control and the broken finger recovering both color and shape. “Works wonders, though.” she stared at her hands.

“That, they do.” I noticed her hair gained some luster and her skin was smoother now. “We were talking about languages.” I nonchalantly went back to the topic. “What do humans speak?”

Lapia, on her part, sighed and then perked up. “Low Tongue.” she took a deep breath. “It’s something like this.” she said in Welsh.

“Come again?” I asked, confused.

“This is the Low Tongue.” she said, once again in Welsh.

That sounds like normal Welsh. I rubbed my chin and looked up. Is this a giant Europe?

If I focused, I could differentiate the ‘Low Tongue’ from ‘Common’. One was the Welsh I knew of before waking up here and the other sounded more nuanced, though not as much as Earth Tongue, or Spanish, but decidedly foreign from Welsh. Then, realization struck.

English? The thought echoed in my mind.

“You’re pretty hot.” the elf said, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving me a thumbs up.

“I understood you the first time. And I know I’m hot, no need to try so hard.” I smiled smugly.

The elf blushed slightly as she got caught. I returned my focus to the front.

“So, how did these languages came to be?” I asked offhandedly.

I never took up Welsh. I mulled it over. Sure, that one hot guy on Y*utube was from Wales and I thought more than once about picking it up, but I never actually did. The pain behind my eyes was returning. Oh well, a good addition if anything.

As I avoided the telltale headache that showed up when I focused on something I knew jack shit about, Lapia was going on and on about the story of the Common Tongue.