106 – A Halve’s Worries.

I woke up at six in the morning like usual and performed my duties of Pope of the Church of Allayo. I came up with the name just as I opened my eyes.

Allayo... Alyssa, Lapia, Yolin. A clever name if I say so myself.

My Church is flexible in its teachings, but strict with its members.

Although I say members, it's only me, the founder. And despite being called a Church, it's a silly thing I don't take that seriously.

I don't actually worship my girlfriends as Goddesses, nor treat them as such.

Waiting for them to wake up every morning has led me into finding odd ways to spend time.

That morning, I was thinking about respect.

The kind that could be considered the bare minimum between people. Small things like a handshake when greeting someone, looking them in the eye while talking, speaking clearly and to the point to not waste their time, and actively avoiding doing stuff that makes them uncomfortable while still being oneself.

I respect those around me. At least I think I do. As a living person, and despite what people would tend to believe due to my species, I am not perfect.

Biologically speaking, perhaps I am. In an evolutionary sense, I may be considered perfect when it comes to the purpose of my species. As I understand it, however, we Halves did not go through the same process as the people of this world. We didn't start as an animal that gained sentience and then formed society.

From the point of view of people that live and breathe magic, we could be considered perfect.

If Gods perpetuate and distribute knowledge, then Halves perpetuate and distribute power.

Knowledge and power are respected in civilized society.

Naturally, there will be those who don't think like the rest. That sentiment of 'going against the tide' has, to my knowledge, made for both good and bad takes throughout history.

One such example is the very popular dislike towards people in power. It has manifested in various ways. 'Eat the rich', would be a familiar one.

Most people would play the social analyst and claim the dislike for the rich is a warped envy the masses have towards success. Others would claim political views taint the lens too much, and engage in good old ad hominem.

That is possible through the internet. Something that doesn't exist in this world.

Someone was not respectful in their actions nor beliefs and ended up dying for it.

In a world of quantifiable might, how does one go about life when it comes to respect?

I am not equal to my girlfriends, for example. Individual might separates us.

The King and Queen are objectively weaker than me, as is everyone else in Lumin Kingdom to my knowledge.

Even with that, respect still holds.

I respect other people enough that if I make a mistake, I have the capacity and obligation to apologize.

Alyssa doesn't particularly like it when I get angry. She respects and acknowledges that I have anger issues, however.

Lapia doesn't like the fact I'm willing to use violence to get information. She respects and acknowledges that my life's purpose includes situations like those, however.

Yolin has had her moments. She grabbed me and jumped off a cliff, for example. She apologized, though.

One of the many ways to show respect is communication. To clearly tell other people what you think, want, or need, if the situation calls for it.

Respect in this world is different. I'm sure some people fear me and choose to act respectful to avoid dying if their words or actions offend me.

I'm not a psychopath that will kill everyone who slights me, though. I respect the fact people, just like me, can make mistakes.

There are people who are harder to respect, however. Nerissa was one of them. Yugulari, Thavas, and Pneumix, too.

Those who actively try to kill me will receive the same respect they give me. I'm not a saint, nor am I in a position to forgive them, either.

Killing me will result in endangering the world. One less Protector could have devastating consequences for everyone.

Maybe the Changelings knew I'd eventually find and kill Nerissa, and tried to prevent that by killing me. That would have resulted in Gordon's death and whatever that meant for the Kingdom.

Anyway. Back to respect.

Hanna.

Some people take respect too far.

She doesn't look me in the eye when we chat. She barely speaks unless I ask her something. She apologizes for things I have no huge problems with.

I kind of like that, in all honesty. I'm getting used to this 'Your Excellency' business.

She's not as overt as Elena when it comes to respect, which is nice.

Her kneeling in front of me when we first met was pretty cringe, though.

She managed to find Ines and kill one of the Changelings that tried to kill me. All in a single day. That's a capable woman.

I respect that.

There is a... necessary mindset or willingness when it comes to killing people.

It's not an easy thing to do, after all.

Physically speaking, it's easy. All I'd need to do to kill an average person is swing an arm and off they go to the afterlife.

Mentally speaking, it's difficult. When I killed people for the first time it didn't feel good. I threw up and my body reacted to it in a way I didn't expect it to. I had to kill again shortly after to get used to the feeling. That was definitely a weird experience.

Dreaming of killing every time I go to sleep has made me reconsider things, but that's a rabbit hole I won't go into. Not yet, at least.

That brings me back to respect. Respect is even more of a necessity in a world where individual might makes such a big difference. Not many can afford being disrespectful to others.

I wonder, though. Which came first? Respect or might? Perhaps the existence of my species has made people respectful from the beginning. Both because my predecessors protected the people of the world and because we are powerful.

I suppose the Gods influenced this as well. Danuva granted sentience, whatever that means. Photem revealed the secrets of E'er. Shorvanna trained the first Warriors. It goes on, but the point is made.

Honestly, I don't know where I'm going with this.

“Hnnng!” I grunted while sitting at the throne. “Haa... haaa...”

And now we get to the source of my deep thoughts.

All throughout history, the deepest thoughts come to us while we're in the bathroom.

At that moment, I was having difficulty pooping.

Well, I use the word 'difficulty' wrong. If one thinks of difficulty when trying to take a shit, the possibility of constipation comes to mind. That wasn't the case at all.

So far I have had no issue when performing my basic biological processes, but ever since we returned from the dungeon I haven't been able to poop.

Has my body changed in the two months and a half I've been alive? Has it gotten used to what I eat? Does it... 'absorb' everything more efficiently to the point it doesn't produce waste anymore?

Or... was eating raw gold a mistake?

I don't know.

“I have to ask Alyssa,” I concluded with a heavy sigh. “My legs will go numb if I stay here any longer.”